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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 27 Nov 04 - 11:58 AM
Amos 27 Nov 04 - 09:47 PM
Acme 28 Nov 04 - 12:55 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 04 - 06:38 PM
Amos 28 Nov 04 - 06:54 PM
Acme 29 Nov 04 - 12:58 AM
Tweed 29 Nov 04 - 08:16 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM
MMario 29 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM
Acme 29 Nov 04 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 04 - 12:13 PM
Acme 29 Nov 04 - 01:28 PM
Tweed 29 Nov 04 - 01:41 PM
Amos 29 Nov 04 - 06:09 PM
khandu 29 Nov 04 - 07:45 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 04 - 08:08 PM
Amos 30 Nov 04 - 12:03 AM
Rustic Rebel 30 Nov 04 - 01:00 AM
Amos 30 Nov 04 - 05:40 AM
MMario 30 Nov 04 - 08:55 AM
Acme 30 Nov 04 - 10:24 AM
Rapparee 30 Nov 04 - 10:23 PM
Amos 30 Nov 04 - 10:37 PM
MMario 01 Dec 04 - 08:42 AM
Acme 01 Dec 04 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 01 Dec 04 - 10:51 AM
Acme 01 Dec 04 - 02:38 PM
Ima Gittin' 01 Dec 04 - 02:43 PM
GUEST,Zeke Floyd 01 Dec 04 - 04:24 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 04 - 05:48 PM
GUEST,Kenny Tague 01 Dec 04 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 04 - 11:10 PM
Amos 01 Dec 04 - 11:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Dec 04 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 04 - 06:30 PM
Acme 02 Dec 04 - 11:50 PM
Rustic Rebel 03 Dec 04 - 03:17 AM
Acme 03 Dec 04 - 04:42 PM
Acme 04 Dec 04 - 01:25 AM
Amos 04 Dec 04 - 01:47 AM
Acme 04 Dec 04 - 11:38 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Dec 04 - 12:07 PM
Acme 04 Dec 04 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 04 - 05:43 PM
Acme 04 Dec 04 - 07:14 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 04 - 10:10 PM
Acme 04 Dec 04 - 10:54 PM
Amos 05 Dec 04 - 07:09 PM
Amos 05 Dec 04 - 09:33 PM
Amos 05 Dec 04 - 09:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 04 - 11:58 AM

Amos, you have to have enough vigorous chores around the house to keep you so busy you can't put on the weight! Me, I've been moving furniture lately, and cleaning the garage. This morning I have to go out and mow the front and the back yards--that's a half-acre of lawn that will take a couple of hours (it takes longer now that I put in beds that I have to mow a more complex, time-consuming pattern to get around.) I'm already a few pounds over what I like, so I can't afford to gain any more! I'm trying to lose those pounds still. Onward, mower!

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 04 - 09:47 PM

SRS, you have finally proven the age old myth that mower is less. I am very impressed!!


There was an actress in Hollywood who was found trimming her lawn with a weed-whacker, who explained, "That's all there is! There isn't any mower.".

But no-one believed her.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 04 - 12:55 PM

On the other hand, around here it is good for the soil to cut the grass with a mulching device, hence the saying "mower is loess."

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 04 - 06:38 PM

I painted a room blue the day after Thanksgiving. It's a very nice shade of blue.

I thought you might like to know.

The room is in Valparaiso, Indiana.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 04 - 06:54 PM

Somewhere in Valparaiso, a room is blue tonight. I know whose hand made it blue, but I will never know whose mind will swelter in the confines of that blue room, a year, ten years from now, wondering if there is really any substantive hope for the world. Or who will see the light turn on and realize that the world is her oyster. Between those blue covering walls, will someone cuddle someone for the first time? Or hold them for the last time? The fate of four blue walls may be nothing to those who do not know Valparaiso. To some who have been there, it might mean everything.

Quoth, while raving, "Ever mower!".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 12:58 AM

so much depends
upon

a red lawn
mower

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 08:16 AM

Khandu is loose in Arkansas! Blow-up dolls create havoc.

Arkansas Woman Killed in
Mistaken Rapture
by Elroy Willis
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses.

Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus.

"She started screaming `He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene.

"I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene.

Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky.

Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him.

"I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing.

When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM

Librarians are the nicest and most mannerly people, the most forgiving people, on the planet, because they are always correct and can prove it but are too polite to go around saying "I told you so." Librarians would never hold a a grudge (which rhymes with the k-word).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM

just goes to show that life is stranger then fiction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 10:40 AM

Mower, mower, please post mower! I love stories like that. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 12:13 PM

So, these blow-up dolls were filled with helium? Ones filled with air wouldn't rise up into the sky.

Are there any reports from passing airliners? Were fighters scrambled to shoot them down? Dammit, what is the Government doing to protect us????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 01:28 PM

It didn't even get a rise out of them. You can't inflate your service flying record by going down (jet-wise) on inflatable dolls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 01:41 PM

I am farily sure these were some obv the missing PattiPoopshoot dolls from Spaw's gala Birthday party. In fack, most obv them was filled with hydrogen at that particlar swarree as they created a perty good nite time air show. Khandu could tell more az he was straitjacketed to something or other and had to watch the whole deal as a part obv hiz treatments.
Rustic made off wif a stack obv inflatable penii and I ain't got no idee what ebver became of them things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 06:09 PM

Rapaire:

No-one said the Kluge family name could not be pronounced any way they want to pronounce it. Kludj, Klooj, or even Kllooogy, for that matter. It's all whimsy and borogrove when it comes to perspnal preferences, and chacun a son mauvais gout, if you see what I mean.

But kludge is an engineering term, a word with backbone, metrics and discipline behind it. So please keep your sloppy Valley-girl humanism on its own side of the room, okay?

Regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 07:45 PM

The mower I think of the poopshoot dolls from the Spaw's well-meaning "Save khandu" party, the mower my head aches! I have vague but painful memories attached to those hard times & do not likze to be reminded! Yet Tweedwhoisaslokhandu delights in my discomfort & discomfiture.
However, I was in Arkansas traveling & did see several people floating toward the sky, but I thought nothing of it because my mind was preoccupied over why things went so terribly wrong when I tried using my buttcandle for the first time.
Believe me, those things can be a pain in the arse.
Got to go now. Time for my medicine.

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 08:08 PM

Vicodin, also known as hydrocodone. Oh, yeah........................................................

Amos, the Kluge Prize includes a cool one million US dollars (USD 1 x 10^6 and no cents). So what sort of money do prizes for the Black Gang include?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:03 AM

???????-- ???????

But anyway, I would dearly love to have a shot at that Kluge thingo!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 01:00 AM

That would be 'Playmate Paul dolls with erectile penises' Tweed. I had to pop mine to get back down to earth. What a long strange trip that was.
That story does sound eerily familiar. (Spaw should read it!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 05:40 AM

Huh!! My Chinese characters all turned into question marks!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 08:55 AM

May you live in interesting times...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 10:24 AM

If you cut and paste from the site I posted earlier, Amos, it apparently uses Chinese ASCII values and they display properly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 10:23 PM

I valued Ascii once. It didn't display at all. Poor ol' Ascii just pooped all over the house until Mom made use get rid of him. She said that normal children didn't keep pet cockroaches that had diarrhea, no matter how soft their fur was. The cockroaches fur, not the kids. We didn't have fur, just as much hair as everyone else, covering us from head to ankles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 10:37 PM

Amos (singing):

Cigareets, and ASCII, and wild, wild wimmin
They'll drive you crayzee, they'll drive yew insaynnnne....

(Exit stage right on a horse, strumming a "D" chord)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 08:42 AM

that would be an 'O68' Chord?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 10:40 AM

Wasn't somone struming a G-string?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 10:51 AM

I don't strum 'em, I plucks 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 02:38 PM

What's the name of that thong you're playing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ima Gittin'
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 02:43 PM

SRS...you mean WhaTHs....?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Zeke Floyd
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 04:24 PM

Hi. Ya'll don' know me but mah name's Zeke Floyd. I wus wunnerin' if ya'll mighta see'd mah dawgs. They bus' outta they's pen las' Thuzday an' I ain' see'd 'em since. They's two of 'em. One's a yaller bitch whut's probly in heat. Looks sorta lack a yaller Lab only 'tain't one. Labs is fer duck huntin' an' I don' hunt no dam' ducks, jus' deer. Th' other one's a black 'n tan dawg looks sorta lack a coonhoun' only 'tain't one. Don' hunt no dam' coons, jus' deer. Ennyways, lack I says, thet yaller bitch is probly in heat so they's probly gonna be a whole dam' mess uh dawgs follerin' 'er 'roun' tryin' t' fuck 'er. Ya'll kin shoot th' res' them sumbitches if ya wanna, jus' don' shoot th' yaller bitch an' th' black 'n tan dawg. They's bo'f wearin' collars wif mah name an' phone nummer on 'em. Don' go askin' whut they names is 'cause they ain' got no names. What th' hell ennybuddy wanna name a huntin' dawg fer ennyways? Ain't no dam' pets. Namin' huntin' dawgs is 'bout as silly as namin' cows.

Ennyways, if enny of ya'll seen mah dawgs, jus' gimme a call at 555-1234 an' I'll come an' git 'em. I'd 'preciate it if ya'll kin tie 'em to a tree or sumpin' t' keep 'em frum runnin' off 'til I git there. Don' worry 'bout 'em tryin' t' bite 'cause they knows better. I beat th' shit out of 'em ever time they even thinks 'bout bitin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 05:48 PM

Zinc Fraud, I gived you an answer on that there other thread 'bout Khandu's gist book. I seen yer dogs, only I din't know that they wuz yer dogs then, so I give you some clues there 'bout where to go find 'em. I ain't agonna repete myself here, so you jist go look on that there other thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Kenny Tague
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 11:02 PM

Howdy ya'll. I'm missin' a dawg, too, an' wuz wunnerin' if summa ya'll mighta seen 'im. He's a pit bull named Chewyerfuckinassoff. Here's a pitcher. Tha's him over t' th' right side of th' pitcher. Th' brown 'un with th' chain 'roun 'is neck. Tha's me in th' front an' my brother Bill in th' back. My brother Bill's crippled, ya know. Th' dawg bus' his chain a few nights ago. I think it wuz when thet ol' yeller bitch of Zeke Floyd's tha's in heat got outta th' pen an my dawg decided he wanted summa that. Ennyways, if ya'll see my dawg, git in yore house, lock yore doors an' call me at 555-2345. Don' even think about tryin' t' tie 'im t' no tree or nuthin' lack thet. He ain't called Chewyerfuckinassoff fer nuthin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 11:10 PM

Don't worry yourself none about it, Kenny T. I got me a wunnerful good ol' 12 gauge double barrel shotgun like most of the ol' gals an' guys 'round here. Yer ol' pup dog chews on somebody's ass out here it's goin' down, dude.

But I thunk I did see it a-chasin' Zinc Fraud's ol' yeller bitch. I think yer dawg wuz the one that din't have it's dentures in tight an' it wuz running along goin' "Clop! Clop!" evertime it tried ta bark.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 11:20 PM

Kenny, thass one mean muffuggin' dawg ennyhoo, an' yew could jus' be bettah for loosin' it and not know yore blessings!! Whuffo anny buddud wanna mean ole muffugger uvvadawg lahk det is byawn me ennyhoo.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 03:25 PM

As some of you folks of above average deductive powers may have deduced, the "Zeke Floyd" posts made to this and other threads are totally bogus, spurious and fraudulent. Yes, I posted those messages! However, they are based upon fact. There really is a Zeke Floyd! I have actually met the man! I was so impressed, if that's the appropriate word, that I felt compelled to create a "Zeke Floyd" alter-ego and bring him to life here on the MOAB. Yet, as is often the case, truth is stranger than fiction and I am pleased to present the following true story of my experience with Zeke Floyd and his dogs.   

As I was returning from my latest road trip, I noticed two dogs, a yellow female and a black and tan male, on the shoulder of the road a few hundred feet north of our driveway. When I stopped to check the mailbox the dogs must have thought I had stopped to interact with them in some fashion because they came loping down the road and up to the van as if they were expecting something. Having no use for dogs, I told them to get the hell away. I then drove down my quarter-mile-long driveway to the house and began unloading a few things from the van. So, what should appear in a few moments, snooping around and scaring my cats? You guessed it, the very same two dogs. I again told them to scram, whereupon they ran about fifty feet away and lie down in the middle of the driveway.

Now, the road trip from which I had returned had been replete with dogs: my stepson's two exceedingly rambunctious half-grown Labradors, my parents' obsessive-compulsive dachshund, and my daughter's long-haired Chihuahua puppy which lives in her purse. I was completely dogged out and in the mood for feline companionship and these two strays had decided to take over my yard, sending my cats onto rooftops and into trees. It appeared that dogs had become part of my recent karma and that the karmic debt had not yet been paid in full.

I was actively bemoaning my apparent fate when I noticed that the yellow female was wearing a collar. "Aha!" I thought to myself, "A collar means an owner, so these are lost dogs, not strays. All I need to do is contact the owner and he'll come get 'em." So, I attempted to coax the collar-wearing bitch to me so I could see if the collar had a tag with the owner's name and phone number. She came within a few feet and I could see a brass nameplate on the collar, but she wouldn't come quite close enough for me to actually grab the collar and read the thing. We played the approach-avoidance game for about fifteen minutes until I was actually able to grab the collar and read the name "Zeke Floyd" followed by a phone number. So, I went inside, called Mr. Floyd, and told him where his dogs could be found.

Now, another thing I had done on that road trip from which I had just returned, in addition to visiting relatives with dogs, was to visit the Salvador Dali Museum in St. Petersburg, Florida. That brief but total immersion into the world of Surrealism couldn't hold a candle to the surreal scene that unfolded when Zeke Floyd came to get his dogs.

The sun had gone down and darkness was upon the face of the homestead. I was outside with a flashlight so I could make sure Zeke's dogs didn't decide to go visit some other fool's place now that their owner was on his way to relieve me of them. I heard a vehicle in the driveway, saw headlights coming around the final curve and was greeted by the sight, sound and smell of a mid-1960's Dodge pickup truck with rattling body panels and clattering valve lifters emitting a cloud of noxious oily blue smoke. The driver didn't turn the engine off, presumably because he wasn't sure the thing would crank back up if he did so. The driver's side door creaked open and Zeke Floyd himself stepped out into the oil-smoke-impregnated atmosphere, carrying a ten-foot length of manilla rope in his right hand. If you want to know what Zeke looks like, just go to the "Kenny Tague" post below, click on the picture link, and imagine what Kenny would look like if he were sixty-five years old and had no teeth. "Howdy!" I said to Zeke in my best attempt at neighborliness, only to be totally ignored as he lunged for the yellow dog which skillfully squirmed away from his grasp. If I had been entertaining visions of some kind of happy reunion between adoring, trusting canines and their loving master, they were quickly put to rest. It was obvious that the dogs liked Zeke a lot less than they liked me, which was none at all. "Dammit, dawg!" Zeke hollered as he watched both his missed target and its companion run off down the driveway. He then climbed back into his smoking truck, nearly backed it into my own much newer and non-smoking Dodge pickup, and roared off down the driveway, never having acknowledged my existence in any fashion.      

Well, I thought I'd seen the last of Zeke and his dogs at that point, but almost as soon as I had walked into the house I heard Zeke's truck heading back up the driveway. I stepped back outside, popped the flashlight back on, and there were the dogs again, having doubled back and given Zeke the slip. So a few seconds later the old Dodge slid back into the yard, Zeke jumped out and lunged for the yellow bitch again and, this time, snagged her by the collar. He proceeded to drag the whining dog to the back of the truck where he opened the tailgate and attempted to open the door of a plastic pet-carrier he had brought along. Since he couldn't let go of the struggling dog, I volunteered to get the carrier door open for him and, as soon as it was open, Zeke began trying to stuff the Labrador-sized dog into a the Spaniel-sized carrier. The entire operation was complicated by the fact that, during the time we'd been struggling with the pet-carrier door, the male dog had been overcome by a bout of lust and was busily screwing the bitch for all he was worth. Dogs! There he was, in a noisy, smoke-filled, tumultuous atmosphere, being recaptured by someone he obviously despised, and instead of hauling ass off into the woods where freedom was his for the taking, he decided to take the opportunity to knock off a piece while ol' Zeke held it by the collar. Talk about thinking with your dick!

Anyway, Zeke separated the two dogs, stuffed the female into the undersized carrier, and grabbed the black and tan male by the scruff of the neck. I was expecting him to tie the second dog to the truck in some fashion or, maybe, put it up front in the cab with himself. But, no, he opened the pet-carrier door again and began stuffing the second dog into the already overstuffed plastic box. He got the critter in there somehow and closed the door, but sardines in a tin have never been packed tighter than those two dogs were. Then Zeke got back into his truck, nearly backed into my own truck again, and roared off down the driveway, never having spoken to me, made eye contact, nor uttered a word other than "dammit" and "dawg" the entire time he'd been there.

And ya'll know this story's gotta be the truth 'cause I don't have a vivid enough imagination to make this kinda shit up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 06:30 PM

Uhuh. Yup. Sure.

Why didn't he just shove 'em both in while they were amorously encoupled? But to help you, Bee-Dubya-Ell, overcome this canine encounter, here's some cat haiku that was sent to me this morning. You know I didn't do it because 1) I don't write haiku and b) even if I did, this is better than what I could write.

Cat Haiku

The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.
----

So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle's closer.
----

There's no dignity
In being sick -- which is why
I don't tell you where.
----

Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.
----

Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.
----

Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow's taken.
----

Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I've lost interest.
----

The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.
----

My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?
----

Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.
----

My affection is conditional.
Don't stand up,
It's your lap I love.
----

Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.
----

I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.
----

So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier." I call
These my "blades of death."
----

Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 11:50 PM

I'll clean up my keyboard and screen now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 03:17 AM

Now hold on a dog-gone minute.
Bee-dubya, I understand you had no love or compassianno for the dogs but that seems like a bit of mistreatment and I think I would have had to stuff the Zeke man in the carrier too.


Let the dogs fuck him while I drove him down to the local river.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:42 PM

That would be cruelty to animals. And that story is a tough act to follow. I'm just bouncing this back to the top and heading out to a holiday concert. Maybe I'll think of something witty to offer up tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 01:25 AM

Still hauling this mother back to the top. Where is everyone today?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 01:47 AM

I guess BWL's story was purdy hard to follow up, huh?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 11:38 AM

Yup. Nearly brought us to a standstill!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 12:07 PM

Aw, c'mon! 'Tweren't that much of a story. It's just the sorta thing that happens when yer th' token old hippies in an area where most of the locals' family trees don't have any branches. It was probably th' first time ol' Zeke had met anyone that wasn't a cousin, much less a bearded pony-tailed weirdo who has ceramic demon masks hanging on all the trees in his driveway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 01:27 PM

Are you kidding? That's the thing of legends, BWL. People are probably passing around the link to the story even as we speak. We laughed our heads off reading it here.

The sad bit is that those were really exceptional haiku that Rapaire posted and if they hadn't had to follow your story, they'd have incited a bit of discussion and copy-cat activity on their own.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 05:43 PM

I also posted them to the "j0hn's lost thread" thread, and then forgot and posted them on Mother. Oh well. I didn't write them, I don't do haiku, never have, probably never will. I "do" iambic Alexandrines, or systemic heptameter, or ever colonic irritations, that's what I do. Now, even tho' I am weeping sad and lonely, in exquisite pain from my infected tooth (root canal on Tuesday), a lone lorn child wandering through the blizzards of Idaho, clad but in a few fluttering rags, my feet staining the icy crystals with my blood, I must put up Christmas decorations so we can turn them on on Monday, December 6, the Feast of St. Nicholas, who would put candy in my shoes if I only had shoes in which to put candy.

The last time St. Nick put candy in my shoes was years ago, when I had shoes in which to put candy. He filled them with chocolate creams and gumdrops and humbugs and all sorts of wonderful treats and set them near the fire so that the shoes would be warm and toasty the next morning. They were, and they were also full of melted candy. We had to cut the shoes away in order to get to the candy, which of course we did because the candy was all the food in the house and the shoes were too small for me anyway and being made of papier-mache they weren't exactly the height of fashion.

So I'm going to go put up Christmas decorations for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 07:14 PM

I went so far as to pull mine down from the cupboard. Tomorrow a few lights will go out in the yard. I'm also contemplating baking some holiday breads and cookies. But before all of that, I MUST finish the box that goes to my Secret Santee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 10:10 PM

I put a small lighted wreath on the front of the house, put up some red bows (including one under the lionhead door knocker, so it looks like a bright red bow tie), and put a couple candles in the windows. Tomorrow I will run lighted garland around the door and put up the Christmas trees (we use two) and a dozen more candles in the windows. Maybe I'll put on of the trees on the porch, where we can see it from the dining room and anyone night-skiing on on the golf course could see it too.

Or maybe I'll put it downstairs.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm....

I like having the lights at the darkest time of the year. They'll all come down or be turned off on January 6.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 10:54 PM

Night skiing on the golf course. . . That implies snow is in your vacinity. We've barely had frost. So do you end up with stray orange balls in your yard as winter golfers play through? (Orange is best--it would be too frustrating to play golf with blue balls!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 07:09 PM

If Rapaire ends up with orange balls on account of all this snow, I want pictures.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 09:33 PM

THere once was a man from Japan
Whose verses would just never scan.
When folks would ask, "Why?"

He

would

always

re....



ply.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 09:34 PM

"Because I always try to get as many syllables into the very last line as ever I can!"

5300!!!!



A


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