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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 07 Sep 10 - 06:52 PM
Amos 07 Sep 10 - 07:18 PM
Rapparee 07 Sep 10 - 09:45 PM
Little Hawk 07 Sep 10 - 11:19 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 10 - 12:28 AM
Amos 08 Sep 10 - 10:45 AM
Rapparee 08 Sep 10 - 11:21 AM
Amos 08 Sep 10 - 12:31 PM
Acme 08 Sep 10 - 03:13 PM
Eiseley 08 Sep 10 - 03:49 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 10 - 04:00 PM
Eiseley 08 Sep 10 - 04:03 PM
Amos 08 Sep 10 - 04:23 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 10 - 09:23 PM
Amos 08 Sep 10 - 09:39 PM
Acme 09 Sep 10 - 12:01 AM
Amos 09 Sep 10 - 12:23 AM
Amos 09 Sep 10 - 10:00 AM
Rapparee 09 Sep 10 - 10:26 AM
Eiseley 09 Sep 10 - 10:47 AM
Little Hawk 09 Sep 10 - 12:37 PM
Amos 09 Sep 10 - 01:02 PM
Amos 09 Sep 10 - 02:34 PM
Acme 09 Sep 10 - 03:18 PM
Amos 09 Sep 10 - 04:10 PM
gnu 09 Sep 10 - 04:24 PM
Amos 09 Sep 10 - 08:41 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 10 - 10:16 PM
Acme 10 Sep 10 - 01:03 AM
Amos 10 Sep 10 - 09:28 AM
Amos 10 Sep 10 - 10:39 AM
Acme 10 Sep 10 - 10:57 AM
Amos 10 Sep 10 - 11:16 AM
gnu 10 Sep 10 - 02:25 PM
VirginiaTam 10 Sep 10 - 02:37 PM
Amos 10 Sep 10 - 03:07 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 10 - 09:22 PM
Eiseley 10 Sep 10 - 11:24 PM
Acme 11 Sep 10 - 12:33 AM
Amos 11 Sep 10 - 01:53 AM
Rapparee 11 Sep 10 - 10:16 AM
Acme 11 Sep 10 - 11:09 AM
Acme 11 Sep 10 - 12:45 PM
Amos 11 Sep 10 - 05:32 PM
Eiseley 11 Sep 10 - 09:00 PM
Rapparee 11 Sep 10 - 10:28 PM
Amos 12 Sep 10 - 11:01 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 10 - 11:35 AM
Acme 12 Sep 10 - 11:40 AM
Amos 12 Sep 10 - 12:43 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Sep 10 - 06:52 PM

I am a lert. Everyone should be a lert. But not a larmed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 10 - 07:18 PM

Two larmed and a lert went out with a dept
To waander the Seussian plains!
To look at the hill where the Daptive slept,
And the caves of Ssociate rraigns.
Says the dept to the lert, I'll tell ya lads,
With bandon, I'll proudly say,
This life which we lead 'most perfect would be,
If only we had an A.


A.

First Vowel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 10 - 09:45 PM

And the first letter of many, many words: asinine, arsenic, asymmetrical, appropriate, ace, antipodes, ant, aunt, any, auld, arse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Sep 10 - 11:19 PM

You are definitely the spiritual heir to the genius of Dr Seuss, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 12:28 AM

Hop.
Hop.
We like to hop
On top of pop.

Shame us
Shamus.
Pop was Amos
Amos shame us.

Shamus
Shame us.
Chongo Chimp
Knew shamus Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 10:45 AM

Ach, Rapaire, you have taken obscure abstraction and multi-shaded ambiguity approaching meaninglessness to a whole new level.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 11:21 AM

It is my mission in life. Or, rather, it is part of my mission in life.

Where ever I go
I like to sow
A little mo'
Fear,
Uncertainty,
And doubt.

And if I go
Where the shadows go
All will know
An awful lot mo'
Fear,
Uncertainty,
And doubt.


I have my plane tickets for Getaway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 12:31 PM

Please do me the courtesy, sirrah. of letting me know when and where you are arriving so I can predict (in the event you need or want a ride).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 03:13 PM

Wading in from soggy Texas. Here I worried my sister's vacation to Ocracoke Island in North Carolina was going to be spoiled by a hurricane. They waited a day or two then were able to head out. I told her she should come to Texas instead, but just as well she didn't. We got all of the rain.

There's a birds nest dangling on a branch outside my office window. Someone check and see if MOM still has that bird's nest collection out in the laundry room? I'll trim this one out of the tree if she want's it (it's kind of woven around several branches and has an entry hole on the bottom side of it. Looks like something the National Geographic would write about in a scrubby tree on the African veldt).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 03:49 PM

Dear MOM,
As you know, I'm on the selection committee for Idaho's Book of the Year award. I just thought you'd like to know that as I was just about to compose a poem about the 18th letter of the alphabet for my siblings, an email from the committee came through and my brain took a detour into Libraryish poetical musings. So, if you know these obscure books, which of course YOU do, you'll know who won first prize and honorable mention. I'll have to write the other poem another time.

Oh shall we embrace the inevitable
and arrive at consensus on fire?

Our thoughtfully worded analyses fly
through the Idaho cyberspace wires.

Debating profundity, judging the prose
to consider works, fiction and non.

We've read Ferrell Swan's journey with the coyotes,
And heard Isaac Moses yarn on.

The others have merit, no doubt about that
But we must agree to decide

Which Idaho book gets the treasured award
By our choice all the state must abide!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 04:00 PM

Except for me, and I totally disagree with whatever choice is made.

Amos, I'm in a rush right now and I'll let you know tonight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 04:03 PM

If any of you would like to see it, the new bookmobile (sans shelves, yet) is parked out in the south parking lot. I, yes, I, drove it all around town yesterday and backed it into its present spot where it awaits new shelves. I didn't squish too many people in the process.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 04:23 PM

How awesome that Eiseley
Can park so precisely
Her bookmobile (large
As a Snake River barge)
And not squash the legion
Of kids in the region!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 09:23 PM

Wonderful!

Okay, Amos.

I arrive at BWI on Thursday, September 30, at 7:55 p.m.
I will spend that night in a nearby motel, which is TBD.
I depart BWI on Monday, October 4, at 1:45 p.m., which means I have to be there by 12:45.

See? I really did it. And I decided against the Sousaphone, but I will be bringing the double bass AND my Steinway Concert Grand. I'm still undecided on the timpani: do I bring the set, or just the big one?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 09:39 PM

Hell, bring them all, buddy, just let U-Haul know you'll need a truck.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 12:01 AM

How awesome that Eiseley
Can park so precisely
Her bookmobile (large
As a Snake River barge)
And not squash the legion
Of kids in the region!


I love it! And I think it should be embroidered and hung on Eiseley's wall at work. And in the bookmobile on days when she's out driving around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 12:23 AM

Thankee kindly, SRS! To delight is my fondest duty.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 10:00 AM

I raise Thee up, Mom!! Here's a sausage and mayo sandwich for you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 10:26 AM

Gotta run, folks. I just got a message from that idiot LTC G. A. Custer. He's is some sort of deep shit up in the Little Big Horn area. Something about "all the Indians in the world" and "I made a big boo-boo" and "send help!" This will take a while, I think. I'll check in when I can.

Well, you know the old saying: One major battle, one ex-National Guardsman.

(The Legion saddled up and rode to his rescue, but I don't think he's in the Little Big Thirst Saloon.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 10:47 AM

I sent a message earlier, but the gremlins ate it.

Thank you, Amos, for the poem. I haven't stopped smiling when I think about it.

Thank you, Stilly, for the great suggestion. I'll put some volunteers right to the needle. Maybe one of them will also make a fuzzy steering wheel cover.

Rapaire, I don't think you need worry about being scalped. Try to smooth things over up there, okay?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 12:37 PM

Custer was a lot like Inspector Clouseau, he "never refuse the challenge". ;-) Imagine his delight at catching all those Indians by surprise, all gathered in one place at the same time. Why, he couldn't have planned it better! He could see the presidency floating gently down into his outstretched hands, just like a bit of goosedown...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 01:02 PM

THat was no goosedown, General--that was an arrow quill.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 02:34 PM

Oh, Mom!! NO drifting down like goosedown.

And what the hell? Most people as I recall goose UP.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 03:18 PM

Goose down, goose up - I think most would agree that Custer's last act was a cock up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 04:10 PM

Many's the cock has been goosed before its time, and many the goose never found a cock. These thing are often relative.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 04:24 PM

Relative? Incest? Eeeeweeeeee. Makes my feathers shake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 08:41 PM

Ah, dinna fasch thysel'. Thee and me, we're well past the age of the goose, and nearly past the age of the cock!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 10:16 PM

Now, I'm not sayin' I'm a better general or even Lieutenant Colonel than ol' George, but iffen my scouts said, "Jeez, man, there must be a couple thousand Indians over there" I sure as heck wouldn't divide my troops, like Gaul, into three parts. And I wouldn't send the troops with the ammunition off on a scout. In fact, I wouldn't even disobey orders -- I'd let my CO know what I'd found and just sit there and dig rifle pits and things.

Screw this "Bugler, sound the charge!" stuff. Man there's like 3,000 Indians out there and you're outnumbered better'n three to one in your whole regiment!

"Please Mr Custer,
I don't wanna go...."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 01:03 AM

Someone just turned this up on facebook, a YouTube clip of the Shatman doing Rocket Man in 1978. I only just started it - I can't stand to watch - is it really as awful as I think it is?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 09:28 AM

I can tell you without even clicking, it is worse.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 10:39 AM

And after clicking and standing up to three-quarters of the performance, I can double that in spades.

Even Shatner should know better than to try to make Hamlet out of Elton John, for crying out loud.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 10:57 AM

Sad news today. A young woman who was friends with my daughter throughout public school died at her own hand on Tuesday. I had a call this morning and my daughter will come down for the viewing and funeral. Why mention it on BS? Because her life was manipulated to pieces by the BS of fundamentalist church communities. Left alone, she may (or may not) have been unstable, but the church-like condolences offered on the online guest book annoy me no end. She isn't in a "better place." She is a dead 22-year-old girl. The mentality that says this is better than a full rich life is absurd and is what helped put her here.

Pardon me. I'll go take care of the weekend's business. I won't try to post a remark like this online in the obit because the eyeballs that scan these things won't let it through.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 11:16 AM

This is a grim statistic; I can only wonder how many promising lives we lose in a day or a year because of the insane meddling of unhinged belief-system merchants. Do they number in the thousands? If not mortally--how many are walking wounded from induced madness of enforced unreality?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 02:25 PM

How tragic. T&Ps for your daughter, SRS, and for the young lady and her family and friends. Truly sad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 02:37 PM

I have no words Maggie, only tears


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 03:07 PM

Dear Mom:

On Sunday it will be 23,741 days since I was born, to my Other Mom.
That's 101110010111101 in a binary system. If you are three-toed and slothful, it is 1012120022 in ternary. If you have only one hand it is 1224431 in quintal. If you're twice a square, then it is   56275 in octal, and if you an ubernerd the hex is 5CBD. It is also 2,051,222,400 seconds OR 34,187,040 minutes OR 569,784 hours of which I have spent about 130,00 wandering in dreamland.

My grandmother said I was nuffin' but a broiler. But what did she know? Look how I turned out!!! Well done!!!

You know what they say, Mom: you're only as old as you feel. I wish, though, that the damned clocks would stop arguing with me.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 09:22 PM

Ya young whippersnapper punk kid! I'm just 42 in hex, but I expect respect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 Sep 10 - 11:24 PM

I'm so sorry for everyone involved, SRS. What a terrible tragedy to have a life ended so abruptly and senselessly. I agree that those platitudes so many offer are miserable comfort.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 10 - 12:33 AM

We talked to her brother, a friend of my son's, and as it happens, my son texted at that time that he wished he could be there, so I was able to hold it up for his friend, a kind of long-distance yet local condolence.

My daughter was one of the best high school friends of the young woman who died, and as we walked up to her mother I told Moonglow that she needed to simply let her Mom give her a big long hug and cry. Moonglow was going to be a surrogate for her friend at that moment in time. Yup.

Do you remember the Münchhausen-by-proxy mother in the film The Sixth Sense? The father wasn't as bad as that, he was wearing a light green shirt, not red, but I had never met him before and if he hadn't been pointed out I wouldn't have recognized him as the father of a dead child by his demeanor. He of the ultra-fundamentalist bent.

Tomorrow is the funeral. I'll get a big enough dose of BS there to last me for weeks, but I'll slough it off and come check up on MOM before much time passes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 10 - 01:53 AM

Jaysus. What a sad mess.

YEah pass it on. Mom will add it to her collection.

Oy, such tsuris.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 10 - 10:16 AM

I can't comment, Stilly, without becoming very angry. But I suspect that nothing will be learned from all of these by those...people. I'm sorry the young woman felt she had to do that, very sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 10 - 11:09 AM

A few glasses of wine and a good night's sleep and I think the unconscious has sorted through a lot. I will conclude that for as sad as everyone was yesterday, there was no surprise. I just wish it didn't seem like it was inevitable.

MOM had more wine than I did so is still snoring in there -- it may be a while before she reports back on what she dreamed.

It's a humid overcast day, and I think it's time to put the dog spa away for the year. Next one who sees MOM head out to the back yard ask if she wants me to siphon the water into the garden, around the trees, or just pour it there on the lawn near the stairs. You'll remember that last year when we did that she stepped into the mud and lost a shoe in the lawn. It turned up after the yard dried and froze this winter, but she couldn't ever make that shoe look as good as the mate to wear again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 10 - 12:45 PM

Hey, I'm going to set up the grill to scorch some peppers before I freeze them. Anything you want scorched?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 10 - 05:32 PM

Can you persuade Rapaire to shipp you a pair of fesses de bibliotheque Πla l'Idahoe? I'd like to see them porperly scorched.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Sep 10 - 09:00 PM

Hmm, Rapaire has scorched a few books in his time, I mean burned. No! I mean stabbed and skewered with a sword. I know, I was there watching at the time. Not only that, but he was urging young children to do likewise. I think it was for Banned Books Week, and I believe there wad a copy of Sears Subject Headings, or maybe the Idaho Code of Law.

Stilly, maybe you could skewer and the scorch some of those BSers you were mentioning. Give 'em a taste of what it'll be like to burn.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 10 - 10:28 PM

Shucks, I've also shot books. Nailed ol' Huck Finn right between the eyes, I think. Ask Gaila.

As fer them hay-burning, cattle-shooting, spiteful, bile-rising children of dump dogs, why, they'll feel scorching soon enough. Gonna be good and hot, too, unless they find themselves all the way down in the ice, ending up as Dante described it down there. As for the YL, you'll likely meet her again in a place of fair weather and sunshine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 10 - 11:01 AM

I imagine such souls--full of judgmental venom and icy confusions and fear-filled falsehoods--end up something like a lump of coal, perhaps living in the brain of a toad or the belly of a porcupine, incapable of more than fitful snuffling and defecating.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 10 - 11:35 AM

Both of those animals have uses, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 10 - 11:40 AM

I bought my peppers the night before the call about the funeral stuff, so I have to roast them today. So last call for singed stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 10 - 12:43 PM

Well, if Rapaire won't send you his fesses, how about his toupŽe? A sharp aroma of overheated synthetic fiber would warm other animals when he was in the area...


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