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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,The Little Voices 10 Apr 05 - 08:26 PM
GUEST,Janet Lennon 10 Apr 05 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 05 - 08:22 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 05 - 08:27 AM
Acme 11 Apr 05 - 10:23 AM
Amos 11 Apr 05 - 10:42 AM
Acme 11 Apr 05 - 11:20 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 05 - 11:38 AM
Amos 11 Apr 05 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 05 - 07:02 PM
Acme 12 Apr 05 - 12:59 AM
Amos 12 Apr 05 - 07:47 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 05 - 08:45 AM
Acme 12 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 12 Apr 05 - 08:34 PM
Amos 12 Apr 05 - 08:48 PM
Acme 12 Apr 05 - 11:05 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 09:03 AM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 09:22 AM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 09:32 AM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 09:36 AM
GUEST 13 Apr 05 - 09:38 AM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 09:51 AM
Acme 13 Apr 05 - 12:07 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Apr 05 - 12:23 PM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 01:04 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Apr 05 - 01:07 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 01:18 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 01:21 PM
rumanci 13 Apr 05 - 01:24 PM
Teresa 13 Apr 05 - 01:27 PM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 02:00 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Apr 05 - 02:05 PM
rumanci 13 Apr 05 - 02:09 PM
Teresa 13 Apr 05 - 02:39 PM
Acme 13 Apr 05 - 02:57 PM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 03:08 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 03:30 PM
Teresa 13 Apr 05 - 03:37 PM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 03:39 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 03:57 PM
Acme 13 Apr 05 - 08:22 PM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 08:52 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 09:17 PM
Acme 13 Apr 05 - 09:25 PM
Acme 13 Apr 05 - 09:26 PM
Acme 13 Apr 05 - 09:27 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 10:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Apr 05 - 10:56 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Little Voices
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 08:26 PM

Hello people. We are the little voices that used to follow your friend Bee-dubya-ell around and harass him. He escaped us some time back and we've been looking for him. We hear that there is someone or something named "Chuckles" hunting for him as well. We are wondering if you know how we can get in touch with this "Chuckles" to see if he has unearthed any clues. We would, of course, be willing to share what little information we have about Bee-dubya-ell's whereabouts with the Chuckles creature.

We mean Bee-dubya-ell no harm. Trust us. It's just been rather boring since he managed to ditch us. We tried taking up with a couple of winos we met on our travels, but those brains already had enough little voices of their own and there was no room for us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Janet Lennon
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 10:04 PM

Dear Friends of King khandu,

I'm Janet Lennon... Of the Lennon Sisters.... Lawrence Welk.... Remember? Good.

Now that we're on the same page, I'm writing to inform you that it appears that the spirit of my sister Peggy and your friend khandu have become intermingled in some mysterious fashion. (Please click here.) Well, I don't like it. I want my sister back.

We were hoping that Peggy's possession of khandu would be short-lived, that she has too much class to inhabit the mind of such a cretin, but she's still there. Even his suggestion that she become the central figure in this year's Pellahatchee Goat Fuck errr... Roast didn't phase her.

Dee Dee, Kathy, Mimi and I are very concerned. We we wondering if you might have any ideas about how to go about getting Peggy to leave khandu's brain. We've tried aromatherapy but it didn't do any good. We really need your help.

Thank you,

Janet Lennon


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 08:22 AM

Kick him in the side of the head until it's so unpleasant there that she leaves.

Wasn't there another Lennon Sister? I think her name was John.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 08:27 AM

Another possibility is to make a deal with The Little Voices.

Or some night when he's laying on his side, sound asleep, put a whole bunch of gravitons into whichever ear is uppermost. This will cause an increase in gravitational force and suck ol' Peggy up, and you can grab her when she breaks the surface (so to speak).

Chuckles might be able to help, if you can find itshehim.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 10:23 AM

Ah, the Hamlet approach to getting rid of a problem person? It doesn't stop the little voices (and it contributes to great dramatic moments!)

    I am thy father's spirit,
    Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 10:42 AM

As the king's ghost doth explain,
So might the little owners of wee voices cry dismay!
That in the night, dislodge, undone, all plucked
They are pulled up, and cry, "O!! We are fu**ed"

Upon my secure hour my owner stole,
With juice of cursed gravitons in a vial,
And in the porches of my ears did pour
The leperous distilment; whose effect
Holds such an enmity with blood of man
That swift as quicksilverr it courses through
The natural gates and alleys of the mind,
And with a sudden vigour it doth posset
And curd, like eager droppings into milk,
The home and mooring of wee voices. So to mine;
And a most instant tetter bark'd about,
Most lazar-like, with vile and loathsome crust
All my smooth brain.
Thus was I, sleeping, by a brother's hand
Of life, of host, of visiting mind, at once dispatch'd;
Drawn out even in the blossoms of my sin,
Unhous'led, disappointed, unanel'd,
No reckoning made, but sent to my account
With all my imperfections in my head.


(Hamlet, II, i, modified for the MOAB)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 11:20 AM

"Lazar-like"--is this a sudden segue to the butcher, Lazar Wolf, in Fiddler on the Roof? Or is this the typo of Shakespeare's amanuensis?

It's laser, with an "s"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 11:38 AM

Neither. Just a reference to 1) a leper, and/or, 2) Lazarus, brother of Mary and Martha (vide the 11th Chapter of John).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 02:15 PM

Rapaire has the right of it I think -- it is untouched from my original borrowing; aged Lazarus from the tomb stepping forth might indeed have been crawling with incrustations of decay, rotting bits of flesh and maybe maggots.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 07:02 PM

Says in John that he'd been dead for three days or something and that "he stinks."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 12:59 AM

A non-BS query here: I just looked up one of our otherwise-reliably prodigious posters of BS, and find that Teresa hasn't posted since March 11. Does anyone know if she's okay? Online? PM me if you prefer. I sent her a PM, but I wonder if she'll get it. Could she visit the Mudcat yet resist posting to a thread here for a month? I think not! Last seen here at MOAB, she was talking about gravitons and such. Did Chuckles or the Freds mistake Las Vegas for Florida, do you think, and devour a Mudcatter? Or Shatner? Did he have something to do with this?

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 07:47 AM

I've no news here.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 08:45 AM

Haven't heard. I certainly hope she's okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM

I'll PM a couple of folks and see what they know. Back to the BS, though we're severely challenged right now by the banter running over on that "Pubic Information" thread. Not Public with an L, but Pubic, what the 'ell.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 08:34 PM

There isn't a public library in the US that hasn't left the "l" out at one time or another. You only hope that it's not one something either important or public or worse, both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 08:48 PM

Wot the 'l--dinna fasch thysel'.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 11:05 PM

I heard from Teresa this evening--she has been off pursuing other interests. I have her email and permission to share it, so PM if anyone is interested.

To get back to the missing "l," funny how I generally read "public" even if the "l" is missing there, but if you drop an "r" in "library," to come up with "libary" it screams out at me. You'd think the sexier reference would get the attention, wouldn't you?

Oh, well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:03 AM

Dropping the "r" in "library" can also result in "libray." Personally, I've always liked "liberry," which suggests a sort of pie or jam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:22 AM

Even the ignorant and unwashed know the difference between "public" and "pubic"; this is often not the case with "Liberries".

Amos
Snobissimus Maximus


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:32 AM

We were sitting around the House when Frank said, "Can we discuss the Class system in UK?" and burped loudly; it was obvious that his beer had gotten to him.

I mean, why discuss that when there are more burning questions, like Why should Britain remain in Ireland? or This is democracy? Why he wanted to discuss that will always remain one of Histories Mysteries, I guess, because a robin trilled (always one of the first Signs of Spring) and Frank sprang from his chair like he there was a poison dart in his butt and fled yelling "What is America really like??"

We sighed (we all know Frank) and opened another beer. Mary, a TV anchor, mentioned the Popualar views of the Blair adninstratio, but apologized for cutting it short. Brad, a Canuck down from the Great Slave Lake, told about a big project up his was that will prevent any further slippage of magnetic north and exactly how CANADA SAVES THE WORLD !! thereby.         

Fortunately none of us could say "Oh, no! I'm unemployed again." And we popped another beer to celebrate.

Colum, talking to himself, suddenly screamed "You must leave now!!" and pulling up the hem of his kilt, dashed off into the cemetery. "Ah, well," said Sadie, "always the Scottish show disrespect for dead pope, even if in this case he'll have a long swim ta do so."         

We put out the cigars, since Smoking in public to be banned (UK) and wondered if a revival of the Code Duello would execerbate the question of Why do you offend so easily?

Frannie, recently returned from a performance of Cosi Fan Tutti expressed her opinion of Stupid lousy Sopranos hiking the Trans - Pennine Trail. Shortly thereafter we left, since Bush has left the building and there was little around to do besides drink.        

Apologies


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:36 AM

Rapaire rides again!! LOL, man!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:38 AM

some people speak in tongues - Rapaire'
s speaking in thread titles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:51 AM

A seamy business indeed. Fortunately, he is not sharp-tongued, although I am sure he is sharp enough to speak in tongues. And to cut off threads when it seams necessary to do so.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 12:07 PM

A-hem, Amos. When it "seams" necessary? (Little tiny pun there. . . :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 12:23 PM

perhaps he's just trying to needle us? Or trying to pin down the truth?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:04 PM

Sew it does seam, Good Mario. Rapaire has ever thought that the rule of an eye for an eye would be heaven, a proposition which leaves me in stitches.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:07 PM

I think you should just suture self Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:18 PM

A hem. Should you two keep this up, Mother will have to baste you one. Puns are, after all, what thimble people consider humor. I'm certain that neither of you would care a darn to be considered such a goose as that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:21 PM

Now come on! You're both big boys and I'm sure that you can iron out any pressing differences you may have.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:24 PM

I think you're all sew and sews !
Upun my word this embroidering should desist immediatement .....
Non ! Non ! (or should that be a French knot ?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:27 PM

Yes, I was almost literally kidnapped by Shatner in the guise of Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Last time that happened I really was away from the 'cat for almost five years. But Mom, I'm home again. I was away on various imaginary galactic travels, including audio files I found of Star trek. When things like this happen, I put my energy into them for a time.

Such is my way. I'm a mysterious Scorpio nomad. But my email is very reliable, and I always write back, so those who have or want it can contact me. I promise to check my PMs once a day, too. Really, no, no, I am touched. I like to be a strange one, but not too much of a stranger. I like my hidey-hole.

Now that rapaire has admitted to gradually sawing at my white cane ... ok, ok, he didn't admit it; he tried to blame Bee-Dubya. Ah, such a life.

Teresa

P.S. In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. thank you, H. G. Wells.

My RDA of pure BS. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 02:00 PM

I don't think it was BWL, Tee. He lives down by the Brazos River where it runs into the Everglades, you know. And there ain't no cane down on the Brazos.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 02:05 PM

isn't Rap too far north for Cane? Bee-dubya could have mistaken the white cane for a hurricane and been trying to reduce it to a mere topical disturbance


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 02:09 PM

oh do be cirrus Mmario or a whole load of accumulus will con front us all


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 02:39 PM

Well, I'm gonna solve this mystery of the white cane. Meanwhile, you're all guilty until proven otherwise. So I had to come back. ;)

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 02:57 PM

Up-pun my word-- I live near the Brazos, and it's still here in Texas, so unless it has been hijacked, Bee Dubya Ell lives on some other river.

(Teresa, great to see you back, but don't say that S-name any more or Little Hawk will deluge us with questions as he tries to get the full story out of you).

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 03:08 PM

Dang...another grand speculation run hard aground on the reef of fact! Well, it sounded good, as the navigator said to the angry Captain afterwards.   

Anyway, I don't think hurricanes are white, and I have never seen a white cane hurrying much -- the navigation system is based on lower throughput, largely around 1400 feet per second rather than the 186,000 miles per second that is suffered by the sighted.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 03:30 PM

Since Teresa has returned...could we say that she no longer needs a white cane because she has, so to speak, been sighted?

(No, not sorry at all. Nope. Nope. Nope.)

And while all are guilty until proven otherwise, I'm otherwise. So everyone else must be guilty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 03:37 PM

Who, ol' bill? The horse enthusiast? Him? Heh. He's rather harmless, and anyway, I prefer Leonard and his character, spock.

Ohhhhhhh Rapaire. You got me with that blow. And not only sighted, but cited, too.

teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 03:39 PM

You may have meant "other than wise", Rapaire. And it is also true you are otherwise than most people -- at least, most normal ones. But you can't prove it. Me, I was born guilty and have been trying to prove it ever since.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 03:57 PM

I myself am neither guilty nor innocent. I inhabit a middle ground, a moral landscape composed of shades of gray (or grey, if you prefer). Like everyone, I am neither good nor bad, neither selfish nor sharing, neither a saint nor a sinner, neither giving nor taking, neither reaping nor sewing, neither old nor young, neither stumbling along in the dark nor striding forward in the light, neither flat nor sharp, neither totally conversant with the "neither-nor" construction nor capable, at the moment, of named the three verbals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 08:22 PM

nor capable, at the moment, of named the three verbals.

Huh?

Rapaire may not be guilty or innocent, but he is confused. Or I am. Perhaps we both are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 08:52 PM

Perhaps he means the three Gerbils -- see no wheel, hear no wheel, speak no wheel. I think they are Zen Buddhists.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:17 PM

I also exist with no past (for instance, the verb "named"), or present (e.g., "naming",) or future ("will name"). The Past, The Present, and The Future are all one to me, each meaningless in itself except in relation to each other. For how can there be a Present if there has been no Past and will be no Future? Thus any tense will work with any verb to convey the message. The Truly Enlightened will understand and The Great Unwashed will not. In similar wise Good cannot exist without Evil, Age without Youth, or Joy without Sorrow, for each dichotomous set defines the other members of the set.

Nothing, of course, could be further or closer to the Truth and so Truth is Nothing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:25 PM

Bah!

I reject binaries! Black and white, for example, has tons of shades of gray.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:26 PM

In a totally unrelated thought, Robert Service once wrote

Just Think!

Just think! some night the stars will gleam
   Upon a cold, grey stone,
And trace a name with silver beam,
   And lo! 'twill be your own.

This night is speeding on to greet
   Your epitaphic rhyme.
You life is but a little beat
   Within the heart of Time.

A little gain, a little pain,
   A laugh, lest you may moan;
A little blame, a little flame,
   A star-gleam on a stone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:27 PM

7300


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:55 PM

7301.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 10:07 PM

Then away to the Tripos, Little-Go, Mays;
The plough-share shall never the College debase.
Then tremble, ye dons, in the midst of your glee,
For you've not heard the last of my students and me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 10:56 PM

No, Amos, I don't live on the Brazos River. I live in the Bozo's swamp. It's home to several extremely rare species of flora and fauna like the Rubber-nosed Woodpecker, the Bearded Whoopee Cushion, the Red-headed Whatzit and the Giant Snode. It's notable that these species are extremely rare, but not endangered. "Endangered" implies that somebody gives a damn whether or not they're around. In fact, nobody gives a rat's ass whether any of them exist or not and some people think the world would be a much better place if they were all extinct.


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