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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 23 Jan 16 - 05:06 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 16 - 12:55 PM
Acme 23 Jan 16 - 09:34 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 16 - 01:43 AM
Amos 23 Jan 16 - 12:33 AM
Little Hawk 22 Jan 16 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 16 - 05:19 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Jan 16 - 12:36 PM
Acme 22 Jan 16 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 22 Jan 16 - 08:24 AM
Amos 22 Jan 16 - 01:45 AM
Rapparee 21 Jan 16 - 01:07 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 21 Jan 16 - 11:22 AM
Rapparee 20 Jan 16 - 08:58 PM
Amos 20 Jan 16 - 08:16 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 16 - 07:57 PM
gnu 20 Jan 16 - 01:28 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 16 - 12:11 PM
gnu 20 Jan 16 - 06:34 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 19 Jan 16 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 16 - 09:20 PM
gnu 19 Jan 16 - 08:35 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 16 - 01:49 PM
gnu 19 Jan 16 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 19 Jan 16 - 06:35 AM
Amos 19 Jan 16 - 02:50 AM
Rapparee 18 Jan 16 - 08:30 PM
Rapparee 18 Jan 16 - 05:49 PM
Rapparee 18 Jan 16 - 10:20 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 17 Jan 16 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 16 - 09:05 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 17 Jan 16 - 07:39 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 16 - 04:57 PM
gnu 17 Jan 16 - 04:34 PM
Amos 17 Jan 16 - 04:30 PM
GUEST,Looooooooooooong John Sliver 17 Jan 16 - 02:47 PM
Amos 17 Jan 16 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 16 Jan 16 - 10:54 PM
gnu 16 Jan 16 - 09:43 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 16 Jan 16 - 04:13 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 16 - 03:02 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 16 Jan 16 - 02:02 PM
Acme 16 Jan 16 - 12:26 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 16 - 10:57 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 15 Jan 16 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 16 - 10:30 PM
gnu 15 Jan 16 - 06:42 PM
gnu 15 Jan 16 - 07:13 AM
Rapparee 14 Jan 16 - 10:30 PM
gnu 14 Jan 16 - 07:46 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 16 - 05:06 PM

I forgot to mention that I'm well read and a gentleman, politely handing back to the owner any eyes gouged out or ears bitten off in a rumpus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 16 - 12:55 PM

I don't have, nor I have ever had, HO scale trains. I have the Lionel O gauge my father bought for me for my first Christmas back in 1945. And they work!

Bragging is not needed, as I know my capabilities and delight in letting other discover them. The simple fact that I'm a Salt River roarer! I'm a ring-tailed squealer! I'm a reg'lar screamer from the ol' Massassip'! I'm half wild horse and half cock-eyed alligator and the rest o' me is crooked snags an' red-hot snappin' turtle. I can hit like fourth-proof lightnin' an' every lick I make in the woods lets in an acre o' sunshine. I can out-run, out-jump, out-shoot, out-brag, out-drink, an' out-fight, rough-an'-tumble, no holds barred, any man on both sides the river from Pittsburgh to New Orleans an' back ag'in to St. Paul. Come on, you flatters, you bargers, you milk-white mechanics, you sandy-cracks Californians and you'll find out how tough I am to chaw! There weren't before and never will be again someone like me! My family goes plumb back to Adam and they were never licked by man, beast or weather! I've rode tornadoes and hurricanes when everybody else rode tricycles! My daddy was the forked lightning and my mother a mountain lion! I kin rassle a griz with one hand and take care of a buffalo stampede with the other! I'm goin' straight to Heaven if I die because Old Scratch knows that I'd take over his place and put him to work pumpin' the bellows! And you have my word on this, and I ain't never broke my word!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 16 - 09:34 AM

HO gauge locomotive!" They are very small, you know.

Ah, but a small boy's imagination is large, when down at track level and playing with such a set of rail cars and engines. It all makes perfect sense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 16 - 01:43 AM

I think you are mistaken, Amos. I believe he is referring to "Sandy Ego", which means you. I might, however, be wrong....but given Rap's mighty capacity for boasting, I hardly thing that he would refer to himself as being "More powerful than an HO gauge locomotive!" They are very small, you know. It doesn't fit for him to describe himself in that manner.

If I am wrong, however....which has been known to happen once or twice in any given decade.... (Heh!) ...then I will make it up to you in some appropriate way, yet to be decided upon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 16 - 12:33 AM

Ya get too far up in the air on an ivory tower, you have trouble understanding whatthe poor folk on the ground are saying, I guess. Bookman's fugue was not a paean to me, but a self-serving expansion of my own compliment to him concerning his ruthless glance. But never mind, stealing thunder from Rapp is like bringing coals to Newcastle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 16 - 11:25 PM

"More powerful than an HO gauge locomotive! Able to leap to conclusions in a single bound!"   (Rapparee's description of Amos)

LOL!!!!!! Wonderful!

"the Ookmeister" (Amos's expression for Chongo) is also quite funny, and I think it will become a popular name for Chongo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 16 - 05:19 PM

Shame, I really don't give a rat's rectum either way. I don't even give a Shame either way, and that's much lower than a rat"s rectum (and mch filthier).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Jan 16 - 12:36 PM

I just got one thing to say.

GO, PATRIOTS GO!!!!!!!!

And...

BRONCOS SUCK!!!

Ha! Ha!

Eat that, Rap!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jan 16 - 09:10 AM

I'm glad all of you with ocular injuries are still able to type despite the difficulties in seeing what you're typing. And it's so cold - careful those eyeballs don't get frostbit!

MOM is wrapped up in extra sweaters and wearing her down-filled mukluks all day and to bed. She's just fine in this cold!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 16 - 08:24 AM

Or bring snow to Sandy Ego! His glance melts banjo in a single bound! More powerful than an HO gauge locomotive! Able to leap to conclusions in a single bound! Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!

Yup, from that hunka blue ice it's a plane.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 16 - 01:45 AM

The Ookmeister and the Booqueman will never see eye to eye. Chongo's eyes are wall ,and crossed in the back, while the steely gaze of the ruthless Rapp would just melt the glass eyes out of a stuffed owl and turn a feckless Canuck to frozen stone in an instant..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 16 - 01:07 PM

So ugly no one can tell, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 21 Jan 16 - 11:22 AM

See...this is the difference between me and Rap. He "looks" like he was in a bar fight last night, but he wasn't. I WAS in a bar fight last night, and not a mark on me. Ook! Ook! :D

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 08:58 PM

Do you jump out of a cake naked and playing the banjo? Do you jump out of a binjo wearing a cake?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 08:16 PM

Glad your new eyeballs ar elooking good, fellers.

Played an open mic Tuesday night, the bar was almost empty but those who were there enjoyed it enough they offered to hire me as party entertainment.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 07:57 PM

No, it's from the surgery. The surgeon had to work at a couple of angles he hadn't expected and so I look like I was in a bar fight. The steroid is an ocular solution of prednisone. I'll be finishing the antibiotic in a week, tapering off the pred for two weeks, and finishing the other at the same time as the pred. Arnica for the black eye; I tried using a beefsteak but the grizzlies fought me for it and the steak got shredded in the fight, as did the grizzlies.

Colors are more vivid, things are more luminous, and I am brighter and better looking...er, looking better...seeing better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 01:28 PM

20/30 is great! Steroids? Black eye? I guess you Westerners are pretty hearty too.

I have Acuvail and Prednisolone drops now. The Zymar is done (one week).

I assume the black eye is from wearing the patch too long, especially if it was taped down very tightly. You did sleep on your "opposite" side or back, eh? No rollover eye mash in the pillow?

Good luck!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 12:11 PM

That is kind of you, dear lady.

gnu, I'm on antibiotic, steroid, and NSAID eye drops. But at the clinic, without my glasses and with swelling and so forth, I tested 20/30 and that should get better as swelling goes down. I also have a heckuva black eye.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 06:34 AM

All day and overnight? I guess we here in the Merrytimes must be a hearty breed. Wait... you don't have to put in eye drops until the next day? Don't know about that part... seems odd. We get a "one-time" eye drop to be put in immediately after taking off the patch and a heavy dose of antibiotics to be taken after our next meal. Three different drops fours times a day for a week, then two of those for two weeks.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck when you see the doc today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 19 Jan 16 - 09:37 PM

Shocking how brutal the medical treatment is in the colonies! If only you had the benefit of our British National Health Plan. I have petitioned the local church congregations all around Twillingsgate to pray strenuously on your behalf.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 16 - 09:20 PM

All day and overnight. I see the doc again at 8 a.m.   Then I'm supposed to sleep with the thing on for a week.

Weren't they supposed to give me anesthesia or something? They strapped me to a bed and started in on my eye. And I thought the doctors wore masks and they didn't use pocketknives no matter how sharp, I recognized a couple of the nurses as bouncers at a local bar, too -- they'd been fired by the Legion for being too rough on lumberjacks and (real) cowboys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 16 - 08:35 PM

Yes, but it's just for three hours. On the other hand, ya do look like The Fly for three hours. That's kinda cool. You can scare people... well... the elderly. Look in a mirror.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 16 - 01:49 PM

When you are near sighted in your right eye and far sighted in your left and your right eye is closed up with tape and a metal eye guard, it's pretty hard to read and stuff even with your glasses on.

Trust me on this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 16 - 08:57 AM

You getting an ass lift?

NPO? For cataract surgery? How odd.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 16 - 06:35 AM

I dare not drink today, or at least this morning, as I have been NPO since midnight, except for a couple of pills and a teensy sip of water. And now I must go, following bravely and courageously in gnu's footsteps, following the road he has trodden smooth leading the way to ocular betterment.

At least I'll look better at the end.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 16 - 02:50 AM

Actually--those are just the labels he puts on the bottles. The actual liquids are Irn Bru and Red Ripple Delight. It's a lot cheaper that way and the net alcohol impact is comparable, he tells me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 16 - 08:30 PM

Nope, still here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 16 - 05:49 PM

Of course I'm still alive!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 16 - 10:20 AM

If none of those are available: Mad Dog 20/20, James Brooks, Kentucky Gentleman, Jameson. You know the score.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 17 Jan 16 - 10:09 PM

Excellent. Your taste is quite discerning.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 16 - 09:05 PM

Liquid valium, dear lady, intravenously.

Otherwise, a glass or two of an evening, with good conversation or reading. I prefer the small barrel, single malt Scotch or Irish, and the small barrel/small batch bourbons. A good cognac or port is also quite nice. 25 year old Talisker or 39 year old Glenfiddich, Pappy Van Winkle's Family Reserve, Remy Martin Louis XIII "Black Pearl" cognac, Dunville's VR Irish, perhaps some Taylor's Fladgate 1863 single harvest tawny port -- I'm certain you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 17 Jan 16 - 07:39 PM

I am sorry to hear of your ocular troubles, gentlemen, but relieved that things seem to be well on the mend.

So, Rapparee, Winston is idly inquiring: How much "happy juice" does it take to satisfy your needs? He says that in his case it only takes a bottle or two, but I fear he is underestimating his capacity if I can judge by his typical weekends at the Vicar's Inn of late...

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 16 - 04:57 PM

Put my second drop of the day in a few minutes ago. The third goes in about 8 p.m., I start the regime of antibiotic tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to the promised happy juice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jan 16 - 04:34 PM

Roight! Me eyes! Thanks for the reminder. I mist instill me drops before I drop asleep again if the next football game is as boring. Unfortunately, for olddude, I fear it may be just.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 16 - 04:30 PM

X


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Looooooooooooong John Sliver
Date: 17 Jan 16 - 02:47 PM

Avast, me hearties! It's been a while since I sailed into this port! Ye scurvy dogs be still at it, I see. What do ye say to a small voyage to Madagascar and points thereabout? They be saying that them Araby ships be loaded with gold and jewels! We'll have a good ship and a good crew for I have taken the "HMS Undoubtable" and fitted her up in Jamaky as the "Bloody Guts." 32 guns and them all 36 pounders! Four swivels as well! She;s provisioned and ready to sail! Are ye willing, ya lubbers, to sail for fame and gold? If ye are make yer mark on the paper!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 16 - 10:46 AM

It saddens me to think that while I was off cavorting at a gig or a dinner party, Mom's quality of life was so seriously compromised. Gentlemen, the Mother of All BS is not a raggle-taggle scrum, or a juvenile free-for-all! We have standards! Please mend your sorry ways in the True Spirit of MOAB!

It ALSO saddens me to think of how much brown beer I drank last night--so much, in fact, that I couldn't remember the lyrics to "Arthur McBride" in correct order. Now THAT is sad!

I am better now, though.

I hope Gnu's eyes are proceeding to heal apace. The Gnuzer always did have an eye for news.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 16 - 10:54 PM

The New England Patriots defeated the Brooklyn Dodgers 27-20.

Shame, I may be a lyre, but you are the one who gets plucked. But then you are but an ignorant blastocyte, a by-product of a berserk oogonium, full of erythrocytes and the tertiary stage of congenitally transmitted Treponema pallidum pallidum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jan 16 - 09:43 PM

Snow? It was supposed to snow. Fuckin weather terrorists been at it for two days. No snow. None. I wish they would shut the fuck up about HOLY FUCK IT'S GONNA SNOW AGAIN. It never was gonna snow ya bastards. Thanks for scaring Mum again. You bastards are lucky I am not a violent man.

Why do they do this? Selling airtime? Oh... yeah... right... that IS what they do. Fuckers.

PATS are going forward!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 16 Jan 16 - 04:13 PM

Yer a flippin' lyre!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 16 - 03:02 PM

Shame? Did I ever mention that you are both a protoplasmic and genetic aberration? After your mother knew she had given birth to an anecephalic zygote she left you on the doorstep of the Sisters of Charity with a note reading "Pleez tak keer uf thiz thang."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 16 Jan 16 - 02:02 PM

Hey, Rapoop? You there? When I want yer flippin' comments OR yer flippin' advise I will ask for it! And until I do? Flip off!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 16 - 12:26 PM

I clearly need to check in more often. I just read back over a couple of pages - it seems Rap's bugle broke Gnu's eyeballs . . . ? ;-)

Stay warm out there. Even Amos, get out a windbreaker for just-in-case.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 10:57 PM

The only men Shame sticks to are, well, you know....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 10:35 PM

Gnu.........Holy Flip, man! Ruogh time yer havin', eh? You got my simpathy for sure, eh? If I lived near youse I would send over some firewood and some hard likker and a pizza to help you get thru. Mabye some dope too. We Canadian men got to stick togehter thru the hard times, know'm sayin'?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 10:30 PM

My beach/swim shoes came yesterday, along with the board shorts and a rashguard. My second rashguard (red) came today.

21C is close enough to 70F. And -11C tonight, why, that's 12F! We'd kill for a high of 12F! My office, banked into the side of a hill, is currently -6, and that's Kelvin! The electrons no longer flow though the semiconductors (nonconductors?) or the wiring in the house. The very air has frozen into chunks! My gracious, at 12F we'd find it too hot to do anything! But we're tough! Just ask the members of the Idaho Legion -- they couldn't LIVE anywhere else!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 06:42 PM

I came to around at 2:30. Pee (prostate eh?). It was cold but I went back to the bunk and tried to resleep in various positions... nope. BUT, I stayed in the bunk until 6:30. It was too bloody cold to get up! I just fired up the electric furnace and turned of the heat pump (wall mounted mini-split) on Wednesday during the snowstorm. I didn't get the setting right. So, it was TOO BLOODY COLD! 16C. Now, when I was 285#... no problem. Now... problem.

So, at 6:30, I fired up the furnace. It's now 17:30 and the furnace has been running all day. At 13:00, I turned on all the incandescent light bulbs in the house. At 14:00, I turned on the oven... 400F... in anticipation of cooking a pizza at 16:00 just to add to the heating.

It's now 21C, my bedroom door is shut, the bedroom plenum is blanked for sleeping temp and the oven is off. I have a hoodie on whilst I sit in my office and my fingers are not cold. I shall attempt to adjust the thermostat such that the house does not overheat with the coming warm-up for the impending snow from the south.

Wish me luck. I am sorry to have to report this dire news as I know all of you are concerned about my welfare. On another note, with any luck, Amos will survive as well, even though the smug fucker probably just had to put on a sweater and maybe even socks before he put on his sandshoes in the past while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 07:13 AM

Lazy-Boy is the answer, Rap. Next best would be a horse collar (neck) pillow. Place a pillow under your back to take off the neck strain. It's a bit tricky to get the neck pillow just right between the pillows under one's back and head but I managed it. I tried it on night five, fell asleep on my back, came to several hours later on my side, got up, and sacked out in the Lazy-Boy. Luckily, the neck pillow acted to prevent "eye mash".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 16 - 10:30 PM

Oh, I say! I'll have to have the butler and/or maid stand by and gently turn me back when I attempt to roll over. I most certainly do not wish to damage a surgically wounded eye any more than need be!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jan 16 - 07:46 PM

I get to sleep in my bed tonight! Been sleeping in the Lazy-Boy since January 4 to make sure I stayed on my back. Last night, I woke (awoke? awakened? wakened?... came to) in the wee hours on my left side so the Lazy-Boy is no longer the mid-night spin inhibitor it was when I absolutely could not allow my eyes to do the pillow mash. Of course, I shall endeavour to sleep on my back. On my back? Sleep on my back? How odd a thing to say. Rather, I shall attempt to sleep tits up. I expect that won't last long as it's not a natural thing for an animal to bed down with it's soft underbelly exposed to marauding carnivores. To sleep, perchance to dream and roll over — ay, there's the rub on yer eyes.


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