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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 06 Jun 13 - 03:02 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 13 - 11:50 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 06 Jun 13 - 09:07 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 13 - 08:42 AM
gnu 06 Jun 13 - 08:13 AM
Acme 05 Jun 13 - 11:57 PM
GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones 05 Jun 13 - 11:49 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 11:03 PM
GUEST,Ms. Penelope Rutledge 05 Jun 13 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 06:14 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 05:13 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 05 Jun 13 - 04:10 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 01:51 PM
gnu 05 Jun 13 - 11:42 AM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 11:23 AM
gnu 04 Jun 13 - 11:40 PM
Rapparee 04 Jun 13 - 08:28 PM
Acme 04 Jun 13 - 02:09 PM
gnu 04 Jun 13 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 04 Jun 13 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 03 Jun 13 - 08:53 PM
gnu 03 Jun 13 - 07:06 PM
Acme 03 Jun 13 - 05:22 PM
gnu 03 Jun 13 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 03 Jun 13 - 09:12 AM
Rapparee 02 Jun 13 - 10:12 PM
Acme 02 Jun 13 - 09:08 PM
Rapparee 02 Jun 13 - 06:27 PM
gnu 02 Jun 13 - 03:24 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jun 13 - 12:59 PM
Rapparee 02 Jun 13 - 10:35 AM
gnu 02 Jun 13 - 07:26 AM
Amos 02 Jun 13 - 12:14 AM
Rapparee 01 Jun 13 - 11:33 PM
Rapparee 01 Jun 13 - 10:56 PM
Amos 01 Jun 13 - 07:38 PM
gnu 01 Jun 13 - 12:32 PM
Rapparee 01 Jun 13 - 12:20 PM
Acme 01 Jun 13 - 09:39 AM
gnu 01 Jun 13 - 05:26 AM
Amos 01 Jun 13 - 02:12 AM
Rapparee 31 May 13 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 31 May 13 - 09:34 PM
Rapparee 31 May 13 - 09:21 PM
Rapparee 31 May 13 - 09:19 PM
Amos 31 May 13 - 08:01 PM
Amos 31 May 13 - 04:13 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 31 May 13 - 11:12 AM
Acme 31 May 13 - 11:10 AM
gnu 31 May 13 - 08:26 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 03:02 PM

"We have some standards" Oh, please...standards indeed. In Texas, the land of chiggers, Lone Star Beer, and sagebrush? What a laughable notion!

You've been watching too much television, Ms Rutledge. Texas is the land of Barbecue, Shiner Bock and large running dinosaurs. For comparison purposes. A coprolite for your thoughts. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 11:50 AM

You can still do it, BP. Tell the Court you insist upon your right to Trial by Combat, and Let God Uphold The Right!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 09:07 AM

"We have some standards" Oh, please...standards indeed. In Texas, the land of chiggers, Lone Star Beer, and sagebrush? What a laughable notion! Act in the spirit of your name, Madam, and be still.

Winston's self-serving arrogance and megalomania know no bounds. His preening behaviour would make Mussolini blush in shame! If he thinks he can intimidate ME, he has another think coming! I really should have run him through with the saber that time in the drawing room. I can't think why I didn't, other than the possibility of tiresome legal repercussions.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 08:42 AM

It seems to me that there might be some slight dissension amidst the upper classes.

Poor Penny. Whatever will happen to Randy 'Ronnie and her? Is W-J actually a lizard person? Might Penny be about to lay an egg? What delicious secrets will be coming out from the cupboards?

And didn't that soldier fella tell W-J that he'd beat the excrement out of him if he ever harmed Bad Penny?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 08:13 AM

Judgey, Judgey, Judgey...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:57 PM

Geez.

Next it'll be Judge Judy prancing through here.

We have some standards, you know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:49 PM

"took him in and tried to make something of him"

What utter twaddle. No one can make anything of me! I am a self-made man, totally the master of all that I am and all that I do, and any fool who thinks otherwise is treading on very thin ice. After having endured over a decade of intolerable nonsense and pompous do-gooder posturing, not to mention turgid moral lectures that would stun an ox from my utter shrew of a wife, I intend to secure a settlement of absolutely gargantuan proportions from her, just to teach her a lesson she will not forget! Ha! I will reduce her to such an impecunious state that she will be forced to sack the chauffer, sell the Rolls, pawn the diamond tiara, buy a used Volkswagen Beetle, and rent the coach house out to bloody Gypsies!!!

Her "good name" is at stake! Oh, the satire! The unconscious ironical wit of the wretched harridan! God give me strength.

WW-J


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:03 PM

Gettin' some of yer own back, Penny-Poo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms. Penelope Rutledge
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 09:51 PM

Oh, that ex-husband of mine! He has filed suit against me -- ME! -- for breach of promise! He claims, falsely, that I promised to settle upon him a rather large amount of money. His solicitor has had a Summons delivered. I, of all people! I, who took him in and tried to make something of him!

I would ignore this entire matter save that my good name is at stake (along with a rather large amount of money).

Perhaps that illiterati Hector Ballsworthy is correct and he IS one of the lizard people!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 06:14 PM

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...fried chimpanzee brains. But not from Chonga because there isn't any there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 05:13 PM

Bush meat -- YUMMY!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 04:10 PM

Sounds like a perfect establishment for you ta run, Rap. The way I see it, yer payin' for yer many sins, not least of which has been the slanderin' of respectable apes such as myself.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 01:51 PM

I'm going to open a pub/tavern that only sells Budweiser products. I'll call it "The Horse Urinal".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:42 AM

Well... I don't abuse Bud... I slug er down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:23 AM

It's the result of an accumulation of dental problems.

1959: I'm riding a bicycle down the newly blacktopped street two blocks from home. In a characteristic moment of jealousy of my good looks, my youngest brother grabs the handlebars and sends me as a faceplant into the asphalt. My two front teeth hit first, breaking my fall and saving my face from disfigurement, but one breaks off at the gum line and the other has half of it cracked off. I pick them up and take them to my mother, who isn't pleased because a) company is visiting and she didn't care to have a tooth and a half-tooth given to her and, b) I was to start High School the next Tuesday (it was the Saturday before Labor Day).

1959-1968: Any number of visits to the dentist for that and other things.

1968: Army dentist pulls wrong tooth.

1969: Out of Army, VA comes through to provide partial plate and do some other things that needed doing.

and so on.

So, I'm getting all of that fixed. I'll be able to play the trumpet at least as good as Doc Watson ever did.

But lemme tell ya, the hydrocodone, like, man, it's you know, like wow...and kills the pain. You let me find you abusing it and I'll plant my size 11.5s so far up your butt you'll be able to bite my toenails. Abusing medications greatly annoys me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 11:40 PM

Be da Lard Dyin Sufferin Jaysus what ere yees eatin what yees gotta have all yer teefs hammered upon? I maintain a daily regimin of saturation of the entire alimentary canal with a soulution which contans an aunteesepetic. This must be why me teefs are so admired.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 08:28 PM

The surgeon stuck a needle in the back of my right hand -- did a good job too, no hematoma at all! -- and that's the last I remember until they pulled me off the chair and onto the floor saying, "Get outa there! We need it for the next suck...patient."

Now I'm at home with lots of suture ends for my tongue to play with. 've got hydrocodone and T-4 to use as the anesthesia is wearing away. Three places of bone grafting (two minor, one very), one large and one small sinus lift, and six implants. Back next week for stitch removal and then four or so months until the next phase, where they send in the crowns. Then, doctor willingly, I'll fly to Abelq..Albeker...New Mexico on the 20th To fool around by myself (Pat leaves for France on the the 12th).

This sort of thing couldn't be done on Shame due to irreversible dental lues. or to Chonga because nothing can be done to cure something uglier than a home-made shit fence.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 02:09 PM

I was at the regular dentist yesterday. He made a point of not doing the local anesthesia injections so that a pool of liquid would form under the tissue and make me feel like I'd been socked in the jaw. I was awake, and though there seemed to be an awful lot of stuff in my mouth at some times, I survived. Are they going to knock you out? Have them do it with something other than a sock to the jaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 10:23 AM

No worries... it'll be a gas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 09:29 AM

GET UP!!!

If I gotta go to the oral surgeon, EVERYBODY gotta be up and awake to offer me sympathy and soothe my fevered brow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 08:53 PM

Lazarus Long and Prospero? One might be a bit too fey for the other.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 07:06 PM

Thanks but "Live long and prosper!"? Don't jump to conclusions or lack thereof.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 05:22 PM

Now when you find all sorts of crap out in the yard you can turn the cleanup into a game, or make funny piles of stuff and jump from one to the next.

You're welcome. Live long and prosper!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 09:28 AM

SRS... the link. Thank you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 09:12 AM

Mom! Shame on you! Down in Bottom Alley consorting with Tebow, clutter, and worse! Now you drink this mug of coffee, have some toast, and go clean up and go to bed and sleep it off! Tsk, tsk, I don't see WHY you cannot act you age and let your guttersnipes do the carousing, singing, complaining...WHERE did you get that policeman's hat?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 13 - 10:12 PM

We never got to play on a plauground, or anywhere else for that matter. We had to work, foraging for food, delivering 674 newspapers every day, collecting deposit bottles, whatever we had to do to keep the family fed and sheltered (our clothes were hand-me-down rags). When we weren't working we were in church praying. Sure, we'd see the rich kids or even the poor kids on the swings or the monkey bars or the sliding boards, but we knew that such could never be for us because every day was a struggle for simple survival. We gave every cent to Mom -- not for us bubble gum, soda or candy. No, we were lucky to find a nearly new sugar cube to share at Christmas.

And this work and religious ethic has carried into our adult life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jun 13 - 09:08 PM

Hey guys, "Never Leave the Playground". Good ideas to keep some of you retired folk out of mischief! (Thanks to Dorothy Parshall in Joe's thread about Living Healthy)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 13 - 06:27 PM

More years ago than I like to remember I was an "aggressor" for a Survival, Evasion, and Escape exercise in Colorado. It was night and I caught two guys and were herding them to the "POW Camp" when they started talking about jumping me.

I had my M16A1 rifle, but we were told that there were no blanks for it yet. However...when we got to the training area, lo and behold! there was a box of blanks!!! We divided them up, we each go three. And I had one in my weapon, which was pointed upwards.

When I heard them talking about jumping me I suggested that they not do that. You see, I told them, they didn't have blanks so they issued us ball ammo.

They didn't believe me.

I triggered the blank round.

They walked quietly to the cage like good little boys.

Ah, the good old days of survival, evasion, and escape!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jun 13 - 03:24 PM

My old man was in the Canuck military and travelled extensively in Europe during WW2 with no passport. Well, he had a passport of sorts. When he joined again in the 50s and went off to Europe for about five years, he was well versed in subversive border crossing as he was, shall we say, a businessman as well and honed his skills using an actual passport.

If one is smuggling... er... has forgotten about something out of sight, one stops at a service station near the border and inflates the right rear tire to maximum pressure and a bit more and then loosens the valve stem just enough to create an audiable hiss. Then, the acting classes in POW Survival, Escape and Evasion are employed when informed by the dreaded Canuck Border Customs Personnel that "Buddy, yer tires got a leak." and Bob's yer uncle.

I am sure you could forget about that guy in the trunk following these simplified instructions. Just don't forget the ice and the piss bag.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jun 13 - 12:59 PM

This would work with Shane. Not so sure about Canada Customs, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 13 - 10:35 AM

Get out of the car a couple miles from the border, walk a couple more miles east, turn, walk four miles north, and you're in Canada. No problem, and you can tell the Canadians that you're a refugee from political oppression in your home country. Or just offer them some candy and cigarettes because foreigners go nuts to American candy and cigarettes and will do anything for them. Just give the kids candy and the adults cigs and you're good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jun 13 - 07:26 AM

Passport" He just has to tell customs he forgot it and to call me. Problem solved.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 13 - 12:14 AM

I am not flying to Seattle, but to Vancouver from SLC, for reasons known only to the airline.

In other news Son won't make it as his passport wasn't delivered in time. Tant pis. We will go ahead without him. He feels bad, as well he might. If he had listened to his old Man this owuldn't have happened, and so on.

Au revoir, Mom! See ya on 6-13.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 11:33 PM

Actually, I'll take you to the Legion Hovel and they can insult you there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 10:56 PM

This software. Stilly. I use the Pro version and an Opticon OPN-2001 barcode scanner/storage device to speed things up.

Amos, if your flight to Seattle goes over Pocatello you're heading in the wrong direction. Of course, you could also be having plane trouble and in that case you'll land at the airport here -- if you do give me a call and I'll come out and insult you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 07:38 PM

Uhoh. We've got a librarian's mutual pomme-chante shaping up. Departure for Vancouver is looming--me, BBW, son, SIster In Law, Mumma in Law and Mumma's Traveling Friend. An interesting mix, I declare. I believe we shall have a Goot Time, ja?

For reasons I cannot determine the airline routs is via SLC, which means if I time my flush right I can drop in on Rapp, or at least drop off a memento.

Then, the bright lights of Vancouver, and the glistening nautical fleshpots of the Norwegian Sun! Holy Moly, I think it's gonna happen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 12:32 PM

And the ones who don't know about the APMs usually cannot recover their balls.

Best Hran Solo Ever!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 12:20 PM

Book Collectorz 9, SRS.

My house and yard is protected by these. I put the out whenever we're gone. Oh, sure, bleeding heart liberal golfers complained at first but now they just take a penalty stroke and don't try to recover their balls from my yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 09:39 AM

What software are you using to catalog, Rap?

You two posting your detailed itineraries in which your houses are going to be unattended and vulnerable must be completely sure that housebreakers don't read the Mother of All BS thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 05:26 AM

I knows what necked up is.

"impeccable sense of inutility" I like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 13 - 02:12 AM

Your industry is exceeded only by your impeccable sense of inutility, sir!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 13 - 10:40 PM

As of right now, I have cataloged 1,593 titles totaling 403,329 pages from my office books.

This is also 48048.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 13 - 09:34 PM

gnu, "necked up" is a Western term meaning that an animal (and I include Shame therein) is tied by the neck and head to post or other firm fixture. This is often done when getting a horse used to the saddle, getting medicine into a cow, and so on. One use of it can be found in Gail Gardener's classic, "The Sierry Petes (or, Tying Knots in the Devil's Tail)":

They pruned him up with a de-hornin' saw,
An' they knotted his tail fer a joke,
They then rid off and left him there,
Necked to a Black-Jack oak.


If you were thinking that it meant some sort of preemptive capital punishment, there are a plethora of other terms for that, such as "jerked to Jesus", "strung up", and "strangulated".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 13 - 09:21 PM

Amos, why don't you try the Trail of '98 out of Skagway? The walk would melt off some of those pounds you'll be putting on lounging around the cruise boat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 13 - 09:19 PM

My itinerary on the small and svelte cruise ship Grande Caribe, starting August 14:

Day 1: Warren, RI/Newport, RI
Day 2: Portsmouth, NH
Day 3: Bar Harbor, ME
Day 4: St. Andrews, NB
Day 5: St. Andrews, NB
Day 6: Eastport, ME
Day 7: Rockland, ME
Day 8: Portland, ME
Day 9: Salem, MA
Day 10: Plymouth, MA
Day 11: New Bedford, MA
Day 12: Warren, RI


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 13 - 08:01 PM

My itinerary on the fat and sassy cruise boat, Norwegian Sun, departing Vancouver on June 3:

6/3/2013        VANCOUVER, CANADA        DEPART        4:00 PM        
6/4/2013        CRUISE INSIDE PASSAGE        CRUISE                
6/5/2013        KETCHIKAN, ALASKA        ARRIVE-DOCK                7:00 AM
6/5/2013        KETCHIKAN, ALASKA        DEPART        4:00 PM        
6/6/2013        JUNEAU, ALASKA        ARRIVE-DOCK                10:00 AM
6/6/2013        JUNEAU, ALASKA        DEPART        8:00 PM        
6/7/2013        SKAGWAY, ALASKA        ARRIVE-DOCK                7:00 AM
6/7/2013        SKAGWAY, ALASKA        DEPART        8:00 PM        
6/8/2013        CRUISE GLACIER BAY        CRUISE                
6/9/2013        CRUISE HUBBARD GLACIER        CRUISE                
6/10/2013        WHITTIER, ALASKA        ARRIVE-DOCK                8:00 AM

This is not a really long cruise as you can see, so although I may get a tad beefy, I do not think I will get plump--well, at least not all obese. Maybe a little.

The best part will be riding around Juneau with the ineffable sprite, KT, of Mudcat and Getaway fame, a bright gem among womankind.

It will be grand, I am sure!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 13 - 04:13 PM

Rapp: That will do nicely!! Delicate, elegant, tactful, diplomatic, and brutally honest all in one swell foop!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 31 May 13 - 11:12 AM

Yeah, sure. While yer at it, ask the paint to come off the wall and dance a jig for us.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 May 13 - 11:10 AM

Are you going to ask MOM to write a review of your book, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 May 13 - 08:26 AM

Necked up? Ya need new glasses er sumpin? At least give the lad three steps eh?


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