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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 25 Oct 06 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 25 Oct 06 - 09:38 AM
Acme 25 Oct 06 - 10:17 AM
Amos 25 Oct 06 - 11:07 AM
Acme 25 Oct 06 - 11:32 AM
Rapparee 25 Oct 06 - 12:00 PM
autolycus 25 Oct 06 - 12:35 PM
Bunnahabhain 25 Oct 06 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 25 Oct 06 - 01:00 PM
JennyO 25 Oct 06 - 01:11 PM
Acme 25 Oct 06 - 01:47 PM
Amos 25 Oct 06 - 02:11 PM
MMario 25 Oct 06 - 02:28 PM
Rapparee 25 Oct 06 - 02:50 PM
Amos 25 Oct 06 - 04:19 PM
Rapparee 25 Oct 06 - 04:31 PM
Amos 25 Oct 06 - 05:43 PM
Amos 25 Oct 06 - 05:47 PM
Rapparee 25 Oct 06 - 06:56 PM
Rapparee 25 Oct 06 - 06:58 PM
GUEST,Paxton Ochs 25 Oct 06 - 09:15 PM
Acme 25 Oct 06 - 11:41 PM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 12:33 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 12:35 AM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 09:01 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 09:21 AM
GUEST,Paxton Ochs 26 Oct 06 - 09:27 AM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 09:29 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 09:40 AM
rumanci 26 Oct 06 - 09:44 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 09:54 AM
Bunnahabhain 26 Oct 06 - 10:30 AM
Acme 26 Oct 06 - 11:12 AM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 12:58 PM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 03:57 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 04:08 PM
MMario 26 Oct 06 - 04:08 PM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 05:12 PM
rumanci 26 Oct 06 - 05:21 PM
Acme 26 Oct 06 - 05:46 PM
autolycus 26 Oct 06 - 06:24 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 06:42 PM
Amos 26 Oct 06 - 07:36 PM
Bunnahabhain 26 Oct 06 - 08:22 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 08:56 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 06 - 09:26 PM
Acme 26 Oct 06 - 11:01 PM
JennyO 26 Oct 06 - 11:14 PM
Amos 27 Oct 06 - 12:06 AM
JennyO 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 09:28 AM

Ain't a-gonna hold my breath on it, I tell ya thet.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 09:38 AM

Well, of course not! You'd turn blue, and then post-mortem lividity would set in, and rigor mortis, and algor mortis, and all sorts of disgusting things. Finally, well, you don't want to know about your skin slipping off and the explosion of your intestinal gases and stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:17 AM

Before that happens, someone will head over to Rigor Motors and buy a hearse to transport him away where he won't do any harm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 11:07 AM

You and your buddies Rigor and Algor -- the Mortis Brothers -- why you oughta form a band, if you wanna make money. Kinda like the Ungracious Dead that made so much back in the other decade whichever it was. "Rapaire and the Mortis Brothers". You can play road-kill horn and they can play flat 12-string and electric can opener.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 11:32 AM

You could construct quite a good band with this start, and furthermore, you could start out by playing at the joint down the road--Mortice and Tenon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 12:00 PM

We currently have slots open on our band for a guitarist/other stringed instrument player if you're interested, Amos. We need a lead female vocalist, too. The name of the band is "The Vagrant Pimps."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: autolycus
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 12:35 PM

Excuse me but how long would iy take to read this thread from the beginning at average speed?




    Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 12:48 PM

Assume we have in the order of 14700 posts.
Assume to read each post, and to understand its full significance, you would need somewhere between 30 and 60 seconds. This is an average, to allow for the quips, lengthy poetry, and gluon inspired temporal messes.

This therefore means an outsider would need 5 to 10.2 days to read the entire thread. Us in the know, however, know you can extrapolate the whole of MOAB, indeed the whole universe (whichever is larger) from a few posts. Doing this gets you to the conclusion that






      and it's really that simple.


Now what does that teach you, if not ask a silly answer and get a silly question.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 01:00 PM

Unfortunately, MOAB was scrambled along with the rest of Mudcat during The Great Scrambling Disaster of 2005. Therefore, you are more than welcome to read all of Mom, but you might find it somewhat disorienting. But then again that seems to be the nature of Mother: disorientation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 01:11 PM

And when she gets straightened out again with all the posts in order, you will probably find her even more disorienting...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 01:47 PM

If you were a foolhardy sort with a VERY FAST Internet connection you could click on the "printer friendly" link in this thread, but it would take a while to format all fourteenthousandsevenhundred (plus or minus) messages to the correct order. Further foolishness of printing it (even double-sided) would take several reams of paper. Your reading speed may vary, according to screen or paper.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 02:11 PM

I dared.

I went where common wisdom warned it was not safe to go. I scorned the cautious advices of friends and family, threw caution to the winds to drift where it might, and went forth. And dared.

I survived and have returned, unscathed.

I actually clicked on "Printer Friendly" on the Moab.

In 3.5 seconds I was presented with an orderly screen showing the thread from the beginning.

(I do have a fast company connection, though.)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 02:28 PM

well Amos - you have me beat - it took almost 54 seconds to display the entire thread. Of course I am hidden under the skirts of the Evil Queen Bess (content filter) and a proxy, and working on an elderly win98 machine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 02:50 PM

2.7 seconds. This is on a plain ol' Cat5E shootin' out on a wireless T-3-equivalent microwave setup to an OC-3 backed by T-3 copper for redundancy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 04:19 PM

Easy to follow where once none dared to tread
When one who dares has boldly gone ahead.
If you may dream it, go, then, and begin it!!
Action has courage, wit and magic in it!!

Gertie Jo-Ann Faust,
Letter to the Editor
Waukegan Express archives, September, 1929


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 04:31 PM

I found it again! High speed connection is best, and you'd best turn your speakers on.

Now you'll know the truth....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 05:43 PM

In exchange for that bit of amusement, good Rapaire, be sure and click on this link for your high entertainment of the day.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 05:47 PM

One thing you should know:

THE PERIODIC TABLE OF BARYONS has now been supplemented with several
heavyweight members. Like the addition of two new elements (116 and
118) to the chemical periodic table, the new members of the baryonic
periodic table are unstable and ephemeral, but their observed
existence serves to expand our understanding of matter in the
universe.

The new baryons, the heaviest yet with masses around 5.8
GeV, were sifted from trillions of proton-antiproton collisions
conducted at an energy of 2 TeV at Fermilab. According to the
toolbox of the standard model, all matter is assembled from a family
of six leptons or a family of six quarks. Among the leptons, only
the electron is of account in ordinary atoms, and among the quarks
only the up (u) and down (d) quarks help to fill out protons and
neutrons. Thus the proton is really a u-u-d quark troika while the
neutron‚s lineup is d-d-u. But one can imagine other baryons
(particles made of three quarks) made of different quark
combinations, or with different spin values (the proton and neutron
both have a nominal spin value of 1/2).

Although they can be made
artificially in particle collisions, baryons containing the other
quarks---strange (s), charm (c), bottom (b), or top (t)---are
unstable and quickly decay. Still, to understand the strong force
that governs nuclear matter, physicists strive to create and measure
all those other candidate baryons. (For a picture of the baryon
hierarchy see http://www.aip.org/png/2006/270.htm )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 06:56 PM

Amos, I knew you'd enjoy that bit of film. After all, it DID have a few festival screenings and awards:

2005 San Sebastian Horror Film Festival
- Best Short Film - Jury Award
- Best Short Film - Audience Award
2005 MoMa Short Film Exhibition, New York, USA
2005 Newport Beach Film Festival, USA
2005 Silhouette Festival, France
2005 Helsinki International Film Festival, Finland
2004 Resfest, USA, UK, Japan and various other countries
2004 Mise-en-scene Genre Film Festival, South Korea
2004 Clermont-Ferrand Festival, France
2004 L'Etrange Festival, France
2004 La Fete du Cinema, France
2004 Festival of Vila do Conde 2004, Portugal
2004 Leuvenkort Short Film Festival, Belgium
2004 Tampere Film Festival, Finland
2004 Helsinki International Film Festival, Finland

Which ain't bad for a film that was originally produced as a Christmas present to the company's customers and which ended up (in 2003) showing on the seventh most "hit" server in Finland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 06:58 PM

I think I'll ask my friend John about that. He works at Fermilab, sometimes, when he's not at Argonne. It sounds suspicious to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Paxton Ochs
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 09:15 PM

Hi again! I was wondering if any of you might know the lyrics, chords, and music to "Little White Duck." I don't really want to sing it, but you know how audiences are! First you do "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and it spirals upwards from there! Last concert I had to do FOUR encores of "I'm A Little Teacup."

I've got a great CD coming out soon. It's tentatively entitled "Pokey Mopey Puppy: Paxton Ochs In Concert" and I'm negotiating with Sony for the release.

Well, gotta go. Groupies, you know. I'll check back.

Ta.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 11:41 PM

Do you suppose Little Hawk or BWL has a little time on their hands this evening?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 12:33 AM

Written by: Bernard Zaritzky and Walt Barrows - © 1950

There's a little white duck sitting in the water
a little white duck doing what he oughter
he took a bite of a lily pad
flapped his wings and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little white duck sitting in the water
quack! quack! quack!"

there's a little green frog swimming in the water
a little green frog doing what he oughter
he jumped right off of the lily pad
that the little duck bit and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little green frog swimming in the water
ribbit! ribbit! ribbit!"

there's a little black bug floating on the water
a little black bug doing what he oughter
he tickled the frog on the lily pad
that the little duck bit and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little black bug floating on the water
bzzz! bzzz! bzzz!"

there's a little red snake playing in the water
a little red snake doing what he oughter
he frightened the duck and the frog so bad
he ate the bug and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little red snake playing in the water
hiss! hiss! hiss!"

now there's nobody left sitting in the water
nobody left doing what he oughter
there's nothing left but the lily pad
the duck and the frog ran away, I'm sad
'cause there's nobody left sitting in the water
boo! hoo! hoo!




Fifteen seconds.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 12:35 AM

The chords are C-----G------C C-----F-----D7----G

If you Google the title you will find a MIDI.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:01 AM

Goddamnit, Amos, that f*$%#@!! song will be running through my mind all damned day now and it's your fault. I've tried very hard over the years to forget it and I thought I had succeeded.

One of these days....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:21 AM

Mwahahahahahahaha,

The Spirit of Arthur Godfrey is coming for YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!



Mwahahahahahahahaha......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Paxton Ochs
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:27 AM

Thanks, Amus. I'll credit you on the label of the CD as a research assistant!

Met a lovely young groupie last night named Victoria Rotledge or something. You know how it is with groupies, you can never hear their name clearly over all the shouting and screaming. THIS one managed to get past the security and was all OVER me. I certainly did enjoy it, even though she seemed too young. English bird, I think. I a few more years, when she's eighteen, I might be temped, if you know what I mean.

Oh, the Agent tells me that "The Alphabet Song" has gone platinum. Imagine that! And I recorded it less than a week ago!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:29 AM

You're gonna get yours, buddy boy! I'm gonna send the Legion after you and they'll drink you outa house and home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:40 AM

Thanks, I could use their services sorting out a certain Bilbray who is a ...local politician who needs it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:44 AM

Hello Mom
Long time no rum
I know I only occasionally drop by these days
but Hell !
I still THINK about you

I see the guys are still scrappin'
and making us all smile
in turn

Mom ???
MOM
MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Wakey.....Wakey
Sort them out !


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:54 AM

If April showers
Should come your way,
They'll bring you flowers,
Sometime in May!
So in October,
It's just the thing
To put your mind on better times
And plan ahead for Spring.

Da da da DEE da
Da da dum DEE
Da dad da DEE da....(fade out)

Exit stage right, tap dancing, pursued by a mobile hot-dog vendor's stand).

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 10:30 AM

I thougth it was exaent, pursured by a bare. Shakespeare never told us what was bare though...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:12 AM

Several folks have dropped by to say "hi" to Mom. I wonder if we'll hear from Teresa one of these days? We have enough bats in our belfries to keep her happy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 12:58 PM

HI RUM!!! WELCOME BACK!!! COME BY MORE OFTEN, PLEASRE!!!!!!!!!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 03:57 PM

In twenty posts, unless I've blundered
We'll reach ANOTHER even hundred
And 14 thousand seven postings shall
Be the shining count of Mother's hall
What pride, what joy, what merriment
Shall greet this rare accomplishment.
We'll invite each poster ever here
To come back over, for a beer,
And coming back to Mother's home
Submit some mediocre poem.

Shay Nannigan
Couplets of Ineptitude
Neever, Borriore, Norah, Lenderby
Edinburgh, 1956


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 04:08 PM

Ah, but now you've gone and blundered
To think we're twenty from that seven hundred!
Fourteen thousand seven hundred will soon be seen
But the difference is actually just nineteen.

-- Ed Rex Various Verses (Thebes: Yo' Mamma Press, 498 BCE).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 04:08 PM

17 with this post


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 05:12 PM

Oh sir, it seems to me unkind
To turn on me your wicked mind
T'upbraid me for my case misstating
Which you did cause, by simply waiting
And fault my simple, earnest rhyme
For breaking not the Law of Time.
In fact the flaw, sir, I would guess,
Was born of your untimelieness!
I prithee, sir, you let me be,
And go amuse the G.O. P.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 05:21 PM

Aha
So if you're counting instead of scrapping
I ought to leave Mom to her sleep or rapping
her knuckles against those lads' ears.
Stay asleep Mom. I'll share some beers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 05:46 PM

Quite the contrary--many would say this is a no account thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: autolycus
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:24 PM

Bunnahabhain

Thank you for the calculation. I wanted to
know if I had the time to read thru this
thread from beginning to end.
I don't see your answer as any more or less
silly than the bits of the thread I've so
far managed

Amos

Who famously sang the 'sitting in the
water' song? I remember the song and
don't know the answer

      

hurrah for fatuity.




    Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:42 PM

It better not be that godblasted little white duck!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 07:36 PM

The song was made widely known by Burl Ives. I believe it was also poulrized by Arthur Godfrey. It goes like this:


There's a little white duck, sitting in the water. (D - - A)
A little white duck, doing what he oughter         (- - - D)
He took a bite of a lily pad,                      (G - D -)
Flapped his wings and he said, "I'm glad          (E - A -)
I'm a little white duck sitting in the water.      (D - - A)
Quack! Quack! Quack!"                              (- - D -)

There's a little green frog, swimming in the water.
A little green frog, doing what he oughter
He jumped right off the lily pad,
That the little duck bit and he said, "I'm glad
I'm a little green frog swimming in the water.
Glug! Glug! Glug!"

There's a little black bug, floating on the water.
A little black bug, doing what he oughter
He tickled the frog on the lily pad
That the little duck bit and he said, "I'm glad
I'm a little black bug floating on the water.
Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz!"

There's a little red snake, laying in the water.
A little red snake, doing what he oughter
He frightened the duck and the frog so bad,
He ate the little bug, and he said, "I'm glad
I'm a little red snake laying in the water.
Ssss! Ssss! Ssss!"

Now there's nobody left, sitting in the water.
Nobody left, doing what he oughter
There's nothing left but the lily pad.
The duck and the frog ran away. I'm sad.
'Cause there's nobody left sitting in the water.
Boo! Hoo! Hoo!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 08:22 PM

Gluon just ate my last post! Bad dog!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 08:56 PM

Hey, Amos, you rotten little [deleted by censor]!!!

Do, a deer, a female deer,
Re, a drop of golden sun,
Me, a name I call myself
Fa, a long, long way to run
Sol, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow sol
Ti, a drink with jam and bread
And that brings us back to do, do, do, do
Do, a deer, a female deer....


I hope that this starts the chain which will put the song in YOUR mind like you've put that acursed Duck in mine! May you spend your days with it as the only song you can think of and your nights dreaming about it! May it run through your mind every nanosecond of your life, and may you hum it from your final resting place after you're dead!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!



















Kill little white ducks. Wring their little white necks. Kill. KIll. KILl. KILL KILL KILL KILL.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:26 PM

Golden Curls and a Heart of Gold

I met one day not long ago
A dear little maid whose name you know,
She'd a ruby mouth, two sapphire eyes,
A nice enough nose for a girl of her size;
   But oh! her curls!
   That sweetest of girls
Had a head of adorable golden curls!
   Red gold curls,
   The cunningest quirls--
I fell in love with those golden curls!
But I afterwards found, to my glad surprise,
That neither those curls, nor the nose, nor the eyes,
Were of this little maiden the very best part,
For she had what was better--a golden heart!
   Heart of gold--
   For young and old--
Golden curls and a golden heart!


             Thomas W. Handford, ed. Belford's Annual. 1888-9,
               (Chicago: Belford Clarke & Co., 1888), p. 189.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:01 PM

The song I could never shake was "Seventy-six Trombones" from The Music Man. One of the worse earworms I've ever encountered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:14 PM

For a little trip down memory lane, go to this page Little White Duck. Scroll down and click on "play clip". I hate to say it, but I remember it well. Just when I had managed to completely forget it too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:06 AM

SOrry -- I have just spent several hours compiling Doo Wop lyrics, and am parked on the time line in 1956, listening to Oh, Donna and Love Like Yours Will Surely Come My Way.

So your 1915-era sentiments don't phase me one bit!! I've got a white carnation and a pickup truck!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 12:14 AM

As we write our pomes and verse
Silly songs or even worse
Who will nab that number there?
Amos, Stilly or Rapaire?


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