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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 10 Feb 06 - 09:33 AM
Rapparee 10 Feb 06 - 09:31 AM
Amos 10 Feb 06 - 09:16 AM
Rapparee 10 Feb 06 - 09:12 AM
John MacKenzie 10 Feb 06 - 04:21 AM
Acme 10 Feb 06 - 01:10 AM
Acme 10 Feb 06 - 01:10 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 09:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Feb 06 - 09:24 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 08:57 PM
Amos 09 Feb 06 - 08:04 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 06 - 06:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Feb 06 - 06:49 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 06:42 PM
Amos 09 Feb 06 - 06:25 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 04:41 PM
Acme 09 Feb 06 - 04:39 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 04:14 PM
Amos 09 Feb 06 - 02:06 PM
Acme 09 Feb 06 - 01:48 PM
Amos 09 Feb 06 - 01:43 PM
Amos 09 Feb 06 - 11:46 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 10:18 AM
John MacKenzie 09 Feb 06 - 05:09 AM
Rustic Rebel 08 Feb 06 - 11:59 PM
Acme 08 Feb 06 - 11:52 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 09:50 PM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 08:16 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 04:56 PM
MMario 08 Feb 06 - 03:36 PM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 03:27 PM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 02:41 PM
MMario 08 Feb 06 - 02:11 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 02:09 PM
John MacKenzie 08 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM
MMario 08 Feb 06 - 12:16 PM
John MacKenzie 08 Feb 06 - 11:59 AM
JennyO 08 Feb 06 - 11:48 AM
Acme 08 Feb 06 - 11:47 AM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 11:46 AM
MMario 08 Feb 06 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM
John MacKenzie 08 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM
Acme 08 Feb 06 - 11:07 AM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 10:51 AM
Acme 08 Feb 06 - 10:39 AM
John MacKenzie 08 Feb 06 - 10:33 AM
JennyO 08 Feb 06 - 09:26 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 06 - 09:33 AM

What difference does it make which pen you use. sirrah? You are a saucy varlet. Pen, sir? Pen? Nay, a poor workman always dreams of tools that will make him a good one, and finds them not.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 06 - 09:31 AM

Oh, if I but had the pen that wrote that song, what other wonders could I not scribe?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 06 - 09:16 AM

It's gotta be you, Rapaire. No-one else has the combination of lingual dexterity and spiritual bent required.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 06 - 09:12 AM

This is a real song, like the Cramps Badass one. It's done by a group called the County Medical Examiners.

When unidentified remains are relinquished to our care
That are so decayed and liquefied as to make diagnosis quite a chore
When the putrescent canvas of death is teeming with bristling life
With tiny anthropoid stowaways nestled in every pore...
My autopsy technicians mistake the corpse shudder for a cadaveric spasm
But upon closer inspection they witness the nauseating wave of insect activity
The feasting and chatter drowns the neon hum from the morgue lamps and fans
And the ambient temperature rises 5 degrees as their chitinous bodies skitter in putridity...

The corpse is alive...reanimated through entomological means
The John Doe swells...as parasitic activity literally bursts through his seams
Seeping rivers of eggs...hatching larvae are hurriedly washed down the drain
Call the Forensic Entomologist...everyone knows he's got bugs on the brain...
...Carcass hive...
...Cadaverine nest...

The Forensic Entomologist is a specialist in this field
Of which there are three separate and distinct components
The Urban field deals with insect/human environment matters
Stored-Products handles infestation of commodities and products...
But the one that we require is the Medicolegal Entomology field
With its eccentric bug experts and their forensic Ph.D.'s
They've classified and catalogued their necrophilous winged friends
And can determine PMI by the stadiums and stages of insect activity...
...Blowflies...spiders...beetles...mites and lice...
...Maggots...larvae...pupa...hatch and fly...
...Crawling...squirming...breeding...burrowing...
...Medicocriminal entomology...

The Forensic Entomologist will analyze the cadaveric colonization
Taking samples and noting the current state of the Blowfly population
After determining the extent of the recent Coleoptera infestation
He will estimate the time of death so that we may continue with the examination...
...When tissue liquefies and attracts the clavicorn ...
...The flies are drawn and oviposit their eggs...
...From this predictable process, tiny maggots are born...
...Named Instar Larvae, which then grow to Prepupae...

The maggot molts through three instar stages, plumping as they gnaw
Colonies hatch together and migrate across the corpse as a collective group
As a result of this infestation, they disseminate bacteria and secrete enzymes
Which enable nearly all of the soft tissue to be dissolved and consumed...
Depending on the habitat and the abundance of the region
The expert can determine if the Diptera is currently in season
Whether the Bottle fly prefers bright sunlight or shade
And if the Coleopteran is nocturnal or active during the day...
Oviposited eggs encrust the natural orifices and moist recesses
Maggots swim in wound sites consuming rotting necrotic flesh
The examiner's gloved hand is thrust wrist-deep in this bug colony
Searching through the thriving mush for additional squirming evidence...
...Parasitic swarm...
...Maggot colony...
...Blowflies...spiders...beetles...mites and lice...
...Maggots...larvae...pupa...hatch and fly...
...Crawling...squirming...breeding...burrowing...
...Medicocriminal entomology...


Ain't music grand? Perhaps someone could do this song at Getaway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Feb 06 - 04:21 AM

Anything by the Beetles?
One Million Years BC [Before Cockroach?] Associate director Hal Roach.
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 06 - 01:10 AM

oops. . . that should be "Flower Bug Song"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 06 - 01:10 AM

How about "A Hundred Million Cockroaches" or "I Enjoy Being a Bug" or perhaps even "Bug, Look Away" (Flower Drum Song)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 09:33 PM

Here's one for Gregor then. It's from Cramps Badass.

ow!....i got the bug! i got the bug, i got the bug i got the great big badass bug i got the bug, mop, got the bug i got the great big badass bug i was hangin' around, mindin' my own watch the girls dance watchin' them goin' then it happened, jumped outta my skin know i'll never be the same again i got the bug..... now i know why these badass girls twitch and squirm, twist and twirl they're get bitten same as me they wiggle they jiggle, they shout whoopee!... i got the bug...... buggabuggabuggabuggabugga-me-baby buggabuggabuggabuggabugga-me-baby buggabuggabuggabuggabugga-mop-oo i got the bug..... pointy shoes, the devil's dance badass dolls in skintight pants badass world in a tailspin i ain't never goin' back again i got the bug......

Don't never say I didn't help you out with artistic-type stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 09:24 PM

Yes Rapaire, I appreciate it. And Gregor appreciates it too, though he keeps reminding me that he's not really a roach, just a big insect of indefinite species. I have to keep explaining to him that its musical theater, not Entymology 401. Sometimes you just have to take a few liberties if you want people to come back to their seats after intermission.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 08:57 PM

Here. I ripped one of...wrote one just for you, Bee-Dub:

Underside Story - Roach Song

When you're a roach you're a roach all the way
From your first taste of crud
'Til you're stomped in the clay.
When you're a roach let them do what they can
There are others around
You're a family man
You're never alone
You're never disconnected
You're home with your own
When company's expected
You're unprotected
Then you are a roach with a Capital R
Which you'll never forget 'till you're caught in a jar
Scuttle short!
We always scuttle short!
We're roaches!
The scuttlest!
When you're a roach you're the top bug in town
In the Gold Medal bag, in the grease that's so brown
When you're a roach you're the swingin'est thing
Little egg, you're a roach, Little roach you're the king!
The roaches in gear
Our exoskeletons's are clickin'
The flies'll steer clear
Of our old grease and chicken!
Here come the roaches like a bat outta hell
Someone stomps on our way, well, we won't feel so well!
Here comes the light!
Little roach, step aside!
Better go underground!
Better run, Better hide!
Here come the roaches!
Yeah!


I hope that you appreciate it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 08:04 PM

In other news, new spinal nerve links for rats!

"TWO antibodies that enabled the severed spinal nerves of rats to be regenerated are to be tested in humans.

The antibodies have helped rats with damaged spinal cords to walk again, by blocking the action of Nogo, a protein that stops nerve cells sprouting new connections. But there were concerns about whether blocking Nogo would lead to uncontrolled neuronal rewiring in the brain or spinal cord and it was also unclear how such a therapy could be given to humans.

Now Martin Schwab and his colleagues at the University of Zurich in Switzerland have infused two antibodies, 11C7 and 7B12, into the damaged spinal cords of rats. An osmotic mini-pump connected to a fine catheter was used to deliver the antibodies directly into the cerebrospinal fluid surrounding the injured part of the spinal cord - a method of delivery that could easily be applied to humans, they say. The antibodies triggered regeneration of axons, the fine thread-like extensions that connect neurons, and enabled injured rats to swim, cross the rungs of a ladder without slipping and traverse a narrow beam (Annals of Neurology, vol 58, p 706).

Moreover, the antibodies did not cause hyperalgesia, a condition in which even a simple touch is sensed as pain - a sign that would have indicated wrong neuronal connections had been made.

Schwab's team has been developing antibodies that are suitable for humans in collaboration with pharmaceutical giant Novartis. He says they intend to begin clinical trials lasting two to three years in the very near future.

"There is sufficient experimental evidence to view these trials with some optimism," says Robin Franklin, a neuroscientist at the University of Cambridge."

(NEw Scientist magazine).

And Freeman Dyson is worried about hipporoos in the living room:

"When children start to play with real genes, evolution as we know it will change forever, argues physicist and futurist Freeman Dyson:

IT HAS become part of the accepted wisdom to say that the 20th century was the century of physics and the 21st century will be the century of biology. Two facts about this century are agreed by almost everyone. Biology is now bigger than physics, as measured by the size of budgets, by the size of the workforce or by the output of major discoveries, and biology is likely to remain the biggest part of science through the 21st century. Biology is also more important than physics, as measured by its economic consequences, by its ethical implications or by its effects on human welfare.

These facts raise an interesting question. Will the domestication of technology, which we have seen marching from triumph to triumph with the advent of personal computers, GPS receivers and digital cameras, soon be extended from physical technology to biotechnology? I believe the answer is yes."...




So, just extrapolating a bit, what sort of Lego Monsters would you like to build with YOUR Junior Gene-Engineer kit? Mebbe Fleeing Broccolis? They'd have widdle legs to run away on whenever they say a fork coming. Mebbe brain-folding multipliers -- a microorganism that gives you twice the connections in half the skull-space? Or a salad dressing that automatically covers all the salad? Spiders that could download instructions to waterproof the roof with plasticized silk? Snails that lived on doggy-doodoo?



This is trippy stuff, man...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 06:51 PM

Shane is always going on about liberrians. He doesn't like them, nor they him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 06:49 PM

Hi, Mom! I'm composing plagiarizing a musical version of Kafka's "Metamorphosis" and need to blatantly rip off a few more songs from Broadway musicals. So far I've got "I'm Just a Bug Who Can't Say No", "I'm Gonna Wash That Cockroach Out of My Hair", "The Best Little Roach Motel in Texas" and "There's Something About a Bug Like Gregor". Any ideas?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 06:42 PM

Make it "MARC subfields on his cuff."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 06:25 PM

I see you are a liberryan
And not just a common tough;
For none but a liberryan
Writes LC Codes on his cuff!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 04:41 PM

Us liberryans don't pump no iron. We pump paper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 04:39 PM

Couldn't think of anything else, but wondered what damage might be done by that volume of paper going kersplat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 04:14 PM

You have book worms in your toes??? Have you tried a good foot powder? I'll bet it's just athelete's foot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 02:06 PM

Gee, Stilly, ya just spoiled the whole mood! LOL!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 01:48 PM

. . .crushing a book worm in the process


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 01:43 PM

They towered over his shoulders,
They quite obscured his nose,
I woud havwe tried to warn him,
But he dropped them on my toes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 11:46 AM

My ex was a librarian
There's none like him today!
He could quote you half of Liebniz
And all of Henry Clay.

When young, he came to see me
And floored me with his looks!
He stood upon my doorsill
With fifty-two used books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 10:18 AM

I shall arise and go to Blackfoot
And there a wattle branch library rebuild...

When he was young my brother wanted a red convertible. Specifically, he wanted a red Studebaker, about vintage of 1950. Mostly he wanted the little propeller-type thing in the middle of the grill, which he want to make spin around like a true propeller. Of course, at four years old he wasn't likely to get one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 05:09 AM

As I sat down one evening, within a small cafe
A bald spotted, blonde haired floozie, these words to me did say.
"I see you're sport car driver, my ex husband was one of those,
And he was a cheating bastard" Then she bopped me on the nose.
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:59 PM

Maybe if you find a blonde floozie with a bald spot on the back of her head, your wife will give in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:52 PM

Well that's easy to fix, Rap! Just come near and I'll get out my electric razor. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:50 PM

I thought they just came with it, like windshield wipers and a steering wheel.

'Sokay. I just realized I'd need a bald spot in the back of my head and I don't have one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 08:16 PM

Based on that I suggest the whole impulse was bogus, sir -- you are obviously too well house-broken to have even ASKED for a girl accessory for your sports car.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 04:56 PM

Well, I'm blonde. And I like expensive booze, fine crystal, and stuff like that. For the rest you'll have to ask my wife.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 03:36 PM

Rapaire - are you saying you are an expensive blonde floozie?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 03:31 PM

Well of course, Rapaire, you are also an acquired taste, often at great expense and travail. But anyway, I meant OTHER blonde floozies.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 03:27 PM

She was attracted to me....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM

Maybe she's not attracted to blonde floozies -- it's an acquired taste...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 02:41 PM

I dunno. I thought it was all pretty standard stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 02:11 PM

so - she doesn't like red, or she doesn't like sunglasses? What was the problem?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 02:09 PM

You betcha! That's why I wanted a little red sports car, a pair of expensive sunglasses, an even more expensive blonde floozie as a car accessory. But my wife said something about purple pigs flying through a frozen hell, so I my experience with "male menopause" was stifled at the outset.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM

I told you men suffer from the menopause.
G


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 12:16 PM

SRS - since I am now dealing with my fourth generation of menopausal women in my family I know far more then I as a male ever had any desire to know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:59 AM

Talking of bowel-like movements, and keeping things 'off the bottom' remind me of the guy who used to play by ear. One day he got in dire trouble, which of course meant he had dire-ear.
But he did enjoy a good run for his money.
That's put the cat among the penguins!!
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:48 AM

maintaining the proper bowel-like flow

Yeah, you could say she just keeps moo-ooving right along......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:47 AM

There's a lot you don't know about menopause!

Crones rule!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:46 AM

That is only true of monthly flows, old feller. Not hourly or more frequent ones, and not logorheic ones like ours. I think you have your ends mixed up. We try to keep Mom off the bottom around here!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:41 AM

You will note that the inertial force of over 11 x 10 cubed posts is maintaining the proper bowel-like flow here at the MOAB. I doubt at this point much could deflect her course. - except of course should Mom hit menopause - in which cas her course would not be deflected but become irregular and then cease.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM

What bothers me is the name of the Strait of Juan de Fucha, not Puget Sound. You see, after Juan the Fucha entered the Sound and found only Seattle, he said, "Aw, Pug it!" and sailed away. Later, after his ship was wrecked of Titlek in Alaska, the logbook was found. Juan wasn't a very good speller and had much worse handwriting, and what he'd entered looked like "Pooj et" but as one word. Later on, when the people complained about the noise coming from Seattle drifting across the water of "Pujet" (as it was then called) the newspapers started playing up the beauty of the "Pujet Sound." From there it was one a type on a government map to the name we know today.

As for Juan de Fucha, he was originally from Brooklyn where they pronounced "the" at "de." When the ship he commanded sailed between the landfalls and into what became Puget Sound, Juan was playing poker and held the cards four through eight, although of different suits. Like Wild Bill Hickock's "Aces and Eights" later on, this took Juan's name and was known as the "Straight of Juan De Fucha." A cartographer ran out of the letters "g" and "h" and printed it as "Strait of Juan de Fuca", but the "h" has put back in Juan's nickname later on.

Juan's real name, let it be remember, was really Jean-Jacques Casanova and he was French.

Now you know the whole story.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM

Not unless there's a cow in the month SRS, at which time of course the world is your lobster.
G


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:07 AM

I pulled out the dictionary myself and did a double check on "finny" then sent a note about the word along with the words to add to the DT.

I also scanned the page and sent the music to MMario, who can add it in in some form or other to the file.

Sorry about accidentally turning our fine BS thread into a Music thread. Does this mean we get to move above the line today?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 10:51 AM

Finny denizens of the Sound, and other places, will be glad to hear that finny is a perfectly accceptable word.

ADJECTIVE: Inflected forms: fin·ni·er, fin·ni·est
1. Having a fin or fins. 2. Resembling a fin; finlike. 3. Of, relating to, or full of fish.

Puget, on the other hand, is a word I have never been comfortable with. And, well, I have to ask, if there was no-one about to hear a puget sound, would it still make a noise?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 10:39 AM

My dad wrote a song called "Notice to Mariners" that fits in here. And since I bothered to transcribe it from the book where it is published, I'll also add it to the DT.

Notice to Mariners

Come all you Northwest sailors, who cruise on Puget Sound,
And listen to my story, for well it will astound;
'Tis of a ferry captain, who ventured forth one day,
And of the fate befell him, as he sailed on the bay.

The ferry left Seattle, 'twas on a foggy day,
The captain had no worries, for well he knew the way;
He headed 'cross the water, where finny things abound,
And set his course for Bremerton, across famed Puget Sound.

Now all good skippers have a trick, who sail these waters 'round,
And when the fog is thickest, 'tis then they steer by sound;
Full several times a minute, their whistle loud they blow,
And by the echo bouncing, when land is close they know.

The ferry neared Rich Passage, a place of rocks and shoals,
And narrow as an hourglass, as past Point White she goes;
The captain slowed the ferry, and not to run aground,
He blew upon his whistle, and listened for the sound.

Now, a farmer on Point Glover, across the neck from White,
Had tied his cow that foggy morn, upon lush grass to bite;
So several times a minute, the ferry's whistle blew,
And as the captain listened, the echo came back "Moo!"

The captain turned the vessel, still steering by the sound,
And guided by that silly cow, the ferry ran aground;
So all you Northwest sailors, give listen to me now,
And when you cruise on Puget Sound, don't navigate by cow!

Copyright 1974 John Dwyer
All Rights Reserved

Note: "finny" isn't a typo, at least on my part. I'm not sure about that word, but if it isn't a typo, then he knew what it meant and used it on purpose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 10:33 AM

Forgot to sound her horn did she?
G


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:26 AM

I'm sure Charley Noble won't mind me putting his song about a falling cow on here - it seems apt! Based on a true story too, apparently!

A Cowardly Act

Words by Charlie Ipcar � 1998
Tune: adapted from traditional Irish "The Son of a Gambolier"

Now you've heard of the Titanic, an iceberg her demise;
You've heard of Amelia Earhart, whose plane plunged from the skies;
But have you heard of the Kasii Maru, her fate true tragedy;
When she was sunk by a falling cow while trawling on the sea?

Refrain:
While trawling on the sea, me lads, while trawling on the sea,
When she was sunk by a falling cow while trawling on the sea.

This cowardly act took place, 'tis said, in nineteen-ninety-seven,
The Kasii Maru cruised the Sea of Japan, no eye was turned to Heaven;
When suddenly from overhead there came a plaintive "Moooo!"
It was udder terror for her crew as that boat was stove in two.

That boat was stove in two, me lads, that boat was stove in two,
It was udder terror for her crew as that boat was stove in two.

"How could a cow," you might well ask, "fall from the sky above?"
They have no wings to ride the winds, unlike the turtledove;
The truth would surely challenge the most bizarre criteria
That cow'd been rustled by Russians from her pasture in Siberia.

Her pasture in Siberia, me lads, that her pasture in Siberia,
That cow'd been rustled by Russians from her pasture in Siberia.

Those Russians loaded up that cow on a military jet,
They'd not been flying long before Bossy became upset;
She began to thrash about and threatened to stampede,
In panic they opened the cargo doors at 30,000 feet.

At 30,000 feet, me lads, at 30,000 feet,
In panic they opened the cargo doors at 30,000 feet.

And so it was that cow dashed out into the skies so blue,
She struck the trawler far below-w-w, and sore perplexed her crew;
But them fishermen they all survived and lived to tell the tale;
They'll soon be milking royalties when their agent makes a sale.

When their agent makes a sale, me lads, when their agent makes a sale,
They'll soon be milking royalties when their agent makes a sale.


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