Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafesonny

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] [78] [79] [80] [81] [82] [83] [84] [85] [86] [87] [88] [89] [90] [91] [92] [93] [94] [95] [96] [97] [98] [99] [100] [101] [102] [103] [104] [105] [106] [107] [108] [109] [110] [111] [112] [113] [114] [115] [116] [117] [118] [119] [120] [121] [122] [123] [124] [125] [126] [127] [128] [129] [130] [131] [132] [133] [134] [135] [136] [137] [138] [139] [140] [141] [142] [143] [144] [145] [146] [147] [148] [149] [150] [151] [152] [153] [154] [155] [156] [157] [158] [159] [160] [161] [162] [163] [164] [165] [166] [167] [168] [169] [170] [171] [172] [173] [174] [175] [176] [177] [178] [179] [180] [181] [182] [183] [184] [185] [186] [187] [188] [189] [190] [191] [192] [193] [194] [195] [196] [197] [198] [199] [200] [201] [202] [203] [204] [205] [206] [207] [208] [209] [210] [211] [212] [213] [214] [215] [216] [217] [218] [219] [220] [221] [222] [223] [224] [225] [226] [227] [228] [229] [230] [231] [232] [233] [234] [235] [236] [237] [238] [239] [240] [241] [242] [243] [244] [245] [246] [247] [248] [249] [250] [251] [252] [253] [254] [255] [256] [257] [258] [259] [260] [261] [262] [263] [264] [265] [266] [267] [268] [269] [270] [271] [272] [273] [274] [275] [276] [277] [278] [279] [280] [281] [282] [283] [284] [285] [286] [287] [288] [289] [290] [291] [292] [293] [294] [295] [296] [297] [298] [299] [300] [301] [302] [303] [304] [305] [306] [307] [308] [309] [310] [311] [312] [313] [314] [315] [316] [317] [318] [319] [320] [321] [322] [323] [324] [325] [326] [327] [328] [329] [330] [331] [332] [333] [334] [335] [336] [337] [338] [339] [340] [341] [342] [343] [344] [345] [346] [347] [348] [349] [350] [351] [352] [353] [354] [355] [356] [357] [358] [359] [360] [361] [362] [363] [364] [365] [366] [367] [368] [369] [370] [371] [372] [373] [374] [375] [376] [377] [378] [379] [380] [381] [382] [383] [384] [385] [386] [387] [388] [389] [390] [391] [392] [393] [394] [395] [396] [397] [398] [399] [400] [401] [402] [403] [404] [405] [406] [407] [408] [409] [410] [411] [412] [413] [414] [415] [416] [417] [418] [419] [420] [421] [422] [423] [424] [425] [426] [427] [428] [429] [430] [431] [432] [433] [434] [435] [436] [437] [438] [439] [440] [441] [442] [443] [444] [445] [446] [447] [448] [449] [450] [451] [452] [453] [454] [455] [456] [457] [458] [459] [460] [461] [462] [463] [464] [465] [466] [467] [468] [469] [470] [471] [472] [473] [474] [475] [476] [477] [478] [479] [480] [481] [482] [483] [484] [485] [486] [487] [488] [489] [490] [491] [492] [493] [494] [495] [496] [497] [498] [499] [500] [501] [502] [503] [504] [505] [506] [507] [508] [509] [510] [511] [512] [513] [514] [515] [516] [517] [518] [519] [520] [521] [522] [523] [524] [525] [526] [527] [528] [529] [530] [531] [532] [533] [534] [535] [536] [537] [538] [539] [540] [541] [542] [543] [544] [545] [546] [547] [548] [549] [550] [551] [552] [553] [554] [555] [556] [557] [558] [559] [560] [561] [562] [563] [564] [565] [566] [567] [568] [569] [570] [571] [572] [573] [574] [575] [576] [577] [578] [579] [580] [581] [582] [583] [584] [585] [586] [587] [588] [589] [590] [591] [592] [593] [594] [595] [596] [597] [598] [599] [600] [601] [602] [603] [604] [605] [606] [607] [608] [609] [610] [611] [612] [613] [614] [615] [616] [617] [618] [619] [620] [621] [622] [623] [624] [625] [626] [627] [628] [629] [630] [631] [632] [633] [634] [635] [636] [637] [638] [639] [640] [641] [642] [643] [644] [645] [646] [647] [648] [649] [650] [651] [652] [653] [654] [655] [656] [657] [658] [659] [660] [661] [662] [663] [664] [665] [666] [667] [668] [669] [670] [671] [672] [673] [674] [675] [676] [677] [678] [679] [680] [681] [682] [683] [684] [685] [686] [687] [688] [689] [690] [691] [692] [693] [694] [695] [696] [697] [698] [699] [700] [701] [702] [703] [704] [705] [706] [707] [708] [709] [710] [711] [712] [713] [714] [715] [716] [717] [718] [719] [720] [721] [722] [723] [724] [725] [726] [727] [728] [729] [730] [731] [732] [733] [734] [735] [736] [737] [738] [739] [740] [741] [742] [743] [744] [745] [746] [747] [748] [749] [750] [751] [752] [753] [754] [755] [756] [757] [758] [759] [760] [761] [762] [763] [764] [765] [766] [767] [768] [769] [770] [771] [772] [773] [774] [775] [776] [777] [778] [779] [780] [781] [782] [783] [784] [785] [786] [787] [788] [789] [790] [791] [792] [793] [794] [795] [796] [797] [798] [799] [800] [801] [802] [803] [804] [805] [806] [807] [808] [809] [810] [811] [812] [813] [814] [815] [816] [817] [818] [819] [820] [821] [822] [823] [824] [825] [826] [827] [828] [829] [830] [831] [832] [833] [834] [835] [836] [837] [838] [839] [840] [841] [842] [843] [844] [845] [846] [847] [848] [849] [850] [851] [852] [853] [854] [855] [856] [857] [858] [859] [860] [861] [862] [863] [864] [865] [866] [867] [868] [869] [870] [871] [872] [873] [874] [875] [876] [877] [878] [879] [880] [881] [882] [883] [884] [885] [886] [887] [888] [889] [890] [891] [892] [893] [894] [895] [896] [897] [898] [899] [900] [901] [902] [903] [904] [905] [906] [907] [908] [909] [910] [911] [912] [913] [914] [915] [916] [917] [918] [919] [920] [921] [922] [923] [924] [925] [926] [927] [928] [929] [930] [931] [932] [933] [934] [935] [936] [937] [938] [939] [940] [941] [942] [943] [944] [945] [946] [947] [948] [949] [950] [951] [952] [953] [954] [955] [956] [957] [958] [959] [960] [961] [962] [963] [964] [965] [966] [967] [968] [969] [970] [971] [972] [973] [974] [975] [976] [977] [978] [979] [980] [981] [982] [983] [984] [985] [986] [987] [988] [989] [990] [991] [992] [993] [994] [995] [996] [997] [998] [999] [1000] [1001] [1002] [1003] [1004] [1005] [1006] [1007] [1008] [1009] [1010] [1011] [1012] [1013] [1014] [1015] [1016] [1017] [1018] [1019] [1020] [1021] [1022] [1023] [1024] [1025] [1026] [1027] [1028] [1029] [1030] [1031] [1032] [1033] [1034] [1035] [1036] [1037] [1038] [1039] [1040] [1041] [1042] [1043] [1044] [1045] [1046] [1047] [1048] [1049] [1050] [1051] [1052] [1053] [1054] [1055] [1056] [1057] [1058] [1059] [1060] [1061] [1062] [1063] [1064] [1065] [1066] [1067] [1068] [1069] [1070] [1071] [1072] [1073] [1074] [1075] [1076] [1077] [1078] [1079] [1080] [1081] [1082] [1083] [1084] [1085] [1086] [1087] [1088] [1089] [1090] [1091] [1092] [1093] [1094] [1095] [1096] [1097] [1098] [1099] [1100] [1101] [1102] [1103] [1104] [1105] [1106] [1107] [1108] [1109] [1110] [1111] [1112] [1113] [1114] [1115] [1116] [1117] [1118] [1119] [1120] [1121] [1122] [1123] [1124] [1125] [1126] [1127] [1128] [1129] [1130] [1131] [1132]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 19 May 05 - 09:37 PM
Amos 19 May 05 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 19 May 05 - 10:18 PM
Acme 20 May 05 - 01:04 AM
Amos 20 May 05 - 02:15 AM
GUEST,MMario 20 May 05 - 08:32 AM
Rapparee 20 May 05 - 08:46 AM
Paco Rabanne 20 May 05 - 08:57 AM
GUEST,MMario 20 May 05 - 09:10 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 20 May 05 - 09:20 AM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 20 May 05 - 02:43 PM
GUEST,MMario 20 May 05 - 03:08 PM
GUEST,MMario 20 May 05 - 03:10 PM
GUEST,MMario 20 May 05 - 03:10 PM
Rapparee 20 May 05 - 04:01 PM
GUEST,MMario 20 May 05 - 04:07 PM
Acme 20 May 05 - 07:35 PM
Acme 20 May 05 - 11:35 PM
GUEST 21 May 05 - 02:10 AM
Rapparee 21 May 05 - 11:33 AM
Acme 21 May 05 - 11:55 AM
Rapparee 21 May 05 - 02:28 PM
Amos 21 May 05 - 05:20 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 21 May 05 - 10:08 PM
Acme 22 May 05 - 10:18 AM
GUEST,Amos 22 May 05 - 10:21 AM
Acme 22 May 05 - 11:53 PM
GUEST,MMario 23 May 05 - 07:56 AM
Rapparee 23 May 05 - 09:12 AM
Acme 23 May 05 - 11:26 AM
Rapparee 23 May 05 - 01:32 PM
Bunnahabhain 23 May 05 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 23 May 05 - 07:15 PM
Rapparee 24 May 05 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 24 May 05 - 12:59 PM
Acme 24 May 05 - 01:28 PM
GUEST,HTML 24 May 05 - 01:47 PM
Amos 24 May 05 - 03:07 PM
Rapparee 24 May 05 - 03:25 PM
GUEST 24 May 05 - 03:31 PM
Bunnahabhain 24 May 05 - 05:06 PM
Rapparee 24 May 05 - 05:30 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 24 May 05 - 09:18 PM
Rustic Rebel 24 May 05 - 10:21 PM
Rustic Rebel 24 May 05 - 10:28 PM
Amos 24 May 05 - 11:43 PM
GUEST,SRS 25 May 05 - 12:21 AM
Bunnahabhain 25 May 05 - 05:08 AM
GUEST,The Law Offices of Style & Grace 25 May 05 - 07:48 AM
GUEST,The Law Offices Of Style & Grace 25 May 05 - 08:08 AM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:






Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 05 - 09:37 PM

Hi! I'm not Filmynecro Ted, but I do have brother named Ted. He even studied guitar and actually knows a G string from a virginal. He and I (and my other brother as well) all share two names out of three (excluding our surname, but if you include that it's three out of four).

Yes, I have a first name and two, count 'em! two!, middle names. So let's see:

Michael Anthony Ralph
Anthony Thomas Ralph
Theodore Ralph Anthony

who had a father named Ralph.

And then there's the next generation:

Ralph Paul (whose maternal grandfather was named...Paul)
Daniel Michael
Theodore Edward (whose initials spell "TED")
Anthony James

so at family gatherings we simply shout "Tony!" or "Ted!" and help of all sorts comes a-runnin'.

Now Daniel Michael attracts cars -- he's been hit three times in the last four years. Ralph Paul is an ex-Marine sentenced to live in Michigan with his wife and kid. Theodore Edward is 10 and living at home; Anthony James is in college starting on a career in either experimental or theoretical physics. Anyway, Ted Ed wants to get a doctorate in dinosaurs, his sister is working on a PhD in microbiology, another sister wants a DFA, and yet aother wants a DVM. Since Anthony James will need a PhD, I think that they should go into business together as Doctor Doctor Doctor Doctor Doctor and Doctor, working in the theoretical veterinary art of microscopic physical dinosaurs, but nobody listens to me.

Daniel Michael wants to be a conservation officer so that he can get paid to go fishing.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 05 - 10:03 PM

Bunn:

Yeah? Where is it written that there's such a thing as...oh, well...yeah, fine, never mind!!!!


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 05 - 10:18 PM

Ralph's son is named Xavier.

I just thought you should know.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 05 - 01:04 AM

Amos,

Why would you assume I'm that monkey? I'm much more than 3 feet tall, I've never been 37 feet tall, I don't have a dark hairy face and never had a monkey tail. I don't bark, though I did nip around Rapaire's ankles for a little while this afternoon.

I do have a dog who has been barking a lot this evening. Maybe she knows something about these monkeys that I don't.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 05 - 02:15 AM

Mag:

My remark weas unseemly and I retract it with apogees. What it was was that I thought you weren't barking but bark-honking at Rapaire.

On to more serious stuff, here's an insight intot he way BS circulates among a population. You may wonder but it is just possible we are in the correct proportion to the Mudcat population!! It seems about right to me.

_____
The stochastic theory of rumours, with interacting subpopulations of ignorants, spreaders and stiflers, began with the seminal paper of Daley and Kendall. The most striking result in the area—that if there is one spreader initially, then the proportion of the population never to hear the rumour converges almost surely to a proportion 0.203188 of the population size as the latter tends to infinity—was first signalled in that article. This result occurs also in the variant stochastic model of Maki and Thompson, although a typographic error has resulted in the value 0.238 being cited in a number of consequent papers.

I was intrigued and a little puzzled to learn that a rumor would die out while "almost surely" leaving a fifth of the people untouched. Why wouldn't it reach everyone eventually? And that number 0.203188, with its formidable six decimal places of precision—where did that come from?

I read on far enough to get the details of the models. The premise, I discovered, is that rumor-mongering is fun only if you know the rumor and your audience doesn't; there's no thrill in passing on stale news. In terms of the three subpopulations, people remain spreaders of a rumor as long as they continue to meet ignorants who are eager to receive it; after that, the spreaders become stiflers, who still know the rumor but have lost interest in propagating it.

The Daley-Kendall and Maki-Thompson models simplify and formalize this social process. Both models assume a thoroughly mixed population, so that people encounter each other at random, with uniform probability. Another simplifying assumption is that people always meet two-by-two, never in larger groups. The pairwise interactions are governed by a rigid set of rules:

•Whenever a spreader meets an ignorant, the ignorant becomes a spreader, while the original spreader continues spreading.

•When a spreader meets a stifler, the spreader becomes a stifler.

•In the case where two spreaders meet, the models differ. In the Daley-Kendall version, both spreaders become stiflers. The Maki-Thompson rules convert only one spreader into a stifler; the other continues spreading.

•All other interactions (ignorant-ignorant, ignorant-stifler, stifler-stifler) have no effect on either party.

The rules begin to explain why rumors are self-limiting in these models. Initially, spreaders are recruited from the large reservoir of ignorants, and the rumor ripples through part of the population. But as the spreaders proliferate, they start running into one another and thereby become stiflers. Because the progression from ignorant to spreader to stifler is irreversible, it's clear the rumor must eventually die out, as all spreaders wind up as stiflers in the end. What's not so obvious is why the last spreader should disappear before the supply of ignorants is exhausted, or why the permanently clueless fraction is equal to 0.203188 of the original population.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 May 05 - 08:32 AM

it's no wonder the mangabeys are a rare species though - there aren't many 2400 meter trees around for them to inhabit.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 05 - 08:46 AM

That seems to be a close approximation of the work done in the 1970s (and earlier) on information dissemination.

And why not? Information is does not differentiate between the truth or falsity of the content. Information, like Beauty, is its own excuse for being.

My current Gedankenexperiment is whether information must have any content at all. It would seem that it should, but recent examples out of Washington, DC, Los Angeles, and elsewhere suggest otherwise.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 20 May 05 - 08:57 AM

7810!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 May 05 - 09:10 AM

•Whenever a spreader meets an ignorant, the ignorant becomes a spreader, while the original spreader continues spreading.

•When a spreader meets a stifler, the spreader becomes a stifler.

•In the case where two spreaders meet, the models differ. In the Daley-Kendall version, both spreaders become stiflers. The Maki-Thompson rules convert only one spreader into a stifler; the other continues spreading.

•All other interactions (ignorant-ignorant, ignorant-stifler, stifler-stifler) have no effect on either party.


These rules make no sense! I don't think they bear any resemblence to what actually occurs. Additionally There should be rules based on previous encounters - such as:

if the last interaction was ignorant/stifler and current encounter ignorant/spreader ignorant remains ignorant.

spreader/stifler both remain as is unless previous encounter was also with oppisete type.

spreader/spreader should result in two spreaders - not a spreader stifler pair and certainly not two stiflers!

things like that.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 20 May 05 - 09:20 AM

My I, in all humility because I am a humble person, suggest an article which may be relevant?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 05 - 02:43 PM

I am astounded to have discovered This Pie Chart on the Web! Sure, if you actually read the content of the website from which the pie chart was originally taken, you'll see that it purports to have something to do with a game based on an animated movie that sounds a lot like a bovine rip-off of Chicken Run. Hah! We're not that easily fooled! The pie chart is obviously a graphical representation of an extremely detailed study into the nature of BS as we know it!

You may find it helpful to open another browser window so you may refer to the pie chart while reading the following:

Please note the slice "M" being taken from the pie. Obviously a reference to our own dear MOAB. And the slices on the top are "B" and "S"! Do we need to state the obvious? Then we have slice "K", a blatant reference to Khing khandu of Mississippi. Then there's slice "A". Don't we have someone around here who signs his posts with an "A"?   Slice "D" is a pit problematic. I had first thought that it might be a reference to Rapaire's real surname but, upon further reflection, have decided it means "Dumbass", which is an apt blanket term for a number of MOABites including Tweed and yours truly.

To discover that a couple of soccer-moms have clandestinely undertaken such a detailed study of BS only underscores the vitally important stature that BS has assumed in our society. That they should have cloaked their studies under the guise of a children's game is another matter. I'm not at all certain what other matter it is, but you can bet your ass it's another one!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 May 05 - 03:08 PM

Ted - you are getting closer to the true spirit of calling posts but...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 May 05 - 03:10 PM

A better choice would have been...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 May 05 - 03:10 PM

7817!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 05 - 04:01 PM

A number of true power, indeed! Oh, my, YES indeedy!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 May 05 - 04:07 PM

*blush*

I try.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 05 - 07:35 PM

Deep blush.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 05 - 11:35 PM

Or another type of blush (not one I bother with).


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 21 May 05 - 02:10 AM

Oh Please...
O O O O please, please baby will you get me down on my knees
O O O O baby please,
you gonna be the one to tell me how I am?...
O O O O please,
it's gonna a be a cold, colder day, when you want me to act your way,
O O O O please...
Live your life and I'll fuck with yoursssssssssssssss.............


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 05 - 11:33 AM

I guess that those sorts are everywhere.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 May 05 - 11:55 AM

I bet they didn't read the entire thread, either. :)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 05 - 02:28 PM

It's like I've been saying. All this stuff about religion these days, the Religious Right, prayer in schools, the ten commandments in courthouses, all that stuff -- and I for one am gettin' sick of all this focus on nothin' but sects, sects, sects.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 05 - 05:20 PM

As long as it is sects composed of consenting adults, where's the harm?


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 21 May 05 - 10:08 PM

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

10 . I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

11 . A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

12 . I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

13 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 May 05 - 10:18 AM

You don't have one about the silent "p" in "swimming."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 22 May 05 - 10:21 AM

This is Dejå Moue all over again!! (That's when you make a face because you've heard this bull before more than once!)


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 May 05 - 11:53 PM

Forget the dejas vu--now we need some of vous! Back to the top, Mom! Everyone must have been out working in the yard today. They'll come dragging in soon, tired and sunburned.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 23 May 05 - 07:56 AM

I wasn't working in the yard, because it was chilly and cold and damp and nasty out. But I was working on the latest super secret project that I can't talk about.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 05 - 09:12 AM

I know what it is! I know what it is! I hacked the CIA/NSA super-secret satellite x-ray photo database that the CIA/NSA/FBI keeps on MMario and I know what it is! All I can say is, I didn't know that you could knit a sweater for that!

I couldn't get onto MC this morning via either door but I could get in via Help and I was able to log in there and even go to threads and so here I am and happy Monday, Mom.

Yes, I did spend yesterday in yard. Giving the lawn a second cut in two days. Been a lot of rain here, thank goodness. We've moved from an official condition of "Extreme Drought" to an official condition of "Drought." That's like the doctor saying, "Good news! You're not eight months pregnant, you're only SIX months pregnant!"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 May 05 - 11:26 AM

Rapaire, I think you need to work up a different simile. *Drought* and *fecundity* don't quite to work when you're describing degrees of drought.

I'd think it's more along the lines of "you have eight months to live instead of six."

just a pedant moment


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 05 - 01:32 PM

Just describing a condition, not fecundity. I could have also used "The leprosy has only consumed the nerves in your legs, not in both your arms as well, like we first thought!" or "Good news, General Custer! We're only outnumbered 100 to 1!"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 May 05 - 06:07 PM

I decided

to see if I could be more annoying than
Brucie with his blue clickies
, and so am learning HTML codes


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 05 - 07:15 PM

More annoying than this??


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 05 - 08:57 AM

A song for Mom (sorry, Peter):

Don't go down to the bottom in the middle of the night
You'll never come back, you'll never be right
We lost others there just last spring
And Big Bee-Dubya, he couldn't do a thing

Big Bee-Dubya made a bet with SRS
That he could go to the bottom in the middle of the night
He got part way there, 'bout halfway down
When he started sinking down with the political clowns

Nearby standin' by the threads where the BS used to come
Was Mad Martin Gibson, beatin' on his drum
Laughin' out loud, eyes rollin' in his head
Standin' on the tracks in Gargoyle's stead

With a long red cape and fire in his eyes
He lifted up his hands to the midnight skies
And the thunder start to roll and the lightenin' flashed wild
And Big Bee-Dubya start a cryin' like a child.

Don't go down to the bottom, don't, don't go down
Don't go down to the bottom, don't, don't go down
Don't go down to the bottom, don't, don't go down
Down, down, down, down

Then the Web gave a shudder, the Mudcat start to split
Screamin' down went Bee-Dub into the fiery pit
With a laugh that shivered the center of the bone
Mad Martin Gibson just standin' there alone

He's callin' all the people, to take their turn
And fall into the pit and eternally burn
Down, down, don't go down
Down, down, down, down.


Don't go down there, Mom. Okay?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 05 - 12:59 PM

James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George DuPree
Took great care of his MOAB though he was only three
James James said to his MOAB:
"MOAB," he said, said he
"You must never go down to the end of the threads,
if you don't go down with me.
Don't ever go down to the end of the threads,
if you don't go down with me."

James James Morrison's MOAB she ate some raisin breads
James James Morrison's MOAB, she roved to the end of the threads
James James Morrison's MOAB
She said to herself, said she
"Well, I can get down to the end of the threads
And be back in time for tea.
Well, I can get down to the end of the threads
And be back in time for tea."

King Amos put up a notice: "Lost, stolen or strayed,
James James Morrison's MOAB,
She seems to have been mislaid
Wandering vaguely all about quite of her own accord
She tried to get down to the end of the threads--
Forty shillings reward.
She tried to get down to the end of the threads--
Forty shillings reward.

James James Morrison Morrison, commonly known as "Jim"
Said to his other relations not to go blaming him
For James James said to his MOAB
"MOAB", he said, said he
"Don't ever go down to the end of the threads,
If you don't go down with me.
You must never go down to the end of the threads,
If you don't go down with me."

Now James James Morrison's MOAB,
She hasn't been heard of since,
King Amos said he was sorry,
And so did Rustic and SRS,
King Amos, somebody told me,
Said to Bee-Dubya-Ell,
"If people go down to the end of the threads,
Well what can anyone do?
If people go down to the end of the threads,
Well what can anyone do?"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 May 05 - 01:28 PM


HTML
is simple.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,HTML
Date: 24 May 05 - 01:47 PM

it's not nice to call people names.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 05 - 03:07 PM

Dang, Rap -- you're finally lifting something that (almost) scans!! You definitely are improving your taste as an artful lifter.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 05 - 03:25 PM

Apologies to A. A. Milne for the last one. (But no apology to Morris Dancers.)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 24 May 05 - 03:31 PM

I youse gonna be

annoying

Then be

Really annoying


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 24 May 05 - 05:06 PM

But that means typing ... so many times more.

Kabul town's by Kabul river-
Blow the trumpet, draw the sword-
There i lef' my mate for ever,
Wet an' drippin by the ford.
Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
There's the river up and brimmin', an' there's 'arf a squadron swimmin'
'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark.


Kipling.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 05 - 05:30 PM

Let's everyone Kipple!

SMOKIN' my pipe on the mountings, sniffin' the mornin' cool,
I walks in my old brown gaiters along o' my old brown mule,
With seventy gunners be'ind me, an' never a beggar forgets
It's only the pick of the Army that handles the dear little pets—'Tss! 'Tss!
            For you all love the screw-guns the screw-guns they all love you!
            So when we call round with a few guns, o' course you will know what to do—hoo! hoo!
            Jest send in your Chief an' surrender it's worse if you fights or you runs:
            You can go where you please, you can skid up the trees, but you don't get away from the guns!

They sends us along where the roads are, but mostly we goes where they ain't:
We'd climb up the side of a sign-board an' trust to the stick o' the paint:
We've chivied the Naga an' Looshai, we've give the Afreedeeman fits,
For we fancies ourselves at two thousand, we guns that are built in two bits—'Tss! 'Tss!
            For you all love the screw-guns the screw-guns they all love you!
            So when we call round with a few guns, o' course you will know what to do—hoo! hoo!
            Jest send in your Chief an' surrender it's worse if you fights or you runs:
            You can go where you please, you can skid up the trees, but you don't get away from the guns!

If a man doesn't work, why, we drills 'im an' teaches 'im 'ow to behave;
If a beggar can't march, why, we kills 'im an' rattles 'im into 'is grave.
You've got to stand up to our business an' spring without snatchin' or fuss.
D'you say that you sweat with the field-guns? By God, you must lather with us—'Tss! 'Tss!
            For you all love the screw-guns the screw-guns they all love you!
            So when we call round with a few guns, o' course you will know what to do—hoo! hoo!
            Jest send in your Chief an' surrender it's worse if you fights or you runs:
            You can go where you please, you can skid up the trees, but you don't get away from the guns!

The eagles is screamin' around us, the river's a-moanin' below,
We're clear o' the pine an' the oak-scrub, we're out on the rocks an' the snow,
An' the wind is as thin as a whip-lash what carries away to the plains
The rattle an' stamp o' the lead-mules the jinglety-jink o' the chains—'Tss! 'Tss!
            For you all love the screw-guns the screw-guns they all love you!
            So when we call round with a few guns, o' course you will know what to do—hoo! hoo!
            Jest send in your Chief an' surrender it's worse if you fights or you runs:
            You can go where you please, you can skid up the trees, but you don't get away from the guns!

There's a wheel on the Horns o' the Mornin', an' a wheel on the edge o' the Pit,
An' a drop into nothin' beneath you as straight as a beggar can spit:
With the sweat runnin' out o' your shirt-sleeves, an' the sun off the snow in your face,
An' 'arf o' the men on the drag-ropes to hold the old gun in 'er place—'Tss! 'Tss!
            For you all love the screw-guns the screw-guns they all love you!
            So when we call round with a few guns, o' course you will know what to do—hoo! hoo!
            Jest send in your Chief an' surrender it's worse if you fights or you runs:
            You can go where you please, you can skid up the trees, but you don't get away from the guns!

Smokin' my pipe on the mountings, sniffin' the mornin' cool,
I climbs in my old brown gaiters along o' my old brown mule.
The monkey can say what our road was the wild-goat 'e knows where we passed.
Stand easy, you long-eared old darlin's! Out drag-ropes! With shrapnel! Hold fast—'Tss! 'Tss!
            For you all love the screw-guns the screw-guns they all love you!
            So when we take tea with a few guns, o' course you will know what to do—hoo! hoo!
            Jest send in your Chief an' surrender it's worse if you fights or you runs:
            You may hide in the caves, they'll be only your graves, but you can't get away from the guns!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 May 05 - 09:18 PM

The number of the previous post, "7845", was of some signifigance at some point in my life, though I don't remember exactly how. Perhaps it was the last four digits of someone's phone number, possibly even my own. Perhaps it was a street address where I once lived. I know it's not the address for the house where I grew up. That one is "7935", which post number I will attempt to claim as my own in a few days.

Actually, that address and my current address are the only two that I can remember out of all the dozens of places I've lived through the years. That would probably disqualify me for employment by various companies and governmental agencies for whom I'd never want to work anyway. "From sometime in 1983 to sometime in 1986 I lived in some house on some street, the name of which I can't recall..." doesn't impress very many human resources types. It's not like they're going to go ask the neighbors if you really lived there twenty-plus years ago or something, but it's a damned good way to show lowly job applicants who's going to be holding onto the hoops and who's going to be jumping through them.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 24 May 05 - 10:21 PM

Do you mean to Kipple like this....
He ascended … to the covered pasture whereon his electric sheep "grazed." Whereon it, sophisticated piece of hardware that it was, chomped away in simulated contentment, bamboozling the other tenants of the building.
Of course, some of their animals undoubtedly consisted of electronic circuitry fakes, too (he had never nosed into the matter)…Nothing could be more impolite. To say "Is your sheep genuine" would be a breach of etiquette.

Or Kipple like this...


John Isidore …lived alone in (a) deteriorating, blind building of a thousand uninhabited apartments which like all its counterparts, fell day by day, into greater entropic ruin. Eventually everything within the building would merge, would be faceless and identical, mere pudding-like kipple piled to the ceiling of each apartment. And, after that, the uncared-for building itself would settle into shapelessness, buried under the ubiquity of the dust…'

Or as Isidore puts it himself: "Kipple is useless objects, like junk mail or match folders after you use the last match or gum wrappers of yesterday's homepape. When nobody's around, kipple reproduces itself. For instance, if you go to bed leaving any kipple around your apartment, when you wake up the next morning there's twice as much of it. It always gets more and more." He goes on to say that, "…the First Law of Kipple (is that) 'Kipple drives out nonkipple'… …(one) can roll the kipple-factor back… No one can win against kipple, except temporarily and maybe in one spot, like in my apartment I've sort of created a stasis between the pressure of kipple and nonkipple, for the time being. But eventually I'll die or go away, and then the kipple will take over. It's a universal principal operating throughout the universe; the entire universe is moving towards a final state of total, absolute kippleization."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 24 May 05 - 10:28 PM

Forgot to mention that was the work of Philip K. Dick. The man who invented Kipple. I know this because I am able to use the computer search engine to a capacity that pleases my mind.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 05 - 11:43 PM

Ah, Suzie -- anything that pleases your mind is surely part of the good force in the World!


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,SRS
Date: 25 May 05 - 12:21 AM

7850


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 25 May 05 - 05:08 AM

Seventy-Eight and Fifty-One,
Is a dandy number for some,
But posting just a number pure,
Lacks style and grace, to be sure.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Law Offices of Style & Grace
Date: 25 May 05 - 07:48 AM


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Law Offices Of Style & Grace
Date: 25 May 05 - 08:08 AM

Dear Mr. (Ms?) Habhain:

In your post #7851, you made specific reference to this law firm. Furthermore, said reference was made in a disparaging manner.

We understand that your comments may have been inadvertent, in the sense that you may have been unaware of the existence of this firm. Your use of "Style and Grace" may have been purely coincidental. But, inasmuch as the MOther Of All BS Threads is a work of fiction, it is the author's responsibility to state something to the effect of "This is a work of fiction and all characters are products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to any actual persons is purely coincidental."

Since no such disclaimer was made by you and since the name "Style and Grace" was used without our express permission, please be advised that we are filing civil suit against you in the amount of thirty million pounds.

Sincerely,

Hiram H. Style
Louise P. Grace


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 23 September 6:14 PM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.