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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 12:42 PM
Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 12:47 PM
Acme 18 Dec 09 - 01:33 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 02:51 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 03:16 PM
MMario 18 Dec 09 - 03:20 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 04:24 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 04:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Dec 09 - 04:47 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 06:55 PM
Acme 18 Dec 09 - 07:01 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 09:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Dec 09 - 10:01 PM
Amos 19 Dec 09 - 12:22 AM
Janie 19 Dec 09 - 01:35 AM
Amos 19 Dec 09 - 10:10 AM
Amos 19 Dec 09 - 11:50 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Dec 09 - 01:59 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 09 - 04:12 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Dec 09 - 04:47 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 09 - 10:42 PM
Amos 19 Dec 09 - 11:38 PM
Acme 20 Dec 09 - 12:30 AM
Amos 20 Dec 09 - 03:44 AM
Little Hawk 20 Dec 09 - 10:02 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Dec 09 - 10:46 AM
Amos 20 Dec 09 - 11:22 AM
Acme 20 Dec 09 - 11:56 AM
Rapparee 20 Dec 09 - 12:36 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 09 - 08:25 PM
Amos 20 Dec 09 - 09:00 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 09 - 09:17 PM
Amos 20 Dec 09 - 09:32 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 09 - 09:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Dec 09 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 09 - 09:09 AM
Acme 21 Dec 09 - 10:06 AM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 10:26 AM
MMario 21 Dec 09 - 10:28 AM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 11:23 AM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 11:27 AM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 21 Dec 09 - 03:33 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 09 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 09 - 03:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Dec 09 - 04:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Dec 09 - 05:14 PM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 05:43 PM
Amos 21 Dec 09 - 07:08 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:42 PM

I know what you mean, Rap. Do you ever get that heady feeling as you're walking through a door....

"The most brilliant person here has just entered the room."

Do you have inspiring personal theme music that plays on a ghetto blaster wherever you go to let people know that YOU have ARRIVED? I do. It really helps set the mood properly, I find. Kind of like when Hulk Hogan advances to the ring...or Obama to the microphone...or Woody Allen to the jazz club...or Tiger Woods to the boudoir...

Very heady.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM

Brilliantly stated about the holes, Amos. I think you may be ready to join our very exclusive club.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:47 PM

When I was younger, people would stop talking and look at me whenever I entered a room. I realized then that I had PRESENCE, but a young lady friend suggested a deodorant might help. I had thought that all those people were retching because they'd had too much to drink or something....

NOW, of course Things Are Different.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 01:33 PM

Good thing BWL's rain isn't here commingling with our cold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 02:51 PM

Thanks, LIttle Hawk, but I am already hole-ier than Thou.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 03:16 PM

♫♫
IF your mind is full of dust
If you fear to make a crust
♫ If other posters are unjust
Come on down to MOAB!
♫♫
You can find your heart's contentment
Wash away fear and resentment, ♫
Voice those often buried sent'ments
Come on down to MOAB! ♫

♫ Mom's place is for sure the place, the only place for you!
When the world looks like BS it's the place you too should come down to,
To make BS come true!


Oh, if you think folks are deceiving,
If entropy has got you grieving,
If the Cat you've thought of leaving,
Come on down to MOAB!

If you tired of acting stoic,
Need to show your heart egoic,
Want a chance to share a joic
COme on down to MOAB! ♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 03:20 PM

Why does my miind's eye insist on showing me flashes of dancing food and condiments?

Must be something I read.




(joic? ow-ich!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 04:24 PM

Doughnut question hole-iness.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 04:36 PM

I have glazed over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 04:47 PM

I have a theory that the rabbit hole down which the estimable Mr. Dodgson had young Alice fall was, in fact, a rabbit Klein surface*. And I'm not talking about one of those 3-dimensional wannabe Klein bottles one can buy on the Interweb, but the real deal which only exists in four dimensions.

I have evidence to support this theory in the form of previously unpublished pen-and-ink drawings, originally produced as illustrations for Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Said draings prominently feature a creature which seems to be a cross between a dog and a duck.

* The Klein bottle was originally called the Klein surface. It was mislabeled due to confusion between the German words for "surface" (Fläche) and "bottle" (Flasche).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 06:55 PM

People who mix up terms like that shouldn't be doing scinece, if you ask me. Unless of course they were actually channeling a higher truth based on the semantic equivalent of the Klein surface, where meaning itself turns back on itself and ends up transparently inverted. That could be really important...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 07:01 PM

I'll stick with Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 09:44 PM

How about the Kleineschiesse? Only one surface and multiple, multiple, dimensions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:01 PM

I like a little Kleineschiesse on Klein Bagels.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 12:22 AM

I think Rapaire might actually be a kleine scheisskopf in disguise, but if so it is a very good disguise...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 01:35 AM

Well, as I am sure you are all eager to know, Ma and I did not make it to the sports bar. What passes for a winter storm here arrived on schedule this evening, and being surrounded by prudent parents, the young lovers had to settle for lunch and a matinee, chauffered by the young lady's Mom, who didn't have to work today.

Nothing makes me feel like I am 10 years old again like flying down a snowy hill on a flexible flyer, bad back, neck, hips and knees be damned.   Alas, the snow has turned to sleet, rain and freezing rain, and all hopes of spending tomorrow night crippled, bruised and happily groaning from pain have been abandoned.

So let's bake cookies and pumpkin bread instead!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:10 AM

Flexible Flyers!! Lord that brings back some memories!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 11:50 AM

Hey, Mom. I am preparing to make a Santa run up to LA to visit my son and his wife (who is about to become a mother for the second time) and their wee son.

I have a car full of pressies. I stepped out the front door to load things p and found myself staring into the teeth of an absolute blizzard of sunlight. It was so bright you couldn't see your hand in front of your face, It stacked up on the streets and bounced over the houses, painting everything in an unnaturally brilliant glow. Damn stuff was everywhere!! Almost makes me think it would be better not to drive, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. I've been through worse. I remember one dry season down in Guadalajara, there was so much sunlight it was running into the drainage system for miles and woke up every rat in town.

Anyway, I'll be back tonight.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 01:59 PM

Well, I guess the song worked. Mom chased that nasty old rain away and it's beautiful, sunny, and not too cold. Thanks, Mom! Here's a song for your efforts:

♫♫

When it's raining dogs and cats, call on Mom!
When it's sleeting baseball bats, call on Mom!
You can send her an email or you can call her on the phone!
You can even leave a message if she's somewhere else than home!

When the chilly north wind blows, call on Mom!
When the snow's up past your nose, call on Mom!
You can mail her a postcard or you can send a candy-gram!
You can send her a male stripper with a message in his hand!

Doesn't matter how you do it, and that's all that there is to it!
Mom will see that you get through it! Call on Mom!

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 04:12 PM

If you yearn to date Winona
Still at your door she has not shown-a
Don't let despair afflict persona
Come on down to MOABS!

If your poetry's rejected
And you're feeling quite neglected
By your neighbours disprespected
Come on down to MOABS!

If fantasy's your chosen bag
Your pectorals are showing sag
And people say you're just a hag
Come on down to MOABS!

If to delusions grand you cling
As all your hopes are vanishing
You can always strut and sing
Your glories down at MOABS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 04:47 PM

Well, hand me down my Moab thread
Hand me down my Moab thread
Hand me down my Moab thread
It's where I want to rest my head
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Well, I got drunk and thrown in jail
I got drunk and thrown in jail
I got drunk and thrown in jail
Mom she came and posted bail
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Lost my job, and lost my home
Lost my job, and lost my home
Lost my job, and lost my home
Mom she cosigned for a loan
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Well, I got sued and took to court
I got sued and took to court
I got sued and took to court
Mom hired a lawyer. What a sport!
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Well, I found out I could not pee
I found out I could not pee
I found out I could not pee
Mom she gave me a kidney
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Well, hand me down my Moab thread
Hand me down my Moab thread
Hand me down my Moab thread
It's where I want to rest my head
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:42 PM

Hey Mom
Don't be afraid
Take some BS
And make it better
Don't let Amos
Get under your skin
And you'll begin
To feelin' better better better...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 11:38 PM

No-one understands just where he's coming from
When Rapaire makes weird remarks to Mom
Still she handles each one with aplomb
Dear Mom, Dear Mom.

When BL is hurting from
The wicked storm before the calm
He knows MOAB is the bomb!
Dear Mom, Dear Mom!!

She's always left a candle burning
All our deep affections earning
When for comfort we are yearning
BS finds a way!!
In the darkness or the weather
Mom keeps all our acts together
Let's keep adding posts forever
To Mom, Dear Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 12:30 AM

Went to see the Nutcracker today. MOM stood up and danced in the aisle, she was so happy to be there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 03:44 AM

I yam proud of my boyo, He has a loverly wife (who is about to pop her second child into the world) a fine son of three who has a huge heart and a wicked sense of humor, a business that is growing steadily through a really huge amount of effort, and a house under construction which will be a real beauty when finished, and really nice inlaws. My co-grandfather in this adventure in success just got back from Serbia where he was in residence for three months producing the movie from hell. The whole family is excited--about the house, the imminent arrival of a new sister, about grampa's return home. Alle ist gute.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 10:02 AM

Shane has told me that one show he will NEVER go to is the Nutcracker!

"I ain't flippin' stupid, eh?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 10:46 AM

I'm sure Shane's resistence to "The Nutcracker" is due to some juvenile misunderstanding of exactly what type of nuts are to be cracked. We could enlighten him, but it would serve no useful purpose. It's probably best for all concerned that his association with the concert hall not extend beyond fulfilling his community service sentence by picking up trash in its parking lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 11:22 AM

Yer prolly right. Juvenile misunderstanding is his major forte, his strong suite, andhis stock in trade. It's how he rolls and what he does. He's virtually the KING of juvenile misunderstanding!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 11:56 AM

He probably wouldn't understand that a mouse king can be just as intimidating as a rat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 12:36 PM

Send him out here and the Legion will do the Nut Cracker for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 08:25 PM

Oh, for goodness' sakes, Mom! You come up to the top where you belong! And stop smoking those filthy old cigar butts you found in the gutter!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:00 PM

Am I the only one on the gamete side of this gang who is not haunted by imaginary ruffians and make0believe ne'er-do-wells and nightmare white trash?

What's UP wid dat?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:17 PM

There are gametes and gamettes, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:32 PM

Sorry--I meant the masculine or spear side of the gang.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:41 PM

No, I want to know more about the gamettes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:42 PM

I don't have any imaginary ruffians, ne'er-do-wells, or white trash. Only city dwellers have those. We country folks have plenty of real ruffians, ne'er-do-wells, and white trash. Having imaginary ones would be like having imaginary deer, armadillos, and coyotes. Who needs 'em when there are more real ones than you can shake a stick at?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 09:09 AM

You're darned right about THAT, Bee-Dub. We have the same thing out here: enough real ruffians that we don't need to make any more up. Just the other night the police picked up Skinny Dick again for smashing up the Oregon Trail Room at the Bannock Hotel; said that Jesse Jones had stolen one of his hogs and he wasn't going to eat in the same room as a pig rustler. Other words were exchanges, as were several shots, before the police arrived and stopped them from throwing whiskey in each other's face.

Or Chicken Billy. I positively REFUSE to discuss HIS habits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:06 AM

Is anyone shipping themselves to other localities for the holiday? LH, are any of your avatars heading to the UPS store with a box and tape to go visit family somewhere else on the continent?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:26 AM

Maybe Rapaire could mail himself to reality!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 10:28 AM

The USPS hasn't serviced Reality in decades, so Rap will have to use FedEx or UPS....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 11:23 AM

Today marks the winter solstice, the shortest day and the longest night of the year. The precise moment of the winter solstice is 12:47 pm EST, according to the US Naval Observatory .

This means Rapaire's chances of remembering to mail himself to reality are even smaller than usual.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 11:27 AM

That is, the precise moment when the sun is its greatest distance from the Celestial Equator, not the precise moment of the longest night or shortest day, which would make no sense at all...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 11:31 AM

This is a picture of Rapaire conferring with several Legionairres trying to determine the best way to get him back to reality...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 03:33 PM

Amos, I haven't worn a mustache in a very, very long time. THAT is a picture of my brother Tony. Notice how he used to keep his knife pointed at his, ah, groin area. Shortly after this picture was taken he suffered an autovasectomy when he tripped and fell over a pile of petrified camel dung. He had (and still has, for that matter) seven children, some of whom are more childlike than others. He also has four grandchildren: two boys and two ferrets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 03:34 PM

But I shouldn't bother you with my family's problems.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 03:34 PM

33300, dibs on 33333.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 04:05 PM

Ain't no dibs here in MOABland, mister! It's every man for himself, every woman for herself, and every ferret for... Wait just a dadblamed minute! Where'd those ferrets come from?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 05:14 PM

And as if the ferrets weren't bad enough, I think my neighbor's goat has Tourette's Syndrome. Either that or it's a nanny that someone forgot to milk. The goats live with some non-imaginary white trash whose house is about a quarter mile through the woods. They have one of those idiotic security lights* on a utility pole. I can see their light in the winter, but not in the summer. Anyway, one of their goats is raising hell today. I don't speak goat, so I'm not absolutely certain what he or she is bleating, but I'm pretty sure it's obscene.


* Security light: A very bright light of the sort commonly used as streetlamps in urban areas. In rural areas, their function is to make thieves feel more secure by showing them (A) that your vehicle is nowhere on the premises and (B) exactly where your stuff that's worth stealing is. I do not have one. I like the dark. It makes it easier to hide the bear traps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 05:43 PM

Public obscenity from lesser mammals is a shootin' offense in some parts...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 07:08 PM

There had I three three three, oh three!

How very, very nice for me!!

In thirty more, just wait and se,

I'll steal his prize from Rapparree!!


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