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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 22 Mar 05 - 11:58 AM
Bunnahabhain 22 Mar 05 - 11:48 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Mar 05 - 11:32 AM
Acme 22 Mar 05 - 10:22 AM
Amos 22 Mar 05 - 10:05 AM
GUEST,MMario 22 Mar 05 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 22 Mar 05 - 09:15 AM
GUEST,MMario 22 Mar 05 - 07:55 AM
Rustic Rebel 22 Mar 05 - 02:06 AM
Acme 21 Mar 05 - 11:36 PM
Rapparee 21 Mar 05 - 04:20 PM
Rapparee 21 Mar 05 - 03:56 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Mar 05 - 02:45 PM
GUEST,Chuckles 21 Mar 05 - 01:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Mar 05 - 12:54 PM
Amos 21 Mar 05 - 12:37 PM
Layah 21 Mar 05 - 12:05 PM
Rapparee 21 Mar 05 - 11:58 AM
Amos 21 Mar 05 - 09:57 AM
GUEST 21 Mar 05 - 09:47 AM
Amos 21 Mar 05 - 09:39 AM
Rapparee 21 Mar 05 - 09:06 AM
Bunnahabhain 21 Mar 05 - 09:00 AM
Acme 21 Mar 05 - 01:27 AM
Rapparee 20 Mar 05 - 02:47 PM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 20 Mar 05 - 12:09 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 05 - 04:41 PM
Amos 19 Mar 05 - 02:24 PM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 19 Mar 05 - 10:30 AM
Layah 19 Mar 05 - 07:44 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Mar 05 - 12:12 AM
Layah 18 Mar 05 - 08:56 PM
Acme 18 Mar 05 - 05:57 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 05 - 03:13 PM
GUEST 18 Mar 05 - 03:11 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 05 - 03:04 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 Mar 05 - 01:59 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 Mar 05 - 01:58 PM
Bunnahabhain 18 Mar 05 - 01:53 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 Mar 05 - 01:50 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 18 Mar 05 - 01:06 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 Mar 05 - 12:50 PM
GUEST,Bunnahabhain 18 Mar 05 - 12:47 PM
GUEST,Bunnhabhain. 18 Mar 05 - 12:39 PM
GUEST 18 Mar 05 - 12:33 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 05 - 08:29 AM
Bunnahabhain 18 Mar 05 - 07:52 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 05 - 04:23 PM
GUEST,MMario 17 Mar 05 - 02:37 PM
GUEST,MMario 17 Mar 05 - 01:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Mar 05 - 11:58 AM

You guys are a crack-up!! LOL

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Mar 05 - 11:48 AM

Alaska? Surely Hell Frozen over?
And now I must dive for Cover,
As speaking my mind,
I normally find,
That the last line can neither be made to rhyme, or be relevant.

Bunnahabhain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Mar 05 - 11:32 AM

Chuckles, of the race known as "Freds",
When out of all hisherits heads,
Chased Bee-dubya-ell
All the way down to hell
And wound up in Alaska insteads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Mar 05 - 10:22 AM

I might as well unload the other one--it's perfectly germane in the context of this thread and of this little poetical eddy (or a MOM brain fart, who knows?). It's even musical!



"Another Reason Why I don't keep a gun in the house."
Billy Collins

The neighbors' dog will not stop barking.
He is barking the same high, rythmic bark
that he barks every time they leave the house.
They must switch him on their way out.

The neighbors' dog will not stop barking.
I close all the windows in the house
and put on a Beethoven symphony full blast
but I can hear him muffled under the music,
barking, barking, barking,

and now I can see him sitting in the orchestra,
his head raised confidently as if Beethoven
had included a part for barking dog.

When the record finally ends he is still barking,
sitting there in the oboe section barking,
his eyes fixed on the conductor who is
entreating him with his baton

while the other musicians listen in respectful
silence to the famous barking dog solo,
that endless coda that first established
Beethoven as an innovative genius.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Mar 05 - 10:05 AM

On Rhymes and their Makers

Dear Lord, who poets everywhere defends,
I pray thee, save these scribblers from foul ends;
And though their own poetic nests they foul,
Protect them, as the dryer does the towel;
That though their tortured minds be turned and tossed,
At journey's end, though crisp, they be not lost.

Alzheimer Addlepate, Junior
Verses from the Bosom of Upstate
Duxton Gladstone, New York, 1911


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Mar 05 - 09:21 AM

it was post sixty-nine twenty-nine
and it was really fine
the poetry sublime
rising out of slime!

Rapaire's post sixty-nine twenty nine
to censor it would be a crime
so read it, do not whine
then pickle it in brine!

*



* never cliamed to be a poet


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Mar 05 - 09:15 AM

Now that I have my sword
I am a gentleman.
Now I must keep my word
Rammelfratcher damn!

No more may I go peripatetic
So late into the night,
Though the heart be just as arrhythmic
And Barsoom be just as bright,

For my sword it has no sheath
(Tho' my heart's inside my breast)
For I've defeated the Knights Who Go "Neep!"
"Now I lay me down to rest."







I'm all choked up. I didn't know I could write poetry that good, that touching, that soul-rendering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Mar 05 - 07:55 AM

Rustic Rebel - you said "In the voic3e of William Shatner" - but sinse it is complete and utter rubbish - perhaps you meant "from the mind of william shatner"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 22 Mar 05 - 02:06 AM

* In the voice of William Shatner*

Picture yourself on a boat in a lagoon,
With rocking chair people,
eating marshmallow salad.
Suddenenly someone of less crippled features
can stand up without
falling back down.
Mockingbird pie and lemon meringue, waiting to expand your mind....
look toward the east and suddenly your the same kind....,
Pickles in my tuna will gas me...
Pickles in my tuna will gas me...
Ahhhh,,,ahhhh...




Re-reading this I see it is complete bullshit babble. Therefore I shall submit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 11:36 PM

Oh, good, another excuse to post a silly pome. I've been saving a couple of them just for Mudcat, snagged off of an environmental literature discussion list.


Imagine this beast,
From the frozen northeast,
With his annual amorous crave-on.
Seduced by the toot
Of an engine en route
Into making a fatal liaison.

Conceive of his size
As he straddles the ties,
Unaware of the killer he's dating.
The honk of the train
Goes straight to his brain;
His mind's completely on mating!

Absurd? Of course:
But think how much worse it would be,
(And no words will I weasel)
If an engine tore loose from its tracks
When a moose
Made what sounds like the call of a diesel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 04:20 PM

My sword came! Mom, this next one's for you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 03:56 PM

According to the on-line Inuktitut Dictionary, "aklark" is a Brown Bear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 02:45 PM

Chuckles, you are a moron. Fairbanks is in Alaska. It is cold. It is on the Yukon River, but it might as well be landlocked since the Yukon River is frozen solid most of the time. It was founded by insane people who didn't have enough sense to realize that it's not necessary to live where it's cold.

Fairhope is in Alabama. It is warm. It is on Mobile Bay, which never freezes. It was founded by a bunch of Utopians who wanted someplace warm and off the beaten track to live. It is probably the only "blue" city in the very "red" state of Alabama. It is a lovely place where many artists and musicians have chosen to live.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chuckles
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 01:13 PM

Hi! I am still looking for the creature Bee-Dubya-Ell. It was going to Fairbanks and I am in Fairbanks but it cannot be found. Why would it want to go where it is so cold? I have found a creature that is wonderful to me. It is called an "aklark" and is very cuddlesome; we frolic together. I will bring it with me so that it can help me find the Bee-Dubya-Ell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 12:54 PM

Hi, mom. I'm back. Fairhope was fun. Anyplace where people actually spend money for art is fun. Where's Chuckles? I wonder if Chuckles and Chuck U. Farley are the same person?

And the current Google ad is pitching flamenco music. That doesn't mean Google is going to try to snag the 7000th post, does it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 12:37 PM

That's purely terrible poetry, Rapaire!! Can't you improve your standards? The sentiment is droll but the execution is butcher's art!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 12:05 PM

Oh, the guest at 9:47 am was me. I forgot that not using my computer would mean I wasn't logged on. I wonder if I posted anywhere else...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 11:58 AM

Dear Mother, I have found this poem, and although I also posted it elsewhere, I must also post it here. Enjoy this bit, Dear Mother, of exquisite poetry from Our Neighbours To The Nourth.

Idiots and The English Catch Carp In Ontario
by Emily Chesley

In the northern clime there is a certain time and way
That anglers will consign, using hook and line
To snag a big fish, that will fight back (they wish), all day
In clean Canadian waters up north
One looks for fish of worth, this way
But the locals are amused when the English choose this sport
Because the English are obviously, definitely, dorks.

Only idiots and the English catch carp in Ontario
The Irish don't care to, the Indians wouldn't dare to,
Most prefer the use of worm, or fly, or minnow.
But the English fish with corn.
In Canadian spaces they have lovely places to catch trout, pike, or bass
In Thames River mud, for this waterlogged dud, a limey will soak his ass.
On a bright summer day, the natives away to proper fishing spots go,
But idiots and the English catch carp in Ontario.

It's such a surprise for Canadian eyes to see,
Though the English are polite, they don't do fishing right,
Angling over hither, in the very same river, where we pee.
Only Fugitives from the loony bin, will risk their own skins, to enter city water.
But the English I know, would gladly a-wading go, to hook this garden fodder.
And with an angler's glee, they'll wave back and me, with a pip pip cheerio.
Only idiots and the English catch carp in Ontario.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 09:57 AM

You know what they say about assumptions. I'm wearing shorts quite comfortably as the sun rises over San Diego and the rainy season recedes into the past like a used nightmare.

Hard luck, eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 09:47 AM

I assumed it was the locals who are crazy enough to wear shorts in this weather. Just because it's warmer than yesterday doen't mean it's warm! I actually heard some people complaining about it being hot! And it's like 50F! Crazy people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 09:39 AM

Compare and contrast:

Bull riding
Bull tossing
Throwing bull
Being thrown by bull
Talking BS
Other actions to be taken with BS

Use complete sentences. Remember the rules of grammar, and check your spelling.

Mother


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 09:06 AM

The Dodge National Finals Championship Rodeo ended Saturday. Spring has, indeed, sprung! The winner of the Barrel Racing competition took home about twice as much money as the winner of the Bull Riding, and nobody (including the animals) got hurt beyond a few bruises. There was Cowboy Poetry (including as session at my library!), barbeque, big hats, belt buckles the size of hubcaps, and several million dollars poured into the local economy.

And, as usual, I won the Bull Tossing competition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 09:00 AM

Spring is here! We have the first tourists in shorts about....

Bunnhabhain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 01:27 AM

All of the neighbor's oak leaves are still out front in my flower beds--great mulch! I have to go move them soon before bunnies decide to start building nests out there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 05 - 02:47 PM

There are daffodils at the front of my house. Spring has, indeed, sprung "SPOINGGGG!" from the cold, dead leaves of winter (I didn't rake).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Mar 05 - 12:09 PM

Spring is here (though it seems silly to go to a French site to find the state flower of Washington. . .)

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 04:41 PM

You oughta drive around Salt Lake City. Them folks all moved there after being rejected for drivers' licenses in LA. Worse yet, they all drive up here to find the "outdoors." I once drove from SLC to Provo, in February, in a snowstorm. I'm not making this us: there were two trucks in front of me, one in each lane, each labeled "High Explosives," barreling along at at 75 mph on a road with long patches of black ice and I wanted to kiss the ground when I reached my exit.

And the traffic in Dingle, Idaho is HORRID! The other day a tractor broke down and traffic was backed up for two or three car lengths! Ed had to lean WAY WAY out the second floor window to see the end of it so he could report it in his "Eye In The Sky" traffic report.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 02:24 PM

I've just surfaced from a drive from San Diego to Paso Robles, San Francisco, Sacramento, back to Danville and Paso Robles and home tyo San Diego. Let me tell ya the economies in driving yourself are mythical -- in today's environment it takes two days to recover from the shock of driving through LA or any other big city. No-one figgers in the time to calm down after so many near-death experiences at the hands of strangers. :>D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 10:30 AM

BWL, they don't advertise the Seattle "parking lots" because you don't have to pay to park on them. There's no profit in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 07:44 AM

You know, I don't look at the google ads very often, but whenever I do they are advertising folk or music related stuff. I think the only time I've ever seen them advertise something else was in the I Spy thread they were advertising spy equipment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 12:12 AM

Anybody heard from Chuckles? If you do, tell him I'll be in Fairhope, Alabama for the next couple of days but I'll be home in the evenings if he wants to mix it up.

And the Google ads are pitching coupons for parking at Dallas/Ft. Worth airport and LAX. Shouldn't they be pitching parking coupons for SeaTac since it was Seattle whose freeways SRS said are a single contiguous parking lot?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 08:56 PM

Well, I don't know about Dallas, but I've driven in LA. Many many times. But I didn't survive the experience. I am now dead, and wouldn't recomend anyone go to LA. It's yucky and has no redeeming qualities.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 05:57 PM

You guys are SOOOO funny! I live 45 miles from Dallas and I never drive there! If you don't count the trips to Love Field to take flights on Southwest Airlines, then I have been to Dallas fewer than five times in the 15 years I've lived in Fort Worth. (I also don't count the occasional trips around Dallas on my way to somewhere else, when I drove on one of the loop highways).

I have driven in Manhattan, in Washington D.C., in Atlanta, GA, In Houston, TX, in Los Angeles, CA, and plenty of times in Seattle (the freeways there are the biggest contiguous parking lot in the nation, I would hazard a guess). I can't tell you why I don't drive in Dallas, except that I never really NEED to. But there are things I'd like to do over there, so when I have enough money to go to some of the concerts, I'll probably start driving over, though there is a train now and I'd check those schedules and stations before making the drive.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 03:13 PM

Someone had to do so, and I, in my graciousness, did so. Dibs on 6969 and 6996!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 03:11 PM

hahaha! Rapaire took the hundred!


neener-neener!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 03:04 PM

Okay, Mom. I'll do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 01:59 PM

or is you just confuzzled?

Most people reading MOAB are...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 01:58 PM

Thank God it's Friday!


and WTF?!

I prefer WOBH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 01:53 PM

WTF!?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 01:50 PM

TGIG tgif TGIF


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 01:06 PM

I went to the Cotton Bowl (Notre Dame vs. Texas A&M) in Dallas and survived, albeit brain-shocked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 12:50 PM

I *drove* in Dallas! and survived.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 12:47 PM

I just spotted I'd signed my original post, so the correction one was just confusing. I know Crystal isn't online to say it, so I will. I'm being a numpty today.

BTW, this isn't a Flamenco Ted style string of posts to bag a number, or me talking to myself. I hope

Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.

Bunnhabahain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bunnhabhain.
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 12:39 PM

Sorry, Guest below was me.

Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful women.

Bunnahabhain


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 12:33 PM

Exotic-
A place where you are offered strange new food/drink.......(we dont want to know what you though there), and wish you could/couldn't work out what it is, what the locals are saying, and if they want dollars, some funny coloured local currency, or to marry your daughter.

Taking that as a base,
I've been to Scotland, and England. And Canada. And Ireland. And France. And Korea. And Idaho. And Wyoming. And especially Dallas.

makes all of those fairly exotic. Yes, we can guess the French are after you daughters, and Dallas is after your dollars, but not much more...

Batrachophobia- Fear of amphibians

Bunnhabhain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 08:29 AM

I've been to Scotland, and found it very exotic.

England, too. And Canada. And Ireland. And France. And Korea. And Idaho. And Wyoming. And especially Dallas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 07:52 AM

No, you get Palins from Pythons, and then he spends the last 20 years wandering round pretty bits of the world for the BBC, saying "Isn't it exotic?"

dromophobia- a fear of crossing streets...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 04:23 PM

You fly airplanes from an aerodrome, so you must fly palins from a palindrome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 02:37 PM

of course if you cross a pushme-pullyu with a camel you get a palindromedary!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 01:37 PM

now I hope the definition of palindrome is what I think it is. If not. never mind


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