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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Mrs. Bee 13 Dec 03 - 07:57 PM
GUEST,Elvis Presley 13 Dec 03 - 12:10 PM
CarolC 13 Dec 03 - 11:19 AM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 10:59 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 13 Dec 03 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 13 Dec 03 - 10:10 AM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 12:10 AM
Rapparee 12 Dec 03 - 11:55 PM
khandu 12 Dec 03 - 10:03 PM
Amos 12 Dec 03 - 10:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 03 - 08:36 PM
Amos 12 Dec 03 - 07:38 PM
Rapparee 12 Dec 03 - 06:30 PM
Amos 12 Dec 03 - 06:15 PM
Rapparee 12 Dec 03 - 05:17 PM
Little Hawk 12 Dec 03 - 05:10 PM
CarolC 12 Dec 03 - 04:56 PM
Kim C 12 Dec 03 - 04:45 PM
GUEST,Johnny Cash 12 Dec 03 - 11:40 AM
Little Hawk 12 Dec 03 - 11:31 AM
s6k 12 Dec 03 - 06:15 AM
khandu 11 Dec 03 - 10:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Dec 03 - 10:22 PM
khandu 11 Dec 03 - 10:07 PM
khandu 11 Dec 03 - 09:49 PM
khandu 11 Dec 03 - 09:34 PM
Amos 11 Dec 03 - 07:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Dec 03 - 06:41 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 03 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 03 - 04:27 PM
Amos 11 Dec 03 - 03:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Dec 03 - 03:15 PM
Amos 11 Dec 03 - 03:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Dec 03 - 02:34 PM
Tweed 11 Dec 03 - 12:15 PM
Little Hawk 11 Dec 03 - 11:32 AM
Rapparee 11 Dec 03 - 11:23 AM
Amos 11 Dec 03 - 10:45 AM
Tweed 11 Dec 03 - 10:37 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 03 - 11:50 PM
khandu 10 Dec 03 - 10:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 03 - 10:44 PM
Amos 10 Dec 03 - 10:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 03 - 10:02 PM
Little Hawk 10 Dec 03 - 09:50 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 03 - 09:44 PM
khandu 10 Dec 03 - 09:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 03 - 08:30 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 03 - 05:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 03 - 04:00 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs. Bee
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 07:57 PM

HELP!!! Bee-dubya's been hurt bad! He was making spaghetti for supper and went to open a can of tomato sauce, but it wasn't tomato sauce. He accidentally opened a can of whoop-ass on himself! He is all black and blue and probably needs a couple of stitches over his right eye.

I don't know how the can of whoop-ass got on the canned goods shelf. We usually keep the whoop-ass out in the toolshed. I heard Bee-dubya threaten to open a can of whoop-ass on our new kitten the other night, so he might have bought it when he bought catfood. I'm glad it was only a kitten-size can, 'cause if it was the industrial size or even the economy size can it might have killed the poor boy.

It doesn't look like anything's broken so he should be able to come out and play with you boys and girls in a day or so.

Mrs. Bee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Elvis Presley
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 12:10 PM

Carol, I am proud to say that I have kicked the pickle habit for all time. I am turning over a new leaf, and am a new man in most every way now.

Thank you very much.

Elvis


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:19 AM

Thanks LH, Rapaire, and Amos.

Werner Heisenberg noted in his Uncertainty Principle that simply examining something changed it, and thus you could never know its immediate configuration. Likewise, by asking the question you changed the MOAB...

So, Rapaire, can I consider the possibility that having changed the MOAB by posting to it, I have also changed myself, perhaps even changing my consciousness, imbuing it with all of the qualities and wisdom of the MOAB, thereby rendering unnecessary the reading of the posts that I've missed?

Or is it possible that the MOAB is really more of a mobius loop, going endlessly round and round itself, never entirely breaking free to explore new BS possibilities, but only adding, endlessly, layer after layer of a tissue thin veneer of BS?

And WWSD were he to find himself in such a pickle? Or Elvis, for that matter?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:59 AM

Aw, Shane, ya missed it!! Pity. Slept right through, I guess....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:52 AM

Uhhh,..ist it Sunday yet?

- BDiBR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:10 AM

Not a doubt in my mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 12:10 AM

You sure of that, man?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:55 PM

Granted, but the uncertainty of the semantics demonstrates the uncertainty of Uncertainty itself. Indeed, one could argue that Uncertainty is the only certainty, but then we couldn't be certain of that because of Werner Heisenberg's Principle! It is the Ultimate, the Perfect MOAB Principle! Of THAT, and THAT ALONE, can be be certainly uncertain!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 10:03 PM

But will this place ever be cialled "mudcatmoab. org"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 10:00 PM

Lordy, lordy, I b'leeve we got us a SUB-culture!! Truly I do!!

Mistuh BWL, thet was inspired and indubitably ethnic and indigenous in origin, which demonstrates thet the MOAB has its OWN folk music and needs a sub-thread-section for MOAB Music, as valid as any parsing of a shape-note papyrus ever found on any other thread hyarabouts!! You sir, are inspired!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 08:36 PM

How high's the BS, mama?
Two feet high and risin'
How high's the BS, papa?
Two feet high and risin'

They're a carryin' on about Schroedinger's cat
And why that is this and this is that
Everyone's a talkin' right outta his hat,
Two feet high and risin'

How high's the BS, mama?
Three feet high and risin'
How high's the BS, papa?
Three feet high and risin'

It's comin' up from the ground an' down from the trees
It's comin' in ships across the seven seas
I'm pretty darn tall but it's up to my knees,
Three feet high and risin'

How high's the BS, mama?
Four feet high and risin'
How high's the BS, papa?
Four feet high and risin'

It's a comin' from the sky just like it was rain,
It's outta control like a runaway train,
This whole bunch is loony, ain't none of 'em sane
Four feet high and risin'

How high's the BS, mama?
Five feet high and risin'
How high's the BS, papa?
Five feet high and risin'

Better get some hip-waders or a tall pair of boots
Its a risin' quicker than you can say "shoot"
An' these people is crazy as a whole buncha coots,
Five feet high and risin'

Well, it's five feet high and risin'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 07:38 PM

I would agree with you, dear Rap, if I felt that all uncertainties were Schroedingerian in nature; but some, I fear, are purely semantic, and ambiguity can be as easily assigned to failures of syntax as to perturbations in quanta!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:30 PM

Amos, you still can't get around Dp Dq > h / 4p and DE Dt > h / 4p (where p = pi). To read the MOAB is like trying to swing Schroedinger's famed cat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:15 PM

I would think a more rigorous approach would be in order, viz: begin where you last knew you were current. Note the number of posts from there back to the first MOAB post. Subtract this number from the total number of posts as shown in the posts listing. Read forward this number of posts OR read forward until you encounter a single empty posting box.

Enter an annotation into the posting box which either method will reveal, to the effect that you have encountered said posting box and the time at which you did so. This should provide a more stable point for future MOAB displacement metrics.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:17 PM

Carol, no matter how you attempt it you will fail to reach the end. Werner Heisenberg noted in his Uncertainty Principle that simply examining something changed it, and thus you could never know its immediate configuration. Likewise, by asking the question you changed the MOAB -- made it larger, for one thing -- and hence made it more unlikely that any one human mind can grasp its riches in their entirety.

Like LH, I suggest that you dip into it anywhere and savor what you find. Remember that Lincoln was once introduced with the statement that "no man has ever diven deeper into the well of learning" and he responded, "Or come up drier." MOAB is like that. Or maybe it's like something else entirely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:10 PM

Carol,

I would suggest simply selecting one section or another at random on any given day, and reading until you either can't laugh any more or you're getting bored or you see the sun rising in the East. Whichever comes first. A few weeks of that will bring you right up to date on the MOABS.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:56 PM

...so here's my dilemma. Having asked, as I did above (or below, depending on whether you're reading this forward or backward) whether or not it would be advisable for me to attempt to climb the veritable Mount Everest of posts that have been added to this thread since I last tried to keep up with it back in, ohhh... I don't know, September, and not getting any responses at all, should I construe that to mean that I should attempt the deed, or that I should avoid it like the plague (or something like it)?

hmmmmm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Kim C
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:45 PM

Wha' happened? (she said, stretching and yawning...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Johnny Cash
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:40 AM

You gotta walk it by yourself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:31 AM

That's cos no one else is willing to do it for you...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: s6k
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:15 AM

splodge


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:35 PM

Rightfully so...you are a Knower of Things, not a Knower of Shame!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:22 PM

I know no shame! I blatantly stole Rapaire's bit about P.R. being knocked up and used it over on the P.R. Announces Engagement thread. I am scum. I am lower than whale shit. I don't know what came over me. I apologize profusely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:07 PM

No!!!!Stop with all the PMs, guys! I did not name Tweed as Royal WHORE...I named Penelope Rutledge!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 09:49 PM

A moment of respect for fellow Catter "Winter's Wages", who has departed this realm.

Enjoy the next leg of your journey, Lloyd!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 09:34 PM

Hear ye! Hear ye! I, King khandu, do hereby proclaim & ordain Lady Penelope Rutledge to be the Royal Wholesome Harpy of Righteous Etiquette (Royal WHORE). She is to be given honor worthy of her position & title!

By command of the King!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 07:31 PM

It all interests me, from nano-technology to simpler things. The miracle of how it all works is totally interesting to me.    The toilet is a mystery to me. How the water stays at the same level. Why you have to jiggle the handle sometimes and sometimes not.                  

Thus, Shatner, revealing the profundity of his actual anti-technical bent.

Now -- water seeks its own level naturally in response to the fact that it is a liquid under gravity with a stable molecular form. I mean, anybody except possibly Little Harg, and Penelope (coincidence? I don't think so!) knows that.

You only have to jiggle the handle when it leaks!! The reason is, if it doesn't leak, you don't NEED to jiggle the handle!! First law of engineering (if it ain't broke, don't fix it). I mean, this is baby steps. This is no star-fleet mystery!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 06:41 PM

Wow! If I ever get a cell phone I'm sure as hell not gonna program any speed-dial numbers.

Shat makes some valid points there. Why can they make an automatic coffeemaker that will automatically do everything but drink the stuff for ya, but they can't make a carafe that will pour the coffee into your cup without makin' a friggin' mess?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 05:59 PM

He has entered a whole new realm, a land previously unknown, going boldly where he has never gone before.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 04:27 PM

BW, are saying that Penelope missed a period? More than once? Is there a blessed event in the offing, perhaps?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 03:19 PM

Shane would fail qualification on the basis of basic literacy, not tolerance!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 03:15 PM

And if Joe or Jeff refuse to reveal that IP address does that mean that Penelope is one of them?

I also think we can safely eliminate Gargoyle from the running. His misogyny is far too genuine.

On the other hand, the misogyny of Shane/Blind Drunk in Blind River (aka Canada's answer to jOhn fro9m Hull) is just enough of a put-on to make one wonder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 03:00 PM

Well, BWL, we know that at least she can pretend to be Brit with reasonable persuasion; so she is probably not Bobert. It is conceivable that in a fit of underhanded, passive-aggressive pique, the character of Penelope Rutledge wa sin fact created by William Shatner, deseperate to reassert his claim to public attention through covert means, employing the last dregs of his already inadequate talents.

All we need to do is to ask Joe Offer or Pene Azul to reveal the IP number from which Ms Rutledge's posts originate and all will be revealed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 02:34 PM

So the "Great Twillingsgate Mystery" aka "Who-the-fuck-is-Penelope?" continues....

These are the things we know for certain about Ms Rutledge:

Unless she posted under an even more fictitious name previously, her first post to the Forum was on 08/29/02. That means she is probably not Rapaire since his first post was on 11/02/02. It does not let any other regular Moabites off the hook.

She has posted 42 times as "Ms" and 3 times as "Ms." (with a period). This lack of consistency would seem to indicate that she is, in fact, a man since no woman liberated enough to use "Ms" is ever going to put a period after it.   

I have received a Personal Message from none other than jOhn from Hull in which he states that Ms Penelope Rutledge is not khandu! Does this mean that jOhn9 personally knows the portrayer of Ms Rutledge? Or could it mean that jOhn9 himself is Ms Rutledge and that the drunken-sod-who-can't-spell-or-type-worth-a-shit is a fiction? Or does it merely mean that jOhn9 is full of shit and was yankin' my crank?

She has posted to the MOAB 14 times (roughly 1/3 of all her posts) which would seem to indicate that she either is a MOABite or has romantic leanings toward a MOABite or is so enthralled by the literary quality of posts to the MOAB that she just can't stay away. At any rate, it seems that any time her name is mentioned here she posts a response within a short while.   Hmmm....

Tweed's obviously genuine distaste for the Ms Rutledge character would make it seem unlikely that he is her portrayer. It's almost impossible to create a character and not like him/her/it a little. Even Thomas Harris had to like Hannibal Lecter a liitle or he wouldn't have kept writing books about him.

In the final analysis, what we know for certain about Ms Penelope Rutledge is diddle-dee-shit.

For all we know, Penelope may be Max!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 12:15 PM

Yas, liddle harque, I reallyam not Pentapoles Ragass. Her connection to the Khning iz lately been only fleeting at best and I beleve she now has the title of Picker of Lint from Royal Khnutsack, which I reckon iz a coveted posishun in Twillingsgate society. Them peeples ways ar a mystery to me though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:32 AM

Well, I'd say that that last post by Tweed proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that he is not Penelope Rutledge...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:23 AM

nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'?

Qo'noSDaq paw cha' DIvI'beq.
tlhIngan 'avwI' lughom.
lutlhob << naDevvo' vaS'a'Daq majaHlaH'a'? >>.
jang 'avwI' << lIchopbe'chugh ghewmey >>.

...as the Klingons say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:45 AM

Eh, toi -- d'ou as-tu appris parler au Roi en tel maniere? C'est vachement mauvais, je crois!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:37 AM

Az per uzull, His Hihgness iz right spot on. MOAB iz becoming a circle jerk.

A MISSIVE FOR KHING KHNADNUTZ,

I applaud yore insensitiveness yore Magisty, you are Khing and we, the vaguely loyal subjecks ar but a motley collection obv lowsome ducks, knowers obv a few things, royal bottom wipers and directors ob enemas and stewards of the royal biddette.

I speek fer all whether they agree publickly or no, that to surfife, the Mother must have more decrees from the palatial shotgun shack. Put down that bucket Khnardzoz, and get bizzy afore we degenerate back to unintelligibble gibbering in pidjin French er Mexican er Klingon for ar amusement. You are Khning so ack like one or I will ax forgiveness and a boon from Queen Carol the CrapperQueen and she will depose yore sorry, pathetic, stopped-up ass.

Yer Humble Sarvant,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 11:50 PM

Now methinks King khandu has been cloned. The reason for his long absence has been made clear. The old King khandu would have said:

Constipated? Me, constipated? You're the one that's full of shit! And if I need a Royal Enema Deliverer it would be you, jerkoff!

And, while it's certainly nice not to be abused and belittled, I am a little concerned about this kinder, gentler khandu. Gotta be a clone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:44 PM

The king humbly repents of his snide comment.
Constipation was the cause. My KOT bwl knew the problem, of course!
& methinks brucie would make a grand Royal Enema Deliverer !!

Let it be so!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:44 PM

I'm in Floribama. That's the part of Florida that is physically in Florida, but culturally in Alabama. It's sometimes also known as "L.A." for "Lower Alabama". The good-old-boy to old-hippie ratio is about 99/1 but they leave us alone and we just make our pots and play our music.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:18 PM

I'll buy Britneym but only if it is the first time. BWL, your place sounds great. Lotsa room for tents and such and a solar-powered sound stage in the middle of the island would be wayyyy cool., no??

What state, other than General Confusion, is your place in? Location-wise?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:02 PM

Methinks our King is, perhaps, constipated. Did he not proclaim someone Royal Enema Deliverer some months ago? If not, I nominate nonMOABite Mudcatter "Brucie".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 09:50 PM

That was an insensitive comment, Khandu, not befitting a royal personage. I hope you are truly repentant.

I like the idea of selling Britney over and over again. After all, that is exactly what her management team is doing, and it's worked magnificently. We stand to make a fortune, people!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 09:44 PM

I had in mind something like Woodstock 1. A gathering of peace, love, and BS. Motherstock. MOABstock. MOABmont. Too many people, too few latrines or portapotties, lots of bad dope, days of rain and mud.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 09:36 PM

Is MOAB becoming a circle jerk? Who's holding the bucket?

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 08:30 PM

Well, my suggestion of Arches National Park was based solely on its proximity to Moab, Utah. I've never been there. In fact, the only place I've ever been in Utah is the Salt Lake City airport. But I should have known that it would be overrun with SUV's. Edward Abbey was bemoaning its slide toward industrial tourism back in the 60's when he wrote Desert Solitaire.

But if you wanna have it at something like a farm, I will gladly donate the use of my humble homestead. We have eight acres with access to 60 more acres behind us that nobody lives on. It's mostly uncleared woods, but we've made lots of paths through them so people can get lost wandering around behind the little animals. We have a one-acre pond with an island in the middle and banks that form a natural amphitheatre and it's wired for sound. All we'd have to do is build a stage and dig a couple of latrines (I don't think our indoor composting toilet could handle the crowd). Lotsa snakes and possums and armadillos wanderin' around at night to get in people's tents (I'm assuming camping is cool with everyone - no motels for many miles and you can't all stay in my little two-room cabin).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 05:45 PM

We lure Britney to the gathering and sell her. Over and over and over and over and over and you get the idea. Nothing tawdry, mind you, just dinner and a drink. This here's a genteel gentile operation.

Bee dubya ell, please reconsider that site you suggested. It's full of yuppies on unicycles and suchlike trash pretty much year 'round.   Maybe we could find a farm or something nearby to rent for the festival.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 04:00 PM

Damn, LH! We haven't even worked out how to pay the paltry few thousand bucks The Shat wants and you're wanting to book Barbi and Britney to boot? Man! Those bitches charge some big bucks.

How 'bout we just go down to a couple of strip clubs and find the two dancers that look the most like B & B and offer 'em...

Naw! That wouldn't work either. The one that looks like Britney's probably gettin' more money stuffed in her garter than than Bill Gates makes, and the one that looks like Barbara, well... what strip club owner would hire a dancer that looks like Barbara? They don't let 'em dance with bags over their heads, do they?


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