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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 28 Apr 06 - 09:01 PM
Little Hawk 28 Apr 06 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 06:09 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 04:59 PM
Little Hawk 28 Apr 06 - 03:33 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Apr 06 - 02:22 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 02:21 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 02:11 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 01:50 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 01:13 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 01:10 PM
Acme 28 Apr 06 - 01:03 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 12:09 PM
GUEST,Wilmer 28 Apr 06 - 12:04 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 12:03 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 11:37 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 09:34 AM
Acme 28 Apr 06 - 12:58 AM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 11:59 PM
Acme 27 Apr 06 - 11:54 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 11:32 PM
Amos 27 Apr 06 - 10:59 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 04:01 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 03:56 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 03:15 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 03:11 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM
Amos 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM
Acme 27 Apr 06 - 02:45 PM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 02:26 PM
Amos 27 Apr 06 - 01:31 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 10:24 AM
Amos 27 Apr 06 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 27 Apr 06 - 09:07 AM
MMario 27 Apr 06 - 08:48 AM
Alba 27 Apr 06 - 06:47 AM
Acme 27 Apr 06 - 01:29 AM
Acme 27 Apr 06 - 01:28 AM
Acme 27 Apr 06 - 01:27 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 27 Apr 06 - 12:39 AM
Amos 26 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM
Amos 26 Apr 06 - 09:14 PM
Amos 26 Apr 06 - 07:05 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 06 - 06:29 PM
Bunnahabhain 26 Apr 06 - 06:25 PM
Amos 26 Apr 06 - 09:58 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:01 PM

GIves a whole new look at the word "motivation", huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 07:22 PM

"marine crocodiles have also been known to attach outboard motors"

No kidding! Man they must really move at a good clip that way. ;-D There are some pretty smart animals out there, I must say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 06:09 PM

Croc 1, chainsaw 0.

The news says that the chainsaw probably won't be repairable.

They think that the noise bothered the croc, because marine crocodiles have also been known to attach outboard motors. This being the case I'm surprised these crocs are still extant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 04:59 PM

Who won -- the croc, or the chainsaw?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 03:33 PM

He's a busy man, Wilmer. He has a life. Keep checking in, though, don't give up. Hope springs eternal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM

I had this sign posted in my computer room. It was true then and it's true now:

"The is no problem with computers that cannont be solved by the calculation and placement of the correct amount of high explosive."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:22 PM

Rap, you really ought to start quoting the original source for your wonders of literature, and give us their Childish numbers.

As for tech support, you don't need any of that fancy stuff. Try a hammer, some kicking, and alot of cursing. It worked on the tractor today, and it almost got water to the pigs....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:21 PM

Dear MOM;

Just a quick note to let you know the workplace is sending me to training all next week. I don't know if I'll be home for supper or not.

Love,

MMario


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:11 PM

*grin* Wouldn't I love to? then there are the users who install a mail client we *know* doesn't work and complain because we tell them not to use it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 01:50 PM

Here's something I learned that may well help: shut it all down and the problem goes away.

Aren't you glad that you mentioned the problem and I was here to help you solve it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 01:13 PM

unfortunately we've already had 4 internal techs and 2 techs onsite from time-warner plus several tech off-site from time-Warner (they provide our trunk lines) working on it for 4 days and they still don't know what is happening or why. *AND* it's an intermittant problem. a real bugger to track down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 01:10 PM

Just tell them they are a special case and their situation is being elevated to the top scientists for analysis. At least, it makes them feel important. Tell them they may have to sign an NDA and a profit-sharing agreement if its what you think it is.

LOL!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 01:03 PM

"Thirty-five minutes" is the correct answer. It's just in the margin of time people will wait, and they are less likely to notice when an hour has passed as they wait. Try that next time. (It worked great at the cave where I worked years ago. If there weren't enough people to run a tour and this was the first query, we had them wait at least 35 minutes hoping someone else would come along.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 12:09 PM

sorry - I had a bad case of help desk overload yesterday. lemmee tell you, people prefer *any* line of BS rather then the truth when the truth is something they don't like.

The trouble is, it is extremely hard to come up with anything other then "we don't know what the problem is, we are working on it, and no, we cannot estimate a time for the problem to be resolved as we don't know what the problem is yet" when that is the situation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Wilmer
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 12:04 PM

Where's Shatner today?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 12:03 PM

Actually, a guy was cutting up a fallen tree when the croc attacked the chainsaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 11:38 AM

I would have to assume the chainsaw was not running?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 11:37 AM

What's up Down Under? I just read a news report that a crocodile attacked at chainsaw at Corroboree Park Tavern near Darwin. Thing chewed on the saw for about 90 minutes; pretty much ruined it, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:34 AM

You can keep any golf balls you find...and I found TWO yesterday. What better inducement can I offer than that? Cut the lawn, find golf balls and keep them. What a deal!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 12:58 AM

No, but I'll send my dogs up to chew on it a little. They are like a couple of goats out in the back yard, always munching away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 11:59 PM

It's supposed to be nice up here -- wanna come cut my grass?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 11:54 PM

Tomorrow's Friday! Yess! I'm ready for the weekend. . . too bad it's supposed to rain. Mom, make it not rain until after I finish mowing the lawn, please.

(I'll go do something else now while the boys keep beating up on MMario)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 11:32 PM

Heck, you jist wanna see iffen I kin out-cuss you. Well, I kin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 10:59 PM

The answer is that it is not in fact preferable to many people, who can handle the honesty and a bit of spark without crumpling. However those who are badly overburdened, emotionally, go bozo at the slightest provocation. So a little politesse goes a long way to making the wheels of social interaction turn more smoothly. Any jabberwock knows that, MM. What the fuck is the matter with you? Keee-rist man! Get a grip!

A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 04:01 PM

ah! I see. "brownnose" triggered my reaction, but I'd still rather see the profanities right out then wonder what the ^&(*^%*^$*^() stands for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 03:56 PM

The first is my way of being polite and obsequious and fawning and nice. The second is my usual attitude.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 03:15 PM

The former. true or untrue. that is if you mean true "brown-nosing", rather then indifferent politeness or habitual politeness, or the type that occurs to prevent harm to a third party.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 03:11 PM

Would you rather be called a whey-faced, fistulous, stealing, gutter-crawling, shallow, thoughtless, lickspittle or a @#$!!ing $(#@(!@#%%!! of a !!!@#!$#^&!ing !<@!#%! brownnoser?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM

good thing I've got a dentist appointment this month then! And I see what you mean about the taste.

On a serious note - why is it that hypocritical politeness is more acceptable (in general) then brash-faced but honest venom? Even if the latter does not include scatology or blasphemy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:56 PM

Well, if yer being sickly sweet on the outside, and not feeling thet way on the inside, the dissonance can wreak havoc with yer immune system or your ductless glands.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM

No, it cannot make you diabetic but it CAN rot your teeth. And it takes like forever to get that taste out of your mouth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:53 PM

shucks, golly gee, SRS - I'm not looking for approval. I figure I'll get smacked down if I do wrong - and my Daddy always said - no need to thank a person for what you should do in the first place. (come to think of it, that *is* one of the things about the way I was raised that rankled.)

and they were seperate incidents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:45 PM

Looks like little Leo has been out running around Mudcatland, then come back to MOM to see if she approves. What have you been up to, dear? Sweetness AND getting attacked by the nasty MG?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 02:26 PM

hey MOM! or fellow MOABites.

I gotta question.


Can being sickeningly sweet and polite make you contract diebetes? Or can it effect the blood sugar levels of diabetics reading such?

Just wanna make sure I'm not causing any medical emergencies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:31 PM

Now yer comin' oyut in style, Rap!! I always knew you had a creative genius lurking behind them bookish looks.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 10:24 AM

Perhaps in her Rowdy Ramblin' days.

I am a young man who has gone wrong
Fiddly foodly fee,
I am a young who has gone wrong
So you sit still and list to my song,
Foodly fiddly fee.

Chorus (ad nauseam):
Sing foodly fiddly fiddly foo,
Rarely rearly roo
I am a young man
Who has gone wrong
And I'll swing for it
But not for this song,
Mumblety rootelee dee.

I took my sword and I took my gun,
Fiddly foodly fee,
And I left dear MOAB on the run
And took to the highway to have some fun,
Foodly fiddly fee.

I robbed the poor and I robbed the rich
Fiddly foodly fee,
I robbed the poor and I robbed the rich,
And even Lord Backstrap, that sonuvabitch,
Foodly fiddly fee.

Fair young maids I kissed each day,
Fiddly foodly fee,
Fair young maids I kissed each day,
And with some rolled in the fresh-cut hay,
Foodly fiddly fee.

I diddled Lord Backstrap's daughter fair
Fiddly foodly fee,
I diddled Lord Backstrap's daughter fair,
And how his servants they did stare,
Fiddly foodly fee.

They took me up and threw me in gaol,
Fiddly, etc.
They took me up and threw me in gaol,
With a splintery cot and a stinking pail
Fiddly, etc.

Tomorrow morning I'll be hung,
Fiddly, etc.
Tomorrow morning I'll be...hung,
Aw, shit man! You think I'm happy about it, doncha?
You think I'm one of those romantic twits who robbed the rich and gave to the poor! Bull! I robbed them both and kept it! And spent it, too! Well, I want a lawyer! I want an appeal, damnit!
At least a reprieve! Better yet, a pardon! I'll do gross and disgusting things for a pardon! I'll become a Republic...well, no, better dead than red....

             --From the singing of "Big" Johnny Littlejohn, ca. 1712.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 09:10 AM

Say, Rapaire! Did yon Maybelline ever meet one Rasty Rusty Raritan, the Rambling Rip-roarer? Seems like they might have met somehow.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 09:07 AM

I'm an old MOABite poster
I wallow in its muck,
And for these other posters
I do not give a...shuck,
I'll tell all those do-gooders
Just where they all can go,
Saying I don't want your opinions, man,
I like the status quo.

I'm erudite and really smart,
I can post in Latin too!
I've posted so much BS here
Politicians kiss my shoe.
I'm talented and musical
I play an instrument or six,
And I know the diff between E-flat
A glissando and a pick.

Someday when I'm dead and gone
And all this pain is o'er,
I'll spend Eternity with Mom,
And post and post some more.
'Cause Mom's the best there ever was,
The best that you Khandu,
And I'll post in Pictish, Greek and fred
But rarely in Urdu.
          -- Maybelline Nolver, The Unrepentant MOABite
             (Moab, Utah: Privately Published, fl.1831).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 08:48 AM

woo-hoo! I have *arrived*! Martin Gibson took a crack at me! I feel, oh, how to say it, fulfilled ?


no - that's not quite right, but I do feel something...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Alba
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 06:47 AM

Refresh....ing


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:29 AM

:-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:28 AM

You have to crack a smile at that one!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 01:27 AM

With a slight modification:

With all respect I do not care
Fer numbers being claimed.
The divil lays a hand on Mom
Will find out who I am,


Paying attention to where Flamenco Ted is these days, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 12:39 AM

A crack in the Universe...is that like when a galactic plumber bends over?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM

The American Institute of Physics Bulletin of Physics News
Number 775 April 26, 2006 by Phillip F. Schewe, Ben Stein, and
Davide Castelvecchi
                
LOOKING FOR A CRACK IN THE UNIVERSE, in the form of very faint field
pervading the Cosmos, one that exerts a force on electron spin,
would be equivalent to the end of Lorentz invariance. Lorentz
invariance is the proposition that says that the laws of physics are
the same for an observer at rest on the Earth or one who is rotated
through some angle or traveling at a constant speed relative to the
observer at rest. An important ingredient in Einstein's theory of
special relativity, Lorentz invariance has been borne out in
numerous experiments. A new experiment conducted at the University
of Washington has sought such an anomalous field and not found it
even at an energy scale no larger than 10^-21 eV. This is the most
stringent search yet (by a factor of 100) for
Lorentz-invariance-violating effects involving electrons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:14 PM



Kathleen Antonelli, 85, computer pioneer
By Sally A. Downey
Inquirer Staff Writer

Kathleen McNulty Mauchly Antonelli, 85, of Ambler, one of the original
programmers of the first electronic computer, died of cancer Thursday at
Keystone Hospice in Wyndmoor....She was inducted into
the Women in Technology International Hall of Fame, and recognized for
her many contributions to the history of early digital computing in America.



Sic Transit Gloria Binarii

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 07:05 PM

Molly is that faint voice that still echoes in the back of our minds every day singing and lilting Yes, yes I will, yes, yes.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 06:29 PM

Molly? The bolt or my wife's car? If the latter she'll be very upset that someone else is selling it, mostly because she still has payments to make on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 06:25 PM

Oddly enough, I've just spent most of the day sealing up Bunnie-Holes, or at least holes big enough for bunnies round the base of a Poly-Tunnel. Rabbits and Radishes don't mix at all well...


Google has decided that the closest thing to MOAB it can sell us is Molly. Molly! Most sensible people would pay good money to avoid it, and certainly avoid the pubs with Molly dancers in, for no other reason than thay are about to run dry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:58 AM

I'm a good ole MOAB sojer,
An' that is whut I am
And fer yer pink salvation,
I do not give a damn
I've written things on MOAB
It feels like twenny years
But I flung me lots of fine BS
While hanging on 'round hyere.

I do not care fer fly-by-nights
Or hollow power grabs.
I like a joke whut is a joke,
Like ya find here on MOAB
AN' not them pearly wonders
The collared kind let fall,
Which they assert all serious-like,
Thuh biggest joke of all.

With all respect I do not care
Fer threats of bein' damned.
The divil lays a hand on me
Will find out who I am,
And as fer yer ascensions,
I don't care to pass yore test.
So I think I'll stay on the MOAB
Where life still has some zest.

I can't take to the streets no more,
Like we did in '68.
But I ain't about to be yer sheep,
No, sheep will have to wait.
And I will not pray to anyone
To forgive for what I am.
And I don't want yer salvation, sir,
And I do not give a damn.


Rasty Rusty Raritan, the Rambling Rip-roarer
"Songs Full of Rs"
Wallaby Dammed Publishing
Incontinence, New South Wales, 1939


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