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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 20 Mar 07 - 09:25 PM
Acme 20 Mar 07 - 11:51 PM
Amos 20 Mar 07 - 11:56 PM
Acme 21 Mar 07 - 11:12 AM
Amos 21 Mar 07 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 21 Mar 07 - 03:21 PM
Amos 21 Mar 07 - 03:29 PM
Acme 21 Mar 07 - 03:30 PM
Rapparee 21 Mar 07 - 06:05 PM
Acme 21 Mar 07 - 06:15 PM
Amos 21 Mar 07 - 08:45 PM
Rapparee 21 Mar 07 - 08:48 PM
Amos 21 Mar 07 - 08:52 PM
Rapparee 21 Mar 07 - 09:14 PM
Acme 22 Mar 07 - 02:17 AM
Amos 22 Mar 07 - 09:35 AM
Amos 22 Mar 07 - 11:04 AM
Rapparee 22 Mar 07 - 05:19 PM
Amos 22 Mar 07 - 05:28 PM
Rapparee 22 Mar 07 - 05:40 PM
Amos 22 Mar 07 - 07:52 PM
Acme 23 Mar 07 - 12:09 AM
Acme 23 Mar 07 - 10:13 AM
Amos 23 Mar 07 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 23 Mar 07 - 11:46 AM
Amos 23 Mar 07 - 06:18 PM
Amos 23 Mar 07 - 06:52 PM
Amos 24 Mar 07 - 12:34 AM
Amos 24 Mar 07 - 10:26 AM
Rapparee 24 Mar 07 - 10:50 AM
Amos 24 Mar 07 - 11:27 AM
Acme 24 Mar 07 - 12:53 PM
Amos 24 Mar 07 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 24 Mar 07 - 09:29 PM
Acme 24 Mar 07 - 10:30 PM
Amos 25 Mar 07 - 12:57 AM
Acme 25 Mar 07 - 01:56 AM
Amos 25 Mar 07 - 08:38 AM
Rapparee 25 Mar 07 - 11:08 AM
Amos 25 Mar 07 - 04:36 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 07 - 06:30 PM
Acme 25 Mar 07 - 08:49 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 07 - 08:52 PM
Amos 26 Mar 07 - 12:38 AM
Rapparee 26 Mar 07 - 08:49 AM
Acme 26 Mar 07 - 10:30 AM
Rapparee 26 Mar 07 - 12:08 PM
Amos 26 Mar 07 - 12:09 PM
Amos 26 Mar 07 - 12:20 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 07 - 12:55 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 07 - 09:25 PM

I went to Nashville one tiome when I meant to go to Memphis -- or maybe it was the other way around. What it was, was, we were taking our driving instructions from a memory of Paul Simon singing "Graceland", but we remembered the lyrics wrongly and ended up in Nashville singing "Poppa sang bass, Mama sang tenor...." to the rollicking good cheer of a second-rate country band. What we had meant to do was to see Graceland and think about Elvis.. This is a true story, and it is only here amongst my MOAB brethren that I have the courage to recite it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 07 - 11:51 PM

If they ever bothered to flatten out Tennessee, it would be three times as long as it is now. You spend all of your time on the interstate driving up hill and down hill and up hill and down hill. . . How did you mistake your placement in the state? Did you drop down from on top, from Kentucky? It would be difficult to miss Memphis if you got there via Arkansas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 07 - 11:56 PM

I think what it was we headed up there from Luckenbach, Texas, another place we navigated to by song lyrics. That time, we got to the right place only to find no there there.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 11:12 AM

The song is longer than the town is big. I had to look it up--that's a favorite area of ours from past camping vacations, down to Enchanted Rock and wandering around the region. Fredericksburg is the entirely land-locked little town that claims a great admiral (Nimitz) from it's population. It's near Kerrville and the beautiful Guadalupe River, and if you travel west a ways you'll get to Utopia and Uvalde and on the way you'll pass the marvelous Caverns of Sonora. Camp at Lost Maples, or head further west to Garner State Park (and old CCC park). Wonderful region.

Map


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 11:33 AM

Right -- I don't remember seeing the Full Moon Inn, which I suspect in Texas has a less romantic meaning than it might in Connecticut. We saw one feed store by the side of the road and we were out of Luckenbach. But the hill country is downright purdy, even without Willie and Whalen and the boys. I believe old Al Grierson lived in the region before he got carried away by a flash flood. I would love to be rambling those roads again, with no schedule and a pocket full of gas money!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 03:21 PM

I'd like a pocketful of gas money.... It's gone up 30-some cents in a week here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 03:29 PM

Well, I can suggest to you how to get a pocket full of gas, but that wouldn't be the same, somehow. And I am sure you are well-practiced in the art. It would save you a lot of money per liter, though.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 03:30 PM

When I bought my pickup truck in 2000, gas was costing me about $100 a month. It now costs me about $300 a month, and I don't drive nearly as much as I did back then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 06:05 PM

I just bought the neatest thing from a guy outside the auto store. You put it on your carburetor and in your gas tank and you can run your car on WATER!! And it only cost US $200.00! And he said that if I have any problems he'll be right there tomorrow to help me, and if he's not I can email this nice man in Nigeria.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 06:15 PM

Ah! An investment opportunity! Go pull out your life's savings and get in on the ground floor!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 08:45 PM

...assuming you can find it somewhere!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 08:48 PM

He told me that George Bush and the Oil Cartel, in connivance with the Auto Industry, had kept the thing from the market.

(That's the first time the word "connivance" has been uttered on MOAB, I think.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 08:52 PM

I like it; it has a certain nefarious but ne'er-do-well ring to it. So glad you contirbuted it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 09:14 PM

Odd. Someone said the same thing about me just today. "Nefarious ne'er-do-well...."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Mar 07 - 02:17 AM

'Night, MOM. It's late, but a friend just now brought my pickup truck back after fixing the parking brake. It took all evening, but he finished. So nice! Otherwise I'd have had to send my son to his Dad's house in a cab in the morning. He takes a school bus from there every day. That brake certainly holds now, like it never did in all the years I have owned it. I bet even Gluon couldn't fly past and budge this truck, I betcha.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Mar 07 - 09:35 AM

Duckdogs go right through parking brakes. They don't stop for each other. It's their nature.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Mar 07 - 11:04 AM

I left my parents' homestead
"Succeed!" they did often me tell.
And little did I think I would shame them
By the cruel fate, that then me befell.

I wandered from city to sity,
Endeavouring my talents to sell,
But my efforts did fail, and at the end of my trail,
I'm only a poor ne'er-do-well.

I'm only a poor ne'er-do-well.
I'm only a poor ne'er-do-well.
At the end of the line, I look 'round me and find,
I'm only a poor ne'er-do-well.


So I wandered to far distant regions,
I hoped to leave shame far behind,
'Neath the Idaho stars, in the cheapest of bars
With worry my poor face is lined.

I cannot reach Upper CLass Heaven,
Not even Middle Class Hell,
I'm afraid in my time, I will turn next to crime,
As a nefarious ne'er-do-well

A nefarious ne'er-do-well!
A nefarious ne'er-do-well!
I have fallen so low, to my fate I must go,
As a nefarious ne'er-do-well!


So come, all you lads from the city
And may your endeavours be blessed,
Take a lesson from me,
No ne'er-do-well be!
Go become a nefarious success!

Become a nefarious success!
Become a nefarious success!
Take a lesson from me,
No ne'er-do-well be!
Go become a nefarious success!



Gobsahve Luce Spiddle
Spray When You Sing!
Misunderstood Revelations Press, Saskatchewan 1954

Way out on the


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Mar 07 - 05:19 PM

Pat's in DC with her mother.

I took the day off because the Marble Man was coming to put the panels up in the basement bathroom (so we could use the shower without rotting the walls).

Pat's car is in the shop because it wouldn't start. Not even an urr-urr.

The lawn has been fertilized.

The shower walls are up.

And the guy is coming to fix the light switch in the kitchen.

I've run phone wire through wiremold.

This is a day off???????????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Mar 07 - 05:28 PM

A day off some things is a day on other things; 'twas ever thus. I have gotten so lazy I won't take up my sledge and pickaxe after 8 hours of work in the office any more. I'd rather pay someone more rubbery than I am.

But molding and wires and overseeing contractors, yeah, I'll still do that. By the way, who is in control of Space these days?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Mar 07 - 05:40 PM

The Indians, Chinese, and Japanese, I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Mar 07 - 07:52 PM

Hmm. I'll have to be having a talking with these excellentest peoples. Mine is kind of condensed and laggardly -- something like treacle -- these days. I need some energy to fill it up and make it sparkle.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Mar 07 - 12:09 AM

I usually have to go back to work to rest up from my days off. You're in good company!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Mar 07 - 10:13 AM

It's Friday, MOM! And I'm taking my 15-year-old guitar student son to a classical guitar concert tonight. (Elliot Fisk) I waited, I'm being patient. I didn't want to overwhelm him with classical stuff and create a backlash. Now he has taken lessons for six months, long enough, I hope, that he'll be able to watch the performer somewhat critically and "feel" the music because he's learning how to play himself. Whether Metallica or Mozart, I want him to be able to play whatever he wants as he develops.

This should be fun! I told him to wear his black jeans and a plain black t-shirt, we'll leave the System of a Down and Metallica shirts at home. He's okay with this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Mar 07 - 10:19 AM

Happy Friday, one and all. In our office the HR department rolls out a huge wagon loaded with croisaants, apples, doughnuts and bagels every Friday and everyone gets a free snack.

This celebrates the survival of those who survive.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 07 - 11:46 AM

Survival of the survivalest,huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Mar 07 - 06:18 PM

Yep. It makes so much sense when you think about it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Mar 07 - 06:52 PM

I hope that concert went well. I am home now, recuperating from my survival. Sometimes I think there must be an easier way! :D It's bad enough that space is being controlled by the Japanese. It appears that Time is in the hands of the Trolls and kobolds of the universe.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 07 - 12:34 AM

But tomorrow I am sprinkling ashes on the bosom of the Pacific, and that will end all that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 07 - 10:26 AM

Mom:

See? SEE?? All those imaginary breakfasts in bed, the make believe affections, the hollow assertions of loyalty and caring...where are they NOW? Where IS Big R? Who dives down at the last minute to make you safe again? Huh? Please adjust your will accordingly.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 07 - 10:50 AM

Lissen up, Pilgrim. Iffen you'd had a two weeks like I jist had you'd be pooped too. Lemme tell ya few things, son.

March 13th: The company that supplies the software the Library uses says that it will no longer be developed. Support will run for another 18 to 24 months, then we gotta switch to another product. The company has two similar products and in mone single message manages to piss off nearly all of their 4,000 or more world-wide customers. Customer loyalty, never all that strong, is STILL digging a hole and not finding bottom.

I take my wife to the shuttle so she can fly to DC to be with her mother, who has been hospitalized with a bowel obstruction.

There is a staff-level City Council agenda meeting at City Hall I attend.

March 14th: Danged near every one of the 20 libraries our servers support calls me and asks, "What do we do now?" Like I'm in charge of the Consortium.

Pat flys to DC, comments "Well, I almost had a life of my own!"

March 15: I set up a closed, company-independent discussion group to talk about automation system. I present the Service Level Report to the City Council, meet with the City Council on our agenda items, and crawl home thankful that I don't have to attend the Council Meeting.

March 16: SOS.

March 17: Work in the yard. Pat's mother released from hospital.

March 18: ditto.

March 19: Prepare for Board Meeting tomorrow. Pat's mother has surgery set to repair the inginal hernia that was choking off her bowel and which was caught just before it became gangerenous. Put finishing touches on the budget for next FY.

March 20: Visit doctor to see if I'm becoming a unicorn. Executive Staff Meeting at City Hall. Board of Trustees meeting at 4:15.

March 21: Staff meeting, Capital Campaign Committee Meeting, Staff meeting.

March 22: Off. The Marble Man comes and installs the surround for the basement shower. I cover wires with wiremold, and do a whole bunch of stuff around the house.

March 23: 1.5 hours on the phone with the librarian in Aberdeen over the software stuff. 1.0 hours on the phone with the librarian in Bear Lake about merging databases.

That's sorta the highlights of the last two weeks, pardner. The collapse of the software and need to go to something else has eaten up about 80% of my energy.

Mom knows. And Mom said that just this once it was okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 07 - 11:27 AM

I go forth to intone notions of the infinite over the dusty remains of the temporal, blending them with the great oceans which are our other Mother. This is, of course, a transient, symbolic gesture, a nod to a life and a stream of views and actions and feeling and perception I could only see tangentially. So it is a duty, a pro-forma acknowledgment, a grace-note of social convention only. But, at the same time, it speaks to deeper currents in the shadows of the vasty Unknowable, from which we all return.

Quien sabe? It is a moment in time that whispers to the perplexed observers, the dutiful and the mourning, "Go figger."

Sic semper vitae. Plus ca change, plus c'est la même âme.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Mar 07 - 12:53 PM

The week that just ended is a real good argument for why we might be better off NOT getting a couple of days of spring break (the week prior). We spent our three day week scrambling to get five days worth of work done, then we spent the week following trying to catch up on the stuff we didn't get done during our two extra days off. It takes the charm off of the two days we had off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Mar 07 - 08:24 PM

I hear ya!

Today I sailed a jolly 27' boat with nine people in it down the Bay to the Pacific, and spoke words and sprinkled ashes into the tide and sailed back -- a good company, thoughtful but happy and with lots of good things to say and stories to tell. Then I drove downtown and watched a really excellent one-person play. Then I took wife's car, which has just developed a nasty tranny leak, to the garage for work on Monday.

I think I'll take it easy tonight.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 07 - 09:29 PM

Oh, yeah. Pat's car wouldn't start and it turned out that a wrench had somehow gotten jammed in such a way that the rear hatch wouldn't close and hence the light kept burning. I have a new wrench, 'cause it wasn't mine and they left it in the car.

MY car is now in the shop, with a vibrating heat shield (I drive really fast!) and some other things they wouldn't tell me today. So I'll call on Monday...naturally, it won't be cheap because taking a car to the shop never is. Although Pat's repair was free....

I can only remind myself that when you've hit bottom you bounce off the ledge and continue falling.

Tomorrow morning I will give scandal, since I will go outside and work in the front yard will everybody else is goin' to church.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Mar 07 - 10:30 PM

I do the same thing all of the time. I mowed today, so tomorrow out comes the trimmer for a noisy turn round the yard. Then I'll dig up some beds that need it. If that gets noisy you might need to worry. I use a spade fork.

My truck repair (parking brake and brake job on rear brakes) set me back this week, kind of crimping my budget. I'll be drawing down the supplies in the freezer and the pantry next week. Payday is a week away. Coasting coasting coasting. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 07 - 12:57 AM

We have a large Catholic something or other several blocks from our house, and every Sunday the streets are completely mobbed with big SUVs left there by worshippers. As we go out to do our errands of a Sunday morning, of course, we are inclined to cuss them to eternal darn-nation for clogging up our local byways, etc. But then I remember they are trying, at least, to account for more than matter and meat, so I forgive them their obnoxiosities.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Mar 07 - 01:56 AM

A friend of mine found, when she and her humble spouse and children tried to join the local Catholic church, that they were denied admission. They didn't make enough money, according to whoever it was in the congregation who decided such things. So much for the spirituality of the thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 07 - 08:38 AM

Well, some folks use money as an index of spiritual progress, you know.

S


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 07 - 11:08 AM

Wouldn't be any Catholic Church I know about. Sounds like a "snob parish" and I would have complained directly to the Diocese. Bishops REALLY frown on that sort of thing.

Reminds me of an old joke, though. (Not true, but still funny.)

Three couples wanted to join the Catholics, and were told by the priest that they could join only if they abstained from sex for thirty days. At the end of the time they were all to come back and report their progress to him.

Thirty days later the old couple came round. They said that because of their age it hadn't been any problem at all. "You're in," said the priest.

The middle-aged couple said, "It was a problem. But we stayed apart as much as we could, even slept in seperate rooms. We thought good thoughts, prayed, and engaged in gardening, basketball, golf, and other physical activities that wore us out. Not only are we really fit, but we managed to avoid sex." "You're in," said the priest.

Then the young couple, twenty-somethings, reported. "We did all that too, and we were doing great. It was very, very hard for us, but we were succeeding. And then, last night, our hands touched over the carrots and, well, we succumbed."

"I'm sorry," said the priest, "but you can't join the church."

"Yeah, I thought so," replied the young husband. "And we're banned from Safeway, too."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 07 - 04:36 PM

There was a great song challenge on a similar problem about nasal-spray SIldenafril (sp?) (generic Viagra).

I believe there may be an audio file available.

Speaking of such matters, which I rarely do, I have sworn never to patronize an Exxon station again. The last time I filled up at one, the minute I started pumping fuel, the screen lit up on the vendor panel with a brightly colored ad for Viagra and a loud, raucous advertising voice started issuing warnings to stop using it if your erection lasts more than four days, and to consult a doctor.

I am a pretty tolerant feller, most of the time, but I have to wonder what sort of society we have where priapism is loudly discussed by gas pumps. Having this unwanted dreck shoved into my eardrums as a penalty for pumping gas was a bit much, and seemed vaguely obscene, in purely Freudian terms. Nor did I appreciate being pimped by a pump in order to put ad revenue in Exxon's pockets as though they weren't making enough on fuel. The whole thing was even more distasteful than gas stations ever used to be.

I vote for an embargo.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 07 - 06:30 PM

We get ads (not yet for Viagra, though) and music when we pass gas. I can usually ignore the ads, but the music is awful and the speakers make it worse.

Why do I need music when I eat, when I shop, when I pass gas, when I go the toilet, when I am on public transportation? Why can't we simply enjoy silence? I find it quite refreshing.

But one thing that really gets to me is the announcements:

(soft music, and then) ATTENTION SHOPPERS! WE'RE HAVING A HALF-OFF SALE ON CONDOMS IN HEALTH AND BEAUTY AIDS! YOU'LL WANT TO STOCK UP ERIC LINE 43, PLEASE. ERIC, 43ENTAL FLOSS IS ALSO ON SALE. SO PICK UP YOUR CONDOMS AND DENTAL FLOSS AND SAVE AISLE 4, CODE 3 AISLE 4, CODE 3(back to soft music)

I like the stores that give their employees radios to communicate with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Mar 07 - 08:49 PM

Hey, Mom, I'm bushed. I've been doing yard work most of the weekend, and ended today by carefully prodding apart a prickly pear cactus that I planted too close to a desert willow about five years ago. It was difficult to do much around that tree without brushing against the cactus, and pulling out tall grass was always a hazard--a handful of cactus spines is a lot of work to remove with a bright light, a magnifying glass, and tweezers. Today I used one of my pairs of kitchen tongs (the long, 18" variety) and my spade fork to move the limbs around. Anyone want a sample of a variety of Texas prickly pear? I'll pack it and mail it. I'll miss having the beautiful flowers from this plant this year, but the other cacti in the yard will still bloom.

Amos, maybe you need to get out and do some gardening--you seem to have been mightily distracted by all of that golden orb stuff lately. Let me send you a cactus. It'll solve a couple of distractions--when you're at Exxon you can ignore the Viagra ads, knowing that perpetually stiff pricks are normal in the natural world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 07 - 08:52 PM

AND you can eat it, saving on food bills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 12:38 AM

Ouch -- point taken!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 08:49 AM

I can send you ninety or a hundred carloads of sagebrush if you'd like....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 10:30 AM

Only if I can send you an equal amount of Bermuda grass.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 12:08 PM

No, no, I meant to Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 12:09 PM

No thanks. I woudln't want to start a riot.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 12:20 PM

Actually, I wouldn't mind starting a riot, but I would want to start it in some way more amusing than bringing sagebrush across state lines!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 12:55 PM

You could say that it was for immoral purposes....


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