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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 09 Apr 13 - 05:27 PM
Amos 09 Apr 13 - 06:47 PM
Little Hawk 09 Apr 13 - 07:53 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 13 - 09:37 AM
Amos 10 Apr 13 - 11:01 AM
Little Hawk 10 Apr 13 - 11:52 AM
Amos 10 Apr 13 - 12:05 PM
Acme 10 Apr 13 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 13 - 05:57 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 13 - 09:02 AM
Amos 11 Apr 13 - 11:08 AM
Amos 11 Apr 13 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 13 - 03:38 PM
Acme 12 Apr 13 - 12:56 AM
Amos 12 Apr 13 - 02:42 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 13 - 10:08 AM
gnu 12 Apr 13 - 11:41 AM
Amos 12 Apr 13 - 11:41 AM
Amos 12 Apr 13 - 12:58 PM
Amos 12 Apr 13 - 06:41 PM
Rapparee 12 Apr 13 - 10:19 PM
Amos 13 Apr 13 - 01:35 AM
Rapparee 13 Apr 13 - 09:09 AM
Little Hawk 13 Apr 13 - 12:57 PM
Acme 13 Apr 13 - 05:35 PM
Amos 13 Apr 13 - 08:08 PM
gnu 13 Apr 13 - 09:18 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 13 - 11:23 PM
Amos 14 Apr 13 - 02:15 AM
gnu 14 Apr 13 - 06:01 AM
Amos 14 Apr 13 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 14 Apr 13 - 11:08 AM
Acme 14 Apr 13 - 07:58 PM
Little Hawk 14 Apr 13 - 08:21 PM
Rapparee 14 Apr 13 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 14 Apr 13 - 10:12 PM
Amos 14 Apr 13 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 13 - 09:32 AM
Amos 15 Apr 13 - 10:51 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 15 Apr 13 - 12:58 PM
Amos 15 Apr 13 - 01:09 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 15 Apr 13 - 01:15 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 13 - 04:04 PM
Acme 15 Apr 13 - 04:23 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 13 - 07:24 PM
Amos 15 Apr 13 - 08:51 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 13 - 09:49 PM
Amos 15 Apr 13 - 10:44 PM
Little Hawk 15 Apr 13 - 11:57 PM
Amos 16 Apr 13 - 12:02 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 05:27 PM

LH... I am shocked at the pent up sexual anger in your language. Gie yersel well laid, laddie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 06:47 PM

Little Hawk is fond of swallowing howlers, a nasty habit he picked up from his detective friend's sister Chinga, who has never been in Mexico, at least never in the vicinity of Dr. Estrella's sparkling clinic.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Apr 13 - 07:53 PM

Heh! Heh! ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 09:37 AM

Wasn't there a "Doctor Estrella" who worked in the "Intensive Care Unit" of Chinga's place in Tijuana? The newspapers from a couple years ago mention "hombres y 'ICU' en Casita Chinga'" when it was raided. My Spanish is strictly first year collge, but I puzzled out words that led me to believe that some men liked watching the "medical procedures" other men underwent. There was some mention of a "Doctor Estrella" in the article -- I remember because the name was close to my mother's (who's been dead since 1981).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 11:01 AM

You are so full of it, your eyes must be brown this morning. I can't BELIEVE you let yourself do this kind of semantic dirty work. You should be wearing a cement overcoat out in Narragansett Bay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 11:52 AM

Your inability to face and accept the unpalatable truths of life, Amos, indicates that you are in dire need of some form of corrective therapy to break down the emotional armouring. Perhaps we should call on Herr Liebenscheiss?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 12:05 PM

Well, I'm not the one who dives into realms of sheer fantasy and insists on inalienable rights to be the sole authority on what happens there, am I?

Perhaps the subtle power of projection is in play here.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 01:16 PM

I forgot to mention she plays the ocarina. She's a lesbian thespian octogenarian ocarinan vegetarian Virginian virgin version.

And Unitarian. But you missed Simian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 13 - 05:57 PM

No, she wasn't born in Siam. She was born in Roanoke Rapids, NC.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 13 - 09:02 AM

Goddag, moder. Gid du har en herlig dag. Morgenmad er beredvillig.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 13 - 11:08 AM

Offenbach, salutarian. Dying windlust colour all thy Harleys with ochre spindrift!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 13 - 03:13 PM

Doest thou then deedle the whap, good finnegan? Surely my diminuitive salacious extrapolation did not render thy contumacious iridescence comatose? How pearlescent a gerrymander are you?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 13 - 03:38 PM

Nay, nay, good poleman, good fuller. I have been to my leech and he finds me in good health.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 12:56 AM

Zeke wanted me to write to tell you all that he has learned a new trick. My chocolate lab has figured out how to time it when he retrieves his bumper thing (floating things that dogs retrieve from land or water) that he can now usually catch it in the air after the first bounce. He is SO proud of himself!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 02:42 AM

In times of duress, nothing restores joy like a well-seasoned chocolate lab!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 10:08 AM

Maggie the Dog has taught Amos how to do that as well. He's quite proud of himself; the dog is going to enter him in the Southern California Human Show. I've been told that he's having a bit of trouble with "Sit...Stay" but Maggie expects to have that worked out in a week or so. His biggest problem is that when he meets other humans he has to smell their...their...well, their nether parts and this would be a big no-no at the SCHS. Everyone is relieved that Maggie has finally gotten him housebroken!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 11:41 AM

When does he go to be neutered?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 11:41 AM

IT is true that Maggie the Dog, a.k.a. Rocket Dog, aka Mudflanks McFuzzbutt, has me well trained by now, but not in the way you expect from Rapaire's misguided rhetoric. Sometimes I really think he is a Republican. I have learned that when she bows down and yawns, it means "You MUST take me walking." And there are other things she does to teach me that I am profoundly guilty for being out of sight for a couple of hours, or for letting her foodbowl stay empty too long.

In other news:

O! Santianna's men were brave,
Away, Santianna!
And many found a hero's grave.
All across the plains of Mexico!

And its heave her up, and away we'll go
Heave away, Santianna!
Heave her up, and away we'll go
All across the plains of Mexico

Now Santianna's dead and gone,
Away, Santianna!
And all the fighting has moved on
All on the plains of Mexico!

We'll dig his grave with a silver spade,
Away, Santianna!
And mark the spot where he was laid.
All on the plains of Mexico

O! for Santianna now we mourn
Away Santianna!
We left him buried off Cape Horn.
All on the plains of Mexico!

Yes we buried him deep around Cape Horn.
Away Santianna!
And close to the spot where he was born
All on the plains of Mexico!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 12:58 PM

Maggie the Dog tells me I should go to the vet to be tutored. I told her that I wasn't going to spend money on such nonsense. I know plenty of veterans. Why Rapaire here on MOAB is a vet and he's more than willing to tutor me all day long just to have something interesting to do.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 06:41 PM

I t irks me much. my darlin' sibs
That Mom must live on drabs and dribs
And crumbs of jests like bits of haddock
ANd posts from you much too sporadic.
Three times my pen has signed my name
To add and echo Mother's fame
Whole Little Hawk has naught to tell
And Rapaire tolls a silent knell
And Gnu and Stilly are not seen
In or around our great mosheen.
I urge you all, recall the ghost
And write BS, and finally, post.
For I must warn you if you stray
You may postpone the next of K!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 13 - 10:19 PM

Why does Amos expect me oft to post
When he goes running off the most?
While I stay home and cut the grass,
Clean the cesspool, kick some ass,
Deal with the VA, pound the cable,
Swab the decks and clean the stable,
Do everything that must be done
To keep poor Mother number one
In our hearts and in our lives
Amos goes on the oddest drives!
Tomorrow morn, in pouring rain,
I'll go cut the grass again
Then after that (for duty calls)
I'll with my wife go to Twin Falls
And there, where the Snake drops and tilts,
We'll go and view some pretty quilts.
But I a netbook shall take along
So Mom can have a post or song -
A poem, perhaps, like this one here
While Amos soaks his face in beer.
Yes, in the inn I'll online be
And post as I can -- you wait and see!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 01:35 AM

Oh Rapparee, thou wise and great
I knew if called you would not wait
And in not waiting would not fall
But haste to answer Mother's call.

I knew that you would stand a man
Who does whate'er one man can
Who thinks and posts to seize the day
That leads us toward the next of K.

Now let us chastise, haze and tease
Those worthless siblings, if you please,
Who though we harp and chafe and bridle
Say nothing, but relax and idle
Letting their keyboards tuern to dust
And never doing what they must.
Leaving their thoughts to drift in air
Which hardly strikes me very fair.

But though you've answered duty's trump
And to the thread have made a bump
One wheel alone makes not a wagon
And is not grounds for windy bragging.
So turn your hand again. old pal,
To answer Mother's nobloe call
And never cease and never rest
In promulgating fine BS
Until the day--oh, noble day!--
When we have reached the next of K!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 09:09 AM

If you think poor Mom is sick --
Throwing up, her mucous thick,
Rashes on her dear old skin --
Sure, I'll try to find her Next Of Kin.
I'm certain that she'd never rue
Another visit from Khandu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 12:57 PM

Why all this wretched doggerel all of a sudden? Did you guys get bitten by the Ghost of MacGonagall? Or is another supposedly vital number rapidly approaching?

I've resisted posting here myself for some time now, because I am waiting to be inspired to say something so absolutely brilliant and insightful that it stuns Amos into awed silence for a period of at least 24 hours.

;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 05:35 PM

Have we exhausted all possible sources of BS? Is that your conclusion, Little Hawk?

Dogs and doggerel - it seemed to be running along about like normal lately.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 08:08 PM

Oh, Little Hawk, give it up. Stun me into SILENCE? SUrely you know full well that such an event is beyond the realm of all probable wave-forms. In short, it ain't gonna happen. Why, I bet you can't even IMAGINE it happening!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 09:18 PM

Imagine there's no Amos... it's easy if you try... no Rap below us... above us only cute cuddly dogs and kitties... pie in the sky...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 13 - 11:23 PM

If you are equating Amos with Heaven I think both your theology and your logic are out of whack. Sure, Amos flies like an eagle and has the voice of an angel, he plays the guitar like it was an angelic harp, but...well...I got it backwards.

Amos has the voice of an eagle and ties flies like an angler or maybe eats flies and plays with Guitars. Angela Guitar. And if her boyfriend finds out...well, I hope Amos will be missed. Probably not though, because that dude practices every day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 02:15 AM

I dunno about HEaven or not-Heaven, but I do know this. I am and always will be the first Vowel, and let no-one make any mistake about it, especially on quiz days.


A

First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 06:01 AM

Well, 1 comes before A in God's (Bill Gates') sort sequence so you'll have to try harder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 10:50 AM

Which one?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 11:08 AM

The vowels:

A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y and sometimes W.

So words can be made entirely of vowels: way, woe, you, yaw, wye, iou and others. Aye and awe are another two.

But if you add vowels that "didn't make the cut" like the Thorn and the Ampersand the list increases.

Of course, Amos is speaking only of Roman-based alphabets (who stole them from the peoples of the far end of the Mediterranean, like the Phonecians (who spelled everything Phonetically). ㄱ(or "g") is the first letter in Hanguel, the Korean alphabet. This would may gnu the first.

Amos, your world view is too parochial.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 07:58 PM

Ampersand a vowel? You'll have to show where someone even CONSIDERED it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 08:21 PM

The taxi companies in Orillia all want to grab first spot in the phone listing, Amos, so they have names like Able, AAA, A-1, Action, etc. I am waiting for one to start up now that's called Aaaaaardvark Taxi Company. ;-) That would be hard to beat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 10:02 PM

The ampersand often appeared as a letter at the end of the Latin alphabet, as for example in Byrhtferð's list of letters from 1011. Similarly, & was regarded as the 27th letter of the English alphabet, as used by children (in the USA). An example may be seen in M. B. Moore's 1863 book "The Dixie Primer, for the Little Folks." In her 1859 novel Adam Bede, George Eliot refers to this when she makes Jacob Storey say: "He thought it [Z] had only been put to finish off th' alphabet like; though ampusand would ha' done as well, for what he could see."

Tsk, tsk. You'd think someone who worked in a library would know this sort of thing. Why, I learned it when I was a mere tad...wait, back then it WAS considered the last letter of the alphabet....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 10:12 PM

By the way, it was a very nice quilt show. I was just sitting there, resting, and won the "Viewer's Choice" award.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 11:06 PM

G is not a vowel, and W is not a vowel, but you are a Scurrilous Curmudgeon.


A

First Vowel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 09:32 AM

"W" is not a vowel? How EVER do you get along in Wales, dear boy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 10:51 AM

You make my point for me.

OUt by Arcturus there's a small orange and green planet where the natives speak a dramatically fluid language--all the words are soft and mellifluous. ALL their letters are vowels. The first vowel is "A".

In English, as the well-educated speak it, the vowels are A, E, I , O, U, and sometimes Y. Other tongues may vary.

A.

First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 12:58 PM

A    First letter in "anal". ;-D Ook! Ook!

- Chongo

p.s. Also "anus" and "asinine".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 01:09 PM

So, Chongo, I take it you are abrogating the treaty of non-aggression that was arranged upthread by your Creator and myself? You realize, of course, that this opens you to being fair game for any truths about you I wish to express, no matter how uncomfortable they may be, including the story of your more-intelligent-than-you sister Chinga, the fleshware entrepreneuress?

It might be embarrassing to you for people to know you have been shown up by a mere madame, while you yourself have never managed to keep the same roof over your head for more than six months before you are asked to leave on grounds of poop-flinging and non-payment of rent.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 01:15 PM

Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it? Okay, buster. You want a fight, you got one. Do yer worst, you sorry human disgrace to all that is natural and decent.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 04:04 PM

Now THAT'S the pot calling the kettle black!

Whatever Amos says about Chonga is probably true.

And vice-versa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 04:23 PM

Latin alphabet, as for example in Byrhtferð's list of letters from 1011

I rest my case. 1002 year old citation. That ampersand has expired.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 07:24 PM

But all of The Past and all of The Future is contained in The Now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 08:51 PM

Specious and disingenuous, counselor. Non-responsive.

Chongo, I did not abrogate the treaty. You did. Don't give me that Soviet-style justification crap. You don't even pass the physical exam for North Korea!   You're a couple of inches too short.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 09:49 PM

Well then, I guess my case is lost & I'll never again use something that doesn't exist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 10:44 PM

I am really in trouble with the Canadians right now. Little Hawk keeps trying to make me do pushups as if he thought I was some sort of soldier in his own special army, and not only that but he imaginates Chongo into violating our treaty and calling me names. I am sure Jack the Sailor is irritated with me for my semi-agnostic stance, and I haven't heard from Peacer in quite a while.

Maybe I should do a PR and Peace Tour through the Provinces.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 11:57 PM

Yeah, your name is pretty close to mud up here in the Great White North, Amos. I'm not sure what you can do to make it right. Maybe if you wore a hair shirt and beat yourself severely with the cat-o-nine-tails for a week or two, we would look on you more kindly. That's it! A little penance and self-flagellation should get you back in everybody's good books toot sweet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 12:02 PM

I am not sure I would want to be accepted into a society that thinks those amends are desirable, LH. It's a club I wouldn't care to belong to. I am interested in international harmony, however, so I have done as my Canadian friends have taught me, and hereby offer full-blown imaginary penances just as you describe them. Since my few faults are almost entirely the imaginary products of overheated Canadian minds, this should prove quite satisfactory.


A


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