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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 02 Nov 09 - 02:24 PM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 01:54 PM
Amos 02 Nov 09 - 12:56 PM
Little Hawk 02 Nov 09 - 11:58 AM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 11:46 AM
Amos 02 Nov 09 - 11:30 AM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 10:55 AM
Amos 02 Nov 09 - 10:36 AM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 10:12 AM
GUEST 02 Nov 09 - 10:07 AM
Amos 02 Nov 09 - 10:05 AM
Rapparee 02 Nov 09 - 09:22 AM
Amos 02 Nov 09 - 07:38 AM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 07:06 AM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 06:45 AM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 06:43 AM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 06:00 AM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 05:48 AM
Ed T 02 Nov 09 - 05:43 AM
Acme 02 Nov 09 - 03:03 AM
Little Hawk 02 Nov 09 - 12:06 AM
Janie 01 Nov 09 - 10:11 PM
Little Hawk 01 Nov 09 - 09:42 PM
Ed T 01 Nov 09 - 09:07 PM
Little Hawk 01 Nov 09 - 09:04 PM
Janie 01 Nov 09 - 07:17 PM
Ed T 01 Nov 09 - 06:32 PM
Amos 01 Nov 09 - 06:11 PM
Ed T 01 Nov 09 - 06:10 PM
Ed T 01 Nov 09 - 06:04 PM
Little Hawk 01 Nov 09 - 06:02 PM
Amos 01 Nov 09 - 05:50 PM
Rapparee 01 Nov 09 - 05:39 PM
Acme 01 Nov 09 - 05:29 PM
Acme 01 Nov 09 - 05:03 PM
Little Hawk 01 Nov 09 - 02:22 PM
Janie 01 Nov 09 - 02:11 PM
Amos 01 Nov 09 - 01:54 PM
Little Hawk 01 Nov 09 - 01:28 PM
Acme 01 Nov 09 - 12:20 PM
Ed T 01 Nov 09 - 11:32 AM
Amos 01 Nov 09 - 11:09 AM
Ed T 01 Nov 09 - 10:30 AM
Ed T 01 Nov 09 - 10:20 AM
Amos 01 Nov 09 - 09:59 AM
Ed T 01 Nov 09 - 09:43 AM
Ed T 01 Nov 09 - 09:22 AM
Ed T 31 Oct 09 - 11:55 PM
Ed T 31 Oct 09 - 11:45 PM
Janie 31 Oct 09 - 11:12 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 02:24 PM

It occurs to me, Mister Ed, that you might enjoy MOAB Roulette. What you do, see, is wiggle your mouse around the grid of page numbers at the top of the page and click randomly on one of them. Lo!! A whole period of MOAB history, redolent with rich creative humor and spicy ne'er-do-well rejoinders, will unfold before your eyes for your meditating pleasure. From this exercise you will garner, over time, many deep and fulfilling insights. We ask nothing in exchange beyond writing them down and explaining these discoveries to the rest of us.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 01:54 PM

A fly sat on a crumb of cow dung being carried away by the rainwater flowing down the street. The streamlet took it to the end of the village where a stupa stood. The streamlet then went around the holy structure taking the fly on a circumambulation and finally joined into a nearby tributary. The fly was born into a human being in its next life,


Truth and falsehood proceed from thy tongue
the means of purification and the exalted mouth of all the gods. Thou, dwelling in the heart of all beings, knowest this affair.




http://www.zazzle.ca/holy_cow_dung_tshirt-235074004982286930


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 12:56 PM

Well, ex-kyoooooooze ME, MISTER hawk!! But my little poetic exposition on Rapaire's Folly was NO rote endeavour. It was crafted with rich creative resonance in every syllable, I'll have you know!! You gotcher noive, yonker!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 11:58 AM

Remember the heady days of 32K? Already 84 posts back! How swiftly passeth our brief shining moment of glory! And how soon are we returned to dull care and rote endeavour. (sob!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 11:46 AM

There's Jove among heifers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 11:30 AM

'Tis the sound of the trumpet, the clarion call
Of the only horn ever preceding the Fall,
The sound of divinity, reaching through sound
To brighten the heart of the souls on the ground.
The brass of the Gods, of the angels and zephyrs
As greater than others as Jove among heifers!
And who is the owner, the artist who plays it?
When most every mortal doth fail who essays it?
'T is the one and the only, the mighty Rapaire
Whose sounds are so golden, who fing'ring so fair!
So honor him loudly, call his name to announce it.
But ignore what he says when you go to pronounce it!
The fair lass with flair on the stair in her lair
Gives evidence plain, 't is pronuncéd Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 10:55 AM

Rap-a-ree, Rap-a-rah,
Rap-a-ree, Rap-a-rah
a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Rap-a-ree, ,Rap-a-rah,
My knapsack on my back

I love to wander by the stream
That dances in the sun,
So joyously it calls to me,
"Come! Join my happy song!"

I wave my hat to all I meet,
And they wave back to me,
And blackbirds call so loud and sweet
From ev'ry green wood tree.

High overhead, the skylarks wing,
They never rest at home
But just like me, they love to sing,
As o'er the world we roam.

Oh, may I go a-wandering
Until the day I die!
Oh, may I always laugh and sing,
Beneath God's clear blue sky!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 10:36 AM

I don't think so. What could it possibly benefit someone to kick buttes? It would be like a mouse threatening an elephant.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 10:12 AM

Is there much butte kicking in Montana (reset cookie).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 10:07 AM

Is there much butte kicking in Montana?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 10:05 AM

San Diego is a mispronunciation of "Saint David", Benjamin.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 09:22 AM

Let's see:

Versails: Illinois and Indiana, mispronounced after the place in France
Valparayso: Indiana, mispronounced after the town in Chile.
San Josie: Illinois, mispronounced after the place in California.
Kwinzee: Mass., mispronounced after towns in Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, California, and Washington (that I know of).
Sandeeaygo: California, mispronounced after Santiago, Spain and Chile.
Paris: Missouri, Idaho and other places; mispronounced after the city in France.
Istraytrahgoddamnsumbich: after Ystradgynlais, Wales; not even attempted by anyone in their right mind.

Not to mention Cobh or Dun Laoire, Ireland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 07:38 AM

I think the point is well made. I would honor the culture if it were in fact the culture, Little Hawk, but this is MOAB. And Rapaire is in Polkadotello!

"Stop and say, who goeth there??
'T is but I, your friend Rapaire".
"ANd from where, thou saucy fellow?"
"Me? I come from Pocatello!"
"And is that your name, as spelled?"
"So my ma did oft me tell."
"And how soundeth she thy name?"
"Benjamin".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 07:06 AM

Excusez mon français
Mère de tous les postes de merde à la hausse

Mère de toute la merde à la hausse
(MDTH) or MDTP)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 06:45 AM

(MAOB is French for MOAB)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 06:43 AM

"If I don't see a ribbon 'round Rapaire

I'll just stay on the bus, forget about us,
put the blame on me

If I don't see a yellow ribbon 'round Rapaire"

( In an effort to support increased musical content in MAOB)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 06:00 AM

Cuir síoda ar ghabhar agus is gabhar i gcónaí é.
Put silk on a goat and it is still a goat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 05:48 AM

Odd, but true:
http://slb-ltsu.hull.ac.uk/awe/index.php?title=Odd_pronunciations_of_proper_names_-_examples


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 05:43 AM

ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF


Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

-- B. Shaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 03:03 AM

Worchestershire = Worstershire

Schermerhorn = Skimmerhorn

What Rapaire wants to do is the equivalent of naming your son "Asshole" but telling everyone you want it pronounced "Benjamin".

Anyone else enjoy the British Comedy Keeping Up Apperances in which the woman's name is Hyacinth Bucket (prounounced BooKay)?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 12:06 AM

That's a provocative question, Janie. ;-)

Here's another weird one: Leicester. I believe the English pronounce it "lester". There's no explaining such things, you just have to learn them as you go along. Then there's Aloysius, and I think they pronounce that one "Al-o-ish-us".

I always thought it was "Rap-pair" too...until Rapaire himself advised me otherwise. Amo's problem is that he won't accept it even when he is told what it is by the man whose name it IS. Shocking behaviour. That's why I think he (Amos) should be tossed into a vat full of Republican wombats and Shatnerized until he experiences a change of heart. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 10:11 PM

Now, LH, is Rapaire not a North American? USAian, even?



Should we be expected to know weird pronounciations of names that have no bearing on the spelling of said name according to USA English? (Well actually, perhaps Amos should. He is originally from the Northeast USA, possibly New England, though I don't recall.) All I know is I never understood why my late mother-in-law from a town in Massachusetts spelled Worcester, should insist it is pronounced Wooster. Sounded suspiciously "across the pond" to me.

Seems to me the boy is simply putting on airs. Not surprising, really, when you consider how he tears around Polkadotio, Idaho in a waistcoat of claret velvet, lace cravat, high boots, and tricorne hat with a rapier dangling from his belt.

Of course, you are merely a Canuck. What do you know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 09:42 PM

Ed, it is plain that you are rocketing toward the auspicious title of "MOABS Elder".   And so quickly! The attainment of this title will permit you to utter bizarre nonsequitors and obscure bafflegab at will without fear of negative repercussions. You will receive compimentary parrots in the mail and be able to wear polkadot underwear at prestigious gatherings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 09:07 PM

For the Chimp:

The clove tree is a tall, evergreen tree, of the Myrtaceae plant family, growing up to 39 feet in height. The cloves of the clove tree are produced from the mature, red buds which appear in the rainy season; the cloves are 'beaten' from the tree and dried. Clove has been cultivated for over 2,000 years; it is though to be native of Indonesia. Today, the main producers of clove essential oil are Indonesia and Madagascar

Clove essential oil is distilled by:
    * clove bud essential oil is water distilled from the buds of the clove tree ( 60-90% eugenol).
    * clove leaf essential oil is water distilled from the leaves of the clove tree (82-88% eugenol.
    * clove stem essential oil is steam distilled from the stalks or stems of the clove tree (90-95% eugenol).

Clove bud essential oil is yellow in color with a sweet-spice fragrance; clove leaf essential oil is brown in color with a wood fragrance. Clove stem essential oil is a 'combination' of both clove bud and clove leaf characteristics; clove stem oil is also yellow in color but with a wood fragrance.

Clove stem oil is widely used in the perfumery industry; it is also substituted in the food industry for clove bud oil, due to its lower cost. Clove leaf oil is used in the chemical industry, primarily for the extraction of the chemical component eugenol. In addition to being used in the fragrance and food industries in cosmetics, drinks, dental products, perfumes and food, clove oil is also used to produce glue, varnish and to print ink.

Clove oil is a powerful therapeutic-grade essential oil long known for its anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial and antifungal properties. It is the highest scoring single ingredient ever tested for its antioxidant capacity on the ORAC scale.. As a powerful antioxidant, it has immune system enhancing properties.

The therapeutic properties of clove oil are analgesic, antiseptic, antispasmodic, anti-neuralgic, carminative, anti-infectious, disinfectant, insecticide, stimulant, stomachic, uterine and tonic. Clove oil can be used for acne, bruises, burns and cuts, keeping infection at bay and as a pain reliever. It helps with toothache, mouth sores, rheumatism and arthritis, and is used in aromatherapy.

Placing a few drops of clove oil on a cotton ball and then placing the cotton ball in a linen cupboard will not only fragrance the cupboard, but will help to keep fish moths at bay. (Cloves are also used in domestic cooking and baking and in the food industry)..

Clove oil is used by fish researchers, in surgeries and tagging as it is highly effective as a fish anaesthetic with potentially few or no side effects (adding vodka, or grain alcohol, will make the fish expire, if desired).

As it is one of the more 'toxic' oils, clove essential oil should be used with care. While considered safe in very small quantities as a food additive, it is toxic to humans. If ingested in sufficient quantity, It can cause life-threatening complications, including acute respiratory distress, liver failure, and central nervous system depression.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 09:04 PM

Amos, you are digging a very deep hole for yourself with your stubborn refusal to admit the error of your ways. "Rapaire" is an Irish word. It is not pronounced in the same way as it would be were it an English word with the same spelling. There are many examples of this sort of thing in the languages of the British Isles and Ireland...words that aren't pronounced as a North American would expect. Let me give you some...

Bhodran - pronounced "bow-rahn"
Cholmondely - pronounced "chumley"
Featherstone - pronounced "Fanshaw"

To protest against these sort of things and maintain that they are "wrong", simply because they do not meet your expectations is, sir, only to display either your own ignorance...or your unwillingness to show flexibility in the face of culture... ;-) What you are objecting to is that your intial assumption regarding the pronunciation of Rapaire's name should be questioned at all! You consider it an affont to your supposed infallibility. Well, if you were the Pope, I could understand such an attitude and have compassion for it, but in your case there is little excuse for it.

Drop and give me 50. (grin)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 07:17 PM

RaPayre can pronounce it Rapparree 'til those cows of Ed's come home. But since all I had to go by was spelling until I was adopted by MOM, it is firmly imprinted in my mind as RaPayre.

Not wanting to insult him, however, by mispronouncing his moniker, I just think of him as "sh*t-for-brains."   




On to bigger and better things. If you are not envious to learn that I just returned home from a performance of the "Alumni of the Yale Men's Russian Chorus," you should be. Mudcat's own Charlie Baum is a member - that's how I learned they were coming to Duke Chapel in Durham.

I'm still thrilling to music!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 06:32 PM

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries". Monty Python


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 06:11 PM

Little Hawk, you condescending smarmy mouthed mongrel-bait:

Rapaire himself has taken me to task. But you have not been educated in the fundamentals of language. They are agreed-upon by necessity.

What Rapaire wants to do is the equivalent of naming your son "Asshole" but telling everyone you want it pronounced "Benjamin". I am not being obstreperous; rather, it is he who is being obstreperous, contrary minded, and mule like. And, in your fit of artificial superiority sans merit, your good self as well.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 06:10 PM

Actually, I like it better. Thanks

( Though it may suggest an addition to atmospheric carbon, and thus climate change).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 06:04 PM

Sorry Rapaire, you wild Irish plunderer.   No disrespect intended. I have altered the ditty accordingly. ( Hopefully you didn't consider using your rapary on me).

He cowered up, blank thought in mind
In focused bovine rippee
To fix the rhyme he left behind
In much need of rapaire

(Rippee -Flatulates-Burps)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 06:02 PM

Stubborn as the proverbial mule, aren't you, Amos? I have known for years that Rapaire pronounces his name Rap-a-ree, and I recall informing you of that some time back. Still you insist on pronouncing it your way even after HE tells you how it is pronounced. What cheek! What lack of respect for your fellow man! I must say that you have crossed the line of proper manners on this matter and I, for one, hope that Rapaire gives you the drubbing you so richly deserve. You should be placed in the stocks, there to be spat upon, jeered at, and pummeled with overripe fruit by the idle mob who gather in the marketplace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 05:50 PM

He SAYS he wants it pronounced Raparee but he refuses to spell it that way. Obstreperous nincompoop insists it must be spelled RapAYR. As in, "Radiator and transmission RaPAYRE".
Pay him no mind, sirrah. His idle threats will not tell in any way. Being posted as a poltroon by yon typophobe is an honor among men.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 05:39 PM

It is pronounced "Rap-a-ree", sir. I permit one such slip, on the second you will be asked to defend your besmirchment of my honour with your life or be posted as a poltroon.

We memorized poems. One that we memorized was the last stanza to Bryant's "Thanatopsis":

"...Go not, like the quarry slave at night, scourged to his dungeon,
But sustained and soothed by an unfaltering grace approach thy grave
Like one who wraps the draperies of his couch around him
And lies down to pleasant dreams."

Just the sort of upbeat stuff for 10th graders!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 05:29 PM

Thought that sounded funny, and probably a halfway decent freudian slip.

The poem is The New Colossus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 05:03 PM

We had to memorize "The New Lazarus" or whatever is the name of the poem that is exerpted on the Statue of Liberty,

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
I lift my lamp, beside the golden door!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 02:22 PM

Amos, I think I saw it way back then too...and of course I do recall a couple of popular phrases from it that are often quoted, such as: "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft a-gley"

Be that as it may, this is the first time in perhaps 45 years or more that I have sat down and read the poem in its entirety, and upon re-acquaintance with it, I'm impressed. It's marvelous. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 02:11 PM

As best I can remember, the only poem I memorized was "The Highway Man."

Or maybe that was the only poem I had to memorize that I remember?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 01:54 PM

Hawkster, no offense, but most of us memorized that poem in fifth grade, or maybe seventh...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 01:28 PM

Ed, that Robert Burns poem about the mouse is a masterpiece! Quite amusing in a way, but it also makes some interesting philosophical points.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 12:20 PM

This year I turned off the lights and hid at the back of the house. The one time I turned on lights, to allow my next door neighbor to find her way to my rosemary bush to cut some for the chicken she was roasting, a car pulled up at her house and started to unload kiddos. We had to shout over that no one on our end of the block was doing trick or treat. They loaded up and drove up the block. What ever happened to just walking around in your own neighborhood?

However, were I to do Halloween, I think I'd answer my door as Florence Foster Jenkins. That would scare the bejeezus out of the tots, wouldn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 11:32 AM

Brayve Knight, Princess, Oreo
All came to my door
Seeking hollow candy treats
Asking for no more

Flash ahead to Human land
Next day's treat for thee
Returning to a humping hand
The world of reality

Next year go, repeat the scene
Much like Groundhog Day
Escaping to a mystery place
"A princess for a day"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 11:09 AM

The Great Tragedy of All Hallow's Eve is that so many people invest so much in becoming Someone They Prefer, whether a Princess or an Oreo Cookie or A Brayve Knighte. And then they are lured with sweets into a sugar frenzy unto a deathlike unconsciouness. When they wake up, lo!! Hallow's Day has come, and they are the very same person they were before the whole thing began.

Then they wait a year and do the whole thing over again, like little Hamlet Sisyphi on a turning Hamletster Wheel of Life. Pant, pant,. pant. Strive to Be and fall back. Over and over. I tell you it is a grim scene, and it is a darn good thing we have love, summer and fucking in between, to dull the sharp suffering of this wicked endless loop.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 10:30 AM

He cowered up, blank thought in mind
In focused bovine stare
To fix the rhyme he left behind
In much need of rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 10:20 AM

very assonantal:)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 09:59 AM

His shots are blank and blank his look.
Blank the expression, blank the book.
Blank is the blanky by his side
Blank is the sky, when out he rides.
And when in town upon mare's shank
The townfolk yell "Blank blankety blank!"
Yet heaven have we still to thank
For this imaginary friend, so blank.
We know him to be safe, our cobber
'Cuz there just aren't any blank robbers.
Harsh words may bring on blows or spanking,
But never just standing there and blanking.
Let us be grateful and give thanks
Our friend's whole life is filled with blanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 09:43 AM

Could this finest of rhymers, have had wee too much scotch in his haggis
(crack variety) when he went a ploug'in?

Even Stomp'in Tom didn't ryme that much when " tight" on Skinners Pond 'shine....and, especially not when encountering a mouse. (probably wouldn't have sold many songs with that, matey). Though, Tom likely wouldn't have the guts to eat the foul smell'in stuff.

I have it that William Topaz McGonagall's style was fashoned after Roberts. In fact, I have it that they were cousins....William having been willed a kilt frequently worn by Bobby when plough'in...maybe even encountering a mouse. ( Scotch and haggis drool stains are said to still be on it. But, I can'na reveal me sources, for fear of getting a haggis parcel bomb in the mail).

TO A MOUSE, ON TURNING HER UP IN HER NEST WITH THE PLOUGH, NOVEMBER, 1785 by: Robert Burns

            EE, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,
            Oh, what a panic's in thy breastie!
            Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
            Wi' bickering brattle!
            I was be laith to rin an' chase thee,
            Wi' murd'ring pattle!
                              
            I'm truly sorry man's dominion
            Has broken Nature's social union,
            An' justifies that ill opinion
            Which makes thee startle
            At me, thy poor, earth-born companion
            An' fellow-mortal!
         
            I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;
            What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
            A daimen-icker in a thrave
            'S a sma' request;
            I'll get a blessin wi' the lave,
            And never miss't!
                        
            Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin!
            Its silly wa's the win's are strewin!
            An' naething, now, to big a new ane,
            O' foggage green!
            An' bleak December's winds ensuin,
            Baith snell an' keen!
                  
            Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste,
            An' weary winter comin fast,
            An' cozie here, beneath the blast,
            Thou thought to dwell,
            Till crash! the cruel coulter past
            Out thro' thy cell.
                        
            That wee bit heap o' leaves an stibble,
            Has cost thee mony a weary nibble!
            Now thou's turn'd out, for a' thy trouble,
            But house or hald,
            To thole the winter's sleety dribble,
            An' cranreuch cauld!
            
            But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
            In proving foresight may be vain:
            The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men
            Gang aft a-gley,
            An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
            For promis'd joy!
                              
            Still thou art blest, compared wi' me!
            The present only toucheth thee:
            But och! I backward cast my e'e,
            On prospects drear!
            An' forward, tho' I cannot see,
            I guess an' fear!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 09:22 AM

"Get your haggis right here. Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep's stomach. Tastes as good as it sounds. Good for what ales you." Groundskeeper Willie, The Simpsons


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:55 PM

Note
Haggis, the poets drug, is a highly refined version of Haggus, that enhanses poetic thought and writing.

Some folks have privately called it "the poets crack". (Not to be confused with the plumbers crack).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:45 PM

Sorry...firing blanks again Rapaire, eh?

In fact, he was a Scot, badly hooked on haggis .... so, his licence was revoked and reissued.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 31 Oct 09 - 11:12 PM

Now Rapaire, you don't have to be noble, but at least be nice until Ed has been thoroughly lured in and entrapped.


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