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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 10 Jul 10 - 04:41 PM
Acme 10 Jul 10 - 05:07 PM
Amos 10 Jul 10 - 05:10 PM
Eiseley 10 Jul 10 - 08:10 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 10 - 10:17 PM
Little Hawk 10 Jul 10 - 11:53 PM
Eiseley 11 Jul 10 - 12:20 AM
Eiseley 11 Jul 10 - 12:21 AM
Eiseley 11 Jul 10 - 12:22 AM
Amos 11 Jul 10 - 12:43 AM
Amos 11 Jul 10 - 10:28 AM
Acme 11 Jul 10 - 12:13 PM
Amos 11 Jul 10 - 01:41 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 10 - 06:52 PM
Eiseley 12 Jul 10 - 09:16 AM
MMario 12 Jul 10 - 10:03 AM
Acme 12 Jul 10 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 10:52 AM
Amos 12 Jul 10 - 12:25 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 11:03 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 11:18 PM
Amos 12 Jul 10 - 11:39 PM
Eiseley 13 Jul 10 - 12:26 AM
Acme 13 Jul 10 - 12:55 AM
Amos 13 Jul 10 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 10 - 11:12 AM
Amos 13 Jul 10 - 11:40 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 10 - 01:46 PM
gnu 13 Jul 10 - 02:24 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 10 - 05:05 PM
Eiseley 13 Jul 10 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 10 - 06:45 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 10 - 06:45 PM
Amos 13 Jul 10 - 09:45 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 10 - 10:17 PM
Acme 14 Jul 10 - 03:24 AM
Amos 14 Jul 10 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 14 Jul 10 - 01:59 PM
Amos 14 Jul 10 - 04:08 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 10 - 05:05 PM
Amos 14 Jul 10 - 06:40 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 10 - 07:28 PM
Eiseley 14 Jul 10 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 10 - 11:08 PM
Amos 14 Jul 10 - 11:09 PM
Eiseley 14 Jul 10 - 11:50 PM
Amos 15 Jul 10 - 09:39 AM
Rapparee 15 Jul 10 - 11:23 AM
khandu 15 Jul 10 - 11:28 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 04:41 PM

What on earth, sir, is an undulating rib? Sounds like Adam acting premature again...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 05:07 PM

That was an interesting number you bagged, Amos. 36555. Rather Rubinesque in the roundness of the characters' bottoms, don't you think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 05:10 PM

Hill and gully rider, dot's me, mon!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 08:10 PM

No fresh Latino men at the market today! Well, I practiced resounding face slaps all week just in case.

MOM, my two oldest sons came back from Scout camp this afternoon. True to scouting form, the younger took a shower and put his campfirey clothes back on, the older said he'd showered last night, so he's still good for awhile.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 10:17 PM

True Boy Scouts don't shower for three weeks after they return.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 11:53 PM

The same is true of chimps. The ones who've gone professional, I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:20 AM

Well . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:21 AM

Since no one else seems to be around . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:22 AM

Wheeeeeeeee!I

n honor of the occasion, here is a song I sing to the boys as we walk up the hill to school. It ends with a chase and a catch and a tickle.

Round and round and round we go
In the pan of baking dough.
Pour molasses sweet and thin.
Put a pinch of ginger in.
Butter it and roll it.
Put it in another pan.
Bake it crisp and brown and then . . .
OUT JUMP TWENTY GINGERMEN!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:43 AM

Hurray for Ginger Men!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 10:28 AM

In the heart of the Art Deco wonderland that is Balboa Park there is a small area surrounded by bamboo gates and fences called the Japanese Friendship Park.   The interior has a series of wandering paths, a large pond koi with a burblinbg waterfall, and a wonderful collection of bonsai treee, all set in a lovely green environment with sunlight dappling the trails and Japanese hand-crafted walkways and fountains.

I went there yesterday dressed up in a fine tuxedo with a bright white pleated shirt, gold cufflinks, onyx studs, a silken cummerbund, looking like James Bond incarnate. It was very droll; I usually wear Birkenstocks and baggy khakis. My business there was to officiate at a wedding, a young lady engineer from the office and her handsome Army Medical Corps husband, he being recently back from the ravages of Mesopotamia and very happy to be building a civilian life with his new bride.

Among the elements they wove into their ceremony was a Japanese wedding ritual called San San Kudo, sharing sips of saki from three nested cups one after the next. It was all very charming, and the parents cried, and the bride glowed happily, and all transpired as it should.

I do these every once in a while, when asked, and it is always very gratifying to see the pleasure on everyone's faces and the thrill of the Big Step Forward in the eyes of the young ones. It was a beautiful afternoon.

Da Rev


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:13 PM

Very nice!

Looks like Texas is trying to shake that cloudy wet funk it has been under for the last two and a half weeks. We need enough sun to burn the lawn to a crisp, then I'll know I'm back in Texas again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 01:41 PM

Three Six Five and sixty-five
Mother has remained alive.
Let us hope and let us pray
She will reach the next of Kay!
If she won't or is done in,
Let us reach the next of Kin.
Lacking that, to mourn her with,
We could write the next of Kith.
Telegrams via Holy Ghost!
I'd rather write the next of Posts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 06:52 PM

Ha, ha, Amos -- you just said,
But I myself went out and did!
If you wanted the very next post
Now the race to it you lost!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 09:16 AM

Good morning MOM,
You've lain abed long enough. Would you like a pastrami sandwich with your egg, or just a piece of toast? Tom opted for the sandwich so he could have more brain power at Robotics camp today. But it's your call.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 10:03 AM

MOM says she''ll have the pastrami sandwich, and put the egg into her bloody mary, raw....it might help the migraine she has this morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 10:13 AM

Great minds think alike. I have some superior sausage from a Central Texas barbecue restaurant (a one-off in the family place, not a chain where everything is the same). I ate a bite of that before I bagged the rest and put it in the freezer. Don't need much else when you have that meat, fat, and pepper combo working for you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 10:52 AM

I just finished my usual breakfast of rotgut whiskey, bad coffee, and raw habenero peppers. I call it "The Breakfast of Chumpions."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 12:25 PM

I fried up BBW's egg with the story attached (a one-sentence new story each day to match the egg and toast delivered) and ate my usual breakfast of orange juice, niacin tablets and a smallhandful of granola bits.

The stories--each one sentence long--are captured in her computer each morning along with a photograph of the plate. It's a wee game we started sometime back. For the first thirty or so we never recorded the stories, but she has captured about fifty breakfasts this way.

I have no idea what she intends to do with such a record. Recherche des Petits Dejeuners Perdues or some such venture...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 08:24 PM

Greetings, Mom! Where ya been? (As if I couldn't tell by the smell of cheap cigars and cheap booze.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 11:03 PM

Mom, I guess no one else cares. Here, have some more of them nickel seegars. And some chawin' tabakky. Jist try not to drool down onto yer dress cuz Stilly has a heckuva time gittin' them stains out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 11:18 PM

Mom! Here's another gallon of that Ever Clear you like so much!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 11:39 PM

God, Rapaire, in the end, have you no decency???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 12:26 AM

You know, Rapaire, you could save your money and just buy MOM a pint or two of rubbing alcohol. I couldn't believe it, but just now she put in a load of whites and added about 2/3 of the gallon of that Ever Clear. She was muttering something about "better than bleach."

Then I went over to her computer and she had her browser pointed to this site.

But then again you probably knew that---only the best for MOM after all. It would be much nicer, though, if you would throw in the odd load now and then instead of expecting her to do it all the time. After all . . . you're retired now.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 12:55 AM

Has MOM met the Tamale Lady yet?

I hope the plumber doesn't get wind of MOM running Everclear through the laundry, it probably eats up the PVC pipes that run through the house. Last time he came out and had to haul that snake and motor up on the roof he wasn't happy. If the culprit is collapsed pipes, you know he's gonna charge her double to break the slab and fix 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 09:40 AM

Mom probably IS the Tamale Lady, when she's in Cognito.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 11:12 AM

I have a houseful of guests and another arriving today. I am off for coffee with the Old Farts at the Elks lodge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 11:40 AM

See? See? You never should have announced your retirement publicly. Everyone just thinks you have nothing to do but entertain them!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 01:46 PM

Amos, you are quite welcome to come and visit. Eiseley and I would be happy to see you, and I could put you up in the Guest Suite: twin extra-long beds, private bath, high-speed computer access, a private entrance, and your own sunroom and kitchen. All it would take on your part would be a performance and a little work for Eiseley and myself as a target holder. She wants to try her hand at moving targets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 02:24 PM

3. Keep windows sparkling and frost-free
Do your windows frost up in the wintertime? Wash them with a solution of 1/2 cup rubbing alcohol to 1 quart (1 liter) water to prevent the frost. Polish the windows with newspaper after you wash them to make them shine.

Ahhhhh....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 05:05 PM

Just replace your windows with bricks. That's what I did, and I never have to clean or polish them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 06:07 PM

Oh, please do come, Amos. Forget about what Rap said about guns. I think he is going to take them all up in the hills one of these days and bury them in a beautiful leather-lined coffin he just made for them. But please do come, and you too, Stilly, and Janie, and Little Hawk, and MMario. MOM's been hinting about how much she would like to have a family reunion. Eh?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 06:45 PM

We can use my backyard for the barbecue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 06:45 PM

And while he hasn't been around lately, don't forget Bee-Dubya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 09:45 PM

I suppose we could doss down in the buried refrigerators!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 10:17 PM

Freezers, Amos. Chest-type freezers. You could, and don't worry, I wouldn't THINK of piling heavy things on top, nope, not me, uh-uh.

Perhaps, though, it would be better to gather in Moab, Utah.

You could kayak there: simply head south from San Diego, round the Cabo San Lucas, north up the Sea of Cortez to the mouth of the Colorado River, up the Colorado to the Green River, and a bit up the Green and there's Moab! In fact, you could continue north, portage over to the Grey's River from the Green in the Bridger National Forest, go north up Grey's to Palisades Reservoir, go north out of the reservoir to the Snake River, follow that north and take the bend to the south until you come to American Falls Reservoir, turn left up the Portneuf River, and I'll meet you in lovely downtown Pocatello. We could then go to the Portneuf Valley Brewing Company for a beer and a brat. Remember to conserve your strength, though, because if you look at the map you'll see that most of the journey is uphill.

See? Getting here from San Diego is simplicity itself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 03:24 AM

Tiptoes in . . . MOM left her reading light on again when she fell asleep . . . turns off light . . . then trips on trash can and simultaneously knocks MOM'S glass of water off of the end table. . . what a ruckus . . . MOM doesn't budge, just lets out a quiet snore . . .

Night, all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 09:51 AM

Nah, I get enough of MOAB in my daily life without going to all that trouble. But getting to harass you in your own home would be brill, man.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 01:59 PM

Happy Bastille Day, or as we say in France, Joyeux Jour de Bastille!

Celebrate like the French -- guillotine somebody!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 04:08 PM

Don't stick your neck out, Rapaire. We can't have you losing your head or becoming a basket case. Where would Mom get her scones!!

Aux Barricades!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 05:05 PM

No, Amos, never fear that I shall become a lunettique.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 06:40 PM

I think a Gathering of All BS would be a really overpowering event. 'Course we could tie it in to the Getaway. Too much!! Howsabout we hire some of Chongo's pals to sit house for the moms and rustle them all down to the Getaway?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 07:28 PM

I think that it would be most excellent to have a GOAB. All them mothers could bring their children, who would be staked out on the lawn and allowed to play with fireworks or whatever to their hearts' content. There's nothing like a vacation from their kids to make mothers feel that they've had a real vacation -- I'll supervise the rascals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 10:52 PM

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Eiseley runs from the room screaming at the very thought!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 11:08 PM

I'll betcha the kids would LOVE to see what a shotgun does to a watermelon. It's the sort of scientific curiosity that started me down the path I have taken. Or how to launch multiple bottle rockets in a barrage fashion with only one match. Or how to sneak across a railroad bridge over a river at night without getting flattened by an unexpected train. Or lots of other things all children are interested in.

So if Eiseley is going to leave the room I guess I'll have to supervise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 11:09 PM

Madam Eiseley, I feel your pain. Surely Chongo's friends from the North Side Gorillas would be a better bet? They could feed the kids marshmallows and Kool Aid while you were out gallivanting with folkies under the Maryland Moon. Nothing could be finer!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 11:50 PM

I think I'll just bring the kids. Then at least they'll have some parently supervision while they're exposed to whatever decadence a bunch of MOAB/GOABs can wreak.

E.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 10 - 09:39 AM

Parentoid supervision, indeed. The first Law of Childhood is, "That which is real is not a parent. That which is a parent is not real."

This is the struggle we have been given, like the Tin Soldier. On the average, we succeed at Becoming Real about the time they succeed (intentionally or not) at Becoming A Parent. And so the cycle goes, an endless flux of realities and 'parentcies. We can but strive and realize we are mere vessels for the acheivement of perfection.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 10 - 11:23 AM

We can but strive and realize we are mere vessels for the acheivement of perfection.

Which I have already achIEved. ("I before E except after C, or when sounded like "ay" as in "neighbor" and "weigh.")


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 15 Jul 10 - 11:28 AM

My Gawd! I just had the weirdest dream; I dreamed I was in downtown MOA...wait! This is no dream! I am! I am in the midst of MOAB and I know not how I got here! Perhaps I was droppe....wait! What is that??? Is that a hand I see reaching toward me???? No No! Stop! Stay away!!! Don't do that!! No! Leave me alone! No! Noooooo...


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