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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 01:07 PM
Acme 24 Jul 07 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 06:00 PM
Amos 24 Jul 07 - 08:29 PM
John Hardly 24 Jul 07 - 09:19 PM
Acme 24 Jul 07 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 25 Jul 07 - 09:46 AM
MMario 25 Jul 07 - 09:51 AM
beardedbruce 25 Jul 07 - 09:54 AM
MMario 25 Jul 07 - 09:57 AM
Acme 25 Jul 07 - 12:17 PM
beardedbruce 25 Jul 07 - 12:20 PM
John Hardly 25 Jul 07 - 12:30 PM
MMario 25 Jul 07 - 12:59 PM
Rapparee 25 Jul 07 - 01:21 PM
Acme 25 Jul 07 - 02:12 PM
Amos 25 Jul 07 - 02:58 PM
MMario 25 Jul 07 - 03:11 PM
Rapparee 25 Jul 07 - 03:14 PM
Rapparee 25 Jul 07 - 04:12 PM
Amos 25 Jul 07 - 08:25 PM
Rapparee 25 Jul 07 - 09:26 PM
Acme 26 Jul 07 - 01:14 AM
MMario 26 Jul 07 - 09:12 AM
Rapparee 26 Jul 07 - 09:20 AM
Rapparee 26 Jul 07 - 09:23 AM
Acme 26 Jul 07 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 26 Jul 07 - 09:31 AM
Rapparee 26 Jul 07 - 09:31 AM
Amos 26 Jul 07 - 10:06 AM
Amos 26 Jul 07 - 11:30 AM
Rapparee 26 Jul 07 - 12:08 PM
Amos 26 Jul 07 - 01:23 PM
Acme 26 Jul 07 - 03:30 PM
Amos 26 Jul 07 - 03:40 PM
MMario 26 Jul 07 - 03:47 PM
Acme 26 Jul 07 - 03:50 PM
MMario 26 Jul 07 - 03:52 PM
Amos 26 Jul 07 - 04:10 PM
MMario 26 Jul 07 - 04:18 PM
MMario 26 Jul 07 - 04:22 PM
MMario 26 Jul 07 - 04:24 PM
Amos 26 Jul 07 - 04:33 PM
Amos 26 Jul 07 - 04:34 PM
Amos 26 Jul 07 - 04:35 PM
MMario 26 Jul 07 - 04:37 PM
Acme 26 Jul 07 - 05:46 PM
Rapparee 26 Jul 07 - 06:51 PM
Amos 26 Jul 07 - 11:16 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 01:07 PM

Yeah, I was there when that happened. He was confused by the lights at the stadium and the fact that the Redskins were actually winning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 05:59 PM

Pop-up tents

No John, it wasn't BWL posting that, but I'm sure he was glad to see you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 06:00 PM

That thread is very intense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 08:29 PM

Yeah, but we've got you (and your bendy pole) covered.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 09:19 PM

potters seem to effect each other in weird ways.   

I usually dab a little Gerstley Borate behind each ear and a bit of Strontium Carbonate between my cleavage. Other potters can't keep their hands off me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 09:28 PM

I hate to contemplate what (and where) a skinny fellow like you might consider he has "cleavage. . ."

Forget I mentioned it.

Just try!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 09:57 PM

You're lucky the don't throw you in a kiln and fire you up until the glaze melts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:46 AM

Why, Mom, are you so near the bottom?
Why mingle with riff-raff like these?
The loos they are filthy, the beer it is worse --
Do you like the pretzels and cheese?

Why, Mom, are you so near the bottom?
Could it be that nobody cares?
You could get mugged right here at the bar --
Come home with me now back upstairs.

Why, Mom, are you so near the bottom?
Amos has searched through the night!
You know that we miss you and love you --
My goodness! Your hair is a fright.

Why, Mom, are you so near the bottom?
We'll fix a good dinner at home!
There's naught but the dregs of society here --
They'd put you 'neath six feet of loam.

Come, Mom, arise to your bower,
And promise you'll never more roam.
Yes, take the beer with you, dear Mater --
Even though it's nearly all foam.

       --Carson Mayhew Wingate IV, Songs of Innocence
          (San Diego de la Verga: Prensa de Polo, 1752)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:51 AM

So near the bootom? about 12 hours away from the bottom! yeesh - talk about panicing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:54 AM

Wel, it was written in 1752, and we are up to 18464...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:57 AM

That does explain a few things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 12:17 PM

So near the bootom? Is that like getting near to a large exotic potted plant? Or a device, like a hot stove or a fancy loom for bead weaving? What is a bootom?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 12:20 PM

Or was it the bootom of a bootle?



Bottom Of A Bottle


Been scared and lonely
I've asked myself
Is something wrong with you
My girlfriend told me
I need some time alone to deal with issues

But something makes me carry on
It's difficult to understand
What I always wanna find

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

You always call me
And ask me how I make it throught the day
I'm always fallin
I guess it's just god's way of
Making me pay

But something makes me carry on
It's difficult to understand
What I always wanna find

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

And I,
I wonder why I try
And I,
I wonder why I bother
And I,
I wonder why I cry
Why I,
I go through all this trouble

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 12:30 PM

We were buddies once upon a time
And then you took off on your social climb
But fortune only brought you misery
And now you're cryin' out for sympathy

Well, it's lonely at the top
Yea, it's lonely at the top
Well, if this workin' man were you
He'd just enjoy the view
'Cause it's lonely at the bottom too
Lonely at the bottom too

You're livin' high on easy street
And we're just tryin' to make ends meet
If you get tired of the grind
We'll I'll take your place and buddy you take mine

Well, it's lonely at the top
Yea, it's lonely at the top
Well, if this workin' man were you
He'd just enjoy the view
'Cause it's lonely at the bottom too
Lonely at the bottom too

Like a kitten in the neighbor's tree
Climbin' up to see what you could see
Now you're cryin', 'cause you need some help
Well, everybody's got to help themselves

Well, it's lonely at the top
Yea, it's lonely at the top
Well, if this workin' man were you
He'd just enjoy the view
'Cause it's lonely at the bottom too
Lonely at the bottom too


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 12:59 PM

the bootom - where the thread gets kicked (or "booted") off the current thread page.

I've never found it to be lonely near the bottom - at least not the bottom of the gutter. Lots of people in the gutter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 01:21 PM

One can sputter with a putter in the gutter, should one wish to do so. One can act natural with a spatulal, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 02:12 PM

Officer: "I'm pulling you over for doing spatula in a natural zone."

Librarian: "But but but. . ."

Officer: "Let's see your license. Your poetic license."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 02:58 PM

"I just called this in. Mister, this poetic license was suspended twenty-two years back for scansion violations, and you have six outstanding instances of dangerously poor rhymes, writing with non-functional allegories, three citations of reckless metaphors, and one charge of using moribund imagery. What the heck you trying to pull here, anyway? Step away from that keyboard, Mister. We're going down town."

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 03:11 PM

I thought he'd had one of those reckless metaphors reduced to an inappropriate simile?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 03:14 PM

That's like...like...a wet dog in a henhouse!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 04:12 PM

As we used to say when we'd swipe stuff from the grocery, "Cop it! The cheese!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 08:25 PM

Or as they say in Casablanca (the untranslated version), "Fromagez-le!! Les flics!!"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:26 PM

Or as they said in The Iliad, "Τυρί αυτό η αστυνομία!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 01:14 AM

Mark Twain said

"Eschew surplusage."

He didn't have the MOAB in mind at the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 09:12 AM

MOM has always said one should eschew each bite a hundred times or you might choke.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 09:20 AM

Even Jell-o? Pureed bananas? Soft ice cream? Or did she mean "byte"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 09:23 AM

Take the palindrome!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 09:29 AM

I thought she said to eschew with your mouth closed (it works, doesn't it!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 09:31 AM

Not if you talk through your nose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 09:31 AM

...or other parts of your anatomy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 10:06 AM

Eschew nose talk.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 11:30 AM

Mom, yesterday I brought home a whole kit of equipment for inspecting pipes and such and ran an inspection camera with color-TV-display through the whole sewer system of our house. I realize sewers are not the ordinary topic of polite conversation, and some would not feel particularly interested in them, but it was really interesting to inspect the inside of the sewer by remote camera, see where the new piece had been out in five years ago, and very satisfying to notice that there were no significant chokes or blockages through the whole length down to the city's connector.

Then I went down and bought 100 feet of 1/2" sprinkler line and about 50 assorted joints and couplings to exptend the sprinkler system. I delight in mucking about with such things but I really do not want to dig the trench I will have to dig. But I will anyway, 'cause that's how you waised us.

I remember you saying to me when I was very small, and have never forgotten it:

When you get up to it,
And you cannot do it,
Then there you jolly well are....aren't you?
1



Thanks for that life-lesson, Mom. You're the best.


A

1 Actually a quote from the inimitable Lord Buckley, hipster extraordinaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 12:08 PM

I have a small garden tiller (electric) which can be converted to dig a trench. I'll let it to you if you come get it and bring it back as soon as you're done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 01:23 PM

Thanks, amigo. But I have muskles.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:30 PM

And a sharp-shooter shovel, I hope. Makes the job easier.
If I could train my dogs to dig where I want them to dig instead of where they feel like digging I'd never have to till or dig a garden again. And they do it for fun!

Cinnamon chased a possum up on the fence last night. I had to go thump it with a branch to get it to move along and out of sight or I was going to have this dog pestering the neighborhood all night. I found a spot in a different (dog free) part of the yard this morning where the dopey critter apparently thought he'd come to a barrier (the fence) so decided to try digging under--until he figured out to move over 18 inches and go around the end of it. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:40 PM

It won't be long until we gracefully leap the hurdle of eighteen thousand five hundred posts, and come around the long turn for the home stretch into 19K. This is truly AWE-INSPIRING!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:47 PM

Maybe *you* will "gracefully leap the hurdle" - but I think I'll just walk around it. Too much effort to leap.

and I've been meaning to ask, who built the dang obstacle course between here and 18500? Please, after the hurdle is another obstacle every post or so.

A Piranha tank? a tablefull of Micky-D food blocking the way! And what's with the "Complete Postings of Former Mudcat Members" with the sign on it marker "Read me"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:50 PM

Red herrings, MMario.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 03:52 PM

ooo - Red Herrings are pretty rare, most herring are a really pretty silvery-blue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 04:10 PM

YEs, they are rare, and they glisten in the moonlight like mackerel; but they do NOT taste good and are not good for the brain.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 04:18 PM

They may not taste good, but I am told they have good taste;

Except occasionally they insist upon a Quadrille. with Lobsters.

"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle - will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?

"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance -
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.

"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
The further off from England the nearer is to France -
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 04:22 PM

Which is much more tasteful (though not as tasty as:)

Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
      Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!
      Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!
Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,
      Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

"Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two
pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
      Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!
      Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!
Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,
      Beautiful, beauti—FUL SOUP!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 04:24 PM

well Mom, I'm off to go yell at the phone company (now in my fourth day of no service at the house) - the guy never showed last night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 04:33 PM

That time of Thread thou mayest in me behold,
When posts are short, and threads are much too long....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 04:34 PM

When summer days have come, but still seem cold.
And summer nights are pale, but never wrong...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 04:35 PM

And even Mother grows a little old,
But somehow flourishes again, five hundred strong.
By Eighteen K five hundred posts made strong.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 04:37 PM

Hey Amos - just had to dash back to say it's cheating to rhyme "stong" with "strong"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 05:46 PM

He didn't--he used "strong" and "strong." He might have tried something a little naughty like "thong" but he was in a race to bag that number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 06:51 PM

"Song" would have worked too.

So would have:

dong
long
shlong
bong
cong
gong
pong
wrong
tong

and many others.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 07 - 11:16 PM

What? Literary and librarian geniuses all, and not recognize an ABABABB rhyme scheme, a classic Neopolitan verso reductio in the best tradition of the Medihumarian school of pre-sonnet forms? For fie!!

A


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