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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 03 Oct 07 - 06:19 PM
Rapparee 03 Oct 07 - 07:12 PM
Amos 03 Oct 07 - 07:26 PM
Amos 03 Oct 07 - 07:29 PM
Bobert 03 Oct 07 - 07:35 PM
Peace 03 Oct 07 - 09:04 PM
Bobert 03 Oct 07 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 03 Oct 07 - 09:48 PM
Peace 03 Oct 07 - 10:08 PM
Acme 03 Oct 07 - 10:25 PM
Peace 03 Oct 07 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 03 Oct 07 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 03 Oct 07 - 11:01 PM
Amos 04 Oct 07 - 12:44 AM
Amos 04 Oct 07 - 10:38 AM
Amos 04 Oct 07 - 10:38 AM
MMario 04 Oct 07 - 10:48 AM
Rapparee 04 Oct 07 - 10:54 AM
Donuel 04 Oct 07 - 11:10 AM
Rapparee 04 Oct 07 - 11:16 AM
Amos 04 Oct 07 - 11:21 AM
Donuel 04 Oct 07 - 12:07 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 07 - 01:14 PM
Amos 04 Oct 07 - 03:48 PM
Amos 04 Oct 07 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 07 - 06:48 PM
Amos 04 Oct 07 - 07:16 PM
Amos 04 Oct 07 - 11:49 PM
Acme 04 Oct 07 - 11:52 PM
Amos 05 Oct 07 - 08:28 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 07 - 09:07 AM
Acme 05 Oct 07 - 10:45 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 07 - 12:22 PM
Amos 05 Oct 07 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 07 - 02:09 PM
Amos 05 Oct 07 - 06:00 PM
Amos 05 Oct 07 - 06:16 PM
Acme 05 Oct 07 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 07 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 07 - 09:48 PM
Acme 05 Oct 07 - 11:16 PM
Amos 06 Oct 07 - 02:36 AM
Rapparee 06 Oct 07 - 09:08 AM
Acme 06 Oct 07 - 01:21 PM
Amos 06 Oct 07 - 01:55 PM
Acme 06 Oct 07 - 02:26 PM
Amos 06 Oct 07 - 05:34 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 07 - 05:39 PM
Acme 06 Oct 07 - 06:24 PM
Amos 06 Oct 07 - 06:30 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 06:19 PM

Yeah...so?

Fascinate me, Amos. Churn out another 5,000 words on this thread. I know you can do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 07:12 PM

I greatly dislike laptops.

I was all set to post 20K when this #@#!@~~!! thing did something and the post was lost!

It was witty, yet wise. There will never be another like it.

And so Amos carried the day with neither wit nor wisdom.

Ah, well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 07:26 PM

Fie, thou scurrilous, jealous Knave!

A bitter, hungry heart, yet unfufilled

That empty, rails against the sweet lark's trill

And dull, disputes the morning's piercing light.

And rails and cries, because he lives in Night!

This is a soul no Saint shall ever save,

But ever shall remain benighted Knave.



Lancastar Pettiweather Fields
The Sorry Plight of Bastard People
Shropshire Collections, 1819


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 07:29 PM

Ha! I scamper over your somber, peering lackwit schnozzles and take, not only Twenty K but Twenty K and Seven!

Thus shall prevail the Noble Sonnes of Heavene!

And to the dreary of the soul-Deade Lande,

Their noses thumb, while they reply, "Pounde Sande!"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 07:35 PM

Congrates, Amos, on gettin' the 2 millionth post to khannydoos thread... You be da' man... When I grow up I wanta be jus' like you...

(Ahhhhh, Bobert... That's the 20,000th post...)

Oh???

Sorry, son... Keep on workin'... Only another 998,000 to go...

B;)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 09:04 PM

Who got post 20,000?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 09:15 PM

Come on, Brucie... Of course it was Amos with his 13 verse peom he'd been workin' on fir the last 4 years... Yeah, he's ahd this one planned and desereve all the credit in the world for his creativity and his "ins" with whoever runs this joint... I personally, would like a recount but that ain't gonna happen 'cause Amos has greased the right palms and is rumored to have compromising piccures of the folks that could keep everyone outta here during his mad-dash to 20K...

But what did all them shennanogins get him??? Nuthin'... Absolutely nuthin'... He ain't gonna be in the Ripley's book... He ain't gonna get on the front page of no newspapers... I mena, he's gonna get zip...

Now 2 million???

Different story...

So keep on pluggin' away, Amos... Like I said... Only 'bout a million to go... Less 20,000, of course... Maybe 'round 2037 we'll have somwethin' to talk about...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 09:48 PM

So, I'm here in Denver and I went out to get some fresh air, right? So I'm walking down 16th Street and this guy is sitting on the sidewalk, playing a guitar. His case is open and there's a couple bucks in it. Sign says, "Please Help. My name is Amos and I'm from San Diego."

Well, he finishes his bit and I say, "Amos? Like, THE Amos? Like the one fromthe Mudcat Cafe?"

And he says, "Yes. I came out here to find John Denver's Rocky Mountain High. So far I've found St. Dismas High, Northside High, Kennedy High, and Junior High. I feel that my life is a failure." And he started to sob.

Being a decent sort, I knew the only thing that would help someone from SoCal. I dashed into a nearby Starbucks and brought him out a triple mocha caramel latte venti with whipped cream and biscotti.

"Oh, god!" he said. "You have restored my faith in humanity. I can never repay you!"

He sipped the drink (I really can't call it coffee, since is was more like a hot liquid candy bar) and smiles tried to wreath his weathered face. Unfortunately, being from San Diego his face was out of the habit of smiling. It cracked, and pieces fell all over the sidewalk.

A passing cop arrested me for littering. The fine is going to be USD 500.00, minimum.

But I did save everything. I just want everyone to know that yes, I saved face for Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 10:08 PM

So, what yer all sayin' is that maybe it wasn't Amos at all. The plot thickens . . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 10:25 PM

No, the coffee thickens, the plot sickens. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 10:35 PM

. . . and the pace quickens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 10:51 PM

Problem is, I have parts left over. Would anyone like a very nice glass eye, hardly used?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 07 - 11:01 PM

Or perhaps a nice furrowed brow? A double chin?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 12:44 AM

As a cold wind from a dark hill chills the evening town below,
Frightening small children with dark imaginings of harm
So Rapaires wicked mind envelops the brightest sons of Mom
With toxins dark, and poisonous, and warm.

Oh, any MOABite may bite his wrinkled thumb
And, small of mind, may small, unmindful say
Whatever to his bitter mind does come
But only One can claim the Twenty K!!;

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 10:38 AM

With Twenty K, and 007,
You would think I'd taken plenty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 10:38 AM

But now to top the harvest off,
I'm taking 2020!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 10:48 AM

HINDSIGHT!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 10:54 AM

FOR SALE

1. A peculiar snow-white wrinkled forehead.
2. A high, pyramidical white hump.

Both cracked and somewhat shattered. Collected October 3, 2007 on the streets of Denver, Colorado. Formerly belonged to someone named "Amos" who hailed from San Diego, California. Must sell to pay littering fine.


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Subject: SHIT: just 6 hours short !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 11:10 AM

After 729 days of serving in the Minnisota National Guard stationed in Iraq there are 2,168 soldiers that fell 6 hours short of the 730 day limit (BY US MILITARY CONTRACT) that would have made them eligible for the tuition assitence GI bill that they were hoping to get since signing up.

Sorry Charlie, if you think you have it tough there are 16 million poor kids in the USA who will not get health insurance since it costs about 3 weeks of the money spent waging war in Iraq per year.

Jon Anderson a Lt. in the MN Nat. Guard says the snafu to deny his troops the GI bill was intentional. How on earth can he know that?????????????????
Well Jon you can't have a war and eat it too. Maybe he is one of those phoney soldiers Rush talks about. The S chip is now shit since W vetoed it yesterday. sorry kids.

which leads us to
Congressman Murtha who was contacted by the Rush Limbaugh people about punishing people who misquote Rush. Murtha asked " Are you supporting my War Tax bill?" They said "NO". He said that they should if they are in favor of keeping this war going and fully funded. The War Tax bill would pay for the war now instead of borrowing the money from China and quadrupling the cost that is being passed down for the next 2 generations.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 11:16 AM

Now you've made Mom cry!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 11:21 AM

I was quite relieved to see your ad, Rapaire, as it satisfies me that indeed, you have a case of mistaken (not to say trampled) identity on your hands. The clue is the snow-white forehead. Mine is actually well-tanned, a nice light brown. As I recall, yours might be the one you are describing, so perhaps this is all a terrible projection on your own part and your face has actually fallen off. Ya think?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 12:07 PM

My hair is the color of golden harvest wheat at the foot of a snowy white beard. People think I dye my hair. That damn beard has NEVER matched my head! When it wasn't white it was orange.
Don't most men have white hair and dark beards or is it the other way around?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 01:14 PM

EUREKA!!!

I know how I'm going to approach the presentation I have to give next month!

I'll gather five sets of data for each point I want to make and from that derive, with 90% certainty, the median value. This should be good enough, given that measurement can be defined as a quantification of the reduction of uncertainty! Moreover, it will give a high-low range for the community benefit analysis and a jumping-off point for economic impact studies!

Say "AMEN!" brethren and sistern, for this means only research and math work! The structure is now in place, and the definitions are defined!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 03:48 PM

I told the Queen.

She only said, frostily, "We are not a Cistern". I think it was just too deep for her, or she was distinctly not-well. Oh, well, oh, not-well.

Amen, anyway, wise guy!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 06:20 PM

Jeeze, ya do a guy a favor in spite of his halitosis, and he gives ya the Cole Shoulder. Someone call him a porter.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 06:48 PM

You see, the experts say that an economic impact analysis of public libraries aren't generally doable or worth doing, except for very large ones (e.g., New York Public).

I say, Phooey! Both the city and the Old Town merchants, for example, admit that my Library is the single greatest reason people come downtown.

And I think that if you can define it, you can measure it, at least a little bit.

Mom taught me that. I owe it all to her. That's why I'm giving her this big plate of freshly baked scones.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 07:16 PM

We who are Mom salute you, and we eat scones in your general direction, under the general direction of General Direckshun, and his able aide-de-chaos Colonel Kernel Panique and his colleague General Faylure, who is reading your hard disk even as we speak...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 11:49 PM

I had an ice cream cone.

My brother had two ice cream cones. But each had only one ice cream in it.

Jack had a two-ice cream cone.

Sally feeling greedy had two two-ice-cream cones -- cones with two ice creams.

And Robert, from Aberdeen, you see, had two ice-cream scones.

But they were just one ice-cream scones, not two ice-cream scones.

They looked so good to Molly McGuffin, his fiancée, that she ordered two of them also, but with two different ice-creams on each scone. Two scones, both of them two ice-cream scones. Two two-ice-cream-scones, you might say.

Hope this is all clear now.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 07 - 11:52 PM

Everything has seemed a bit weird all day because I have an ear infection (gotta get it looked at tomorrow) but now my eyes seem to be going. Or Donuel drifted into the wrong thread to post that depressing bit of information. Being this is a BS thread and that wasn't BS, etc. Or, I should say, the folks who perpetrated some of that nonsense ARE full of BS, but the reporting of it isn't. There is a distinction to be made there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 08:28 AM

I think, Mom, that everything WAS a bit weird.

It was just one of those weird days. Things wobble on their axes and then settle back. You know the kind. It is important to treat such days well, with a delicate touch, because if you knock it the wrong way everything goes completely to hell.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 09:07 AM

Stilly, there is a brain-eating amoeba out there, but it enters via the nostrils. You don't suddenly have decongested sinuses, do you? Headaches are also a symptom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 10:45 AM

No, I feel like someone is sticking their finger about two inches into my head through my right ear. If I hold my mouth open like a yawn or jut my jaw I can hear some through that ear. I'm tired of this. The doctor will see me at 2:15. I've been good, I haven't poked at it (much, except to try to keep it clean with some peroxide, and I read yesterday that vinegar is good, but I didn't mix them). Nothing helps. It's a beautiful day out, I'd really like to enjoy this sick day, but alas, I seem to be sick. :-/ Bummer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 12:22 PM

Sounds like an infection to me. I'd ask if it sounds like one to you, only you can't hear so it wouldn't sound like much. You could always push an ice pick in until the eardrum is punctured, that would drain any gunk out, but I really don't recommend that. I knew a guy who did that and sneezed as it was going on; when right on through his head but being a brainless twit it didn't hurt him any AND, with lenses installed in both ears, he got a job as a talking telescope at Niagra Falls. But jobs like that don't come around very often so going to the doctor is probably your best bet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 12:46 PM

Have you checked to see if someone IS sticking their finger into your ear? If they are doing so without your consent you may be able to get a court order making them stop....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 02:09 PM

Scott Adams says that you can reboot yourself or someone else by wetting your finger and sticking it in your own or their ear. He doesn't specify which ear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 06:00 PM

Just don't stick a wetted finger into the same ear the other person is using at the moment to stick his finger into. There isn't room in that vestibule for both of you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 06:16 PM

I was feelin' pert and sassy,
Rip-and-roarin', wild and snorty
I indulged my mood's audaci-
Ty, and took 200-forty.
This, you argue, is outrageous,
All the best ones he has taken!
But to let such scruples cage us,
Who love   numbers, is mistaken.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 06:44 PM

It seems my ear is rather remarkable in it's swollen state. "We don't see many here that bad," my doctor said, right before he stepped next door to the ENT who gave him a kit with an ear wick and some drops to use over the weekend. Chances are good I'll be seeing the ENT on Monday, after my doctor takes another look.

I think Dr. Seuss had a character with something in it's ear in one of his books. I suspect that character had it a little easier.

The doctor asked if I had someone here to help me with putting in the ear drops. "Nope. Two cats, two dogs, but the pit bull is really smart." I think I'll stick to walking with the dogs, their ministrations tend to be a little messy, and ask the next door neighbor to help with the drops this evening.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 06:59 PM

See? What did I tell you?

I heard of a pre-teen who had an earache, screamed when he rolled over in bed, and kept on sleeping even though he'd burst his eardrum.

His mother admired his ability to sleep through his own screams, but still took him to the doctor in the morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 09:48 PM

Wait a minute. The doctor gave you a wick?? Is he trying to tell you something about ear wax buildup?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 11:16 PM

No, it's to wick the liquid drops into the ear and in contact with the inner ear skin. I found some links to otitis externa, but they're pretty gross looking. I hope mine isn't like that. Nothing on the outside, but it is sure tender inside the ear. I think it was draining inadequately when a small infection got started. . . and that's probably enough information.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 07 - 02:36 AM

Gotta applaud your sense of delicacy, there, Still...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 07 - 09:08 AM

Oh, like the old Air-Wick air fresheners. He's not trying to turn you into a candle. That's good. I hope that the wick works quickly and is sturdy enough. You don't need a weak wick week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Oct 07 - 01:21 PM

Wicked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 07 - 01:55 PM

Oh, dear. I hope Still isn't going to come down with a case of vapours. We'll have to string her along.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Oct 07 - 02:26 PM

No vapors. That's something MMario might run into in one of his time-travels, maybe to the 18th or 19th century. Unless you want to count the wall of steam that I encounter some mornings when I stick my head in the bathroom door and tell my son after 30 minutes that he needs to finish his shower so he can eat breakfast. That's a mighty roiling wall of steam that hits me (and will probably drop the ceiling out of the bathroom one of these days). Now that's vapor!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 07 - 05:34 PM

No vapours!! Ear, ear! Wickéd good show.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 07 - 05:39 PM

Have you tried some weak Wick's Vapo-Rub?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Oct 07 - 06:24 PM

I have tried weak wvinegar. . . my ex swears by a drop of olive oil in his ear, and one mudcatter suggested trying a clove of garlic if there is a next time. I could end up with salad dressing in my ear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 07 - 06:30 PM

Tell the salad to dress in the fridge like all the other vegetables. Who does he think he is? What noive.


A


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