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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 31 Aug 06 - 08:48 AM
Bunnahabhain 31 Aug 06 - 05:52 AM
Acme 30 Aug 06 - 11:07 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 10:50 PM
Amos 30 Aug 06 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 10:22 PM
Amos 30 Aug 06 - 07:48 PM
Bunnahabhain 30 Aug 06 - 07:19 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 06:09 PM
Amos 30 Aug 06 - 06:00 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 05:14 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 05:13 PM
Amos 30 Aug 06 - 04:14 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 03:58 PM
Acme 30 Aug 06 - 03:09 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 02:53 PM
Amos 30 Aug 06 - 11:32 AM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 11:16 AM
Acme 30 Aug 06 - 09:55 AM
Amos 30 Aug 06 - 09:40 AM
MMario 30 Aug 06 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 09:18 AM
Bunnahabhain 30 Aug 06 - 09:15 AM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 09:02 AM
MMario 30 Aug 06 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 30 Aug 06 - 08:53 AM
Bunnahabhain 30 Aug 06 - 08:09 AM
Acme 29 Aug 06 - 10:58 PM
Acme 29 Aug 06 - 10:57 PM
Amos 29 Aug 06 - 10:45 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 06 - 10:23 PM
Amos 29 Aug 06 - 07:30 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 06 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 06 - 05:54 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 06 - 03:58 PM
Amos 29 Aug 06 - 03:56 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 06 - 03:52 PM
Acme 29 Aug 06 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 06 - 01:19 PM
Amos 29 Aug 06 - 01:05 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 06 - 09:49 AM
Acme 29 Aug 06 - 09:44 AM
JennyO 29 Aug 06 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 29 Aug 06 - 09:16 AM
Amos 28 Aug 06 - 10:56 PM
Amos 28 Aug 06 - 08:29 PM
Acme 28 Aug 06 - 08:03 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 06 - 06:33 PM
Amos 28 Aug 06 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 06 - 05:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 08:48 AM

Yeah, old Grampy Amos. Jist pitcher him, sittin' on the back stoop with his li'l grandkids gatherer 'round, and him a pickin' on a mandolin (and slicing the tips of his fingers off in the process) and sayin' things like, "Hee hee, I 'member back in the Spring o' '47, er mebbe it was the Winter of '48, no, now thet I think about it it musta been the Winter o' '89 er mebbe the Summer of '87, anyways, either Reagan er the first Bush was president, only mebbe it were Carter...anyways, yer granny an' me was at Woodstock, the first 'un, the big 'un, you know, and ol' Joe Cocker, you 'member him doncha?, okay, ol' Joe comes up to me an' says...now what was it? Oh, yeah, Jerry Garcia says to me, "Got a light?" an' I says, "Sorry, don't smoke" an' he says, "Damn!" and that was the high point o' my life, meetin' Jimi Hendrix like that, or mebbe it was Bill Monroe...."

And the little grandchildren sneak quietly off and tell Grandma that Grampy is reminiscing again, and she comes and quietly takes him off to bed for his nap.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 05:52 AM

A medium, or the closest they have... Anything other than red or neon works.

High Ongar: The feeling that something has gone terribly, terribly right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 11:07 PM

ooooh, the prospect of a new t-shirt! Size medium, maybe with a v-neck if you see something tasteful (no chartreuse, no red), in a darker color, perhaps? I kind of like aubergine, I've discovered that one lately. Green, black, blue, they're all good. Up to about $15, in addition to postage? Do you do PayPal? Otherwise, a check.

And Amos a grandpa! He kept this big news mighty close to the vest for months and months, didn't he? Maybe so his friends here wouldn't do what my Dad's friends did when I had my daughter (today--Aug.30--she's 18!), and his first grandchild--they threw him a grandpa shower. I ended up getting a big box of stuff in the mail from him, and he kept the t-shirt with a limerick friends composed on the occasion:

There once was a man named John D.
Who claimed that all children should be
Confinded to a zoo
Till age forty-two
'Except for my grandchild,' said he.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 10:50 PM

Hmmm...Mom, I understand that Amos has discovered Emo. I think I'll get him a pink tank top with sequins.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 10:43 PM

Mom:

Tell Rapaire I usually wear a large tee.

But I want him to surprise me, and make it a gift, after all he's put me through. It's the least he can do. If he does I will wear it to the Getaway.

I am leaving for Santa Monica in the morning, Mom. My adopted son is having a baby, so I shall be a Grandfather, un grand-pére, an OoomPapa. I never htought I would live to see the day. I thought I would have been eaten by giant squid, or diced up in a motorcycle gang battle, or drowned in a gale off the Tierra del Fuego, or stubbed my toe to death, by now. But no, I am ALIVE! Unto the second generation...as of tomorrow morning, as best we can tell. The kids are at the maternity ward now, preparing for inducement. Induction? Anyway, I am going there in the morning.

I am glad you're here and will see you Monday or maybe before.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 10:22 PM

Dear Mom,

Whilst Bunny and Amos and all make puns about great opera and greater music, I just remembered that I really should let you know that I'll be gone starting Friday afternoon for a whole week.

That's right, Mom! We're heading off to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, Northern Arizona, Navajo country, and guess what, Mom!

We're gonna spend a couple of nights in the town named for you: MOAB, Utah! That'll be our last nights out, 'cause we'll be heading back right after that so I can go to work (yuck!) a week from next Monday.

You know, Mom, I betcha they have MOAB tee shirts and things in MOAB, Utah. And I'll betcha that I could pick some up if a) people would send me their sizes and some color preferences and, b) their addresses and, c) reimburse me in some way for the tee shirts. Think of the impression that could be made at Getaway (sigh!) if MOABites wore the appropriate tee shirt.

But I'll be around until about noon on Friday, Mom. Try to bear up under the burden of my absence, okay?

Your favorite and the apotheosis of the gene pool,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 07:48 PM

And how about that rip-roaring rebuttal of the competition when he slammed the work of Steiny Klein with his evergreen work, "Steinie Klein? Not Music!". I find myself humming it from time to time.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 07:19 PM

And another one about his arguments in high school with a gang who always brough the same interesting lunch with them: Die, Sour Beef Lot!

Abbaddo's directing a production of that on saturday, and there are some tickets available on the day, at sensible prices. I think I may just have to go....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 06:09 PM

Oh. Well, I do know that Wolfy Mooseheart wrote "Cozy Fan, Tooty" about his girlfriend Tooty Jenkins' electric fan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 06:00 PM

That's the wrong name. It was written for Joe by a geo-confused Sicilian cousin who called it "LA Down at Mobile Bay"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 05:14 PM

I think that the famous song "Way Down by Mobile Bay" is in it too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 05:13 PM

I think it's about that opera, "The Marriage of Vigoro." The one Joe Green wrote, ya know? Where the cat sings, "Vigoro, Vigoro, Viiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggoooooooooooorrrrrrrroooooooooo"? I think it's also called "La Nozze di Vigoro" by the Eyeties.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 04:14 PM

Ya don't need no Vigoro -- good ole BS will do the necessary evvy time.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 03:58 PM

Yeah. I get spam about it all the time, but I can buy Vigaro down at the garden store.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 03:09 PM

They have a medicine for that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 02:53 PM

When I was in the Army I fired autonomic weapons....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 11:32 AM

To which the answer surely would be...."I'm not a snake -- I have lips! Besides, it's not my fault--I'm running on autonomic....".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 11:16 AM

Is THAT why the girls I dated in college used to say, "You snake!"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:55 AM

I think an "automatic nervous system" is what one finds in elderly drivers of cars without standard transmissions. Reptiles have an autonomic nervous system.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:40 AM

Rapaire:

Please provide a compendium of everything you know for me. I would like it on DVD in ASCII, please, not on MOAB because we have to let others talk once in a while. Make sure it is spell-checked.

Amos


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:24 AM

that's what my niece used to say when she had need for a bidet (something she didn't even see, let alone use until she was a teenager)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:18 AM

I'm still waiting....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:15 AM

Douglas Adams wrote a little book around the fact there are many, many wonderful words langushing as simple place names, when the could be given new and intersting definitions.

Ockle( n.) An electrical switch that appears to be off in either position.

Idaho(n.) The place you've ended up at for the forth time, having carefully followed helpful directions around an unfamilair town, whilst looking for a place you can't possibly miss...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:02 AM

I'm still waiting to be asked....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 08:57 AM

the grade of illness that is not severe enough to actually stop you doing most things, but means you really don't feel like doing anything, even though you know you should

a)galloping lethargy

b) functionitis


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 08:53 AM

I thought Ely was a cathedral town near Cambridge. Shows what I know.

Actually, I know a lot. If asked I would be happy to share everything I know with y'all. Sure, it would take up a lot of Mother's space, but wouldn't it be worth it to have a compendium of everything I know? I could start with the automatic nervous system -- the so-called "reptilian brain" stuff and go on from there. I could tell you about my very first memory (that it was suddenly bright and cold and someone spanked me) and the first word I spoke and why ("deciduous") and even share with you why I don't like fried eggs. And oh! the things you'd learn! Like the best place to stick a blasting cap in a stick of dynamite or why not to to use live ammo when demonstrating how to load a semi-automatic shotgun and you're in your bedroom or what to do when a the guy next to you slices your leg open with a corn knife or why you should never throw batteries in a fire.

I'd be happy to share everything I know. All you have to do is ask.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 08:09 AM

We need a word to describe the grade of illness that is not severe enough to actually stop you doing most things, but means you really don't feel like doing anything, even though you know you should.

Word of the day, courtesy of Douglas Adams

Ely (n.) The first, tiniest inkling you get that something, somewhere, has gone terribly wrong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 10:58 PM

Mom was just hanging on that edge there; had to boost her over.

I got it also. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 10:57 PM

Uuuupseeedaisy


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 10:45 PM

Brother!!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 10:23 PM

Dang, I thought it was hilarious.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 07:30 PM

I've always said, "A man's mind should exceed his grasp -- or what's a Meta for?"

But no-one thinks it funny.

Dullards.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 06:36 PM

But then again, as Donne wrote,

"There's nothing like a damn'd fine book
To get an erring lover off the hook."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 05:54 PM

I've also always said, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp or what's a heaven for?" (NB: the word "man" as used herein includes both sexes.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 03:58 PM

As I've always said, "He either fears his fate too much or his desserts are small, who will not put it to the touch to gain or lose it all."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 03:56 PM

I did not say you were sophomoric. You're not, are you? I mean, you don't do things like glibly coming up with random couplets and pretending they are quotations from someone famous, or coming up with quotations and letting people think they are your own, or stuff like that? THAT would be sophomoric.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 03:52 PM

No, but they did have silk stockings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 03:34 PM

I don't think they had nylons in Jonathon Edwards' day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 01:19 PM

You saying or implying that I'm sophmoric, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 01:05 PM

For unaccredited, random assertions, why wait for a librarian -- ask any sophomore!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 09:49 AM

It takes the sharpest sight, and not in the noonday sun
To look and see that if perchance your nylons have a run.


There. Now you needn't puzzle about it any more. "When in doubt, ask a librarian."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 09:44 AM

It takes the sharpest sight, and not in the noonday sun. . . (it's a stretch, and I don't know much more than the mangled quote itself).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 09:35 AM

hey're just time flies. They like an arrow.

...and my fruit flies like a banana.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 09:16 AM

I don't understand. Please explain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 06 - 10:56 PM

ANd Clinton Got a Blowjob....

With apologies to the tender-ears in reach.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 06 - 08:29 PM

hey're just time flies. They like an arrow.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 06 - 08:03 PM

We've had flies like that in the house plants. They bop around and it feels like you have a bunch of tiny satellites, any where you go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 06 - 06:33 PM

We're tenting tonight in the old coat-rack
Give us a song to cheer
Our weary hearts, a song of home
And lots of lovely beer...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 06 - 06:20 PM

Bunn:

Have you tried tenting your coat-rack?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 06 - 05:34 PM

The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" should have been called "The Gunfight in the Vacant Lot By Fly's Photography Studio" but it wouldn't have had the same panache. There is no recod that I can find of what sort of fly it was and why it owned a photography studio.


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