Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh

Subject: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Hollowfox
Date: 08 May 03 - 04:34 PM

Before you all start saying "Oh, I'm so sorry", his soul left his body months ago. He had Alzheimer's, and his body finally realized the situation at 6:36AM, Central Daylight Time on Monday, April 28, 2003, in Belleville, Illinois.
Part of me wants to cry and part of me wants to feel relieved, but neither is getting her way yet, as much as I'd like to do one or the other.
He was the first storyteller I remember. (Jack and the Beanstalk. He made the giant sound like Martyn Green, the Gilbert & Sullivan singer)
He watched television with me when it was new, shows like Captain Kangaroo (he liked the Tom Terrific cartoons) and Children's Corner a local Pittsburgh kiddy show that became Mister Rogers about fifteen years later) He read my comic books and listened to my music, just to try it out. His two regrets in life were that his eyesight wasn't good enough to be a pilot, and he was born too late to be a burlesque comeedian. When I was a freshman in college, I went to visit him. Our conversation was spangled with his question "Where did you hear that?", or variations of the same. I went a long way toward curing me of BSing in casual conversations or pulling some half-baked statement out of, er, thin air. Over several trips, he traveled to every country on the Silk Road - except Italy. After he retired, he was convinced to go back to college and take one course a semester at the local community college so that he could be a "ringer" on their College Bowl team. They took the state championship. (This is a game where teams of college students are asked questions on various subjects, and win points by answering correctly before the other team)
Like me, he had a mind like an attic, with all kinds of interesting accumulations.
I could go on, and I am putting down his stories elsewhere. My kids are old enough to realize and remember what he was like.
I'm sorry for rambling and taking up bandwidth this way, but in a way this is the funeral service for him. His friends and relatives are so widespread that it was impossible to get enough people together. His relationship with God was one of mutual amused tolerance; neither bothered the other. The last religious statement I heard him make was five years ago in the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, "Bigger churches don't necessarily make better Christians."
Anyway, I've found the best memorial services are those where stories are shared, and this is the best place I could think of for that.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 08 May 03 - 04:37 PM

Wonderful stories, and blessings on you as you work your way through the grieving that will come.
Allison

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Giac
Date: 08 May 03 - 04:56 PM

Thank you for celebrating his life here, too. It is a wonderful tribute to him that you are a compassionate and loving person, who obviously cares deeply for others. He did his job well.

Thinking of you in this time of resolution.

Mary

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 May 03 - 04:57 PM

Sounds like a life well lived. Celebrate it, Hollowfox.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: C-flat
Date: 08 May 03 - 05:05 PM

I'm sure any of us would be thrilled to be remembered with the fondness and admiration that you so clearly feel for your father.

You can shed tears that he is gone or you can smile because he has lived...

I hope you'll soon be smiling.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 May 03 - 05:46 PM

Geez 'Fox....Sounds like my kind of guy. You are lucky for having your kids know the real person there as well.   Yeah, you'll feel better as the hole in the heart fills with memories and overflows til it vanishes. And it will. But for now take some time to cry and then some time to smile and when you crank out a good guffaw, come back and tell us that story. Save me a special one for this summer sometime. Karen and I look forward to getting together somehow.

All of Our Best and Condolences as well,

Pat & Karen

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Mudlark
Date: 08 May 03 - 05:49 PM

Hollowfox...a great tribute to someone well-loved. And his line about churches is classic. How lucky you both were to have each other. Relief and grief are not mutually exclusive. Take care

Nancy

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: open mike
Date: 08 May 03 - 06:09 PM

I too lost my father, about a year ago,
but like yours, for years he was trapped in a body
which it was a relief to be released from
Treasure your memories, and
cherish the times you had with him. Grieving
comes in all different forms. I remember
reading this in a Ram Dass book when I was
processing my parents' deaths:
leaving your body is like taking off a tight shoe.
it is a welcomed relief.
then i found this poem in my mothers' effects:

THEY SOFTLY WALK
They are not gone who pass
Beyond the clasp of the hand,
Out from the strong embrace.
They are but come so close
We need not grope with hands,
Nor look to see, nor try
To catch the sound of feet.
Tehy have put off their shoes
Softly to walk by day
Within our thoughts, to tread
At night our dream-led paths
Of sleep.

They are not lost who find
The sunset gate, the goal
Of all their faithful years.
Not lost are they who reach
The summit of their climb,
The peak above the clouds
And storms. They are not lost
Who find the light of sun
And stars..and God!

The are not dead who live In
hearts they leave behind.
In those whom they have blessed
They live again,
And shall live throught the years
Of eternal live, and grow
Each day more beautifuyl
As time declares theur good,
Forgets the rest and proves
Their immortality.
      -Hugh Robert Orr
this may not fit your situation,
but i found it overwhelming to
see that the image of taking off shoes
followed thru both the passages.\
You will find that may happen to you too.
that reminders will come to you.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 May 03 - 06:45 PM

Really good to hear that your kids knew who he was and that you are getting his stories down. You know how important that has been in my case with my dad. I love the way you have shared him and the obvious ease of friendship you had with him. He must have been an extraordinary person lucky enough to have you as a daughter, too!

I hope when my dad passes I will be half as composed as you sound. Let the tears and joy mingle, for it does seem one of those mixed blessings. Good thoughts and {{{hugs}}} coming your way.

open mike, thanks for the poem, it is beautiful.

kat & Rog

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Raedwulf
Date: 08 May 03 - 06:46 PM

I wish I'd met him...

...I'm glad I've met you!

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Gareth
Date: 08 May 03 - 06:57 PM

Hollowfox,

I share your feelings, my father passed away just 2 years ago, and yes unfortunatley, he was many years in the passing.

I still find it was more a release than a death.

Like you do remember the good times.

I just wish I had been able to write down what his memory held.

Gareth

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Hollowfox
Date: 08 May 03 - 07:29 PM

Thank you all. I knew this was the right place to come, as soon as I could get some of the words in order. I'm writing this at home now, with the Orchid Mudcat cd on, and your thoughts and the music are a great help. Spaw, you might have seen him if you went to any of the local community theater productions when you were a kid. He was working in New Philadelphia from about 1962 to 1968. I know he was the sword swallower in one production; Carousel, I think. He was a government worker, mostly in Social Security. He worked in the national headquarters at the same time, and in the same office, as the science fiction author Roger Zelazny. this gives a hint as to why things are as they are in that bureaucracy. He once remarked that the Department of Silly Walks in Monty Python wasn't so far off the mark.
And then there was the time he came to visit me at college one spring. Some of the students (the Freaks, my crowd) had taken over the Student Union in protest of building a new on in a geologically stupid place, with inferior materials. Who'd want to take over something as boring as the Administration building? That's how I ended up taking my father on a guided tour of a campus "riot", if a remarkably calm one. I wanted to introduce him to my friends, and vice versa. That's where they were so... He later told me that he had visions of the place being raided and havingg to use his one phone call to explain to his boss that he couldn't get back to work on time as he was busted in a campus uprising. Ah, the 1960's.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 May 03 - 11:21 PM

And so the wisdom passes to you. You had quite a bit already. Now every silver hair you bear will take on a clearer sparkle, a more acute response to the light. I can hear your voice in your posts, as if I am sitting in your kitchen, in your lap of a household; as you describe him, I see and hear YOU. He's in your hardwiring and he's where you chose for him to be, and he has already flowed out from you for a long time. I can see his acute listening for truth in the gaze of your children, even in the brief time we had with them. You stand between amazing generations of people, and you touch greatness with your own greatness.

You know retreat space is here for you.... we're passing through your way on a fast trip of our own, planned for the last week of May but maybe (maybe) much sooner. We'll look for you at one end of the trip or the other, and by then we may have more in common with you than we might like to have...

It would be a privilege to help copy-edit the harvested stories, if you would like a hand when the time comes, from someone whose priority is always to bring out the voice of the person who lived the stories. (Ask Amos for a reference if you want.)

What a journey you will be on now. Can't wait to hear what you see and experience. Drink it deep, and be nourished.

Do you know, Greg has left two more hats at people's places, after the one he left with you? It's getting to be a tradition! :~)

Much love from us both,

~Susan

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: GUEST,Sorch
Date: 08 May 03 - 11:36 PM

So glad you are able tell us this, but I am sure you have missed your dad for a long time. Grieve in your own way. My dad has been gone 11 yrs and I still miss him every day; never did get his stories down; there was lots he just wouldn't tell......growing up in the Depression, Army of the Occupation in Japan and more. I too was able to do a lot of my grieving before he actually left his body so I know what you mean.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Robin2
Date: 09 May 03 - 12:12 AM

Just another post to wish you well. Please know not all tears are bad. I lost my Dad last year, and it was a blessing for him when he passed on.
But sometimes the tears must come, not for them, but for us and our loss

Take time for yourself, and time to grieve your loss..

He sounds like a wonderful man to have had in your life!

Robin

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Janie
Date: 09 May 03 - 12:14 AM

When my own father goes, I hope I can honor him half as well as you have done here. Thank you.

Blessings on you and your family.

Janie

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 May 03 - 12:33 AM

Thank you, Hollowfox. And thank you, mudcatters. What a wondrous bunch of people. Some of the threads like this one need to go into a published book.

I too have lost a number of loved ones in these last ten years and I think that in some ways grieving is never complete. (Depending on what we call complete, I guess.) Grief and the pain of loss almost overwhelm at times. But the posts above are so tender, so empathic that they illuminate the process and make it glow. Thank you.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: stevetheORC
Date: 09 May 03 - 09:23 AM

Condolences to you and your Family but dont forget to look after yourself, Your Dad sounded like quite a Guy.

Orc N Pushkin

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: kendall
Date: 09 May 03 - 12:35 PM

You are so lucky to have had a dad like him Be grateful, and, by all means, grieve his passing.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Big Mick
Date: 09 May 03 - 01:02 PM

I'm grateful for your sharing your memories of this special man. God be good to him. I will bet you have more stories that you could share. Do us all a favor? Whenever one of those moments, happy or sad, comes to mind, would you post it here? I think it would be a wonderful tribute to your Da.

All the best,

Mick

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Wesley S
Date: 09 May 03 - 01:25 PM

Thanks for letting us know a little more about him. I appreciate it.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Dani
Date: 09 May 03 - 01:35 PM

How wonderful for you to have these memories! Thank you so much for sharing them. It is a hard thing to not have the opportunity to grieve with others who loves the one you miss. It is an honor that you've chosen us to share with!

My dad died twenty one years ago. Hardly a day goes by that I don't remember a joke of his, or see his beautiful blue eyes in the sweet niece and nephew of mine, the grandchildren he didn't get to meet, or think of a gift he gave me (the love of music, dance, silliness, eating well).

Keep well all your memories, continue to share them, and you will have given him back the greatest gift of all.

Dani

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 03 - 08:30 PM

Well, HF, I wish you the joy of a compassionate and wise transition. Some people say that real adulthood begins when you hae lost your own parents, although I prefer to think it occurs when you begin parenting -- any thing, for any reason.

I hope that my own departure will be graced with as much reason, when it comes, as his has been.

Be well, feel fully, breathe deeply and find the moment.

A

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Hollowfox
Date: 10 May 03 - 10:44 AM

I'm just refreshing this to thank all of you for your kind thoughts, both here on the thread and in PMs.
Robin, I know that all tears are not bad, I just wish they'd come. I know they will, though.
Amos, I agree about it starting with when I became a parent. One of the good things is that I was able to say, "Now I know why you did that (e.g. went over my spelling lesson with me.) I promised I'd never do it to my kid, and now that I'm doing it, I know how much you hated this chore, but I want to thank you for doing it."
Big Mick, if I posted every neat story I thought of, it would take up too much time and space. Besides, if it started a tradition here at the 'Cat, it would take up more bandwidth that the Happy Birthday threads. I might PM them to you, though.
OK, just one more. One thing I didn't get to do with him was to bring him to Fox Hollow folk festival (when I was in my 20's), and introduce him to all my friends as my friend Neil, instead of introducing him as my father.

Subject: RE: Obit: my father, Neil Linebaugh
From: Sabine
Date: 10 May 03 - 10:53 AM

Sounds like he was a fine man.

your posting remembered me of two years ago when my father left. His mind also had left him months before his body.

but I will always keep him in mind like the man he had been before.

thanks for sharing your thoughts about your dad. Here's a big (((hug))) for you and your family.

I will light a candle for him .

All the best

Sabine