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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 27 Dec 10 - 11:26 AM
Acme 27 Dec 10 - 11:56 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Dec 10 - 11:59 AM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 04:22 PM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 05:01 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Dec 10 - 05:13 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Dec 10 - 05:23 PM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 06:18 PM
Acme 27 Dec 10 - 06:26 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 10 - 06:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Dec 10 - 07:15 PM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 08:26 PM
Acme 27 Dec 10 - 08:52 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 10 - 09:19 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Dec 10 - 10:58 PM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 11:14 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Dec 10 - 11:40 PM
Acme 28 Dec 10 - 12:46 AM
Amos 28 Dec 10 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 28 Dec 10 - 09:36 AM
Little Hawk 28 Dec 10 - 11:51 AM
Amos 28 Dec 10 - 03:48 PM
Eiseley 28 Dec 10 - 03:51 PM
Amos 28 Dec 10 - 03:55 PM
Rapparee 28 Dec 10 - 07:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Dec 10 - 08:11 PM
Eiseley 28 Dec 10 - 08:15 PM
Amos 29 Dec 10 - 01:40 AM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 10 - 02:35 AM
Amos 29 Dec 10 - 01:01 PM
gnu 29 Dec 10 - 02:31 PM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 10 - 03:42 PM
Amos 29 Dec 10 - 03:58 PM
gnu 29 Dec 10 - 04:06 PM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 10 - 04:10 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 10 - 06:58 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 07:16 PM
Amos 29 Dec 10 - 07:26 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 08:37 PM
Amos 29 Dec 10 - 08:38 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 08:40 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 08:42 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 08:42 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 08:43 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 08:43 PM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 10 - 08:44 PM
gnu 29 Dec 10 - 08:46 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 08:47 PM
Acme 29 Dec 10 - 08:51 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:26 AM

YEs, please, you condescending patrician patronizing poltroon...explain it to me.

It makes no sense as written.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:56 AM

Do you suppose we'll manage 39K before the new year? What an occasion to celebrate! Maybe you'd better hold off shipping those chimps, they can add some drama, if not gravitas, to the occasion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:59 AM

Rap needs a chimp or two around to teach him a few simple things like...

- cleanliness
- good manners
- posture
- common decency
- how to use a toilet
- how to tie his own shoes
- how to clean up after himself

The basics, in other words.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 04:22 PM

If he lets them out, they might box his ears and send THEM off to the Smithsonian...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 05:01 PM

So here is post nine and sixty-nine
To calm your minor fears
For think how much worse 'twould be
If you had old Rapp's ears!
The chimps by now have bit them of
ANd made a bloody mess!
And sent them off to Washington
By the grace of UPS.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 05:13 PM

Hi Mom!

Sorry I haven't been around lately. That refurbished Mac G3 I got back in August didn't stay refurbished very long. The hard drive keeled over and died a few weeks ago. So I got a new laptop and one of them mobile wireless hotspot thingies from Verizon. Now I can post BS while sitting on the shitter. I'm not doing it right now, mind you, I'm sitting in a chair. But if the mood should ever strike, it's good to know it's an option


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 05:23 PM

Yeah, right.

Be sure and keep us well informed about ALL yer activities, Bee-dub.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 06:18 PM

Ya know, Chongo, you are scarcely in a position to complain about TMI syndrome. Your very existence is TMI!!!


Bruce, welcome back; we really missed your sparkling repartee in these parts.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 06:26 PM

I figured BWL was cornering the market on pottery in the Floribama region. Sorry to hear about the 'puter troubles, but it is nice sometimes not to be tied to the things, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 06:36 PM

Amos, when you have Achieved you will Know. In the meantime, duck whenever Chongo throws something at you because it will stain.

I found out through my Chi sources that Melvin the Ripper is almighty annoyed with Chongo because of Chongo's treatment of his poor mother and sister. My sources say something about "cement overshoes" being too good for him and mention a wood chipper instead.

Welcome back, what's-your-name, the Florida guy, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 07:15 PM

Has Chongo been giving you guys a hard time? (Sorry, but I'm not going to bother reading any previous posts to see for myself. This is, after all, The Mother of All BS Threads. Last time I checked, "context" and "staying on topic" were strictly optional.) If he's been acting up I can send Kenny and Bubba to talk with him. They both got new semi-autos for Christmas and are already tired of blasting hell out of tree stumps and old Jim Beam bottles. They'd probably appreciate a moving target, especially one who's almost as hairy and ugly as Kenny's mother-in-law.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 08:26 PM

Now that's the best plan I have heard all month!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 08:52 PM

BWL, have you met Eiseley?

She crept up on us silently, keeping her sights on MOM without revealing her existence until she read the WHOLE DAMN THING FRONT TO BACK before she introduced herself. And you're complaining about a few measly months worth of posts?

Geez.

Don't piss her off. Rapaire (who is now Raparreeeee) taught her how to shoot around corners in the library in Pocatello. It's Dead-eye Kate during the day, Eiseley here in the evening.

Just a heads' up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 09:19 PM

Has anybody here seen Eiseley?
E-I-S-E-L-E-Y
The offspring of bibliotecal stock
Uses Cutter tables for a door stop
Has anybody here seen Eiseley?
We really gotta find ol' Eiseley
Cuz it's Christmas time and she's plumb disappeared and I greatly fear she's gone up to the Legion Hovel and fallen in with the company there, which would not work to her moral and philosophical betterment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 10:58 PM

You send Kenny and Bubba right on up here, Bee-dub. I look forward to meetin' 'em, greetin' 'em (in my own way), and plantin' 'em.   In that order. Things have been kinda dull around here lately, and I am itchin' for some action.

I am sure I will smell them two comin', so formal introductions will not be necessary.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:14 PM

They'll probably smell you about the same time, Chongo, old bean. Unless you ...hmmmmfffhahaha.... bathe first.A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:40 PM

Yer the one who needs to improve his personal hygeine, Amos. I been hearin' through the "grapevine" that Chinga is pretty apalled at yer lack of cleanliness, and she is thinkin' of doublin' her usual fee on yer next Mexican jaunt so's you get the idea and clean up yer "act"...if ya know what I mean. I am puttin' it delicately, bein' as how this here is a family forum.

I got nothin' against cross-species involvements, you know that...I am open-minded...but have a little class, willya? Geez.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 12:46 AM

It's just the Old Spice that Amos has been wearing ever since those commercials came out.

"Look at your man. Now back to me. Back at your man. Now back to me."

Trouble is, he gets in trouble when he gets to the "I'm on a horse" part.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 09:24 AM

PIsh tush. I wore Old Spice from my earliest years as a shaver. But I don't wear aftershave now. Just soap and water. Every single morning. A relatively kempt look, if you will. So your scurrilous simian innuendoes can go beg for breakfast, Hawkster. I smell great.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 09:36 AM

"Madam, you smell. I stink." -- Samuel Johnson


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 11:51 AM

I'm glad to see you didn't flip into a defensive frenzy over Chongo's latest comments, Amos. That shows good poise on your part.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 03:48 PM

I don't usualy feel the need to defend myself from anemic warped badly-drawn caretoons, especially imaginary ones...

Rapaire, I think your dictionary is a few hundfred years out of currency.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 03:51 PM

Hallo Folks!

I just walked downstairs from the staff room where we said good-bye to the finest custodian who ever walked the halls. Dear Jolene is retiring on Friday after 28 years of stellar service.

She had to wear hip waders to work several times so she could shovel the BS out the director's office, as she was telling me just the other day.

Oh, I will miss her so much!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 03:55 PM

Darn it, MS Eiseley, that makes TWO custodians you have burned out in the last year. You just gotta quit raisin' so much dust, gal!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 07:27 PM

I am in Gettysburg, PA (where the battle was...July, 1863...remember?). Among the things coming in 2011 is (I am NOT kidding!) "Battlecry - Gettysburg: the Musical".

-------------------
General Lee: General Pickett, gather your division for another attack!.

General Pickett (singing):

Yes, I have no division!
I have no division to lead!
I have stragglers, wounded, and dying,
But I have no division to lead!
--------------------

Even I'm not that much of a sick-o.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 08:11 PM

Chongo, I related your message to Bubba and Kenny. They said they'd love to come play guns with you, but not right now. They're Floribama boys, you see, and they're a bit averse to a wintertime visit to Chicago. To quote Kenny, "I ain't gonna freeze my ass off just fer a chance t' shoot some fleabitten monkey."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 28 Dec 10 - 08:15 PM

Hey, Gettysburg is fairly close to the thriving micro-opolis of Intercourse, PA, where my oldest son got a very interesting t-shirt last spring break. I couldn't tell if Gettysburg, Boston, New York, or that little crossroads was his favorite.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 01:40 AM

I would say Gettysburg for the gumption, Boston for the attitude, and Intercourse for the company...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 02:35 AM

It prompts the question, "Where can I find Intercourse?"

Or you could approach the attractive bus ticket vendor at the ticket booth and say, "How much for Intercourse?" ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 01:01 PM

You could walk every square mile of the state of Pennsylvania and never arrive at intercourse, LH. But that is no big deal. Despite all the advertising it is not the summum bonum of existence. It's good, though...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 02:31 PM

I expect there will be more than one Catter looking to steal 39K. I know of one rogue, a non-Mom'er, who may attempt it, simply to thwart another of like ilk. Personally, I don't see the value in it unless there is a tangible prize.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 03:42 PM

I can't really see the point in anyone except William Shatner grabbing that particular post. In his case, it would render the moment significant, memorable, and meaningful. In the case of others? I think not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 03:58 PM

Shatner is not a member here; arguably he is a member everywhere else, at least from the neck up.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 04:06 PM

You member?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 04:10 PM

And why would he want to be a member here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 06:11 PM

He's as good as a member, he's posted enough. Haven't heard from him lately, though, have we?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 06:58 PM

You haven't heard from me today, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 07:16 PM

Yes we have. You're hanging out with Pickett et al, aren't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 07:26 PM

And patting himself on his Little Round Top...

We will crest the wave in eight more posts...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:37 PM

I prefer Colgate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:38 PM

If you want ticklery, cutlery, slappery
Then go out walking with old Mister Rapparee.
If you want fantasies, Dylan and gawking,
Then choose to spend your time mooning and Hawking!
If you like country life, cawing and mooing
You might be happier up north a-Gnuing.
If learned and yearning for wisdom unaging
Go to the southwest for some Stilly Saging!
But if you want whining, or rumors to tell,
Forget the BeeDubya and go straight to Ell.
And you want tomes told and guidance most wisely
Turn to the north for a session with Eiseley!


Gladstone Myrtle Dupree III
Reveries on Reverence
Punkin da Runcible Press, Halifax 1918


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:40 PM

My computer is running slow, pages take forever to load. On this new hot rod, they should appear in a jiffy. I'd hate to try some multi-window stunt just to have it bog down. Been removing possible culprits, but it would be embarrassing to have stanzas of a poem appear in the wrong order, or disappear altogether.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:42 PM

Why, I've just been sitting here since that last post, waiting for this window to open.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:42 PM

AND THIS one to open.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:43 PM

Hmmmm. That was a little quicker. Maybe Bill Gates knows he's on the spot?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:43 PM

Maybe.

39000


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:44 PM

Hmmm. No Shatner. Perhaps the Great Man will grace us when 40,000 rolls around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:46 PM

COLGATE! THERE IT IS! I just made the connection.

Pro Health, to be exact. Whatever they put in that is the spice I tasted in SiL's turkey stew. It tasted okay when it was fresh and hot but I got some to take home. After a day in the fridge... yecccchhhh. I am not shittin. I wonder just what it is. I am "spiceless". I use onions, pepper... the wildest I get is soya sauce and that's ONLY when rice is involved.

Even summer savory is kept to a pinch in my stews.

Whatever it is, it should not be in stew or soup.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:47 PM

What is really irksome is that one huge drag on loading is all of these ads. You can see the page, kind of, but there is a little script at the bottom telling you that it's held hostage for some ad page that is slow to load.

Shatner knows better than to appear under such circumstances, apparently.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 10 - 08:51 PM

Maybe it's allspice? Something cinnamon-like?


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