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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 03 Jan 05 - 12:50 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 05 - 12:06 PM
MMario 03 Jan 05 - 11:47 AM
Bill D 03 Jan 05 - 11:40 AM
GUEST,Tweed 03 Jan 05 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 03 Jan 05 - 10:23 AM
GUEST 03 Jan 05 - 09:10 AM
Amos 03 Jan 05 - 08:25 AM
Acme 03 Jan 05 - 01:46 AM
Amos 02 Jan 05 - 06:49 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 05 - 03:33 PM
Acme 02 Jan 05 - 02:21 PM
Tweed 02 Jan 05 - 11:50 AM
Amos 02 Jan 05 - 10:14 AM
Acme 02 Jan 05 - 02:23 AM
Rapparee 01 Jan 05 - 08:01 PM
Amos 01 Jan 05 - 06:30 PM
Amos 01 Jan 05 - 11:22 AM
Acme 01 Jan 05 - 01:25 AM
Rapparee 31 Dec 04 - 11:42 PM
Acme 31 Dec 04 - 11:09 PM
Rapparee 31 Dec 04 - 04:32 PM
Amos 31 Dec 04 - 12:28 PM
Acme 31 Dec 04 - 11:19 AM
Tweed 31 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM
Amos 31 Dec 04 - 09:53 AM
Acme 31 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM
Amos 31 Dec 04 - 01:14 AM
Rapparee 30 Dec 04 - 11:28 PM
Acme 30 Dec 04 - 11:08 PM
MMario 30 Dec 04 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 30 Dec 04 - 09:13 AM
Tweed 30 Dec 04 - 09:06 AM
Acme 30 Dec 04 - 12:28 AM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 04 - 10:19 PM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 10:06 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 04 - 09:50 PM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 09:44 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 04 - 08:31 PM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 06:59 PM
Tweed 29 Dec 04 - 05:34 PM
Acme 29 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 04 - 03:42 PM
Acme 29 Dec 04 - 11:43 AM
Acme 29 Dec 04 - 02:59 AM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 12:25 AM
Acme 28 Dec 04 - 11:32 PM
Acme 28 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM
Tweed 28 Dec 04 - 03:37 PM
Tweed 28 Dec 04 - 02:02 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 12:50 PM

Tweed, you think that is unusual, you should read about the pre-Columbian Choctaw escatological practices, then this Mississippi witch won't sound so remarkable. Perhaps this woman was a bone picker, and her house was the platform.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 12:06 PM

If being so scared you're constipated is feeling alive, yeah.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 11:47 AM

well Bill - you KNOW that gub'mint processes is slower then heck! You're probably on some awards list somewhere - waiting for the official wax seal of approval or somthin'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 11:40 AM

where's the king? His Majesty 'almost' offered me a job back in May of '03...

"Bill D...your last post is glorious BS, perhaps you shall gain position in my Royal Command!"

...but I have seen no more offers..(except the capitalized sort) since.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Tweed
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 11:11 AM

But Rapaire, did you not feel more alive at that moment than you ever have since? Can there be anything more terrifyin than running for your life?
Or....coming face to face with


                              

The Yazoo Witch


Many years ago, there was a mean and ugly woman who lived alone in carefully guarded seclusion near the banks of the Yazoo River. Nobody knew anything about her, but they loathed her nonetheless. They hated her so much they didn't even give her a name. It was rumored that on stormy nights she would lure fisherman into her house, poison them with arsenic, and bury them on a densely wooded hill nearby...this was her hobby, but although many people suspected her of these evil diversions, no one was able to prove anything. Then one late afternoon in the autumn of 1884, a boy named Joe Bob Duggett was passing by her house on a raft when he heard a terrible, ungodly moan from one of the rooms. He tied his raft to a cypress branch, ran to the house, and looked through a window. What he saw chilled his blood and bones. Two dead men were stretched out on the floor of the parlor, and the old woman, wearing a black dress caked with filth and cockleburs, had turned her face up to the ceiling and was singing some dreadful incantations, waving her arms in demented circles all the while.

Joe Bob Duggett raced to his raft, floated into town, and told the sheriff and his men what he had seen. They got a horse and buggy and sped to the old woman's house...They smashed down the front door, but were unable to find either the dead men (who have never been found to this day) or the demented old woman. They climbed the stairs to the attic, opened the door an inch or two, and caught sight of several dozen half-starved cats, all bunched together and gyrating in their wild insanity. Two skeletons, which were never identified by the sheriff's office, dangled from a dusty rafter. Fish bones littered the floor, and the smell was unusually pungent. The sheriff, his deputies, and Joe Bob stood there transfixed, finally banging the door shut when eight or ten of the cats tried to get out....

More here:
Yazoo City, the Witches Grave


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 10:23 AM

Yeah, and picture yourself walking that levee with the Mississippi or the Yazoo or any other river running a 30 mph current on one side. Picture that levee shakin' like a bowl of jello as you walk on it, the sun just comin' up over a grove of trees and you see a boil on the dirtside side!

A boil! Water boiling up at the base of the levee! You wonder, is it a spring that the pressure of the river has brought into life or has the river found an old groundhog hole and this levee is gonna die? So you sit and watch, and if it starts runnin' clear you wipe the cold sweat off and keep walkin'. If it don't, and dirty water keeps boiling out, you get some help and some sandbags and start sandbaggin' around it. When it overflows the first circle of sandbags you start another one farther out, and all the time the boil's getting bigger and bigger.

Finally, one of the sandbaggers trips and a sandbag lands right in the middle of the boil hole! It's quiet for minute, and then all hell breaks loose.

The sandbag shoots fifty feet into the air and the water spout looks like Old Facefull geyser. And you've lost to the river, so you run away, 'cause that levee is startin' to crumble. Big clods of dirt from the levee itself are being swept away, and finally the top sinks in, just a little bit, and a trickle of water starts to eat away at the top.

By then, if you're lucky, you're either on high ground or better yet, watching it on TV with a beer in your hand. If you're not, you're runnin' like hell to someplace safe -- and that ain't a boat!

You'd be surprised how fast you can run when the levee is crumblin' behind you and a whole damned river is on your heels. Of course, you're sharing the raceway with the folks who were helping you sandbag, water moccasins, deer, foxes, rattlesnakes, and who knows what else. Don't bother about the fauna, 'cause they want to get out just as much as you do. Drownin' ain't their bag, either.

Finally, when you're halfway up Mt. Everest and you look back you can see the top of the levee snakin' through a brand-new lake. Barns and houses and cars and tractors and trucks can be seen, surrounded by water up to their roofs. Maybe some dead cows, horses, chickens, dogs and cats, too.

And you're just damned glad you're were you are and not where you might have been.

Been there, Tweed. Done that. REALLY don't particularily want to do it again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 09:10 AM

Now, mebbe Big Joe did P-Vine blues and switched a couple lines and called it his own, but P-Vine Blues is been around longer than Big Joe even. Charlie Patton did an earlier version of it, and I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't even earlier songs celebrating the Yazoo & Mississippi Valley Line.

A term such as `peavine' came to be known as general railroad slang for any winding branch line

The Yazoo & Mississippi Valley, also known as the Peavine, Railroad connected Grenada and Greenwood and led to the development of Holcomb. The original line, begun in 1885, ran 15 miles from Greenwood to Parsons. The Parsons station was built in 1886, making Parsons a major cotton shipping point. Grenada merchants, scenting lost business, were behind extension of the line to Grenada in 1900. Taking advantage of this line, Holcomb quickly became a shipping and ginning center. The line ran until 1947, when, on April 10, the Potococowa levee broke above Avalon and washed away a railroad bridge. The bridge was never replaced, and service ended.

Picture yoreself in the hot, still, Mississippi night...all is quiet til in the distance there is a "WOOOHH..WWWOOOOOOOOOOooo" coming at you, fire and smoke blowing outta the stack and sparks coming off the rails. Now wait til it slows at the bend and jump on board and suddenly you're on yore way to Greenwood and the next gig.

If your name is Charlie Patton you might write a song called Peavine Blues. If you're Howlin' Wolf you write Smokestack Lightning as you clatter on down the line.

"WOOOHH..WWWOOOOOOOOOOooo......"



...thought I heard,
thought I heard,
O, that Peavine whistle blow....

Tweed (born in wrong century)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 08:25 AM

think I heard the Pea Vine1 when it blowed
I think I heard the Pea Vine when it blowed
It blow just like my rider gettin' on board

Well, the levee sinkin', you know I, baby...
(spoken: Baby, you know I can't stay!)
The levee is sinkin', Lord, you know I cannot...
I'm goin' up the country, mama, in a few more days

Yes, you know it, she know it, she know you done done me wrong
Yes, you know it, you know it, you know you done done me wrong
Yes, you know it, you know it, you know you done done me wrong

Yes, I cried last night and I ain't gonna cry anymore
I cried last night an' I, I ain't gonna cry anymore
'Cause the good book tells us you've got to reap just what you sow

Stop your way o' livin' an' you won't...
(spoken: You won't have to cry no more, baby!)
Stop your way o' livin' an' you won't have to cry anymore
Stop your way o' livin' an' you won't have to cry anymore

I think I heard the Pea Vine when it blowed
I think I heard Pea Vine when it blowed
She blowed just like she wasn't gonna blow no more


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 01:46 AM

Tell us more, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 06:49 PM

He also wrote the P-Vine Blues, Tweed-o. Didja tell Bobert??

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 03:33 PM

Never have I been so shocked and embarrassed! Were I not a sophisticated man of the world I would have blushed. Fortunately, I am a sophisticated man of the world so I didn't blush. Instead, I sent the link to John Ashcroft, who just told me that he was shocked and embarrassed, just as he was when he was sharing the TV screens with another boob.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 02:21 PM

Tweed, we can come up with enough BS to satisfy even you. How about starting with an uplifting set of images that Amos may file with his golden materials.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 11:50 AM

These are a few of the songs that Big Joe Williams wrote.

1. CHRISTIAN LIFE
2. DON T LET ME CATCHA JODY
3. DON T YOUR PLUMS LOOK MELLOW
4. FRANKLIN STREET BLUES
5. GOING DOWN HOME
6. HIGHWAY 49
7. I D RATHER BE A FOOL
8. I SEE MY GREAT MISTAKE
9. I VE BEEN SCORNED
10. IT AIN T NO LIE
11. JUST YOU AND I
12. LITTLE MACHINE
13. MAD MAD BLUES
14. MARRIED WOMAN BLUES
15. MEET ME ROUND THE CORNER
16. OUR GOLDEN GOAL
17. RAZOR SHARP BLUES
18. SHE WON T DO RIGHT
19. SHEILA ANN
20. SOME DAY BABY
21. SOUTHERN WHISTLE BLOW
22. SUGAR HILL
23. TEXAS BLUES
24. THINGS GONNA COME MY WAY
25. THIS OLD LONDON TOWN
26. ACTIVATOR
27. BACK ON MY FEET
28. BIG FAT MAMA
29. HANG IT UP ON THE WALL
30. I BEEN WRONG BUT I LL BE RIGHT
31. JEFFERSON AND FRANKLIN BLUES
32. LEVEE BREAK BLUES
33. LITTLE ANNIE MAE
34. LONE WOLF 891529
35. SUPER HIWAY
36. TELL MY MOTHER
37. THIS HEAVY STUFF OF MINE
38. WHEN I FIRST LEFT HOME


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 10:14 AM

Ah, no question -- one of the steps is daring to have some! After that it is facing and choosing action. The harder I woiks, the luckier I gets!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 02:23 AM

Up to the top, then off to bed. And hoping for a very lucky new year while understanding that in many ways we make our own luck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 08:01 PM

All of it, Amos. All of it. From now on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 06:30 PM

As we begin the Year the southern California sun is bright, the skies ar e blue, and the blessings of apropserous and healthy and happy year are beginning to leak into things all over the globe. Enough catastrophes. How much good luck do we dare to have?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 11:22 AM

Spoken like a true muddle catter, Magh!! And the best of the season to thee and thine as well!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 01:25 AM

Well, here's the royal US wishing all of YOU a good 2005. Considering the sustained level of quality BS on this thread, only a group of very bright people could accomplish it. More power to WE!

It's 2005--we'd be happier without Dubya in office, but we'll muddle through. . .

(and that's no BS!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 11:42 PM

No, we brass players are too humble for that. And we're proud of our humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 11:09 PM

Then you should use a royal We when you make the offer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 04:32 PM

I shall not line an ode to the trumpet and other such instruments, for I do not want to sound like a tinkling cymbal or a sounding brass. Nay, we who push the valves (so to speak) know unequivocally our superior place in the Universe, such as is noted in the eighth chapter of Revelation. And if we can prevent you from being assaulted by a harpy, well, nobelesse oblige, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 12:28 PM

I used to feel that way until Barky took up the horn. Now I am over it.

BTW, the transformation of ancient sites and gods into converted forms was a political art mastered by the Spanish establishing centers throughout MExico and Central America. They would raze a pyramid temple, build a Catholic cathedral on top (using the Indians as slaves) and name it as a Christian saint with a local handle attached. One example, where we lived for a year, is the village of Nuestro Senora Maria de Tequipexpan, where the cathedral is built on top of the old temple of Tequipexpan, outside Guadalajara in Jalisco state. It was a major center of commerce in pre-Columbian times, and thus that power in the minds of the residents for miles all around was suborned and put to use by the Spanish.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 11:19 AM

I thought I'd pluck a little information about the negative transformation of earlier gods and goddesses by christianity, and did a search that brought me to a page that, at the very top, refers to the philosopher Joseph Campbell as "New Age ideologist Joseph Campbell." Just as the religion itself defines those that came before in lesser or pejorative terms, it appears they do so with their harshest critics. "New Age" my ass! He's as solidly Modernist as they come.   :)

Another site gave a better definition, and while his definition denotes the transformation, he doesn't use a demarkation to show that the transformation came about when christianity got it's hands on these creatures. I'll leave you with this definition and the perfect segue to the next bit of BS on this thread, quite possibly authored by Rapaire:

    Harpy
                
    Originally wind spirits, the Harpies' inital role is to carry to Hades the souls of the dead. The harpies are born from Typhon and Echinda. There are four Harpies: Aello (meaning rain-squall), Celaeno (storm-dark), Okypete (swift-flying), and Podarge (swift-foot). In later myths the Harpies are featured as winged monsters with pale female human faces with long hair and claws made of brass. Although invulnerable, they always look hungry and withered. Everything that they touch immediately becomes contaminated with an awful stench. They were afraid of only one thing: the sound of a brass instrument.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM

Harpies



In earlier versions of Greek myth, Harpies were described as beautiful, winged maidens. Later they became winged monsters with the face of an ugly old woman and equipped with crooked, sharp talons. They were represented carrying off persons to the underworld and inflicting punishment or tormenting them. Those persons were never seen again.

[See alsoLa Rutledge returns to Twillingsgate thread]


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 09:53 AM

My mother, at least does not sell hot dogs.

Thanks, Mother.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM

Now you're harping on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 01:14 AM

(and he even hums,. too!!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 11:28 PM

Well, Mario asked....

But here, in MOAB, music would be contrapuntal. Indeed, such a discussion would fall flat, I'm certain, or be picked apart by the sharp characters of the natural inhabitants of this place. I would wager a dollar, no strings -- no, I'll treble that amount -- that such a discussion would cause bass comments and bring to light little of note. Probably Joe Offer and the others on the Mudcat staff would waltz right in and prevent such an egregious march of bad puns that such a discussion would generate. Of course, it might collapse of its own a chord....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 11:08 PM

That goofy Rapaire--he's talking Music on a BS thread--over at the Mudcat Tavern for this year. Doesn't he remember that this is the BS side of the line? Geez, Louise. The guy goes out of town for a few days and fergets how it works around here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:21 AM

Amen Brother Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:13 AM

Shatner is also insufferable, incompetent, inchoate, incoherent, and inane. He is the Alpha Wave without the Omega-3, beginning of the end, the last of the first, the Moaning Star, the Prince of Pees.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:06 AM

Medieval Love Sickness



According to the medieval science of medicine those suffering from the sickness of love i.e. the erotic melancholy will first fall into insomnia. This insomnia will waste the body by evaporating the vital bodily fluids from it and thereby breaking the balance between the four basic fluids in the body. The increasing dryness and the heating of the fluids will prevent the normal functioning of the four bodily fluids and the liver. As a result the person in love will become anorectic. His body will become all the more thinner and drier and his eyes will appear empty, hollow and tearless. In addition the people in love are pale and they sigh, their pulse will slow down in the moments of depression and rise when remembering the moments of joy.
A light diet, sleep, successive baths to nourish and moisten the body, letting out blood and intercourse (usually with someone other than the object of love) were recommended as cures for erotic melancholy. The more "psychological" cures included listening to music, discussing other subjects and travelling.

If these methods also failed to bring results i.e. to return the balance between the bodily fluids and the necessary moist, the continued overheating and overdrying started to produce melancholy fluids (melancholia adusta) in the body. As a result the body dried up completely and the skin turned dark. In a really serious case the result was insanity or death.

The last possible cure was usually considered to be the joining of the object of attraction to his admirer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:28 AM

Here I thought Tweed was going to throw the book at me for my typo--there I was complaining about a "diary" in the chocolate instead of the "dairy." Sheesh! He must be as dyslexic as I am! I think I'll "pass" on the worm treatement (sorry about the pun).

I was going to suggest Grace Jones as the poster girl for your golden globs chest protectors, but couldn't find a good photo of her in that fibreglas bustier of hers. There were a couple of other options available here and here (this even has a musical connection!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 10:19 PM

A brief public service announcement:

William Shatner is still the greatest. His long absence from this thread should not be taken to imply that his influence here has in any way diminished. No indeed. Before Abraham there was Shatner. He is the Alpha and the Omega. Where other things end, Shatner begins. Where other things begin, Shatner transcends. Where other things bore, Shatner fascinates. He is timeless, ageless, puissant, and ineffable. He is unsurpassable, infinite, and incomprehensible in his hunklike majesty. Shatner rules.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 10:06 PM

Well, I see you have a point, sir, and in reflection it is plain that saving nature's points from those of steel is a worthy endeavour and worthy of the most sensitive support.

On your assurance that these protectors are well made, and designed to maintain the aesthetics that they are also designed to protect, you may provide our endorsement to the manufacturer thereof.

Fr. Tacitus Gentillus
Senior Touchè Consultant


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 09:50 PM

No, Brother, not because they stand between, but because they protect and comfort. These "protectors" are not worn save in fencing bouts, and like the Kevlar vest are designed to protect those globes from forces which might injure them -- not to stand between them and their worshippers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 09:44 PM

We of the Temple stand ever ready to provide guidance instead of blind feelings whereever needed. These protectors -- we would certify them ... because why? If they stand between the honest awe of the inspired worshiper and the objects of his adoration, are they not just an additional barrier between he who prays and that for which he prays? Who are we to stand between them? Nay, sirrah, we do not need steel, nor parries. All that is needed is to reach out and touch someone.

May your cups ever overflow,

Brother Tacitus Electricus
Senior Advisor and Soft Touch
Temple of the Golden Globes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 08:31 PM

Mayhap, "j'ai retournee" would suffice? Avec the accent acute, of course.

But I must sing you a song of steel on steel, of parry, riposte, and tierce; the song of the sword and the taking of blades, of counters and plastrons and...hey, chest protectors used by women fencers and the Temple of the Golden Globes really should certify them. Right now chest protectors are just plastic things, but with TGG certification who knows where they might go?

I simply cannot believe that this has been overlooked! Shocked, I am! Shocked and dismayed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 06:59 PM

"Je suis retournée" means "I am a re-run" or perhaps "I am a re-tread".

May I offer you all bientôts of the very finest degree in this coming season.

Amos
Duc Lackaduck


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 05:34 PM

Stilly, I think mebbe you have worms and they are thriving on all that chocolate ovatine you been floodin yoreself with. Tharfore, I habv taken action and searched the worldwide over and found this:

Diary notes by Joan Huydecoper (1625-1704), who was mayor of Amsterdam, inform us about the upbringing of children in high society. His son Jantje Huydecoper was put into the potty chair:

When something was wrong with him, Huydecoper showed an active interest. He was dealing with Jantje's tummy ache which came up after he was given meat for the first time. The child turned out to be suffering from worms and Huydecoper informed after the cures: in the first place a balm for the stomach, and also 'something to hang in the beer which he is to drink'. But the best remedy seemed to him 'hot sweet milk which was poured into in the potty and shoved under him in the potty chair, so that the worms will smell the vapour and wiggle to his arse and into the pot below.


You see? Just put the milk in the crapper instead obv feeding them things what are giving you headaches. No, please don't bother thanking me. It is just another service provided by MOAB to insure the health obv the denizens here.

Yores,
Tweed
Quack du Jour and a bientot obv the highest calibre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM

Je suis retourné. According to Babelfish, anyway. With "have" or without. Still comes out Je suis. But what the heck. You're back!

Now I need a nap. I have a headache. Mal de tête. (I think it is too much milk chocolate, but we have exhausted the supply and have no plans to restock. It's all of that diary that kills me.) Keep up the good work.

Touché.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 03:42 PM

I thought I had claimed dibs on all the palindromic numbers!

Guess what?

Je retournee, as we used to say in French class, only we used a accent acute over the last e.

Yes! I am returned from my annual Christmastide soujorn into Wilderness, DC, and once again I have escaped the predators there. Harrowing as it was, with ambuscades on my right and left, with fascines before me and redoubts behind, I fought clear. Fortunately I have recently again picked up the sword and began again to tread the piste for I found riposte and remiss, parry in prime and counter in quatre, to be of most excellent use. A horizontal fleche saved me more than once from the blades of those in power there, and with a touch here and a touch there I conquered.

Fear me, ye MOABites! For I am learning epee, and you might very well see me in the next Olympics, representing Idaho in Individual Epee or perhaps in Modern Pentathalon, or both, or neither (chose one or two).

I am, of course, already an accomplished master in foil, saber, broadsword, barbed, chicken, hog, and other types of fencing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 11:43 AM

A nice numerical palindrome today:

5445


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 02:59 AM

To paraphrase Mark Twain, reports of the demise of the MOAB are greatly exaggerated! (And I have a friend for whom the euphemism "heavy lifting" has nothing to do with picking up stuff with any particular weight. If need be, I'll invoke that term to energize the thread!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 12:25 AM

Yo, Heaaaave Ho!!

Way ta go, SRS!! We need good haulers in these parts, with Tweed spouting Doomsday predictions, Khandu wearing his Cloak of Posting Invisibility, and Spaw in absentia sempre. It leaves the real work up to us.

Buncha dilettantes, huh?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 11:32 PM

I will do a little "fishing by hand" this evening--reaching down, down to the bottom of the page and hauling this mother up into my boat. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM

Fishing by Hand

COLUMBIA, Mo. - Next summer, it will be legal to plunge into some Missouri rivers and grab catfish by hand - a type of fishing that is not for the faint of heart.

Known variously as noodling or hogging, handfishing has long been a misdemeanor punishable by fines, because state officials fear it depletes breeding-age catfish. It can also be dangerous: Noodlers hold their breath for long periods under water and sometimes come up with fistfuls of agitated snakes or snapping turtles instead of fish.

That does not discourage enthusiasts, who insist there is great sportsmanship in fishing with your bare hands.

So after years of urging by noodlers, and lopsided legislative support for easing up on handfishers, the Missouri Conservation Commission has approved an experimental handfishing season next summer. Forms of handfishing are already legal in 11 states, including neighboring Oklahoma, Arkansas and Illinois.

"It's a start," John Smith, deputy director of the Conservation Department, said Tuesday. "We are moving forward in good faith to answer the legitimate biological concerns that we have, and balance that with the requests for making this process legal."

Missouri's biological concerns are that handfishers, who go for the biggest fish they can wrestle from riverbanks or hollow logs, will take too many sexually mature fish from their underwater nests.

The commission agreed to a June 1-July 15 season, during which handfishers who have bought a $7 permit can use only their bare hands and feet to catch a daily total of five catfish. Fish under 22 inches long must be thrown back.

Handfishing will be legal only along specified stretches of the Fabius, St. Francis and Mississippi rivers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 03:37 PM

Flies





On most dairy farms, five species of flies are predominant.

   House Flies--These flies do not bite; however, they can be very irritating. House flies prefer organic material containing 40% to 70% moisture (such as BS) to breed. These flies carry many different pathogens, and easily transmit disease.

   Stables Flies--Unlike similar looking house flies, stable flies bite. Females require blood to reproduce. Males also draw blood from animals.

   Mudcat Flies--These biting, blood sucking flies lay their eggs in fresh cow manure. Horn flies look like miniature house flies and are extremely irritating, causing cattle production losses due to energy and time spent fighting (stamping, tail switching, etc.).

   MOAB Flies--These flies also resemble house flies, but are usually found on pastured cows. Face flies lay their eggs in very fresh manure. Face flies are not capable of biting; however, they feed on secretions commonly found on the faces of cattle, such as around the eyes. The face fly is most noted for transmitting pink eye.

   Horse Flies--In comparison to other flies, horse flies are very large. Although horse fly numbers are generally low, it only takes a few to cause extreme agitation among animals due to their painful bites.

Fly Control On a Dairy Operation
Sanitation
Because of the intensive management involved on dairy operations, the most effective fly control method is frequent removal of manure from barns, along with an integrated fly control program. Sanitation should be the first and is the most effective part of the fly control program. Sanitation involves:

Removing manure frequently during the day.

Hauling manure to fields or frequently pumping from lagoons.

Cleaning up spilled feed immediately.

Keeping bedding clean and dry.

Filling mud holes or any low spots in lots where water can accumulate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 02:02 PM

I am surprised that MOABITES everywhere have not jumped on my accordian skills, or lack thereobv and generated a huge influx of excellent BS!!!
BeeDubya's absence can only mean that after listening to my accordianated "Silent Nite", he has thrown himself into his kiln with the gas turned on.

MOAB IS DYING,DYING, DYING......O!!!...I'VE RECENTLY LEARNED THAT KHANDU HAS DELETED HIS ENTIRE COMPUTER AND NOW AMOS IS BABBLING ABOUT OTTS AND NOTTS.
And Rawpears is in DC smelling the President's chair!! Can it get no worse? I think not!

The end is near!!! The only thing left in my arsenal is a paint-by-numbers portrait of Bill Shatner in female clown garb, done by Red Skelton. I pray that I do not have to use it as it could put Liddle Hawrg into weeks of self abusement and flagellation. It will remain a last resort, but I beg you all to PLEASE, PLEASE, copy and paste the ingredients to Bon-Ami or....any other household cleanser....


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