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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 30 Jun 05 - 08:37 AM
rumanci 30 Jun 05 - 07:29 AM
Rustic Rebel 30 Jun 05 - 02:33 AM
Acme 30 Jun 05 - 12:24 AM
Rapparee 29 Jun 05 - 09:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jun 05 - 09:45 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 05 - 09:31 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 05 - 01:01 PM
Acme 29 Jun 05 - 12:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jun 05 - 11:05 AM
GUEST,MMario 29 Jun 05 - 10:55 AM
Acme 29 Jun 05 - 10:43 AM
Rustic Rebel 28 Jun 05 - 10:36 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 05 - 06:43 PM
rumanci 28 Jun 05 - 05:28 PM
Acme 28 Jun 05 - 05:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 05 - 11:31 AM
GUEST,MMario 28 Jun 05 - 11:01 AM
GUEST,MMario 28 Jun 05 - 10:56 AM
Acme 28 Jun 05 - 10:53 AM
GUEST,MMario 28 Jun 05 - 09:23 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 05 - 09:02 AM
GUEST,MMario 28 Jun 05 - 08:44 AM
Acme 27 Jun 05 - 11:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jun 05 - 11:37 PM
Acme 27 Jun 05 - 11:26 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 05 - 10:21 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 05 - 07:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jun 05 - 06:21 PM
rumanci 27 Jun 05 - 05:20 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 05 - 05:12 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 05 - 04:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jun 05 - 04:35 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 05 - 03:59 PM
rumanci 27 Jun 05 - 01:22 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 05 - 01:12 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 05 - 08:48 AM
Acme 26 Jun 05 - 11:31 PM
Amos 26 Jun 05 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 05 - 09:20 PM
Amos 26 Jun 05 - 09:49 AM
Acme 26 Jun 05 - 09:33 AM
Amos 25 Jun 05 - 08:09 PM
GUEST 25 Jun 05 - 06:30 PM
gnu 25 Jun 05 - 06:10 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 05 - 05:57 PM
gnu 25 Jun 05 - 05:17 PM
Amos 25 Jun 05 - 04:45 PM
Acme 25 Jun 05 - 01:43 AM
Rustic Rebel 25 Jun 05 - 01:19 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 05 - 08:37 AM

But on those days when Amos is mare himself, he's a pretty good hand. If there were only some way he colt get over this foal problem! But wither or not it's possible, it's dun and I won't put him down because of it. I daresay he's gelding back to his old self even as I write this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 30 Jun 05 - 07:29 AM

we might have to shoo Amos off again if he bridles too much at the tack we're taking. Forge on Rap - we'll nail him yet
rum


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 30 Jun 05 - 02:33 AM

I am going to take us all into the seminar of calm...
please unwrap anything that resembles a tight fit and join me...
We are now taking a journey into a frequented stomping ground of the infamous 'Amos, gettin' it till you forget it'swamp.
please remove clothing and pick a random swamp spot.
Lay back nekkid and start to be invigorated by the swamp bugs. Take in the leeches and feel their multitudide thirst upon your skin.
You are now getting calmer...
Lie still.
Soon you will be one with the night frogs.
You will accept them as a part of your calm and you will revel in the touch of their soft skinny toes and the warmth of their reddish slurp of reddish tounge.
Feel the feeling of frogs feeding and frolicing upon a frenzied body of calm.
You can be calm. it is all right before a you to do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jun 05 - 12:24 AM

Looks like horse shit piles about as deep as bullshit when it comes to cramming too many puns into a paragraph. :)

Il est le cheval d'une couleur différente!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 09:55 PM

Exactly my point! It was only a suspicion, but that is actual photographic proof: Amos, our Amos, is a werehorse. He probably lives down in the werehorse district. I hate to be a neigh-sayer, but what the hay! The truth is out, and I see no reason that we should discriminate based upon Amos's werehood. Let us all cinch up our belts and let him know that, no matter what troubles this might stirrup, he'll always hoof us as his mane backers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 09:45 PM

My! I've never met Amos in the flesh, but I've met other 'Catters who have and none of them mentioned that he was a horse! Pretty important thing to overlook, dontcha think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 09:31 PM

Amos did not
go to Illinois, and here's proof.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 01:01 PM

Hello. I'm currently not able to take your call, but if you'll leave your name; social security number; the name, account number, expiration date, and confirmation number of at least one major credit card, I'll return your call as soon as possible. If I don't return your call, you'll sleep well knowing that you've made me very happy. Leave the requested information at the tone. Thank you for calling.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 12:36 PM

They are of the same stripe, so to speak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 11:05 AM

Picture #3 and Gluon are second cousins, twice removed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 10:55 AM

RR - I thought the caption on that was "High Priest collecting the weekly offerings"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 05 - 10:43 AM

Maybe he's dyslexic, and someone wrote asking him if he wanted to go hang out in some bars?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 10:36 PM

My caption to picture 1...
:::Amos at a technical seminar in Illinois:::
blue clickie to know what it is that I speak of.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 06:43 PM

As she lay dying, my mother motioned me to her side and said, "My firstborn! My pride and joy! I want you to promise three things!"

"What's that, Mom?" I asked through my tears.

"First, stay way from wild women. Second, stay way from strong liquor. And (cough, cough) never, ever, live in Idaho. Promise me!" and she seized my hands very hard.

I gulped down my tears and said, "I promise, Mom."

She relaxed her grip and sank with a contented sigh into the pillows, then drifted into a calm sleep.

For many years I thought that keeping one out of three wasn't too bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 05:28 PM

Pull the eider one SRS
oops
I shire wish I could teal that one back again


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 05:25 PM

So when someone yells Duck! they might really mean HORSE!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 11:31 AM

It's far easier to figure out what to do with a drunken duckie than what to do with a drunken Clydesdale. And it's far less dangerous to those involved, particularly the next morning when the inevitable case of morning-after diarrhea sets in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 11:01 AM

just blethering away here...it's funny what goes over well in performances sometimes. 'Back in the clydesdale" went over very well this weekend, I expected it to. but the other two "biggies" we performed this weekend were "what do you do with a drunken duckie" - which started with a single verse and just kept growing...and a stupid little song we made up about a dead frog. *THAT* song even ended up being sung in a round!

and it's an earworm.

Little dead frog, lyin' in the gutter


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 10:56 AM

Where's Amos? Isn't that a famous children's book?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 10:53 AM

Is this burping some secret code for figuring out where Amos is?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 09:23 AM

yes - my "cousin" Katya from russia was with me - Burped at the Dowager countess of Stirling and then claimed I had told her it was how to say "hello" in Scots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 09:02 AM

Gee, Leo, I was invited to join the SCA this past weekend. The SCAers and I discussed it. We even decided on an identity for me. It would be fun to be

































a leper! Yes! I could go to the market and get little bits of meat and let them get a bit whiff and sort of drop them behind me. Dress in a white birka-like thing, ring a bell and say "Unclean!" and eat out of a wooden bowl and drink from a wooden cup. And people would leave you alone! No work to do! No fighting, no hassles! Yup, I think I wanna be a leper in the SCA. Just sit around and rot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Jun 05 - 08:44 AM

is it morning yet? these time-trips are horrendous - and the weather in England was terrible, hot, sunny!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 11:40 PM

There's also "no noise in Illinois" as an old Chicago friend of mine used to say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 11:37 PM

There's also not an Amos, Illinois. Nor is there a Bruce, Maggie, Bunn, Suzie, or Leo. But there is a Michael, Illinois. It's about a hundred miles northwest of St. Louis, MO.

Oddly, I'll be in the St. Louis area later this summer, but I don't think a side trip to Michael is on my itinerary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 11:26 PM

They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!
link
Lyrics :

Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to
leave because I'd go berserk?? Well...
You left me anyhow and then the days got worse and worse and now you see
I've gone completely out of my mind.. And..
They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa
To the funny farm. Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be
happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're
coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!!!

You thought it was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said
that loosing you would make me flip my lid.. RIGHT???
I know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed you laughed and
laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad... And..


They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa,
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.
To the happy home. With trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket
weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're
coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you pay me back
for all my kind unselfish loving deeds.. Huh??
Well you just wait, they'll find you yet and when they do they'll put you
in the ASPCA, you mangy mutt!!! And...

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa.
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.
To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy
to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming
to take me away, ha-haaa!!!
To the happy home, with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket
weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're
coming to take me away, ha-haa!!!
To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time... (fade out)

Hey, buddy!
Yes officer..
You a head?
No, but I'm catching up, ha ha ha....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 10:21 PM

Mode, Illinois, is about 20 miles from Effingham. "Mode" is pretty close to "Moab." There is also Moro, Illinois. And Mattoon. And Sheldon's Grove. And...they're coming back for me. Bye now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 07:11 PM

Yeah, that's just a bit outside of Freeport. Or Cherry Valley. Or Rockford. Or Decatur. Or Litchfield. Or Hillsboro. Or Kampsville. Or Petersburg. Or New Salem. Or







they're coming back for me now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 06:21 PM

But it's pretty unlikely Amos is going to Moab, Illinois. In fact, it's almost infinitely unlikely, what with there being no such place.

Now, there is an extremely slim chance that this seminar Amos is attending is of such a secretive nature that it can't be held at any pre-existing location, which would necessitate the hasty construction of a brand new town in the middle of a corn field. It's possible that this town might be christened "Moab", but it's much more likely that the seminar is being hosted by an alien race of hyper-intelligent slime-mold and that it is being held somewhere in the Large Magellanic cluster.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 05:20 PM

blimey !
and he ain't even started on the stretches of water yet

let alone the shredding !


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 05:12 PM

Or Ozone Park. Or Fowler. Or Paloma. Or Gibson City. Or Farmer City. Or Harvard. Or De Kalb. Or Macomb. Or Nauvoo. Or Hamilton. Or Aviston. Or Liberty. Or Columbus. Or Burton. Or Payson. Or Plainville. Or Pittsfield. Or


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 04:58 PM

Or Clinton. There's one of them big ol' nookler things in Clinton. Or Marion. There's a super-maximum security prison in Marion. Or Hull. Or Mendon. Or Big Neck. Or Fishhook. Or Lima. Or Meredosia. Or Jacksonville -- there's a state hospital in Jacksonville. Or Shawneetown. Or Gardner, like in the Schooner Fare song. Or Niles. Or Fermilab. Or Argonne National Lab. Or Starved Rock State Park. Or Peru, where he could visit Art Thieme. Or East Chicago. Or Galena. Or Alton. Or Seehorn. Or Marblehead. Or Pontosac. Or Dallas City. Or Meyer. Or Athens. Or San Jose. Or Browning. Or Beardstown. Or Grant Park. Or Cairo. Or Metropolis. Or Canton. Or Peoria. Or Champaign. Or Urbana. Or Danville. Or...hello. Is it time for my meds? Thank you. You look lovely in white. Thank you. Yes, I'll go now. Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 04:35 PM

At no time did Amos mention Chicago. He said "Illinois". Illinois is a pretty big state. He could be going to East St. Louis for all we know. Or maybe Kankakee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 03:59 PM

Amos had to go to Chicago for some sort of hush-hush meeting of something called "The Manhattan Project." Real burn-before-reading type of thing that Amos does. Nobody's quite sure what it is, but Amos is working with some Italian named "Fermy" and a Danish fella named "Bore" and a guy nicknamed "Teller," who I assume is one of those radio talk show hosts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 01:22 PM

aye
and he casts a long shadow at Mean Time
why is Amos in the shed anyway ?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 01:12 PM

Mom...they...don't...seem...to...care.

I do, though. I promised Amos and a promise made is a debt unpaid! I will keep you up, Mom! Yea, I will do it though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, because, Mom, I am the meanest bastard in the valley.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 05 - 08:48 AM

Okay, okay, EVERYBODY UP UP UP! Drop yer...wait, that won't work and beside Mom would object. Okay, you panywaisted sissies, OUTA THEM RACKS BEFORE I COME AND TURN 'EM OVER!!!! Git dressed -- PT in five minutes and we're starting today in your favorite way: A FIVE MILE RUN IN FULL FIELD GEAR followed by organized grabass!! Fun for all! Come on come on come on....

LET'S MOVE IT, GIRLS AND BOYS!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jun 05 - 11:31 PM

Pout

Amos didn't ask ME or BWL or RR or Bunn to help, just Rapaire. Mom, Amos is playing favorites again!

(My phone service was cut early Saturday by someone digging in a new housing development to the east of here, so I wasn't available for about 24 hours, but fingers crossed, THAT won't happen again soon).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 05 - 11:25 PM

Me? Nope.

BTW, Rapaire, I am away until Wednesday night visiting a technical seminar in Illinois. So KEEP MOM FROM FALLING or I'll come up there and find out why not.


:D

Even if you have to shred my good name to do it!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 05 - 09:20 PM

Hot diggety! Just what we need! Spin-coherent electrons in an ultrathin film.

I'd like some logically-coherent politicians in most any matrix. Cement comes to mind.







(Actually, the science news is pretty exciting. Any idea of how long before it's commercially viable?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 05 - 09:49 AM

n research published in today's issue of the scientific journal Physical Review Letters, Scott Crooker and Darryl Smith describe their use of a scanning optical microscope to acquire two-dimensional images of spin-polarized electrons flowing in semiconductor crystals mounted on an optical cryostat while using a miniature "cryogenic vise" to apply gentle pressure. By squeezing the crystal in a controlled manner, and without applying magnetic fields, the researchers were able to watch the electron spins rotate (or precess) as they flow through the crystal.

According to Crooker, "electrons, in addition to their negative electronic charge, also possess a magnetic "spin". That is, each electron behaves like a little bar magnet, with north and south poles. Electron spins in semiconductors are typically manipulated by applying a magnetic field, but we've found we can do the same thing, in a controlled fashion, using the "vise". And, the resulting degree of spatial spin coherence is remarkably more robust compared to the spin precession induced by a magnetic field."

Also,

A team of chemists at Penn State has developed a new type of ultrathin film, which has unusual properties that could improve the fabrication of increasingly smaller and more intricate electronic and sensing devices. The material, a single layer made from spherical cages of carbon atoms, could enable more precise patterning of such devices with a wider range of molecular components than now is possible with conventional self-assembled monolayers. The research is published in the current issue of the Journal of the American Chemical Society.




I tell ya, these molecular engineers are the dawning of a whole new array of fine technological solutions (ultimately breeding their own problems). By the time Gluon is my age, his poop will be disassembled with the trash by molecular machines who will recycle the component molecules into containers for re-sale to manufacturers. Any Nigerian farmer who needs water will grab it from the wind, using energy grabbed from the sun. We just might survive a couple of these current crises if we keep this up!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jun 05 - 09:33 AM

Aw, geez. . .

Take a deep breath = inhale.

repeat = "take a deep breath. Now exhale." again

That guest is such a duffer--must be a ralph trying to "fit in."

Har [not!]


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 05 - 08:09 PM

BRA

AAA

AAAAWWW

WWMMMMPPPP!!!



There now. Feel better!! I do, thanks.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Jun 05 - 06:30 PM

I did what you said. I put my hands above my head and I exhaled and then I repeated it. I did this several times.

I fainted and ambulance people had to give me oxygen.

Then I learned that I am also supposed to inhale.

Why didn't you tell me that? Why is it always "exhale," "exhale," "exhale?" Why can't I sometimes do something like inhaling, something just for me for once? Why is it always about you? I have needs and feelings just like you do. Well? Say something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jun 05 - 06:10 PM

Right then... see ya... oops... where did he go?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 05 - 05:57 PM

No, I'm not quite that old. I didn't do it, I can prove it, and besides I have an alibi and nobody saw me anyway.

I think I'll join the SCA. I've got an identity thing all picked out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jun 05 - 05:17 PM

I assume it really had to do with the adventitious introduction of alcohol rather than oxygen. Rapaire?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 05 - 04:45 PM

Well whatever it was, it is about time we got used to the idea.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 05 - 01:43 AM

The quantity of it--it was liberated into the air.

And yes--we should all take a deep breath. Hands above your heads, now exhale. Good. Repeat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 25 Jun 05 - 01:19 AM

She means, take a deep breath, count to seventeen thousand six hunded and fourty seven, then take another breath. Then contemplate the uni-castrated skeeter and pause for reflection from a mirror.


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