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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 05 Oct 10 - 12:15 PM
gnu 05 Oct 10 - 11:15 AM
Acme 05 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 10 - 10:41 AM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 10 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 10 - 09:42 AM
Eiseley 05 Oct 10 - 12:33 AM
Little Hawk 04 Oct 10 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 10 - 10:50 PM
Eiseley 04 Oct 10 - 09:03 PM
gnu 04 Oct 10 - 06:37 PM
Little Hawk 04 Oct 10 - 06:04 PM
MMario 04 Oct 10 - 06:00 PM
Acme 04 Oct 10 - 02:31 PM
Acme 04 Oct 10 - 11:47 AM
Acme 04 Oct 10 - 02:34 AM
Acme 03 Oct 10 - 01:32 PM
gnu 03 Oct 10 - 01:19 PM
Eiseley 03 Oct 10 - 12:40 PM
Acme 03 Oct 10 - 12:37 PM
gnu 02 Oct 10 - 01:16 PM
Acme 02 Oct 10 - 12:12 PM
GUEST,Ebbie, housesitting 02 Oct 10 - 11:43 AM
Acme 02 Oct 10 - 11:33 AM
Acme 02 Oct 10 - 11:32 AM
Acme 02 Oct 10 - 12:37 AM
Eiseley 02 Oct 10 - 12:25 AM
Little Hawk 01 Oct 10 - 02:11 PM
Acme 01 Oct 10 - 11:22 AM
Little Hawk 01 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM
Rapparee 01 Oct 10 - 10:44 AM
Little Hawk 01 Oct 10 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 01 Oct 10 - 08:45 AM
Little Hawk 01 Oct 10 - 02:33 AM
Rapparee 30 Sep 10 - 10:08 PM
Eiseley 30 Sep 10 - 06:12 PM
Little Hawk 30 Sep 10 - 04:08 PM
gnu 30 Sep 10 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 30 Sep 10 - 01:23 PM
Little Hawk 30 Sep 10 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 30 Sep 10 - 08:44 AM
Little Hawk 30 Sep 10 - 07:47 AM
Rapparee 29 Sep 10 - 09:50 PM
Rapparee 29 Sep 10 - 09:33 PM
Little Hawk 29 Sep 10 - 08:07 PM
Acme 29 Sep 10 - 07:46 PM
Little Hawk 29 Sep 10 - 07:27 PM
Amos 29 Sep 10 - 07:05 PM
Rapparee 29 Sep 10 - 07:00 PM
Amos 29 Sep 10 - 06:02 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 12:15 PM

I am in a state of bemused admiration at Rapaire's inventive genius, to give it the charitable label it does not deserve. However, it is correct that I gave him the duel on technicalities, even though his throat was cut wide open at the time, so he had a hard time accepting the honor.

Thanks to the constant administration of divinely inspired amendments to my natural bloodcount, I had a divine weekend and am surprised to discover so few days passed on the outside, as the Getaway lasted at least a month. I did get to sleep one night, as I recall, and when I awoke the crew I had left singing in the Peace cabiun were still at it.

Rapaire was in better lodgings--they gave him one of the Virgin's Suites where they can feel more comfortable during their Getaway Defloration Weekend. When they come back for more a year later they learn about the normal bunks.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 11:15 AM

Rap... LMAO!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM

I'm sure when his plane lands he'll offer a thorough account.

Now that a few of your are back, I'm gonna go take a nap. MOM had me up early brining salmon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 10:41 AM

Everyone was watching over him. Kendall, for example, prevented Amos from starting a food fight with the apple butter. Amos kept shouting "This is for Chongo!" but Kendall slapped his hand and gently chided him as an old Game Warden, parting his hair with .38 slug. Oh, the tales Amos could tell if only he ever sobers up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 10:10 AM

I'm really glad you were there to watch over him, Rap. God knows what might have happened if you had not been.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 09:42 AM

Well, there was the time Amos stripped off all his clothes and posed on a rock out in the water while shouting "Look! I'm the Little Mermaid!" but the Coast Guard sorted him out. The CG released him on his own recognizance, but threw him back in the slammer when he couldn't recognize himself in the mirror or the arrest photo. Kept muttering something about "Thash the uglies pich...pitc...thash one UGLY dude, hic." Last I knew he was wandering around BWI airport, searching for the chewing gum he'd accidentally spit out; it had his upper plate attached.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 12:33 AM

Welcome home, folks!

Let's not tell them about the excitement until after they get over their jet lag, okay?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 11:01 PM

Things went pretty much as usual, then? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 10:50 PM

Calm down, calm down. I'm back and intact. Amos conceded the duel on the Field of Offer to me on points, thereby preventing Joe Offer from lying in the mud whilst we fought a duel on him. The swords were sold in the Silent Auction, unbloodied by the gore of Amos.

Mom would be proud of Amos, too. He was only half drunk most of the time, and never more that 75% drunk any time that I saw him. I even think he changed his shirt after he dribbled the soup at Saturday's dinner on his front, because the next time I saw him there were brand new spots on the stains. Several people did ask me to check to see if the showers in his cabin were working and they were, but I told them it was his aftershave, which he never used because he isn't allowed anything except a rubber razor. He did get ahold of a banjo somewhere and ran around calling it his "precious" but the Folk Police took care of that.

More later.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 09:03 PM

I prefer these, which are what I baked for Mom to have for dessert tonight:

Molasses Spice Cookies

1/2 C. butter
1/2 C. sugar
1 egg
1/4 C. molasses
2 1/2 C. flour
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp allspice
1/4 tsp cloves
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking soda

Cream butter and sugar. Beat in egg and molasses. Gradually blend in dry ingredients that have been sifted together. Form on cookie sheets and bake at 375 for 10 to 12 minutes.

These get all crinkly on top, soft in the middle, and nicely crisp on the outside. Mom loves them.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 06:37 PM

What do molasses cookies have to do with anything?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 06:04 PM

Is your purity still intact?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 06:00 PM

Hi Mom! I'm home! Good to see the ladies kept you company while Rap, Amos and I were off drinking Singing at the Getaway


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 02:31 PM

Lunch is an open-face cheese sandwich on fresh homemade whole wheat bread and a glass of this new green tea with lychee and pomegranate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 11:47 AM

It seems I'm here by myself for a few days. MOM, lets shake a little dust off and go for a ride in the pickup truck. We can head over to the dump/recycle center and see if there's anything good to bring home that we can repair and use. I saw a lovely antique wringer washer there last week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 02:34 AM

Twelve hours later, I've been up really late but I'm checking in on MOM and find she's been sitting here in the dark listening to AM radio for the last six hours. You know the kind of crap they're trying to sell over there.

I put MOM to bed and switched on a classical station on the radio for tomorrow. I figure you'll all regale her with your folk exploits when you get home, she can use a break until then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 01:32 PM

MOM somehow seems to work it off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 01:19 PM

Mom's gonna get fat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 12:40 PM

Wake up, Mom,
It's such a beautiful day, I thought you might like to have breakfast out on the porch swing. Here's a Harvest Gold muffin that I got at the farmers' market yesterday, and a cup of hot tea. All set now? Okay, I'll go inside and start a batch of plum jam.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 12:37 PM

MOM! You were at the very bottom of the page and were within 40 minutes of dropping off of the page altogether! See what happens when the boys all head to the Getaway and forget about you? They don't check in, they don't write.

Here's some brunch, to cover the afternoon. I have to go out and work in the yard, but I'll be back in a few hours and check on you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 01:16 PM

Had the ACs full tilt the last two days. Just removed the flower pots (6 with a total length of 14.5 feet, 4 colours of double impatiens) from the front of Mum's house and put them under the apple tree... may have frost the next few morns. We had a slight frost early last week but it wasn't a problem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 12:12 PM

Are you house-sitting for MOM, or Amos or Rapaire? Did you ever read about our virtual redecorating of Amos's house last year when he went on vacation? We can offer you some tips. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ebbie, housesitting
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 11:43 AM

Great Heavens! I noticed all those 7s and am alarmed. Never fear: this will break the mould.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 11:33 AM

37777

Apropos of nothing, but certainly has a lot of sevens! :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 11:32 AM

I wonder if any of those folks are up yet, or if they stayed up all night talking and singing at the Getaway?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 12:37 AM

Clever girl!

Tell you what, tomorrow I'm going to "police the grounds" in the back yard. I'll give you a bucket of dog droppings and you can lob those over the guys. They'll assume the shit has hit the fan and stay put for the entire weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 12:25 AM

I've been lobbing golf balls onto the roof of the hovel from the trebuchet every hour or so just to make sure the Legion residents are too scairt to venture out. So far it's worked.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 02:11 PM

And if you fire for the butt on most of those guys, you can hardly miss!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 11:22 AM

Eiseley, it looks like you're in charge while Rapaire is away. Be sure your side arm is present and loaded any time you're near the Legion Hovel. Shoot for the butt or the kneecap if any of them gives you trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM

Those are very cogent questions, Rapaire, and I am glad you asked them. My feeling is that Chongo already knows about half that stuff and is ready and willing at any time to learn the rest. I'll pass it on to him and see what he says.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 10:44 AM

Can he ride a horse? Rope, brand, vaccinate and cut a dogie without getting roped, branded, vaccinated and cut himself? Does he know the correct pronouncation of the word "chaps"? Can he tell the difference between an arroyo, a coulee, a gulch? The difference between a butte and a mesa? Does he hold onto the horn when riding a McClellan saddle? Is he a dally man or tie hard and fast?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 08:57 AM

Sounds like paradise for a guy like Chongo, Rapaire. If he ever has to leave Chicago for some reason, I will advise him to head straight out to Idaho. He could use some of that country air anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 08:45 AM

Yeah, they could probably make him a banana dacquiri or some other of those overly sweet fruity drinks he likes so much. True, they aren't prejudiced again anyone -- some of the members look a lot like chimps, only much taller -- but one of the rules to get in the bar is the possession, at some time now or in the past, of at least one working and fully opposable thumb (on your own hand). This rule is to prevent killings and other unpleasant acts resulting from accusations of cheating at various games of chance, such as Old Maid, Crazy Eights, Solitaire, and High Man Wins (gracious, there are LAWS against gambling in Idaho).

Tiny Moose also has a penchant for dance, or rather, watching others dance a jig. Tiny Moose plays the tune with the .30 caliber, belt fed, M1919A6 machine guns he carries as his sidearms. Some think it quite a treat to watch Tiny Moose, a gun in each hand, helping someone dance a jig on the specially reinforced Hovel floor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 02:33 AM

Man, Chongo would LOVE that place! He'd fit in just like Dillinger at a bank robbery...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Sep 10 - 10:08 PM

Thank you, Eiseley. I meant to post that, but thought that it would be better when the time was closer.

I think that little ditty I wrote says it all, don't you? Oh, yes -- about that bar up at the Legion Hovel: take over until I get back. Tiny Moose will help you if you need help; you've seen how he crushes 10 pound blocks of ice in his bare hands when he needs crushed ice, so don't hesitate to call on him should you need backup. Which you won't, because all the usual suspects saw you break that 6x6 with a roundhouse kick and the unusual ones are residing the local hoosegow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 30 Sep 10 - 06:12 PM

Here is what Rapaire will regale the Getawayers with, probably tonight. He didn't say what he would be wearing, but I think it involved a hood of some sort. Here's the song:

Getaway! Getaway!
In far-off Idaho I heard your call.
Getaway! Getaway!
And here am I to give my all.
I know in my soul what you expect of me,
And all that and more I shall be.

A man of the Getaway should be a guy invincible,
Succeed where a less fantastic man would fail.
Climb a scale no one else can climb,
Chant a chorus that's naught but slime,
Sing a note that only certain dogs can wail!
No matter the key, he ought to be unwinceable,
Impossible songs should be his daily fare.
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so *extraordinaire*?

C'est moi! C'est moi, I'm forced to admit.
'Tis I, I humbly reply.
That mortal who
These marvels can do,
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I.
I'm never lost
In shantey or song
I'm simply the best by far.
When clefs are crossed
'Tis always the same:
One note and au revoir!
C'est moi! C'est moi! So adm'rably fit!
Idaho's Apollo unbound.
And here I stand, with music untold,
Exeption'ly brave, amazingly bold,
To sing a song or round!

A soul of music should be a thing remarkable,
His heart and his mind as pure as morning dew.
With a voice and a self-restraint
That's the envy of ev'ry saint
He could easily sing a miracle or two.
To love and desire he ought to be unstoppable
But the ways of the flesh should offer no allure.
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A voice so untouched and pure?
(C'est moi!)

C'est moi! C'est moi, I blush to disclose.
I'm far too noble to lie.
That man in whom
These qualities bloom,
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I.
I've never strayed
From all I believe;
I'm blessed with an iron will.
Had I been made
A duet with Eve,
We'd be singing in Eden still.
C'est moi! C'est moi! The angels have chose
To sing their stanzas below,
And here I stand, as pure as a pray'r,
Pitch incredibly clean, with an octave to spare,
The singingest man I know!
C'est moi!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Sep 10 - 04:08 PM

(groan)

Such people are fun to write about, but they make problematical visitors, don't they?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Sep 10 - 02:47 PM

Rap... imnds me a "finger food". I used to cut BBQd (or fried) boneless blade steak into cubes, set it on a plate and set out some forks. Also, there might be a tin of smoked oysters in soya oil or tinned kippers and crakers set out, etc. These were appetizers, meant to enhance the libations before the main course.

A real redneck visited the camp one day just as I set out a large plate of the steak... it vanished while we all watched in amazement. I didn't set out any more grub until after he left.

Yes, LH, it was Dale.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Sep 10 - 01:23 PM

He'll still drag his knuckles, of course. Perhaps he'll even learn to talk in more than grunts and pointing, but I doubt that he'll ever learn not to eat his fingers OR with them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Sep 10 - 10:23 AM

Oh dear.

;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Sep 10 - 08:44 AM

Should Shame ever decide to remove his head from its present location, he wouldn't be smart enough to grab his ears and give a long, steady pull until he hears the "POP!" of it coming free and the little crackles of his spine finally straightening out so he can, at last, walk upright.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Sep 10 - 07:47 AM

Shane claims that there was some lustful Indian woman who was engaging in prostitution when the first white explorers reached what is now your state, Rapaire, and that when Lewis and Clark asked her who she was she said, "I da ho", and that was how the place got its name... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 10 - 09:50 PM

Now I shall finish packing for the orgy on the Western Shore Getaway.

Away unto the east'ard
There's a place a man can go
Where the singin's never easy
And they've got crabs packed to go.
And I'll haul down my sails
Where the mountains come together
Bide away my days
In the land of Idaho.


(Mea culpa to Gordon Bok.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 10 - 09:33 PM

Here's an olde receipt of my very own mother's:

Make mashed potatoes the usual way (if you don't know how to make mashed potatoes you need help).

Melt 2 tablespoons (more or less) of butter or some kind of decent grease in a skillet. Toss in a few chopped onions if you have any. Add 3 tablespoons of flour of mix well, making a roux (i.e., making the onions and the grease cover themselves with the flour).

Now add 2 cups warm (not hot) milk.

Add one 6.5 can of tuna, drained (this is a tuna-can size of a can of tuna). Flake it into the mixture.

Stir until the mess is thick and serve it over the mashed potatoes.

Using green onion instead of plain old onions is a nice, but unnecessary, touch.

(Be sure to drain the tuna, ESPECIALLY if it's the kind packed in oil.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Sep 10 - 08:07 PM

That sounds great, Stilly! I'll give it a try in a few days from now. I've put it in my "recipes" file under Favourites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Sep 10 - 07:46 PM

Those sound wonderful, LH! No wonder you're pleased with yourself.

Here's a recipe I've been fussing about for a few days:

Roasted tomato and garlic soup. I don't have any tomatoes to speak of in my garden this year. I'll save this for when I find good local tomatoes for sale, or for next year if my garden does better. Whichever comes first.

Roasted Tomato and Garlic Soup
This recipe can be pressure canned or frozen. Cream is added when the soup is reheated.
Makes about 6 pints

15-20 tomatoes
2 carrots, chop roughly
1 large onion, quartered
2 whole heads garlic, peeled, not crushed
olive oil
3 cups fresh, homemade, chicken broth, skimmed of fat
1/2 cup chopped fresh basil — (or 1 Tbsp. dried)

Preheat oven to 425°
Core tomatoes and cut in half. Place, cut side up, on parchment covered cookie sheet. Add carrots, onion and garlic. Brush with olive oil.
Bake at 400F for about an hour, or until veggies are roasted and a little blackened.
Blend with a stick blender (or in small batches in a blender) until smooth. Throw the basil in and blend some more.
Place in a large saucepan with the chicken broth and simmer for 10 minutes.

To can: Process in a pressure canner, pints for 60 min. and quarts for 70 min.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Sep 10 - 07:27 PM

Ahhh.....(big sigh of satisfaction)

The lamb chops turned out to perfection. I feel like Remi the Rat in Ratatouille...that warm glow inside of completing a job well done. They were first seared, then put aside, and I made a sauce with green onions, sliced mushrooms, and 3 garlic cloves cut up small...cook in a pan and add beef broth (which happened to already be simmering in the crock pot) and half a cup of Pinot Noir...

Wait...why not just copy and paste the recipe? Here it is:

These tasty lamb chops are served with a sauce made with beef broth and red wine.
Ingredients:
8 lamb chops, about 2 1/2 pounds
salt and pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil
flour
8 ounces mushrooms, sliced
6 green onions, sliced
4 medium cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon butter
1 cup beef broth
1/2 cup dry red wine, such as pinot noir
Preparation:
Sprinkle lamb chops with salt and pepper. In a large skillet, heat olive oil over medium-high heat. Lightly coat chops with flour; place in hot skillet. Sear until well browned, turning once. Remove to a plate and set aside. Reduce heat to medium.
To the skillet add the mushrooms, green onions, garlic, and butter. Cook the vegetables, stirring, for 4 minutes. Add beef broth and red wine and simmer until reduced by about 1/3. Add lamb chops, cover skillet, and cook for about 15 to 20 minutes, or until lamb chops are done as desired.

****

Okay, so I followed that recipe to the letter and it turned out wunderbar!!! I also cooked some other veggies to go with it, and a small glass of wine on the side.

I highly recommend this recipe to anyone who wants to try it. It's too bad Rennie the recently departed Dachshund wasn't still around to appreciate the results. His nose would have informed him of every delectable detail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Sep 10 - 07:05 PM

Why, bold Rapaire, what meanest you?

Here's 3-7-7-5 and two!

And if you deign to answer me,

Why, 3-7-7-5 and 3!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 10 - 07:00 PM

You take semantics lessons from the Caterpillar, I see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Sep 10 - 06:02 PM

Sorry--I meant "thirty-seven-seven-fifty".


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