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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 29 Jul 09 - 11:05 AM
Rapparee 29 Jul 09 - 11:07 AM
Amos 29 Jul 09 - 11:42 AM
Amos 29 Jul 09 - 12:04 PM
Amos 29 Jul 09 - 04:15 PM
Rapparee 29 Jul 09 - 07:34 PM
Acme 29 Jul 09 - 09:02 PM
Amos 29 Jul 09 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 29 Jul 09 - 10:13 PM
Amos 29 Jul 09 - 10:25 PM
Amos 30 Jul 09 - 11:25 AM
MMario 30 Jul 09 - 11:34 AM
Amos 30 Jul 09 - 12:11 PM
Amos 30 Jul 09 - 12:49 PM
Rapparee 30 Jul 09 - 04:26 PM
Amos 30 Jul 09 - 04:27 PM
Rapparee 30 Jul 09 - 06:41 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jul 09 - 06:49 PM
Acme 30 Jul 09 - 07:46 PM
Amos 30 Jul 09 - 08:33 PM
Rapparee 30 Jul 09 - 09:19 PM
Amos 30 Jul 09 - 10:20 PM
Little Hawk 31 Jul 09 - 12:56 AM
Rapparee 31 Jul 09 - 08:37 AM
Little Hawk 31 Jul 09 - 08:50 AM
Rapparee 31 Jul 09 - 10:27 AM
Acme 31 Jul 09 - 10:56 AM
Amos 31 Jul 09 - 11:18 AM
Little Hawk 31 Jul 09 - 11:35 AM
Amos 31 Jul 09 - 11:41 AM
MMario 31 Jul 09 - 11:46 AM
Amos 31 Jul 09 - 11:49 AM
Little Hawk 31 Jul 09 - 11:51 AM
gnu 31 Jul 09 - 01:33 PM
MMario 31 Jul 09 - 01:57 PM
Little Hawk 31 Jul 09 - 02:19 PM
gnu 31 Jul 09 - 02:21 PM
Amos 31 Jul 09 - 02:39 PM
gnu 31 Jul 09 - 02:41 PM
MMario 31 Jul 09 - 02:50 PM
Amos 31 Jul 09 - 02:51 PM
Little Hawk 31 Jul 09 - 05:41 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 09 - 07:26 PM
gnu 31 Jul 09 - 07:43 PM
Amos 31 Jul 09 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 09 - 10:40 PM
Amos 31 Jul 09 - 11:09 PM
Amos 01 Aug 09 - 10:56 AM
Rapparee 01 Aug 09 - 10:58 AM
Little Hawk 01 Aug 09 - 01:02 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 11:05 AM

Then he lead the rest of the troops into an ambush.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 11:07 AM

I forgot to mention that afterward he left one of his silver bullets on the body of the officer and galloped away with his faithful Indian companion Orville Singh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 11:42 AM

...who was called Orr for short, which is understandable; as a Prisoner of War, the British would threaten him with accordion accompaniment, and sneer at him, "Talk, Orr Singh!!"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 12:04 PM

And then I dreamt I'd lost my ship at sea
And swept up in the storm, slammed among the broken spars,
Was hit on thehead, and taken by salt waters at last.

Finding this broken skull and drowned flesh beneath
My standards, I left it, and drifted
The length and depth of the Pacific, trying to understand.

I found at last a settling place, descending
Into the form of a blue whale calf, new-borning
And felt it was something I could be. So I kept it.

Imagine the learning! How deep is down, how often up,
Blowing with precision, spy-hopping, how to fight
For love and sing to the clan at depth. Not an easy course.

Especially the singing--in my dream I kept remembering the Shirelles,
And wanted to sing Doo Wop to the blues around me, oooo-wah.
But the elders butted me and the rest ignored my trying Blue Moon.

My mother loved me, though, and knowing that was enough.
I practiced using my voice, alone on the 100 fathom line,
And sang remembered pops in whale tones. I got good, too!

I even mastered the Shhh in Sh-Boom, a foreign sound. And
When the time came I had to be my own whale,
I could do a dozen numbers from the Fifties. So

I cruised the oceans looking for a research team with
Microphones in the water and when I found them,
Of course I sang Dream and Santa Catalina, in dark whale tones.

It freaked them out, of course, and then they lured me to some bay
And I would breach and bellow The Book of Love or Donna
Octaves below "C", splashing down and rising again for the chorus.

Crowds in small boats and large bobbed out to hear it! It was a wonder!
How could a whale learn such old tunes? I was a smash, a blue baritone hit.
But after a while people began to say it wasn't that good.

They were annoyed because I wouldn't pronounce
The words as well as the originals they loved,
And became disenchanted with me. Attendance fell. So I left,

Went back to the deeps, started my own family
In bottomless waters where I sing
To the calves as they grow, about the Book of Love.

The dream ended well, even better than the original I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 04:15 PM

Boy, Mom, you get a little whacky and they stay away in droves!!

I thought it was good, even if no-one esle did...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 07:34 PM

Hey, Mom! I went and got the stitches out of my shoulder. Yes, it hurt and I didn't think they still cauterized bleeding with a hot iron, but.... Anyway, I found that they had cut off the end of my collarbone! Yup, just cut 'er right off. That of course, simply confirmed my suspicions that bits of my DNA is being collected in a Secret Government Place where they store the perfection of DNA in case they have to clone perfect people in a hurry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 09:02 PM

Ewww.

I remember the stitch removal after my bunion surgery. Hurt like a SOB.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 10:01 PM

Rapaire:

Find a place next go-'round as a Blue Whale, and you will have no such troubles.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 10:13 PM

So folks can harpoon me, fleche me, cut me into chunks, toss me in the try-pots, and carve on my teeth?

No thankee. I think I'll come back a Gorlnak the Eternal, Eater of Worlds or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 09 - 10:25 PM

Ah, sir, that's the dull-witted ones, the barely mauve. A smart Blue finds his freedom wherever he needs to.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 11:25 AM

It is Thursday morning, Mom, here in the land of Granola, where we live on crystal spring water and organic fruits and nuts. The days continue on; it is ironic how hard you strive to bring things to order, to normal operation, and when you have them balanced on the edge of the leading edge of time, just so, so they can go forward with normalcy and coherence, the whole thing becomes much less inspiring to maintain.

Little Hawk, are you getting overheated in Ontario? Rapaire, have you been ordered to exercises? Stilly, what does the University really believe it is doing?

I wish BWL were back. He understands so much; he would know what to do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 11:34 AM

wow..

That's so Philosphical

I would probably have just said..."Ever notice that when you got every thing going right they start to get boring?"

But your way sounds so much more profound.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 12:11 PM

Yeah, but yours is more elegant, and down-to-earth.

I imagine Rapaire is still fending off darkling clouds of chemical unconsciousness, using his light-saber.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 12:49 PM

Excerpt from a NYT column:

"Franz Rosenzweig's "Understanding the Sick and the Healthy: A View of World, Man, and God." The sickness in question is paralysis, what we would today probably call clinical depression. It is the patient's metaphysical prowess that paralyzes him. It has replaced the common sense that once allowed him to accept ordinary things. He can no longer go to the store for butter because, after all, "the butter remembered, the butter desired, and the butter finally bought, are not the same. They may even be quite different." And yet he is able to make the purchase — or would be able to, if he would just move on.

Rosenzweig writes: "The continuity of life blunts the edge of marveling. Wonder is finally enveloped in the stream of time.""



There's the rub; to remember that time is an arbitrary, a false cover, a flim-flam and a bamboozle, so that you can stay on the cresting edge of wonder and new sight. This belief that change is slow, that newness only comes on the installment plan, that things are as they were instead of as they scintillatingly are, is a morose and terrible pit to lie in. This is something, I believe, that Mom understands instinctively.


A


A

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 04:26 PM

Raparie is going home and take a nap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 04:27 PM

Jeeze, Mom is laconic and lugubrious today, doncha think? What we need around here are a few more incorrigible reprobates and unrepentant miscreants.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 06:41 PM

Unwounded ones.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 06:49 PM

"What we need around here are a few more incorrigible reprobates and unrepentant miscreants."

You rang? :-D

Hold that thought, okay? I have to go out and play music now. I shall return just in time to save you from total ennui and despair. Try to survive the lonely hours that lie ahead...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 07:46 PM

Leo, scroll down and look for my link to Maryann (that Maryann, of Gilligan's Island) showing the world how to boil and peel an Idaho potato. A useful tip. MOM has been busy cooking potatoes since she watched it, and we're going to have potato salad for the next month around here. Pass the hard boiled eggs, please. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 08:33 PM

My, it has turned scintillating...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 09:19 PM

Amos, you do not understand potatoes. Like most, you think of them as tubers growing on the roots of plants.

NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!!!

Potatoes are tiny, blind creatures similar to nemotodes which crawl underground searching for a plant's root system upon which to "suckle." The very best plant for this are the various varieties of Solanum tuberosum (or "Tubas of [St. Francis] Solanus" -- the reason for this name is irrelevant here). Potatoes can sense these plants many miles away and will literally bore through mountains to get to them. Once there, they attach themselves to the plant's roots so firmly that the plant literally grows around them and the potato loses it's own identity into that of the plant.

Once, Idaho (for example) was a high, flat plateau stretching from Montana to the Oregon and Washington borders. Early settlers planted
Solanum tuberosum (the original settlers lived on camas roots) and attracted the potatoes. This mass migration of potatoes from one place to another caused the soil and rock to collapse, as a sinkhole does when the water below is pumped out. This gave birth to Idaho's mountains. The same happened in Maine and Ireland, where the collapse of the land formed the immense central plain -- were it not for the potato Dublin would be an alpine resort.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 09 - 10:20 PM

Well, I'll be darned!! I really do swan!! The things you learn on Mudcat!! Rapaire, thank you so much for that profound and impeccably researched bit of knowledge.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 12:56 AM

I'm back! Did you miss me? I've played my fingers off on guitar and also got to see about 2 hours of Allison Krause and her band on a couple of DVDs that a friend had. Very good!

So, Amos....you may swan now, but I think you'll more likely duck tomorrow, and I predict that you will not get to crow at all this week...nor will you be caught robin' the pantry if you know what's good for you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 08:37 AM

I'm humbly grateful form your praise of my scholarship, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 08:50 AM

The lazy bugger isn't even up yet, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 10:27 AM

Heck, I'd got the cows milked and fed, the back forty cut and windrowed, and the day cavvy brought in and saddled by the time I'd posted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 10:56 AM

Those potatoes in Idaho look so cute when they're nearly grown and they roll over one morning in the field, wearing their new restaurant foil jackets. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 11:18 AM

Little Hawk, as usual, is just leaping across whole fields of missing data to promulgate windy and unbalanced confusions, usually scurrilous. For example, at 08:37 Mudcat time this morning I was in my car, driving to work, studiously listening to KPBS in order to maintain my current qualifications as a California Bleeding Heart Tree Hugging Pinko Liberal (CBHTHPL).

I am glad you played your fingers off, Little Hawk--at least you won't have to go through that again.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 11:35 AM

Actually, Amos, after 40 years of playing guitar I can confidently say: "Note that the fingers never leave the hands." ;-)

You are indeed the ne plus ultra of CBHTHPLs, and justifiably proud of it too, I would think. You are the grit in Bearded Bruce's vaseline.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 11:41 AM

I've played my fingers off on guitar (LH, 12:56 AM)

"...after 40 years of playing guitar I can confidently say: "Note that the fingers never leave the hands." " (LH, 11:35 AM)

Come, come, Little Hawk. Are your fingers ON, or OFF? Are you misleading us intentionally, like some shell-game mountebank? Or are you simply avoiding the tiresome effort of looking down at the ends of your hands to see if the frayed bits are worn off or not?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 11:46 AM

Maryann (that Maryann, of Gilligan's Island) showing the world how to boil and peel an Idaho potato

Maryann? truly? If you only knew how many nights I dreamed about ....

ahem....

Interesting that you should bring of the migration of the potato to the High Plateau of Idaho, Rap. I was just reading an article on how the mass migration of the potato from the Northeastern United states to the Northwest is now believed to have been a contributing factor in the extinction of the Great Lakes Fur Dolphins and also of the Hudson River Manatee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 11:49 AM

26 hours 49 minutes and ~50 seconds.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 11:51 AM

Must I explain all the nuances of language to you, Amos? Forbear, my good fellow, forbear...lest I set the dogs on thee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 01:33 PM

Wouldn't do any good... Amos has a chair to stand on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 01:57 PM

Why would you set the dogs on Amos for Bear? Wouldn't it be smarter to set them on someone in a more rural area if you are trying for bear?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 02:19 PM

If I was in a rural area, I'd forget about using dogs at all. I'd set the bears on Amos instead. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 02:21 PM

But, he could throw the dogs to them. With a little mustard, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 02:39 PM

In any case, Little Hawks situation is well-known to be unbearable, and entirely gone to the dogs. Despite his efforts to catsup by having them mustard regularly, they do not seem to relish his company, and keep nipping his buns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 02:41 PM

Now, if ya coulda worked "onions" into that, I would have been impressed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 02:50 PM

I'm surprised he didn't say " and keep nipping onions buns"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 02:51 PM

In any case, Little Hawk's situation is well-known to be unbearable, and entirely gone to the dogs. Despite his efforts to catsup by having them mustard regularly, they do not seem to relish his company, and keep nipping his buns. To avoid this he spends much of his time sitting high on a rock onion hill, avoiding becoming hamburger.


Howzat?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 05:41 PM

I liked your first attempt better. There's no point messing with perfection. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 07:26 PM

Which, of course, is why I haven't posted in the last few hours. If I had you would all have tried messing with ME, and as has been said, there's no messing with perfection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 07:43 PM

Or perfunction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 07:49 PM

Or even pernicious permeability.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 10:40 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen and Amos:

I have returned from an evaluation session in Physical Therapy. The therapist has given me a series of "passive" exercises to do and I will be doing them as they are little or no trouble and take no equipment save a flat surface and gravity.

This will continue for four weeks, at which time I will be in for more weeks of rather more difficult therapy. One of those is the "Slapper Push-Up" where you do a one-handed push-up with the hand on the injured side, slap yourself roundly on both cheeks (your choice of cheeks) while "up", catch yourself, and lower yourself for a repeat.

Monday afternoon, after PT, Pat and I head to Missoula, via Dillon, for the 100th Annual Conference and Centennial Birthday Party of the Pacific Northwest Library Association. I shall not be out of touch whilst gone, and I shall be doing the PNLA exercies des ans: the grasp, lift, and elbow bend (which is done holding a glass of the liquid of your choice).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 11:09 PM

Given your history of aggression, sharpening your passive skills will make you more balanced. But -- Missoula? University visit? My, just erudite circles to travel in. You will have plenty of opportunities to practice your combined talents on them liberriens.

Safe travels, anyway!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 10:56 AM

So long Mom, I am off to the blood-stained alleys of Tijuana to see a fly-by-night dentist.

If I survive I want Rapaire to have all my used bathroom tissues.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 10:58 AM

Which I will donate to the US Marine Corps Recruit Depot, San Diego, for use by DIs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 01:02 PM

"I am off to the blood-stained alleys of Tijuana to see a fly-by-night dentist"

Ha! A likely story! He's off to another illicit rendezvous with Chinga. She runs a cathouse in Tijuana now, as well as a contraband banana and mango operation that moves illegal fruit into the USA. Amos is one of her bagmen, no doubt.


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