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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 10 Feb 09 - 06:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Feb 09 - 06:49 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 09 - 06:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Feb 09 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 09 - 08:53 PM
Acme 10 Feb 09 - 10:22 PM
Janie 10 Feb 09 - 11:57 PM
Amos 11 Feb 09 - 12:10 AM
Amos 11 Feb 09 - 12:26 AM
Janie 11 Feb 09 - 12:33 AM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 01:47 AM
Amos 11 Feb 09 - 03:11 AM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 03:32 AM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 04:00 AM
MMario 11 Feb 09 - 08:27 AM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 08:40 AM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 09:03 AM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 03:30 PM
MMario 11 Feb 09 - 03:39 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 04:36 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 05:06 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 05:12 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 07:55 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 08:00 PM
Acme 11 Feb 09 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 10:36 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 11:09 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 09 - 08:45 AM
Rapparee 12 Feb 09 - 05:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Feb 09 - 05:57 PM
Acme 12 Feb 09 - 07:07 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 09 - 09:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Feb 09 - 09:56 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 09 - 10:03 PM
Acme 12 Feb 09 - 10:28 PM
Amos 12 Feb 09 - 10:54 PM
Amos 12 Feb 09 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 09 - 08:38 AM
MMario 13 Feb 09 - 09:09 AM
Rapparee 13 Feb 09 - 11:08 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Feb 09 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 09 - 03:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Feb 09 - 06:20 PM
Acme 13 Feb 09 - 06:32 PM
Amos 13 Feb 09 - 07:02 PM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 09 - 07:11 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 09 - 08:44 PM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 09 - 10:48 PM
Janie 13 Feb 09 - 11:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 06:43 PM

Only if it's capitalized. And only in 21 states, most of which are west of the Mississippi.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 06:49 PM

I have solved the economic crisis!

People are always complaining that "Money's short. Money's short." Well, let's make the money taller! A US bill is 2.625 inches tall. If we were to make it an even 3.00 inches tall, that would be an increase of 14%!

And if we were to make the money out of rubber instead of paper, people could stretch it even further!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 06:51 PM

But then they wouldn't fit into my wallet -- not that I have any to put in there now....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 06:59 PM

There you go, Rapaire! Opportunity's staring you in the face! Quit that wuss library job and go to work on a cattle ranch. Everybody's gonna need new wallets and growin' leather on the hoof is gonna be a mighty profitable business for the next few years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 08:53 PM

Well sir, the Library has its own, genuine, registered brand: M-P-L connected, with a rocker. We can brand horses and cattle on the left hip, sheep anywhere, and staff on the left hip and right shoulder. Course, the staff is gettin' plumb riled up over the ear notching and Gene's gettin' right testy over the cuttin', but he'll calm down after it's over.

So we kin run our own cattle and make wallets from the hides.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 10:22 PM

There used to be a joke making the rounds about making wallets out of foreskins. . .

Good thing those paper materials were moved on the porch. We just had a humdinger of a thunderstorm roll through here. The tornado warning is on for another 30 minutes at least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 11:57 PM

No, no, no! If you make dollars out of rubber then they are prone to bounce just like checks. (Even though that might happen, it will still never do. Ya' know?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 12:10 AM

There must be some way to make yer money stretch, but not bounce.

By the way, I severely fron on Little Hawk's arrogation of the terminology program, injecting the name of a half-forgotten second-rate rughead in place of the fine terms such as platons and solons we came up with. And excellence in NO dimension can be measured in Shatnerons. Shatneron is what you have been when someone leaves for the weekend four hours early leaving you to finish his work by staying four hours overtime. You've just been thoroughly shatneron. For an illustration see BWL's link up thread.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 12:26 AM

Mom says we all hafta be extra nice to Rapaire on account it is his burfday, and that he will return the favor some day.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 12:33 AM

T'wont hold my breath.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 01:47 AM

May I say in return, Amos, that I fron on not only your arrogations (of a great many things), but also your generally poor comportment and critical attitude. Can you see me fronning, Amos? I am fronning in your direction.

Fron! Fron! Fron!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 03:11 AM

YA know, Little Hawk, Mom says if you keep fronning about like that there, your face is going to freeze in that position and you will never get laid any more.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 03:32 AM

He does now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 04:00 AM

Hell, the likelihood of that had already gone down to virtually nil regardless, so you don't scare me a bit. ;-)

I have glorious things planned for my next incarnation, though. Just wait and see...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 08:27 AM

Rapaire has a birthday? I could have sworn he told us that he sprang fully grown out of the primodrdial chaos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 08:40 AM

No, I was the Primodial Chaos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 09:03 AM

After all, Alexander Pope foresaw my coming in 1728:

In vain, in vain, — the all-composing Hour
Resistless falls: The Muse obeys the Pow'r.
She comes! she comes! the sable Throne behold
Of Night Primæval, and of Chaos old!
Before her, Fancy's gilded clouds decay,
And all its varying Rain-bows die away.
Wit shoots in vain its momentary fires,
The meteor drops, and in a flash expires.
As one by one, at dread Medea's strain,
The sick'ning stars fade off th'ethereal plain;
As Argus' eyes by Hermes' wand opprest,
Clos'd one by one to everlasting rest;
Thus at her felt approach, and secret might,
Art after Art goes out, and all is Night.
See skulking Truth to her old Cavern fled,
Mountains of Casuistry heap'd o'er her head!
Philosophy, that lean'd on Heav'n before,
Shrinks to her second cause, and is no more.
Physic of Metaphysic begs defence,
And Metaphysic calls for aid on Sense!
See Mystery to Mathematics fly!
In vain! they gaze, turn giddy, rave, and die.
Religion blushing veils her sacred fires,
And unawares Morality expires.
Nor public Flame, nor private, dares to shine;
Nor human Spark is left, nor Glimpse divine!
Lo! thy dread Empire, Chaos! is restor'd;
Light dies before thy uncreating word:
Thy hand, great Anarch! lets the curtain fall;
And Universal Darkness buries All.


He got the sex wrong, but otherwise was right on target.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 03:30 PM

Whoa! I get breathless just reading it. It reminds me of the first time Chongo Chimp walked across the threshold of the North Side Gorillas' clubhouse in Chicago...

Or the first time William Shatner mounted the stage...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 03:39 PM

Didn't he get arrested for that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 04:36 PM

Heh! (I knew someone would jump right on that...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 05:06 PM

Took an hour. That's not "jumping right on it."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 05:12 PM

Well, excuuuuuuuuse me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 05:59 PM

Alright, but don't do it again. If you do, Amos will spank.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 07:55 PM

Okay, I'm off to the Legion meeting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 08:00 PM

Oh, PLEASE, Amos! Spank me!

Amos.....?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 09:42 PM

Sorry I wasn't here all day, Mom. We were down at the legion hall cleaning up Rapaire's favorite booth as a birthday present.

You don't want to hear about all of the crap that was piled under the upholstered seats and jammed on the floor next to the wall. We polished some of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 10:36 PM

Well, I'm back from the Legion. And cold sober. Not like those other guys. When I left Dirtbike Billy had saddled the old French 75 and was wondering why it didn't giddy-up while three other guys were looking for the shell they've had since WW1. Since the danged thing was charged with picric acid (which has almost certainly crystallized by now) it will be more dangerous than the skunk who swallowed the nitroglycerin.

You know, messing with overage high explosives will sober you up pretty quick, especially if you're not the one doing the messing around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 11:09 PM

Those French 75's were damn fine artillery in their day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 08:45 AM

Yep. But you really shouldn't shoot one off in the middle of town, especially after the barrel is plugged.

Fortunately there was no explosion last night, so I assume that they didn't find the shell. It used to be kept down in the Gun Room, where they keep the rifles used for salutes at military function. Well, not rifle exactly -- they're really Brown Bess muskets seized from the British at Yorktown. The US Army supplied them to the Legion after WW1, but welded the touch holes closed so they couldn't be used to actually shoot anything. All you can do is load the pan with a bit of priming powder and watch it go FOMF! when you shoot it off.

The most exciting thing they've ever done with the muskets was in 1972, when they were "firing" a salute and the powder ignited Hairless Harry's beard. Took a bucket of beer before they could put him out, mostly because the bucket had to be refilled three times before it was dumped on him. Never made it completely along the bucket brigade the first two times.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 05:32 PM

Poor Mom. Poor old Mom. Drifting closer and closer to The Bottom because no one except me cares.

Poor, poor old Mom.

Here's some refreshment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 05:57 PM

I saw Mom walking down the road earlier. I almost stopped and gave her a lift, but she looked like she could probably use the exercise to help her sober up. Next time Rapaire has a birthday party... no tequila.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 07:07 PM

Is she still carrying one of the broadswords we cleaned and polished? No one is likely to bother her when she hikes around with one of those.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 09:15 PM

Mom is an expert -- a Maestro, a Master At Arms (Maestra, Mistress At Arms??) -- in every one of the Western Martial Arts, from grappling to the use of the halberd. I've seen her use her great Landsknecht sword to cleave three feet into an oak stump four feet tall, use backsword and targe like a Highlander, and fight with a case of rapiers like she was Romeo himself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 09:56 PM

Have you ever seen Mom make clam chowder?

She cleaves the clams cleanly with a claymore.

Clever, isn't she?

And classy, too.

Clearly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 10:03 PM

You're saying that Mom cleverly and cleanly cleaves clams with a classy claymore? She cleaves kale at the same time, you know. Yes, she's a clever classy claymore cleaver cleanly cleaving clams and kale.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 10:28 PM

Clever characters, you two are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 10:54 PM

I have now lost two separate posts to this thread and I am annoyed about that. Fortunately the good spirits of those of you who dance at Mom's place while I am away make up for it and heal my ill humor.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 11:21 PM

Well, that's better, anyway. I got to the orifice at 6AM and worked until 8 tonight. I am less gruntled than usual as a result.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 08:38 AM

ONLY a 14 hour day?

Wimp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 09:09 AM

Hey MOM!

Sorry I didn't drop by yesterday - but I was making arrangements for my Dad's b'day surprise. He and his wife will be at my brother's in Atlanta over his b'day; and I've asked my knitting group to send him b'day cards.

If every one does it who says they are going to he is going to get cards from all over the world. Paris, Vienna, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Londen, Glasgow, several places in Canada and south america;many of the US states; and I think Japen and China. Several from Australia.

I think he's going to get a kick out of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 11:08 AM

Mom, I'm sorry I didn't drop by yesterday but I was busy plotting the overthrow of the established social order.

Oh, wait, I see that I did.

Never mind, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 03:24 PM

Hi Mom, sorry I haven't dropped in today until now. I had a large iquana stuck in my pants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 03:43 PM

Bold devil, aren't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 06:20 PM

Okay, I lied. It wasn't an large iguana. It was a small pterodactyl.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 06:32 PM

Ouch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 07:02 PM

At least we now know who to blame for this chaos. I swan, it is beginning to look like the End Time of the Czars. SHeesh.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 07:11 PM

I'll see your swan and raise you an albatros.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 08:44 PM

Mom, this may be my last post.

I'm going to Jackson Hole, Wyoming this weekend, we're leaving tomorrow and I won't be back until Monday.

We'll ride on a sleigh through the elk herd at the National Elk Refuge, we'll stay right in downtown JH. I'm not sure that I'll have computer access this weekend, so this might be my last post, at least until Monday. Most likely I will, but who knows?

I know I'll be home Monday, because, Mom, I can't afford to stay in JH. The billionaires are driving out the millionaires there, or were last year. Who knows what is in store this year?

We'll eat at Bubba's, never fear. And we have reservations at the Gun Barrel tomorrow night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 10:48 PM

Do you intend to go in the nude?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 11:49 PM

Seems a bit harsh on yer Old Man's Birthday, Leo, to get kicks from all over the world.


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