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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 09:18 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 09 - 11:27 PM
Acme 31 Jan 09 - 12:37 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 10:27 AM
Amos 31 Jan 09 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 12:29 PM
Acme 31 Jan 09 - 12:41 PM
Amos 31 Jan 09 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 03:34 PM
Little Hawk 31 Jan 09 - 03:49 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 03:59 PM
Amos 31 Jan 09 - 04:18 PM
Little Hawk 31 Jan 09 - 04:41 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 06:39 PM
Amos 31 Jan 09 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 07:14 PM
Amos 31 Jan 09 - 08:33 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 08:41 PM
Rapparee 01 Feb 09 - 10:42 AM
Rapparee 01 Feb 09 - 12:10 PM
Amos 01 Feb 09 - 12:18 PM
Rapparee 01 Feb 09 - 12:38 PM
Acme 01 Feb 09 - 12:40 PM
Rapparee 01 Feb 09 - 02:26 PM
Rapparee 01 Feb 09 - 11:23 PM
Acme 02 Feb 09 - 12:29 AM
Rapparee 02 Feb 09 - 08:46 AM
MMario 02 Feb 09 - 08:58 AM
Amos 02 Feb 09 - 11:10 AM
Little Hawk 02 Feb 09 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 09 - 03:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Feb 09 - 03:59 PM
Little Hawk 02 Feb 09 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 09 - 05:40 PM
Amos 02 Feb 09 - 09:09 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 09 - 09:49 PM
Amos 02 Feb 09 - 10:36 PM
Acme 02 Feb 09 - 11:29 PM
Little Hawk 02 Feb 09 - 11:41 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 09 - 08:39 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 09 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 09 - 01:15 PM
Amos 03 Feb 09 - 01:34 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 09 - 02:30 PM
MMario 03 Feb 09 - 02:50 PM
Amos 03 Feb 09 - 02:57 PM
Acme 03 Feb 09 - 02:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 09 - 06:54 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 09 - 09:56 PM
Amos 03 Feb 09 - 10:45 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:18 PM

Thank you, Brother Little. I have said to say that but I forgot how to spell in my joy and relief.

The statistical report, like those from other libraries, shows an over-all increase in circulation, visits, and Internet usage in a steady increase all year and quickening in the last three months of the FY (July, August, September). The increase has continued to the present.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 11:27 PM

That's Brother Hawk. If I was Hawk Little, then it would be Brother Little.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 12:37 AM

IPEDs?

I was going to ask if the whale was a sticky mess. But I'll leave it at that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 10:27 AM

Shouldn't that be "I PEED" and not "IPED"? Or are you referring to the past tense of "ipe" (a verb little used today and which means "the action one takes upon sitting upon the point of a nail or a sharp splinter when taking a seat in the outhouse: "Tommy yelled 'YIPE!' when he iped himself this morning." Occ. used to describe the result of using corncobs instead of pages from the Sears' catalogue.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 11:44 AM

I think he was using Little as a condescending adjective, not a nominal substantive.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 12:29 PM

Is LH substantive?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 12:41 PM

It's the acronym from about 10 years ago, the statistics turned in to ALA or somewhere that keeps track of library use statistics. I don't remember what it's called now, I haven't had to use them for a while. That's because I realized that the numbers that go in the annual report are absolutely meaningless. Totally. No relation to anything, because every year they change what they're measuring so there is absolutely no way to compare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 02:31 PM

Ad hoc measuring is God's way of keeping you on your toes, Stilly; it leads directly to intelligent design theory and the aware-quanta hypothesis which is the next thing the God-fearing will try to inject into scientific curricula even though I just now made it up. Wait and see!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 03:34 PM

Worse, it doesn't count things that should be counted. For instance, we had 328,000+ people visit the joint last FY (by door counters, adjusted for staff, kids who run in and out, etc.). We know how many people attended library-sponsored programs, again by actual count.

However, we also have two television shows on the public access channel (which, I hasten to add, the Library started) and a radio show. Most businesses pay attention to their media audience -- but there is no place for me to report our audience figures.

It's another case of those in the field being ahead of those in the rear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 03:49 PM

You're just trying to provoke a pointless confrontation between me and Rapaire, Amos. He already has one with Shane. Isn't that enough?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 03:59 PM

Who's "Shane"? Or should I ask, "What's a 'Shane'?" Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral? Is it bigger than a bread-box? Is it living or non-living? And why should I care?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 04:18 PM

Little Hawk:

Let me remind you this is the Mother of all BS thread. As you should well know by now, unless you were not paying attention over tthe last thirty thousand posts, pointless confrontation is the catalyst for prime BS. It breeds rapid mental stimulation, flashing pictures and overflowing verbiage, heated in the flagon of the confronted heart and restrained by the cool boundaries of acceptable mental extremism, until it sublimates into the purest and best of available modalities of BS.

I'm not doing what I do for idle entertainment, you see. I am doing it for MOM!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 04:41 PM

I pretend to forget that from time to time, Amos, in order to pester you...and help this thread continue to fulfill its purpose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 06:39 PM

MOM!! Amos is heating his flagon again!!! If he keeps it up he'll go blind and grow green hair on the palms of his hands!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 06:59 PM

You think that's bad, I have it one th emost reliable of intell that Rapaire has been heating the palms of his hands several times a day, no less, in an effort to grow hair on his flagon!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 07:14 PM

Why would I want a hairy flagon? To go with your dairy dragon? Well, I can get dragon milk from a cow with short legs, so there, Mister Poo-Poo Head!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 08:33 PM

Oh, Rapaire, really!! If you have to ask why you would want one, you obviously wouldn't know what to do with one if you had it. So I suppose you are still waiting for yours to grow hair. Well just keep right on heating your hands and wait and see what happens.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 08:41 PM

Oh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 10:42 AM

Mom, Mom, Mom...what ARE we going to do with you? Down with the Other Half again, and you know better too! I'm just glad I caught you before you sank too far into dissipation again. Now have some of this good tea...NO! there's no whisky in it!...and sit here with this quilt over your lap while I make you some breakfast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 12:10 PM

Here's some more tea, and a couple on nice, freshly baked scones with freshly churned butter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 12:18 PM

Nothing more amusing than a couple on scones.


The butter offsets the inherent scritchiness.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 12:38 PM

Mom likes to see their sweaty, slippery bodies moving in lithesome passion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 12:40 PM

Whoa, MOM, how'd you let that guest bathroom get into such a state? I thought I'd help you tidy up a little here, but I see I'm going to have to go get a few buckets and a shovel to get that stack of old reading material scraped up from the corner and in front of the chifferobe. If you'd get the ceiling fan fixed the condensation from the shower wouldn't be so bad. Amazing how those glossy magazines and rotogravure sections stick together when they get moist, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 02:26 PM

Amos has been taking a lot of slick, glossy magazines in there lately.

You might want to wear rubber gloves (as well as your other clothes).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 09 - 11:23 PM

Have some refreshment, Mom -- your favorite: grain alcohol, neat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 12:29 AM

That's no kind of bedtime drink, Rapaire. Bring her a cup of chamomile tea, please!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 08:46 AM

Okay.

Mom, here's a nice cup of whatever-it-was-SRS-said, with your grain alcohol in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 08:58 AM

So it's both a bedtime drink and a wake-up?

Though I do hope Rapaire washed his hands after playing with statistics. Those things are nasty


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 11:10 AM

Rapaire:

You couldn't just leave Stilly's elegantly understated suggestive post alone, could you? Had to go make it explicit, you ham-handed buffoon, you lexical Pagliacci, you. Go look you into all the bookes in youre vaste Systeme that speake of Subtletye.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 01:21 PM

What in God's name is a lexical Pagliacci????

Amos, you have raised the bar on verbose pomposity again! I'm impressed. I intend to use the term "lexical Pagliacci" frequently as soon as I find out what it means, and I will use it to intimidate the less erudite around here, such as the cook over at Rombo's. He'll stare at me in stupefaction, not knowing what to say! Oh, what fun it will be! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 03:28 PM

Pagliacci (Players, or Clowns) is an opera consisting of a prologue and two acts written and composed by Ruggero Leoncavallo. It recounts the tragedy of a jealous husband in a commedia dell'arte troupe. (Its name is sometimes incorrectly rendered as I Pagliacci with a definite article.)

Pagliacci premiered at the Teatro Dal Verme in Milan on May 21, 1892, conducted by Arturo Toscanini with Adelina Stehle as Nedda, Fiorello Giraud as Canio, Victor Maurel as Tonio, and Mario Ancona as Silvio.

Since 1893, it has usually been performed in a double bill with Pietro Mascagni's Cavalleria rusticana, a pairing referred to in the operatic world colloquially as "Cav and Pag". It is the only one of Leoncavallo's operas that is still widely staged.


Lexical, of course, refers to words. I think that Amos means that I am an opera about two clowns with words, or perhaps an opera with words about two clowns.

Whatever he means I don't believe I know of an opera WITHOUT words. That would make the libretto difficult indeed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 03:59 PM

Hi Mom!

Just popping my head in to ask a couple of stupid questions...

If you open a bottle of ketchup, use a bit of it, and put the remainder in your refrigerator, it'll keep for ages without going bad. But if you open a bottle of tomato juice, use a bit of it, and put the remainder in your refrigerator, it'll go yucky in just a few weeks. Why? Ketchup is mostly tomato juice, so why doesn't it go bad too?

And another thing...

Have you ever noticed that the people most prone to owning vicious dogs are the ones who are also least likely to have anything worth stealing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 05:19 PM

Your explanation of "lexical Pagliacci" worries me, Rapaire. I think that Amos may have finally become completely unhinged, the sad result of too much intellectual masturbation. He has ceased to function in what can be termed a cognitively coherent fashion.

He should be renamed "Lamos".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 05:40 PM

Perhaps he was thinking that my voice is good enough for any TWO opera singers. Or, I suppose, he may have been thinking that "lexical" came from the Latin (lex, legis: law) and was comments upon the US legal system, comparing it to two clowns.

Then there is his recent fascination with a kayak, which spelled backwards is kayak, and his iphone, which spelled backwards is enohpi (a word in Tongan for an act which can only be described as indescribably disgusting, foul, unnatural and obscene).

In any case I agree with you: the poor chap has finally, resolutely, and with knowledge aforethought, gone over the edge.

And Earth with Comet Lulin fast approaching, too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 09:09 PM

You boys oughter settle down some and stop flapping your jawbones, 'deed you ought, afore someone of a Samsonite turn of mind comes along and borrows them for slaying Philistines with or some such. All I meant to say is that yon Rapaire is being a buffoon with words, a fool for the mother-tongue, a Bozo of paraphrase, an Emmett Kelly of cultural cross-articulation, a Clarabell of languagr, a linguistic Frosty Little, a semantic Konyof. Get my drift???


Sheesh, if the instruction were written on the heel, ya couldn't pour cold tea out of a bedroom slipper.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 09:49 PM

The correct phrase is "He couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel."

Our here in The Real West we don't use none of them namby-pamby bedroom slippers. Black Nate did, once, in the bunkhouse, and Cosi thought Nate's feet had been devoured by bunny rabbits and so Cosi liked to beat them feet to death before cooking them up as rabbit hash.

No sir. We wear good honest socks like God intended, or pull our boots on to go to the outhouse at night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 10:36 PM

I see--you are the keeper of Correct Phraseology? What, you transferred from Clown School? You couldn't pour pith out of a helmet if the instructions were written on the beanie-button,


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 11:29 PM

You're correct, of course, BWL. And since I feel I have things to protect, I have a couple of dogs of distinguished breeds (pit bull and catahoula) who make a lot of noise, but who would roll over to have their tummies rubbed in the burglar just talked to them real nice.

As to ketchup, I have a bottle that has been in the fridge for a couple of years. You're welcome to come try it and see if it is still fresh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 11:41 PM

I like "semantic Konyov" better than "lexical Pagliacci". I'll try it on the cook at Rombos tomorrow and see if it makes an impression.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 08:39 AM

Isn't a "semantic Konyov" one of those assault rifles that are banned in California? I think it comes in 7.62x38F caliber and has a 30-round magazine, with a full automatic selector switch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 11:50 AM

My question about the vicious dogs has been answered to my satisfaction on another thread. The reason people who appear to have nothing worth stealing are likely to have several vicious dogs is to keep you from going into their yard looking for something they may have stolen from you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 01:15 PM

I can do the same thing with a simple sign that reading any of the following:

WARNING! Vicious Dog!

Beware of Quicksand!

No Trespassing -- Violators will be shot, survivors will be prosecuted!

WARNING! Mines!

CAUTION: Heliocentric Radiation Hazard

Signs don't eat anything, don't require veterinary care, and don't lick you all over your face or piddle on the floor when you come home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 01:34 PM

Did you ever notice that those who maintain the most antagonistic signage around their properties are the ones with no meaning of any depth to their lives?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 02:30 PM

LOL!

Did you ever notice that those who employ the most flowery and sesquipedalian forms of verbal criticism of their close friends and associates on the Internet are those who are akin to an unclothed emperor parading grandly about amongst the citizenry, blithely unaware of his own nakedness?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 02:50 PM

Nope, can't say I've ever noticed that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 02:57 PM

Well, Goode Emmm, neither have I! But you know what a pow'ful imagination yon Hawke hath.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 02:58 PM

I've made sense of the recent posts, despite the typos (mine included). But MOM, I ordered a new old IBM-style keyboard yesterday. They did a story about them on NPR last week or I wouldn't have known about them, but I know I always loved typing on the old IBM Selectric keyboard. I hope to enjoy my typing more and perhaps improve the accuracy. Alas, it won't help my spelling, so it might be a wash.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 06:54 PM

I heard that NPR piece about the IBM-style keyboards also. I'm holding out for one that emulates the keyboard from a 1970s era Telex machine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 09:56 PM

I have my very own telegraph key. (I understand that Amos is going to use a combination of wig-wag and smoke signals.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 09 - 10:45 PM

My use of wig-wag is none of your business, too. And the only reason you call it a telegraph key is it shows everybody in the room when you're excited...


A


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