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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 09 Feb 07 - 11:05 PM
Peace 09 Feb 07 - 11:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Feb 07 - 11:00 PM
Acme 09 Feb 07 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 07 - 08:56 PM
Acme 09 Feb 07 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 07 - 02:59 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 07 - 01:08 PM
Amos 09 Feb 07 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 07 - 11:09 AM
Amos 09 Feb 07 - 10:53 AM
Acme 08 Feb 07 - 10:57 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 07 - 09:36 PM
Bunnahabhain 08 Feb 07 - 07:48 PM
Amos 08 Feb 07 - 07:43 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 07 - 06:48 PM
Amos 08 Feb 07 - 06:24 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 07 - 02:59 PM
Amos 08 Feb 07 - 02:25 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 07 - 11:48 AM
Acme 08 Feb 07 - 10:20 AM
Amos 08 Feb 07 - 09:38 AM
MMario 08 Feb 07 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 07 - 09:25 AM
Acme 08 Feb 07 - 02:59 AM
Rapparee 07 Feb 07 - 06:46 PM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 04:06 PM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 03:57 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 07 - 03:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 07 - 02:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 07 - 02:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 07 - 02:11 PM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 02:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 07 - 02:08 PM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 01:59 PM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 01:25 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 07 - 01:10 PM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 11:01 AM
JennyO 07 Feb 07 - 10:35 AM
Amos 07 Feb 07 - 10:11 AM
MOAB 07 Feb 07 - 10:07 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:59 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:58 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:58 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:54 AM
Acme 07 Feb 07 - 12:34 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 11:05 PM

Snort!

Everyone KNOWS that polar bears aren't at the south pole! The penguins would kick their asses out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 11:02 PM

Post 16061 will be palindromic. Who'd a thunk it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 11:00 PM

If they were bi-polar they'd be bears, not cows, but I don't see how their sexual orientation is of any relevance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 10:52 PM

Around here they're from the third coast. Tri-polar. (Pardon me while I mix a few metaphors. . .)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 08:56 PM

I don't the cows had been to either the North or South Pole. Maybe they were bi-coastal, but not bi-polar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 03:42 PM

Maybe it was misdiagnosed and is actually bi-polar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 02:59 PM

The Associated Press is reported another case of Mad Cow in Canada -- the ninth.

Why are Canadian cows angry? Can't the US send bovine anger management specialists up there to help? We can help all those other countries, so why can't we help our good neighbors to the North?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 01:08 PM

Well, it wouldn't work with me! MY medial frontal lobes, along with the rest of my frontal lobes, were removed back in 1965 by an irate young woman I was dating at the time. Something about me only thinking about one thing all the time or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 11:57 AM

Brain scans reveal intentions of calculating minds
12:43 09 February 2007
NewScientist.com news service
Roxanne Khamsi

Can a brain scan prove you're telling the truth?
06 February 2007

Brain scans that can read a person's secret intentions even before they act have been demonstrated by researchers.

In a recent study, the technology was 70% accurate at predicting whether participants planned to add or subtract a pair of numbers. Paralysed people may one day be able to use devices based on the technique to carry out complex actions, the researchers say. However, ethical concerns have been raised about its possible use in interrogation.

John-Dylan Haynes at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Leipzig, Germany, and colleagues recruited eight people for their trial and placed each of them in a brain scanning machine that produced computed tomography (CT) images.

While participants had their brains scanned, they were asked to secretly decide whether they would add or subtract two numbers due to appear on a screen in front of them. After a pause of a few seconds, they then viewed the two numbers and gave their answer.

Train times
Once the computer program designed to interpret the brain scans had been "trained" on 40-minutes-worth of calculations by a participant, it could predict their calculating intention with 70% accuracy. Haynes explains that the computer program could do this by focusing on the pattern of activity in a brain region known as the medial prefrontal cortex.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 11:09 AM

Yup, we need fresh beginnings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 10:53 AM

Yes--Rapaire is always shaking his lately-altered Willie at us. Fresh origins, that's what we need.   Erase our roots and re-bloom. Bingo, bango!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 10:57 PM

Good night, good night, good night!
(heck with Willie, this is a quote from Michael Cooney in one of his songs.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 09:36 PM

From this day to the ending of the world,        
But we in MOAB shall be remembered;        
We few, we happy few, we band of siblings;        
For s/he to-day that share this wine with me        
Shall be my sibling; be s/he ne'er so vile        
This day shall gentle his or her condition:        
And gentlefolk in Mudcat, now a-bed        
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,        
And hold their (wo)manhoods cheap whiles any speaks        
That drank with us upon Mom's Sixteen Thousandth day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 07:48 PM

If the world stopped to make any sense, it would be very boring. The same is probably true of round here, but I don't think the two are actually connected...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 07:43 PM

Henry V, Act 4, Scene 3, King Henry addresses Westmoreland about his prospects for winning the Vietnam War.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 06:48 PM

I can but say what I have said afore:
O! do not wish one more:        
Rather proclaim it, Amos, through my host,        
That he which hath no stomach to this celebration,        
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,        
And crowns for convoy put into his purse:        
We would not drink in that man's company        
That fears his fellowship to drink with us.        
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian:        
And Mom hath had her sixteen thousandth post,        
And we will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,        
And rouse the barkeep at the name of MOAB.        
He that shall survive this day, and see old age,        
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,        
And say, 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'        
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,        
And say, 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day
Celebrating Mom's sixteen thousandth post
When bottles emptied as if by magical means
And songs from a thousand throats were sung
And tho' this was long, long ago, I am hung over yet.'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 06:24 PM

Not a responsive answer, counselor, but, under the circumstances, objection withdrawn.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 02:59 PM

Libraries do a lot of R&D. Of course, to us it means "Ripoff & Duplicate."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 02:25 PM

That's grand -- if you can use a Mudcat connection to bring about a library fundraising, or even just library PR, you can all at one swoop release ALL the angst you have built up about cruising the Cat on library time!! It all sublimates into R&D for the good of the library!! How cool is that?!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 11:48 AM

There is also a chance that a Certain Mudcatter (who shall remain nameless for now) will be coming 'round this summer and will do a concert. Maybe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 10:20 AM

Very nice. :) And ditto on the special library brew. What a great idea!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 09:38 AM

As I strolled out, one fair May morning
Before the clock had yet struck nine
I heard a loud, mysterious thumping
Down by the banks of the old Portwine.

I looked around, my mind bewildered,
Those screams so high, and moans so low;
It sounded like the dance of demons
Or the mating steps of the buffalo.

But all I saw was a large man fencing
And yowling like a drunk poltroon!
He seemed to wield some kind of weapon,
A saber blade, or broad spadroon.

He whirled and hollered like a dervish
His blade it was a blur of light
He loudly stamped, swung and riposted
Though none was there with whom to fight!

His flying steel swung wild and madly
It struck the stones with many a spark.
He tripped and fell into the river,
And I went home, across the park.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 09:35 AM

You should do it! You could call it Portneuf Olyd Bookwyrm!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 09:25 AM

The Portneuf Brewing Company will, if I give them enough lead time, brew up a special amber (or other) beer for my Library's centennial celebration. The seismic activity you would detect would be Minnie Howard, a life-long member of the WTCU, spinning in her grave.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 02:59 AM

Amos, I think to disguise the river you should call it the Portwine. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 06:46 PM

M is for the million things she gave me
O is for omniscience, which she are
A is for something or other just like those
B is for spending time down at the bar.

O is for omniscience, see above
U is for uric acid, which causes gout
R is for what happened: 'twas a rout.

M is for another million things she gave me
O is of omniscience, like I said
M is for another thing that begins with M

Put them all together they spell MOAB Our Mom
Except upper and lower case are rearranged.


             --Ode To MOM MOAB, by "Little" Richard
                Rogers and "Biggie" Hammersteins, 1913.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 04:06 PM

Lo, how the BS loud does rage,
Among the sleepy threads,
And draws the readers of the page
To shake their sleepy heads
How turley roond the tome doth grow,
How glissone goes its measure,
As on and up she boldly goes,
Where no man knows the pressure.
How stringly fired is her ween!
How glimly doon, her tripple!
Beneath the glumringed stars between,
A dampling, struttering stipple!
No lass in herbs can make her less
Nor lissome manny slattern,
For she has all our strove behest
And heaven's gandering pattern.
So come forth Une, Deus, Tray
And plaster thrice the wooly slab
For thou hast cantilevered Day
On the brow of proud MOAB!

g.g. thumbrings
Doonwich Porridge, New Yak, 1934


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 03:57 PM

Well, I thought I would change the place-name just to protect the guilty. But if you're not interested in being protected, then call it Portneuf.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 03:30 PM

By turning the numbers upside down you are making them smaller and smaller. If you keep it up Mom will disappear completely and it will be your fault.

Amos, the is no "Pocatello River." The Portneuf River flows through Pocatello and has done so for a very, very long time (at least as long as I've been here, and that'll be four years this coming May 5). If you have heard a report involving the "Pocatello River" it was false, fake, untrue, and a fib.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:25 PM

One too many zeroes there... I meant "16091", obviously, though I'll keep the dibsies on "160091" as well.

Let's see, that's about ten times as many posts as at the current time.... It's taken us 3 years and 9 months to get to 16000.... Multiplied by ten is 37 years and six months....   Heck, I'll only be 92! Yeah, dibsies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:14 PM

Nah, Stilly, I'm too enthralled with turning MOAB post numbers upside-down to worry about things like making pots right now!

I hereby claim dibs on post #160091, which is the same right-side-up or upside-down!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:11 PM

Whoa! And "16009" upside-down is "60091"! A difference of 20,000 in a negative direction in a single post! Hot damn!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:10 PM

BeeDub--I heard you were going to throw a special plate that she can eat it off of. Do you have any that would be suitable for that lovely cake?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:08 PM

And upside-down, it's "80091"!

Happy Sweet Sixteen, Mom! Enjoy the cake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:59 PM

THIS post is 16008, a number I really admire. It splices itself beautifully, as so few numbers do anymore.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:25 PM

Speak for yourself, sirrah! Celibate and dancing are an oxymoronic coupling. That's why baptists make love lying down. (So no-one will think they've been dancing)...or something like that. Anyway, speaking of oxymoronic couplings, is it true you were seen in the reedy underbrush down by the Pocatello River trying to emulate the earth-shaking mating dance of the water buffalo? Or was that fencing?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:10 PM

Celibate! Celibate! Dance to the music!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 11:01 AM

I agree--if I'd been less tired when I decided to make that last push I could have excerpted previous stunning posts to use as reminders ot the quality of the BS generated here. Maybe I will start a stockpile in a notepad file. "MOAB Gems"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:35 AM

Here's your cake, MOM! Bee-dubya-ell ordered it a week ago. And here's a Birthday Banner for you!

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!

And of course, your Birthday Song, also from Bee-dubya-ell -

*sings*

You're a thread from a dream
Your bullshit's supreme
A BS nukular bomb
You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're Mom

You're BS to our ear
It's you we revere
As other threads go and come
You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're Mom

       {Bridge}
       You're our MOAB, you're our thread
       We love you more than Wonderbread
       The mouse went "click", BS went "plop"
       When we started posting we could not stop

You appeared on the screens
Of our computin' machines
To BS we did succumb
You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're Mom
You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're Mom


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:11 AM

Ah, Stilly, an heroic, hard-charging assault, inundating the entrenched position of imaginary numbers with an overwhelming rain of borrowed words. Exhausted, but triumphant, she sleeps at last, the enemy duly subdued and whelmly overwhelmed. To which, say all of us, "Thanks, Stilly!!. You kept 1600 safe for democracy."

When the time comeas for us to mark our history with 20K, we should have prepared well in advance a new improved lot of telling epistles, gathered ahead of time. For novelty, we could use screeds of our own composition. That way we could ensure that only the very best of genuine BS gets thrown into the historical mix.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:07 AM

So, where's my cake?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:59 AM

Okay. Now I can go to bed. Mom is past her crisis. But there's no saying what is going to happen with that whacked out astronaut.

Here's the rest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:58 AM

hmmm


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:58 AM

yes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM

Nowak, 43, a married mother of three who flew on a space shuttle in July, was charged with attempted murder, accused of hatching an extraordinary plot to kidnap Colleen Shipman, who she believed was romantically involved with Oefelein, a space shuttle pilot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM

Specifically, police said Nowak confronted Shipman, who was in her car at the Orlando airport, and sprayed something at her, possibly pepper spray.

At first the astronaut was charged with attempted kidnapping and other counts, and a judge had permitted her release on bail. Then, in a surprise move, prosecutors upped the charge to attempted murder, basing it on the weapons and other items they said they had found with Nowak or in her car: a pepper spray package, an unused BB-gun cartridge, a new steel mallet, knife, rubber tubing and large garbage bags.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM

Nowak's lawyer, Donald Lykkebak, disputed that upgraded charge, which allowed police to keep the astronaut in jail. "In the imaginations of the police officers, they extend these facts out into areas where the facts can't be supported," said Lykkebak.

As the hearings on charges and bail played out on TV, the astonishing details about the case were repeatedly broadcast and quickly made the rounds of office e-mails and Internet blogs.

The details of the relationships of all three were unclear. Nowak and Oefelein, who both live in the Houston area, had trained together as astronauts, but never flew into space together. Shipman, 30, works at Patrick Air Force Base near Kennedy Space Center.

Earlier, Nowak was quoted by police as saying she and Oefelein had something "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:57 AM

ORLANDO, Fla. - She was the Robochick. He was Billy-O. According to police, her obsession with him led her to drive 900 miles from Houston to Orlando, bringing with her a trenchcoat and wig, armed with a BB gun and pepper spray, and wearing a diaper to avoid bathroom breaks on the arduous drive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:54 AM

I hope those poems help you get to sleep tonight, MOM. I'll check on you again in the morning.

If you see that sorry so-and-so Flamenco Ted, just boot his butt out the door!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:34 AM

"Out, Out--"

Robert Frost

THE BUZZ-SAW snarled and rattled in the yard
And made dust and dropped stove-length sticks of wood,
Sweet-scented stuff when the breeze drew across it.
And from there those that lifted eyes could count
Five mountain ranges one behind the other         
Under the sunset far into Vermont.
And the saw snarled and rattled, snarled and rattled,
As it ran light, or had to bear a load.
And nothing happened: day was all but done.
Call it a day, I wish they might have said         
To please the boy by giving him the half hour
That a boy counts so much when saved from work.
His sister stood beside them in her apron
To tell them "Supper." At the word, the saw,
As if to prove saws knew what supper meant,         
Leaped out at the boy's hand, or seemed to leap—
He must have given the hand. However it was,
Neither refused the meeting. But the hand!
The boy's first outcry was a rueful laugh,
As he swung toward them holding up the hand         
Half in appeal, but half as if to keep
The life from spilling. Then the boy saw all—
Since he was old enough to know, big boy
Doing a man's work, though a child at heart—
He saw all spoiled. "Don't let him cut my hand off—         
The doctor, when he comes. Don't let him, sister!"
So. But the hand was gone already.
The doctor put him in the dark of ether.
He lay and puffed his lips out with his breath.
And then—the watcher at his pulse took fright.         
No one believed. They listened at his heart.
Little—less—nothing!—and that ended it.
No more to build on there. And they, since they
Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs.


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