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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 26 May 08 - 09:21 PM
Janie 26 May 08 - 09:31 PM
Little Hawk 26 May 08 - 09:43 PM
Amos 26 May 08 - 09:56 PM
Janie 26 May 08 - 10:25 PM
Janie 26 May 08 - 10:27 PM
Little Hawk 26 May 08 - 10:31 PM
Acme 27 May 08 - 12:22 AM
Amos 27 May 08 - 01:18 AM
Amos 27 May 08 - 11:33 AM
Acme 27 May 08 - 11:55 AM
Little Hawk 27 May 08 - 12:01 PM
MMario 27 May 08 - 12:04 PM
Rapparee 27 May 08 - 12:38 PM
Little Hawk 27 May 08 - 12:47 PM
Amos 27 May 08 - 12:50 PM
Amos 27 May 08 - 02:38 PM
Amos 27 May 08 - 03:41 PM
Acme 27 May 08 - 03:43 PM
Little Hawk 27 May 08 - 04:43 PM
Amos 27 May 08 - 04:52 PM
Little Hawk 27 May 08 - 06:15 PM
Amos 27 May 08 - 08:51 PM
Little Hawk 27 May 08 - 09:12 PM
Acme 27 May 08 - 11:08 PM
Acme 27 May 08 - 11:29 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 12:00 AM
MMario 28 May 08 - 05:43 AM
Amos 28 May 08 - 08:29 AM
Acme 28 May 08 - 10:28 AM
MMario 28 May 08 - 10:38 AM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 10:38 AM
Amos 28 May 08 - 11:07 AM
MMario 28 May 08 - 11:11 AM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 11:13 AM
Amos 28 May 08 - 11:46 AM
Amos 28 May 08 - 11:47 AM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 12:14 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 12:45 PM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 12:48 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 06:34 PM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 06:42 PM
Rustic Rebel 28 May 08 - 07:19 PM
Rustic Rebel 28 May 08 - 07:29 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 08:31 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 08:47 PM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 10:35 PM
Acme 28 May 08 - 10:46 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 11:48 PM
Amos 29 May 08 - 03:40 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 May 08 - 09:21 PM

And don't piss into the wind either...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 May 08 - 09:31 PM

Want me to tell about the time I puked at the very tip of the bow of one of those big party fishing boats out on the edge of the Gulf Stream? My head, of course, was just upwind. The 50 fisherman along the rail that were downwind....well....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 May 08 - 09:43 PM

Oh, yuck!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 May 08 - 09:56 PM

You can say yuck, Little Hawk, but if you had been there you would have been honored. HONORED, you hear me?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 May 08 - 10:25 PM

It is the only time dramamine has ever failed me.

I promptly took 3 - count 'em -3 more and got loopy enough to go to sleep on the fiberglass bench behind the bridge cabin to avoid the embarrassment.

Not one of my finer moments.

I was in good company, however. Two fellow sufferers stand out in my memory. One was a pretty, young, Amish girl, in her immaculate grey dress, white apron, and bonnet of white netting. She was on her honeymoon. She was just as seasick, but demur and graceful in her distress, unlike this 'ol clodhopper of a hillbilly. The other was a man in his late 30's who had a son with him about the same age as my then 10 year old Sum Yung Sun. Both he and his son were very seasick. The man had served for 4 years in the Navy in the Pacific on small patrol boats not much bigger than the fishing boat we were on. He had never been seasick before.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 May 08 - 10:27 PM

Ah, Amos, it is good to see that chivalry is not dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 May 08 - 10:31 PM

Amos?

Drop and take 50! ;-) I'm gonna straighten you out, Mister, if I hafta kill you to do it. Yeah, I know...you hate me now...but you'll thank me some day for this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 May 08 - 12:22 AM

LH, I was trying to draw our bragadocchio Rapaire out with that line. I purposely did that line from the Croce song, not mentioning Superman's cape or Lone Ranger's mask so that maybe he would jump in and offer a first-hand account of having his own personal cape tugged or mask pulled off.

Didn't seem to work. He must be having a really good vacation business trip. Whatever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 08 - 01:18 AM

LH:

Tell you what, dumchuck--YOU drop and do fifty.

And when you've done that, report to the messhall for KP duty.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 08 - 11:33 AM

Otherwise, you can spend a week in the brig for sassing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 May 08 - 11:55 AM

Don't you guys even CARE that Rapaire seems to have gone missing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 May 08 - 12:01 PM

Shane says he has run away for good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 May 08 - 12:04 PM

He's a big boy - and he's in the Land of Guiness. I really didn't expect to hear from him at ALL; or maybe not until a couple days AFTER he gets back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 May 08 - 12:38 PM

Yes, and right now he's in an Internet Cafe in Clifden, thinking on his dear sweet old Mom, who is gently rocking on the back porch amidst the lilacs.

Tomorrow, Navan or somewhere similar and the Brui na Boine. Back to Spidal tonight.

I HAVE THE BRAND NEW BOOK ON THE LIFE OF CHIEF O'NEILL OF CHICAGO, he of O'Neill's Irish Music and all that!! JUST published down in Dingle!

(I didn't expect to hear for me at all either.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 May 08 - 12:47 PM

Here is Shane's last post from the 85 Billion thread, in its entirety, unexpurgated and compleat:

"Rapaire is scairt! He has ran away to flippin' England and I am back in charge of this here thread, eh? Things are gettin' back to normle aroudn here now becoz the bolthole Rapaire got scairt off by me becos he knkows I would clean his clock and boot his flippin' ass right outta town if he dared to, like, shown his face. His day is OVER, man. OVER. Shane is back in charge, eh? I rule. I am the Chief. I ROCK.

- Shane "


I note that Shane got the country wrong, Rapaire, as you are in Ireland, not England. He's never been too strong on geography, but I'm surprised he made that specific mistake, because Shane's family background is Irish and he's proud of it! It must have just been inattention on his part. Maybe you will have the good fortune of meeting some of Shane's distant relatives on your visit to the Emerald Isle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 08 - 12:50 PM

Mid-day EST is well past the yardarm in Clifden, you know. The brown stuff could already be flowing freely, accoutning for the prepositional miasma of his last post. It is fun to watch him become a leprechaun for a season, though. I am glad to see he has been let out of gaol, assuming he really was posting, and that from Clifden. On the Internet, it could always be a dog...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 08 - 02:38 PM

IS it just a kind of projection that leads good Hack to create characters wuith such, how to say, unbecoming personalities?

Or is he trying to reveal how he feels about us?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 08 - 03:41 PM

I dunno--with Rapaire fresh out of gaol and Hack in the brig for sassing, I am beginning to worry about the moral fiber of the MOAB. IS there something about our constant focus on BS that might be corroding the moral sensibilities around here? Stilly, did you get your gro-lites for the cellar okay?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 May 08 - 03:43 PM

Don't have a cellar. Musta been for the garage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 May 08 - 04:43 PM

I am trying to reveal how I feel about morons and idiots like Shane, you silly bugger. Get a grip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 08 - 04:52 PM

If you tell them they were for the cellar, they'll come and dig you a new one.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 May 08 - 06:15 PM

You can ignore me if you wish, sir, but you cannot make me go away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 May 08 - 08:51 PM

I'm not ignoring you--I never talk to prisoners; I consider it part of their time served in the brig to suffer from deprivation of my scintillating wit and uplifting conversation.

Besides, I think you turned your last remarks to Rapaire, whose normal function it would be to respond.

As for going away, the MOAB is short-handed so we cannot approve a leave of absence, termination, or even a quitting in disgust. You'll have to wait until you have found a competent replacement AND Rapaire is back, at which time you will probably no longer feel like going away anyway.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 May 08 - 09:12 PM

My previous remarks were to you. I said, "I am trying to reveal how I feel about morons and idiots like Shane, you silly bugger. Get a grip."

That was directed to you, not Rapaire. Like I said, get a grip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 May 08 - 11:08 PM

MOM's gonna slap both of yuse upside the head if you don't stop all of this bickering. She asks don't you each have a stack of books from the library last week?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 May 08 - 11:29 PM

I think a lopsided spinner is coming up in a couple of turns. Who had dibs on it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 12:00 AM

You mut mean 23732. I will leave it for little Hawk as he is spinning lopsidedly at present and could use a good number to keep him company.

Honestly, first you try to act like a drill sergeant and order folks around in harsh tones, and THEN you complain if you get ignored.

Maybe some meditation will serve you well, ole pal.

You are among friends here...I know it doesn't seem that way sometimes with all the bickering, but you are. OK?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 May 08 - 05:43 AM

LH lost his spinner priviliges when he go thrown in the brig.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 08:29 AM

ANd so it goes....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:28 AM

So Leo picked it up. It will look pretty out in the garden and the noise of its lopsided turning might scare off moles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:38 AM

I'm hoping it will at least slow down the woodchucks. I think our yard is a local convention center for the Brothers of St. Philip of Puxatawney, and their Sister Order - the Little Brown Sisters Of Saint Mary Marmot Maternalistic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:38 AM

Amos, you live in California, right? Well, so does William Shatner, when he's not at his other house in Tennessee. What I am thinking is that you need the guidance of a more experienced and mature soul to straighten you out, calm you down, and get you to set reasonable priorities. If you like, I can speak to Mr Shatner and arrange a personal meeting for you and him at which he can give you the benefit of some sage advice. A kindly word or two to set you on the right path in life and improve your ability to relate to others. I think it would work wonders, I really do.

Just say the word.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:07 AM

I would be delighted, LIttle Hawk. Please let me know a date that would be convenient for Mr S, and I will set an extra place at dinner. How does spaghetti and cheap red wine sound?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:11 AM

speaking of cheap red wine - Can you still get the gallon jugs of Gallo dry Parma Red wine in California? I haven't found anyplace that carries it here in the east in a long, long, long time - and every once in a while I get a craving for it


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:13 AM

That would be okay, Amos...but he really likes thick steaks and baked potatoes the best. You have a barbecue, I assume?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:46 AM

Well, we don't at the moment, but for such a renowned butterball, we would be glad to go out and get one.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:47 AM

And now, a weather report...from the Arctic region of northern Mars:

"Researchers also released the first weather report from the landing site, provided by a Canadian meteorology station mounted on the Lander's mast. Temperatures ranged from a low of -80° Celsius in the early morning to high of -30° C in the afternoon. That's warmer than it will be come August, when the sun sets below the landing site at the planet's arctic circle.

The average pressure was 8.55 millibars, less than 1 percent the pressure at sea level on Earth. The wind is blowing from the northeast at about 20 kilometers per hour with little dust obliterating the view. Future reports will include measurements of humidity and visibility as more weather instruments are switched on."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


For some reason I am imagining a dusky summer evening in, say, Indiana or Missouri, with a few folks--Jared and his wife Mae, and their son Jared, Junior who is called "Bud" -- sitting out in rockers or porch swings enjoying the cool after dinner and recognizing the planet Mars by its reddish glint, hanging over the horizon among the distant stars. It is late June, say, in the year 1938. Mae is knitting, and speaks in a sort of dreamy tone.

"I wonder what the weather is like on Mars, Jared."

"Dang foolish idea, Maw. How's anyone ever gonna know thet?"

"But Dad!! Someday, we could go to Mars, maybe by a rocket or somethin'. Then we'd know!!!"

"You best tend to your books, sprat, an' git them dang tomfool idees outta yer head, iffen you want to 'mount to anything in this world. Weather reports from Mars? Ree-dicklous!! I cain't even get a straight answer from the damn raddio about weather right here in Teller County!!!"

"Awww, pa. But could happen....someday!!"

"An' hell could frizz over, too, young man. Ain't worth bettin' on, though!! You keep a sensible head on your shoulders, now, an' leave all that daydreamin' to others who don't mind wastin' their time..."

"Awww. Kin I have some more lemonade?"

(Camera pans the sky and zeros in on the red-glinting dot of far-off Mars, hanging over the horizon....).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 12:14 PM

I'm glad to see you're taking a positive attitude to this, Amos. Go to your local giant hardware store and get their very best barbecue with all the bells and whistles. Bill will be tickled pink when he sees it, because he LOVES to barbecue, and he will INSIST on doing the steaks and taters whilst you sit with your feet up and a cool drink in your hand, and he will regale you with useful and entertaining chitchat all the while. I guarantee an unforgettable afternoon, the memories of which you will cherish for years afterward.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 12:45 PM

As soon as I get an actual confirmation fromt he man himself, you may consider it done, LH. Our local Home Dept has a large selection. If he can arrange to arrive a biot early, he can help me pick it out -- how's that for a damn thrill??


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 12:48 PM

Fantastic!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 06:34 PM

Great, great. Go ahead and get in touch with his office or his girlfriend or his gardner or whoever it is you use, and float the idea. Be sure and tell him what a local hero and celebrity I am, so he can feel he will be among those who understand him. It is not easy being one of the 100 most famous in any universe, so we will have something in common.


LOL!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 06:42 PM

I am ON this, man! Hang on. It may take some time to get past all the handlers and staff and security personnel, but I am ON it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 May 08 - 07:19 PM

Hello all! Breezing in and finding your all still happy and faithfully bullshittin'.
Here's a Shatner quiz (dig the web site- ape culture. Must be a LH thing. http://www.apeculture.com/games/shatner.htm
Little Hawk I can help you out with an address-
http://www.movieeye.com/celebrity_addresses/details/12292/William_Shatner.html
So enjoy that grilled dinner of weiners and tater tots or whatever your serving Amos! I'd throw in some of that cheap wine while your at it.

Man oh man, they're still talking Shatner on this thread.....oh my goddess.........


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 May 08 - 07:29 PM

Back again to tell you my one sure answer to the 'Can you stalk Shatner' quiz;

9. When Captain Kirk died in "Star Trek; Generations," I:

a. Saw it as the passing of a torch.
b. Understood it was the kind of death he'd have wanted.
c. Had some sort of seizure.
d. Spent the next 48 consecutive hours covering the walls and ceiling of my room at the YMCA with a giant collage using images of Paramount executives, war atrocities, industrial accidents and meat packing plants, then lay naked on the floor in the fetal position until an Angel of the Lord came and gave me my mission.


Is a for sure 'd.' I love to lay naked in the fetal position and wait on an angel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 08:31 PM

Ah, Rustic, you are all the Angel we need around here.

We are the angels we've been waiting for...somebody said that.

Even sans culottes.


Nice to see ya back in these parts.

You know anything about this butterball Little Hawk is pawning off on me?

He is going to owe me big time. I am only having him in to impress the locals, but I seriously doubt LH has the pull to make it happen. He prolly has sixty-leven layers of guards and secretaries who are absolute experts in saying "I'm sorry, Mister Shatner is in a meeting. Can he get back to you next lifetime?"


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 08:47 PM

'Minds me of a time when I did the opposite of being polite to a butterball. I messed around with Slim. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, the two of us took to fightin'
AN' it didn't last too long,
Ole Slim ended up like a Tiffany vase
With half of its pieces gone.
Then he told me he was sorry,
He hadn't meant no harm,
ANd he handed me half of his whole life's savings
And the rest of Superman's arm!

Ya don't sleep at the switch at night
You don't work at gettin' famous
You don't tweak the whiskers on ole Denzel Washington
An' you don't mess around with Amos...

Oh no, no, no


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:35 PM

I did that quiz, Rustic. I answered "d" on almost every question. This is why I'm on the inside track with William Shatner.

Well, I was unable to reach him tonight, but I did talk to Rhonda. She says he's in the recording studio again. That means there's gonna be another record!!!! AWRIGHT!

I'll try again tomorrow.

If necessary I will send Chongo on a mission to Hollywoood to find him and deliver my message. Shatner would never refuse to read a message delivered by a talking chimp. Well, unless the chimp was George Bush. Then maybe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:46 PM

Send a photographer. I won't believe this unless I see photos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:48 PM

We'll worry about the photographer when we get through to the seventy-'leventh gatekeeper and moat-guarder...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 May 08 - 03:40 PM

PART IV

DOwn past the seven-fifty mark!
THeir steely hooves were flying!
And the flying mounts with rolling eyes,
Grabbed air like they were dying.

But they never faltered, slowed or shied,
THey could not slow or stay;
For the crops came down and the heels dug in,
For the 24 of K.

There are men who love theor horses well,
Who think them fine and fair
But they'll drive a stallion half to hell
When a prize is in the air;

And there are lasses who will swoon,
To stroke a gentle flank
Who screamed for blood, for the thundering feet
Were money in the bank.

ANd the horses' blood, and the horses' foam
Scattered wide in the summery air
And the sweat of the battle ran like blood
Through the fine and windblown hair.

And the thud of the endless pounding hoofs
And the cannon roars of the crowd
And the dust in the wind, and the summer sun,
Were hot, and long and loud.


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