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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 17 May 15 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 11:07 AM
gnu 18 May 15 - 07:46 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 08:07 PM
Amos 18 May 15 - 08:59 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM
gnu 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 10:50 PM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 09:41 AM
Amos 19 May 15 - 09:59 AM
Acme 19 May 15 - 12:49 PM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 12:58 PM
gnu 19 May 15 - 06:26 PM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 09:09 PM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 09:14 PM
gnu 19 May 15 - 09:52 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 May 15 - 11:25 AM
Amos 20 May 15 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 20 May 15 - 10:10 PM
Amos 21 May 15 - 05:16 AM
Rapparee 21 May 15 - 09:49 AM
Amos 21 May 15 - 10:48 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 May 15 - 01:17 PM
Acme 21 May 15 - 05:47 PM
Rapparee 21 May 15 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 21 May 15 - 10:02 PM
Amos 22 May 15 - 04:20 AM
Rapparee 22 May 15 - 09:40 AM
gnu 22 May 15 - 10:08 AM
Amos 22 May 15 - 10:58 AM
gnu 22 May 15 - 11:10 AM
Rapparee 22 May 15 - 09:23 PM
Acme 23 May 15 - 12:12 AM
Amos 23 May 15 - 12:47 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 May 15 - 06:51 AM
gnu 23 May 15 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 23 May 15 - 10:38 PM
Acme 24 May 15 - 12:51 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 May 15 - 07:43 AM
Acme 24 May 15 - 08:55 PM
Rapparee 24 May 15 - 09:46 PM
Amos 25 May 15 - 12:23 AM
GUEST 25 May 15 - 01:14 AM
Rapparee 25 May 15 - 03:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 May 15 - 05:59 PM
Acme 25 May 15 - 06:54 PM
Rapparee 25 May 15 - 08:41 PM
gnu 25 May 15 - 10:12 PM
Amos 26 May 15 - 09:05 AM
GUEST,Mr. Rapparee 26 May 15 - 10:09 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 15 - 10:09 PM

Obviously he was hiding it from Federal confiscation. Did you look inside the ductwork? There are probably more guns hidden there, along with lots and lots and lots of ammunition. A spacious place to hide ammunition is the furnace's heat exchanger, until the heat is turned on. Also look above any suspended ceilings. Is there an old bomb shelter? How about between the wall studs -- did you look there? Some folks, knowing that Obama is going to personally come to confiscate their firearms and short arms, have taken to burying them (inside an appropriate container) in the backyard and then having cows pee all over the place (the iron in the urine foils metal detectors, or so I'm told).

The best way to get the yard dug up is to anonymously contact the FBI and tell them that commies have buried guns there for The Revolution. Of course, if they DO find any guns they'll keep them, but you could sue to get them back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 11:07 AM

Well, that was fun.

And poor Mom, sitting there, a mere thirteen hours from making us play Hide 'n' Seek. Alack and Alas! Am I the sole one that cares? Am I to shoulder the Burden alone? Ah, but easy is the yoke and the mouths of the kine that tread the grain shall not be bound for should Mom fall into a pit who but I would be there to rescue her?

That's why I'm her favorite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 May 15 - 07:46 PM

My heat pump (mini-split) is pissed off. Heat. Cool. Heat. Cool. Where the fuck did spring go? Dog damn Global Swarming! I want SPRING dammit!

AND... David Letterman is retiring after Wednesday's show. Who am I supposed to watch? Fallon plays Beer Pong with interesting guests so I can't watch him and even when he interviews them, half or more of the interview is about him. James Cordon acts like a silly English twi/at so much that I don't even record him NO MATTER who his guests are. Seth Myers guests who are of interest are few and far between and I have to listen to inane banter with some jackoff in the band who IS NOT A COMEDIAN. Do I really have to look to see who is on Conehead O'Brien because he is even worse with the "Mommy! Look at me!" shit? The guy that took over Colbert's show and turned it into a shouting match? devoid of any true journalism?... NAY! I shall not!

Of course, I won't miss Jack Hanna.


Sweet Jesus! Please stop dumbing down Late Night TV.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 08:07 PM

Phone rings.

"Hi, this is the dermatologist's office. It's basal cell carcinoma. When do you want to schedule surgery?"

July 7, 8:30 a.m. MDT.

How many four-letter, socially inappropriate, words do YOU know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 15 - 08:59 PM

Oh effing bloody hell, Mike!!! Get it over and done with now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM

He operates twice a month, once here and once in his other office 25 miles away.

Besides, starting next Tuesday I'm off to IRELAND until June 23. Dublin. Belfast. Westport. Dingle. Cork. Cashel. THAT Ireland.

However, this will be one surgery per quarter since 2014. I've got it on quantity but Pat's got it on quality.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM

Ahhhh.... RFN too soon? Fing bloody hell fer sure! Wishing you all the luck in the world on getting this stripped and zipped, Rap. Not knowing all the details, it sounds, hopefully, that there is a quick fix on this. Whatever... I just hope the updates are as timely as you can manage to post them. Bless.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 10:50 PM

Reminds me -- today I received a copy of Skarpi's CDs. I'll put them on my iPod and take Iceland's Irish music to Ireland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:41 AM

Good morning, Mom. Here's a dish made from saprophytic fungi cooked with the unfertilized ova of a chicken, some rounds of seasoned pig meat scraps which have been caramelized, and some chopped up tubers -- all sprinkled with sodium chloride and the ground seeds of Piper nigrum.

And an aqueous infusion of the roasted and ground seeds of the Cofea plant!!

Enjoy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:59 AM

Mom always enjoys a nice hot sesquipedalian breakfast in bed. Good boy, Rapparree!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 15 - 12:49 PM

You're more patient than I, Rap. I'd be down at that other office the next day asking the doc to remove the spot. Stay safe, and have a good trip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 12:58 PM

And postpone my month in Ireland??????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 May 15 - 06:26 PM

See spot run.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:09 PM

Granted, this thing could ulcerate, expose my lower mandible and teeth, become infected and have pus drain out with the accompanying gangrenous stink and then metastasize into my bones, but it's actually the most frequent skin cancer in the US. Being of fair skin and baby blue eyes I'm more at risk than someone with dark hair and brown eyes. It is, also, the least threatening sort of skin cancer and rarely metastasizes and beside, it wouldn't DARE! The surgery will be a Moh's procedure (Larry and Curly assisting, I guess) which has a >90% cure rate. Yes, it can recur in <10% of the cases and each time is a new case, rarely a recurrence. I fully intend to enjoy my time Ireland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:14 PM

It would be kinda cool to have the surgery leave a scar because then I could tell everyone about my undergraduate days in Heidelburg and how I fought a saber (mensur) duel for the honor of a fair damsel beset by drunken louts who wouldst have their way with her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:52 PM

Louts are trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 15 - 11:25 AM

"The Sober Louts" would make a great band name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 15 - 01:26 PM

IF my wayward son--now in SFO on a new job offer mission--does not use the spot, I will be able to garner 60 points in one fell swoop by playing "DORKS" across a triple-word AND a triple-letter spot under the "K". Thus are small triumphs built. He has been wiping the floor with me at Scrabble for too long now!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 15 - 10:10 PM

How terrible for you! To be so deficient in common vocabulary that your own son uses you for a floor rag and you cannot find the words to complain or remonstrate with him must be a matter of constant annoyance to you.

Or to put it another way,

You feel bad! You not have words to tell son you not a rag so you be mad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 15 - 05:16 AM

Thanking you for your comprlection, Mister R.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 15 - 09:49 AM

OK. I try to help you. Just ask me if you need help with words. Big words OK, I will try to help you with those.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 15 - 10:48 AM

Ha! You good man, Mistah R. Very good. You.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 May 15 - 01:17 PM

Hi, Mom! When Old Paint died, did they bury him in the horse cemetery or take him to the hazardous materials collection site? That's where I have to take my old paint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 May 15 - 05:47 PM

Looks like more rain. Another week at least. Have I mentioned in the last month how very very very wet my yard and garden are? Too much rain is as bad as too little. MOM has only three ripe tomatoes off of all of those plants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 15 - 09:39 PM

Look at the sunny side: the drought is ending and your rice will be doing super!

AND you got 52525!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 15 - 10:02 PM

WE'RE GETTING A PANERA!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 15 - 04:20 AM

I don't think you should be acquiring a bakery at your age, Mister R. Bread and soup stores can be so stressful!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 15 - 09:40 AM

It's about community, Amos. And family. Out here in The Real West we set a great store on community and family. Perhaps sometime in the past you may have heard, in passing, the statement, "It takes a village to raise a child." Out here in the Wide Open Spaces, where there's land, lots of land, people don't like to be fenced in. But everyone knows while everything up to date in, say, Kansas city, still, out here chickens and ducks and geese scurry when one of them gas buggies drives by. But just like in Rumson, we work together out here. Sure, we have our "incidents" and we ask ourselves, "What's Going On Here?" but even then we work together to find out. Even our eccentrics -- like that fella who talks to the trees -- fall to and help out when the chips are down. I know this is hard to understand by a Republican from Sandy Ego, but that's what us simple folk do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 May 15 - 10:08 AM

Republican??? Better pull the plug, nay, cut the power cord, on the fan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 15 - 10:58 AM

Rapparree trying to characterize me as Republican is about as funny as me trying to characterize him as a wizened and gnarled flatulent masturbator. He knows I'm not a Republican, and I know he is neither wizened nor gnarled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 May 15 - 11:10 AM

Butter and salt on yer popcorn, folks?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 15 - 09:23 PM

After the past year I might end up wizened and crotchety.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 May 15 - 12:12 AM

Long weekend ahead, and a very long list of things to do. The weather appears to be following the same soggy trajectory so I suspect that MOM will be complaining about everyone being underfoot. Break out the board games.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 15 - 12:47 AM

I wish all of Mom's chilluns a fine and sunny Memorial day with a cheerful summer to follow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 May 15 - 06:51 AM

Well, I shall be spending the day burning trash/brush piles. I cleared small trees and bushes from a few areas back in January and haven't had a chance to spend an entire day watching them burn until now. We're currently having an unseasonably cool spell, so I reckon I should get 'er done before the 100°F days arrive. I shall endeavor to spend the blaze-monitoring hours thinking up stupid witty things to share with Mom and her kids.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 May 15 - 03:34 PM

JHC! George is mowing his lawn again. He mowed it last night. He mowed it Thursday afternoon. He does not have a putting green. George is truly losing it. If he thinks I am gonna take the hint and mow down my pretty yellow flowers, he's barking up the wrong tree. I wish I could train my honey bees to attack anyone spreading herbicides on my property... George over-sprays onto a third of my front lawn and all of my lawn between our houses. Not one pretty dandelion on a third of my front lawn! Oh the horror!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 15 - 10:38 PM

Someday he'll open the door to a knock and find himself face-to-face with a giant bee. He'll fall back in shock, and the bee will say, "Hello. Thanks for the mutation-causing sprays! Say hello to my little stinger."

And that will be the end of that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 May 15 - 12:51 AM

Indeed!

MOM, I made a banana cream pie. What kind of booze goes well with cream pies?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 May 15 - 07:43 AM

No sort of booze goes well with banana cream pie. The best intoxicating beverage to drink along with banana cream pie is magic mushroom tea. It doesn't make the pie taste better or worse, but it makes it fun to watch the pie wiggle and jiggle when you tap the plate it's sitting on with a spoon. Works even better with Jello. In fact, it's the only thing Jello's any good for. There are entire cults who do nothing but dose up on psychedelics and watch Jello wiggle and jiggle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 May 15 - 08:55 PM

Sometimes the best dessert is to skip the pie and have a single malt Scotch instead. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 15 - 09:46 PM

Let's see:

Tuesday I go to SLC and overnight there.
Wednesday morning I fly to Chicago.
Thursday I spent in Valparaiso, Indiana.
Friday I fly to Dublin.
June 6, 7, and 8 I'll be in Dingle.
June 13 I'll start a week in a cottage in West Cork -- Ahakista, to be precise. Nice little place, thatched roof, leprechauns frolicking in the garden, sleeps eight, three baths -- just a typical Irish cottage.
June 21 I'll fly back to Chicago.
June 23 I'll be back in Pocatello.

Someone has to do these things!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 May 15 - 12:23 AM

Bravo. Honestly between cream pies, chasing leprechauns down the SLough, and burning landscapes in Florida, I just don't know who to envy the most!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 25 May 15 - 01:14 AM

Go for Bee-Dub. He's also got pythons and skeeters.
moo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 May 15 - 03:30 PM

What were you doing up so late, Amos? Your bedtime is 8:00 p.m. and you know it! Boy, are you gonna catch it from Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 May 15 - 05:59 PM

I do not have pythons. The pythons are in south Florida. I live in northwest Florida. To get to the pythons, I would have to drive at least ten hours. The swamps in my part of Florida only have the usual compliment of indigenous deadly animals such as cottonmouths, alligators, rattlesnakes, coral snakes, bears, panthers*, wild hogs**, and mosquitos.


* The edjicated folks at the Florida Wildlife Commission will tell you that there are no panthers/pumas/cougars in this part of Florida, but I've seen one myself and heard several firsthand accounts of sightings. I think the panthers just have an aversion to game wardens.

** No, wild hogs aren't truly indigenous. They're descendants of Spanish colonial era livestock escapees. But if you've been part of the landscape for over 400 years....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 May 15 - 06:54 PM

Go a bit further west, to the Choctaw area of Mississippi, and they call the panthers "painters." At least, that's what the Choctaw word sounds like, according to a Chocktaw friend.

To no surprise, it rained again today. I was planning to paint, but after a soggy trip to Home Depot I put it off for a while. After the air conditioner has time to dry out the house a bit I'll get started. I found a bunch of painting supplies in the garage, many of them encrusted with mud dauber nests. Of course I didn't buy the one thing I needed because I thought it was out there, but I've reached my quota of Home Depot trips for a three day weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 May 15 - 08:41 PM

Guess where I'm going!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 May 15 - 10:12 PM

Speakin a yer gators, Troy Landry will be at Cabela's in Moncton (opens in four days) about 3 km from my house on Saturday from 12 to 3 PM! Tree shakah Jake! Tree shakah!

King of the swamp. One tough SOB. One real nice guy. Spittin image of some of my Acadian relatives.

Alas, I shall not attend. I dare not brave wading through the crowd of screaming rednecks that would make the Beatles' adulation by horny young teenage girls look paltry in comparison.

Choot im Lizebet! Choot im!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 May 15 - 09:05 AM

According to the Clancy Brothers, Rapparree is going to go to Dublin to join the IRA.   However, I think he is in for a disappointment. These days they are mostly doing hedged investments and vote campaigns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mr. Rapparee
Date: 26 May 15 - 10:09 AM

It's ON HIS IRA, not TO JOIN THE IRA. An individual retirement account is somewhat different from the Irish Republican Army. I've been in the army and unlike Amos, I'm not a Republican. I'm also not Irish.


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