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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 11 Aug 05 - 10:52 AM
Amos 11 Aug 05 - 10:48 AM
MMario 11 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 08:18 PM
Acme 10 Aug 05 - 07:02 PM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 03:01 PM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 02:08 PM
rumanci 10 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM
Acme 10 Aug 05 - 01:39 PM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 10:31 AM
MMario 10 Aug 05 - 09:05 AM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 08:58 AM
rumanci 10 Aug 05 - 08:55 AM
MMario 10 Aug 05 - 08:50 AM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 12:29 AM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 11:39 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 03:45 PM
rumanci 09 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 03:02 PM
MMario 09 Aug 05 - 02:58 PM
Acme 09 Aug 05 - 02:55 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 01:24 PM
Bunnahabhain 09 Aug 05 - 01:05 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 12:53 PM
Acme 09 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 09:56 AM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 05 - 01:34 AM
Rustic Rebel 09 Aug 05 - 12:24 AM
Amos 08 Aug 05 - 11:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Aug 05 - 09:27 PM
Amos 08 Aug 05 - 08:39 PM
Bunnahabhain 08 Aug 05 - 01:57 PM
Amos 08 Aug 05 - 01:37 PM
Acme 08 Aug 05 - 12:59 PM
Acme 08 Aug 05 - 01:28 AM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM
Acme 07 Aug 05 - 11:29 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 Aug 05 - 08:31 PM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 07:16 PM
Acme 07 Aug 05 - 07:00 PM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 06:43 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 Aug 05 - 04:49 PM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 10:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM
Amos 06 Aug 05 - 11:51 PM
Acme 06 Aug 05 - 11:42 PM
Amos 06 Aug 05 - 09:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 05 - 08:55 PM
Acme 06 Aug 05 - 08:50 PM
Acme 06 Aug 05 - 08:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 10:52 AM

gee - give the guy some encouragement and all of a sudden he's talking forcemeat of embryos , nubile terrorist and de birdies singing. there's something in there about passing me the spitting crayons too.

I think his meds may need adjusting again.

Nurse!

Nurse!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 10:48 AM

La MEre de Toute Merde, le foyer de tendresse et de vie,
Verse l'amour brûlant à la terre ravie,
Et, quand on est couché sur la vallée, on sent
Que la terre est nubile et déborde de sang;
Que son immense sein, soulevé par une âme,
Est d'amour comme dieu, de chair comme la femme.
Et qu'il renferme, gros de sève et de rayons,
Le grand fourmillement de tous les embryons !
Passez-moi donc mes p'tits crayons!
Car ils ne sont point aigus!
Puisque nous puissons rester secure
Dans les bras de la Mere.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM

Morning Mom! Come on! rise and shine! It's time to (as Dolly Levi reminds us) to spread a little fertilizer around !


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 08:18 PM

Good thing ya cracked a smile right there at the end, Mag, or I woulda had to shift into High German, which I don't know.

Either that or Third Degree Burns (Wen a' the woorild cann mak ye smoile....).

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 07:02 PM

Showoff! :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 03:01 PM

A ladye theyre was too, ande moste fayre
Whose postings alle beleevd were all too Rayre
In Luhve and Passion none could Her surpasse
Of featyure fine and fair of fayce, this Lasse.

She alle men did surprise, by saying sure
That alle unloved Squeejes should to Her
Be sente post-haste that she with care and Hugges
Could soon revive them of their Rubbery Bugges
Undo theyre Wuden Natures and By love of Maid
To vibrant gentle Squeejes changed she they!

This maiden fayre, Rusticke yclept, in sooth
Knew well Alle Squuejes, and bespoke fulle trooth.
And thene Mysteriouslie Vanished, like unto a Mouse
So fulle withe Squeejes were here Maylebox and her House!
Buried in Squeejes, yet she shalle Prevayle
So fulle her hearte, which telles the Richer Tale

Though she with Sueejes now her Tyme doth burne
YEt shall she Once Agayne returne,
Like to Faiyre Venus, known as Even Star,
When all such squeejes full revived are.

The Handmaiden's Tale, from
"Lost Subtexts of Chaucer",
Oregano, Thyme, Cadwallader, eds.
Wiley Evasions, Inc. New York, 1959


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 02:08 PM

DIgesting Alaskans? Does one bake them, or serve them as mush? Do they put hair on your chest and make you husky? Yukon always tell someone whose been eating Alaskans. He has furry teeth.

A

FORGIVENESS

To understand
is to forgive,
even oneself.

Alexander Chase

(I may need this sentiment at this rate!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM

Rapaire swooped into Chat briefly a couple of days ago

Internet access is sparse and dodgy for him ........or maybe Alaskans are just worred about being catalogued by him for future digestion here when they'd rather stay reserved   ??

hmmmm
lol


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 01:39 PM

If anyone steps forward and wants to claim your work, be careful. They might try to impound your doggerel pound.

Anyone heard from Rapaire lately?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 10:31 AM

A loverly vision, MM! Thanks for the enthusiasm, it means much!

Maybe I should illustrate them with little cartoons. LOL. Kill some trees and add to the great human Landfill Of Studied Irrelevancies!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 09:05 AM

"The Doggerel Pound" sound like a working title to me.

jayzus, tho' Amos! If people can make money off things like '101 uses for a dead cat' - a collection of your one-offs should make a mint!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 08:58 AM

Thank you, MM, for your most kind comment.

If such an effort were made, and such a collection created, it would enable all my wee sparks to sit with each other in one place, instead of being scattered hither and yon -- a sort of doggerel pound. I am sure it would make all the little doggerels happier, although it would not much improve the world. It suggests a new song to celebrate the notion, Git ALong, Ya Li'l Doggerels, which I am sure you saw coming a few moments ago.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 08:55 AM

wot ?????????

you mean they're not genuine ?

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


I've been scouring bookshops high and low for them ........sigh


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Subject: OT:serious comment
From: MMario
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 08:50 AM

y'know, Amos - some serious consideration should be given to collecting all your little snippets etc such as 'Songs from the Aincient Chandeliers' and making a little collection of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 12:29 AM

Hasty correction to the second verse which a poor, starving copy-clerk miscopied, for which he suffered a month on a diet of goose-quill shavings and thickened copy-book ink.

From men and dogs and ghosts

as anyone can naturally see from the scansion, should read:

From women, men and dogs and ghosts

The work will now conform with the original notes from Garibaldi's field collection efforts.

With due apologies,


Gudgeon, Gunter and Pintle, Pubs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 11:39 PM

THere was a thread hung on a site,
Away, the gallant Mudcat-O
Where lubbers posted day and night
And say farewell to the MOAB-O!

And on this thread there was many a post!
Away, the gallant Mudcat-O
From men and dogs and ghosts
Rise again, again, the MOAB-O

And when them lubbers was asleep
Away, the gallant Mudcat O
This thread she slipped into the deep
Come rise again, the MOAB-O!

There was a topmast man just there
Away the gallant Mudcat O
And he seized her by her silvery hair
And raised again the MOAB O!

Now she lies sleeping on the hard
Away the gallant Mudcat O
Saved by a hand from a tops'l yard
Come rise again the MOAB O!

So, sailors learn once and for all
Away, the gallant Mudcat O!
Be 'ware lest yer sainted Mother fall,
And rise again, the MOAB O!

Songs from the Ancient Chandeliers
Collected by Wilhelmina Garibaldi, 1928
From the singing of Bathtub Topsailmen
Gudgeon, Gunter and Pintle , New Bedford, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 03:45 PM

I ain't chewin' him, Maw -- he's me bruvver!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM

Hey Amos !!!

Ain'tcha chewed .....errrrr Rap enough ?
I bet he's back at the doublet now


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 03:02 PM

Sages are like that, man .... always seeing through stuff, and wiley in the ways of the world.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 02:58 PM

no - that's just Peter, my pouch mouse!

Wait-a-minute!

Who told you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 02:55 PM

"Is that a cod in your piece, or are you just glad to see me?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:24 PM

Mercutio:

Now to thy several stations, do repair
And to your Mother with brave postings mind
To raise with merriment and rhyme her features kind,
Until repaired to us is bold Rapaire.
Hark! I hear footsteps on the stair!
'Tis he! 'Tis he! Now welcome bold Rapaire.

(Enter Rapaire stage left, dripping with malodourous slime).
(He collapses center stage, gasping)


Jester (sings):

Bold Rapaire would a sliming go
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
Out on the oceans dark with snow
With a nonny, nonny, hey!
And when his bark was tossed by storms
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
He swore if spared, he would reform
With a nonny, nonny, hey!

And spared was he in God's own time,
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
And stumbleth home, all wet with slime!
To me nonny, nonny, hey!
But if he cleanetheth up, I wot,
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
He'll be the same, reforméd not!
With a nonny, nonny
Nonny no nonny
Nonny nonny hey!

Rapaire gasps and throws half a rotten salmon, drawn from his tunic, at the Jester, who ducks away and skips off stage right humming).

Rapaire:

Aw, shit.

Finis


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:05 PM

What is wrong with Mom? I keep finding her at the bottom of the list. We need more poetry. Or things resembling poetry anyway...

Poetry, or wizardry,
Or maybe serindipity,
To rescue Mom,
From depths Glum,
And disgraceful obscurity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 12:53 PM

Rapaire's run off to Fiji
To marry with a squeegee
He's gonna spend his life out in the shade;
Living on bananas
And dreaming of mananas
And worrying about his rubbery blade.

His plan seemed like a good 'un
His wife said he was wooden
And she didn't want a blade all made of rubber
So he said he'd go off sliming
But, thanks to clever timing
He's off to Polynesia with anubber!
CHO:

Squuuueeegee me in Fiji!
Playin' lord and liegey!
Gettin' down and dancin' in the sun!
Where the tides are gentle
And the ladies drive you mental
Come along and be my squeegee one!

Oh, squeegee me in Fiji!
Baby woncha squeejee
Until I have lost all track of time!
Keep your blade a stroking
Baby, I'm not jokin'
Squeegee 'til I climb out of the slime!

....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM

Isn't Rapaire finished sliming and squeegeeing yet? Where is he, anyway? He didn't really abuse the library color copier, I hope. . .or I know how to answer the next part of that question. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 09:56 AM

IF you have any of them, please UPS them to RR for hugging. It will restore the blades and make the wooden parts much mor elively.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:34 AM

You think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 12:24 AM

I believe a squilgee is actually a forlorn family of the squeegee. It just hasn't been hugged enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 11:36 PM

Well, when he cleans up he can come back in; have yerself a helluva prosperous time at the airshow!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 09:27 PM

Hi, Mom!

Just thought I'd stop in and say "Hi!" I'll be gone away for a couple of weeks. Doing a four-day art/craft show in northern Indiana this weekend and a three-day show in St. Louis next weekend. See ya when I get back.

Wonder if Rapaire uses a squilgee in his new job as a slimer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 08:39 PM

No great recommendation, but BWL can't stamp no documents 'cuz he ain't no tree public!

Rise up, Momma, and show the world yer petticoats!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 01:57 PM

Don't worry, he'll always be less wooden than Shatner...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 01:37 PM

Well, see, in the spatula episode he didn't have to suffer the splinters of outrageous fortune in the form of pointed remarks about rubber blades and being wooden.

I think he is operating on the premise that discretion is the better part of squeegee.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 12:59 PM

Mom, you're looking a little low. Are you sad about Jennings also? Or maybe you wish BWL would pick up the squeegee mantle and run with it, like he did with the spatula episode?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 01:28 AM

You had to take a rather sharp left to arrive at that one, didn't you? I hope you didn't crane your neck in the process. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM

You lasses are opening up a can of...umm...worms here. Spaw might show up. Woody have some remarks to add, d'ye think?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 11:29 PM

There's a song about that: Wooden It be Loverly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 08:31 PM

A wooden lover is another interesting thought. Sends slivers down my back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 07:16 PM

Or better, google "etymology +squeegee" which produces this tidbit:

squeegee
"wooden scraping instrument with a rubber blade," 1844, a nautical word, perhaps from squeege "to press" (1782), an alteration of squeeze.

squeeze
c.1600, probably an alteration of quease (c.1550), from O.E. cwysan "to squeeze," of unknown origin, perhaps imitative (cf. Ger. quetschen "to squeeze"). Slang expression to put the squeeze on (someone or something) "exert influence" is from 1711. Baseball squeeze play first recorded 1905. Main squeeze "most important person" is attested from 1896; meaning "one's sweetheart, lover" is attested by 1980.

So!   a squeegee is a wooden lover with a rubbery blade, I guess, huh?

:D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 07:00 PM

When in doubt, Google "Define: Squeegee".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 06:43 PM

I think it is a commercial term dreamed up by marrying "squeeze" and "gee!".

Glad your head is ok!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 04:49 PM

Sitting upstairs I hear the jars popping, like a 'vacuum' seal. This also has nothing to do with crotches or black holes or salmon patties.
I do have a pondering thing going on though... That would be squeegees. Where did that word come from? I'm thinking from the sound a squeegee makes but I don't believe it. Maybe it's squeezing water and someone said, "Gee-this thing squeezes water-gee, that's pretty cool shit."
Then if that where true it should be called a squeezewatergee.
Squeegee is almost as weird as spatula.


PS.-I had no headache Amos, thanks for your kind concern!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 10:18 AM

He dined on clergyman cold and raw,
A portion of which got stuck in his craw
The very last meal that he ever saw!
The King of the Cannibal Islands!

Oh, Hokey-pokey, winky wung
Callimaroo, Callimarung
Wangery-Changery, Chingery Chung,
The King of the Cannibal Islands!

The last words of this monarch bold
Were not bequeathing his lands or gold
But warning them all against clergyman cold!
The King of the Cannibal Islands!


Oh, by the way, they have foundthose naughty black holes they couldn't find. They were hiding in dust-couds, perturbating. Such carryings-on!

"VORACIOUS BLACK HOLES HIDE THEIR APPETITE IN DUSTY GALAXIES, August 05
A UK-led team of astronomers reports today (August 4th) in Nature that they have tracked down an elusive population of black holes growing rapidly hidden behind clouds of dust. Their results suggest that most black hole growth takes place in dusty galaxies, solving astronomer's headaches, as until now, the cosmic x-ray background suggested the existence of more growing black holes than they could find."

Full story at http://www.physorg.com/news5650.html



Really, I sympathize. Certain trends in my own life, also, have led me to suspect the existence of more black holes than I can find. Vacuuming doesn't seem to help...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM

Thanks for your concern, Maggie, but the salmon post was not autobiographical. Yes, I did cook salmon patties tonight but I felt no ill effects whatsoever. It was canned salmon anyway and the patties were delicious. Better'n Spam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 11:51 PM

I don't think God had created the frige yet.

I am over my momentary depression about Marilyn. The idea of Her free-associating to penetrate the unconscious while lying at home in only a bra just kinda wrapped the whole thing up for me. I am better now.

:D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 11:42 PM

I posted another, more thorough article over on the same thread. Interesting stuff.

Sorry to envision your salmon woes, BWL. I hope everything is in good running order now. You have to stop defrosting that frozen fish on the countertop. Immerse the package in cold water or put it in the fridge for a day to thaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 09:29 PM

Yes, of course you are right. It's just hard when your idol has parts of mortal flesh, you know...

I actually really liked hearing her voice from across the years...and I am especially curious that it reflects on her state of mind before she died.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 08:55 PM

On the eighth day, God created salmon patties and saw that they were good.

And on the ninth day, God created tartar sauce so he could have salmon patty sandwiches.

And on the tenth day, God created bread, having overlooked that little item when he had the salmon patty sandwich brainstorm.

And on the eleventh day, God created napkins to wipe the tartar sauce from his beard.

And on the twelfth day God said, "Good Me! I feel like deep-fried doo-doo! Wonder if there was something wrong with that salmon?"

And on the thirteenth day, god invented diarrhea.

And on the fourteenth day, God felt a lot better but swore never to eat salmon patties again.

And on the fifteenth day, God created the Reuben sandwich and saw that it was good.

(Yes, I just posted this same thing over at Tweed's Blues. So what? It's not verbatim the same anyway. I changed "samwich" to "sandwich" because this is a higher class joint.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 08:50 PM

This is what Amos is fretting about.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 08:49 PM

I thought it was an interesting article. Aren't you glad that she was able to sort out her sexual dysfunction? That she found men who were willing to take the time for her and not just treat her like a sexy receptacle? Or are you worried about the RFK end of things? Is this different than if it was JFK? And aren't you glad to know that even though they divorced, DiMaggio and Monroe still felt love and respect for one another?


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