Malfunctioning Musical Instruments

Subject: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,Sooz(at work)
Date: 16 May 03 - 08:20 AM

The other day I took my kazoo out of my pocket to play an instrumental break in the middle of a song. It made some very strange noises so I blew harder and hoped for the best. Put it back in my pocket and thought no more about it until the same happened on our next outing. (Slow learner or what?) After the song I examined the kazoo and discovered a Fisherman's Friend stuck in the tube! It won't come out so the same song will be performed at our folk club tonight with a prize for anyone who can explain the phenomenon. (Milking it or what?
Does anyone have any sillier experiences of malfunctioning instruments?

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 16 May 03 - 09:23 AM

A word of advice: never suck a fisherman's friend in the pub!
(double entendre, moi? certainly not!)
RtS
(wang dang doodle)

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: MMario
Date: 16 May 03 - 09:25 AM

virtually every Musical instrument I've ever tried to play has malfunctioned - oddly enough they usually spontaneously fix themselves when picked up by someone else.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Reeltime
Date: 16 May 03 - 09:33 AM

My worst esperience was someone spilling half a pint into 9yes into0 my fiddle.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From:
Date: 16 May 03 - 10:35 AM

What's this Sooz, an afternoon sciving while the kids are having story? Me too, for a change.

As to malfunctions, try harmonica's that loose a reed,there's a deathly hush instead of a suck or blow!

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 16 May 03 - 12:04 PM

As a matter of interest, what's a fisherman's friend?

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: MMario
Date: 16 May 03 - 12:09 PM

a type of throat lozenge

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Cluin
Date: 16 May 03 - 12:23 PM

Actually, it is THE throat lozenge.
Taste bad, but work goooooooooood.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Sooz
Date: 16 May 03 - 12:34 PM

Mmario - I'd noticed the same phenomenon as you!
As it happens EV it was lunchtime - we don't have many stories in Secondary Science (except excuses)- what should you have been doing?
I agree Cluin they are THE lozenge but I love 'em. Especially the aniseed ones. The offending FF was one of these. Do you know the FF song by Bernard Wrigley?
Gladys Friday

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,JOHNNY in OKC
Date: 16 May 03 - 12:57 PM

I would like to know the Fishermen's Friend Song.
The are the greatest for singers. I guess fishermen
would like them too. JOHNNY

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Les from Hull
Date: 16 May 03 - 01:00 PM

Tried the 'refreshing lemon sugar free' ones yet, Sooz? They're the same shape as the original ones and so should be easier to free from musical instruments. But they taste disgusting. The aniseed ones taste the best, but the originals have a higher menthol content. So for preference I have one each of the brown ones!

There are two big problems for us tin-sandwich operators (mouth organ players). Moustache hairs get caught in them and pulled off your upper lip. That's quite painful. The other is the gunk that accumulates down them little holes and bungs up the reeds. Sometimes it flies off on a particularlity hearty suck bit and pings off down your throat.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Sooz
Date: 16 May 03 - 02:34 PM

I haven't seen them yet Les, but you've tickled my tastebuds.
I'll post the words to the song tomorrow when I have more time. (Club night tonight!)

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: CraigS
Date: 16 May 03 - 06:00 PM

Wasn't it Paul Simon who wrote "my father was a fisherman, my mother was a fisherman's friend"?

There is no comparison to the chaos caused on the night I managed to slip a beermat under Martyn Johnson's guitar strings whilst he was on stage. My friend Irving is completely cheesed off by the foreign objects people have implanted in his tuba over the years (socks, rubbish, and beer - but chewed gum is the worst). Someone once lent me a guitar in a folk club in Paddington - there I was, on a strange stage in a strange club, when I realised this thing was customised, had only five strings and a tuning that originated on the planet Vulcan. I know one person who takes his guitar to the music shop to have it re-strung, and takes it back three days later if it won't stay in tune ...

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,Helen - Cookie Monster ate my cookie
Date: 16 May 03 - 09:07 PM

Fishie Friends are the *best* when I'm teaching long hours. Love 'em because I love the taste of the original ones, and the sugarless aniseed ones are ok, but also they work!

Sooz, I guess you could soak the kazoo in some water to dissolve the FF, but would that ruin the delicate balance of its fine, soothing tone (grin).

BTW, did you see the thread a few months ago, or more, about the Kazoo website?

Helen

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Barbara
Date: 16 May 03 - 09:51 PM

Sooz, most kazoos have a way to unscrew the bit that sticks up or out or whatever, so as to allow you to replace the paper when it gets blown out or worn or wet. If yours is that variety -- you'll be able to see the threads most likely if it is -- then just take the paper out and soak your lozenge out of the tube, or stick the whole shebang under the tap, let it dry, replace the tissue paper, and bob's your uncle, it will play again.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST
Date: 17 May 03 - 08:08 AM

Did you unscrew your kazoo did you?
Did you unscrew your kazoo?
A simple solution for this im the end
Exists without having to go round the bend
Theres no need to whittle just fill it with spittle
Ansd suck up your fishermans friend.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Sooz
Date: 17 May 03 - 11:33 AM

This is a really cheap purple plastic kazoo - not a highly sophisticated one which takes to pieces. I worked it out with a pencil (or was that the constipated mathematician?) much to the amusement of the assembled multitude at the club. The kazoo still has a haunting aroma, but is not so much fun.

Go and have a suck on a Fisherman's Friend
And don't you dare stop 'til you get to the end
Take heed of this tip from the sons of the sea
If its alright with sailors then its alright with me

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 18 May 03 - 06:23 AM

Get your science class to plan an investigation into the fastest method of disolving a fisheremans friend, fair test with a batch of kazzoo's with a fishermans friends stuck in, then after observing and recording decide which was the best method and there you are!

By the way, I was supposed to be teaching motorcycle riding skills, but as it was chucking it down, we stayed in and played!!

Did you get to Brigg fiddle fest?

Did you go to Skipjack's workshop?

The Yorkshire gathering was really great!!

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Sooz
Date: 18 May 03 - 06:45 AM

Haven't been over to Brigg this time. We went to my primary school reunion last night which was surprisingly enjoyable and are going to see the wonderful Martin Wyndham Reed in Lincoln tonight.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Roughyed
Date: 18 May 03 - 12:29 PM

Sorry to tell you this but throat lozenges are not good for singers. Our vocal chords need to be kept moist and menthol and stuff like that has a negative effect in the long term. Inhaling steam is a way to get moisture direct to the vocal chords and drinking water increases the moisture in the area. Coffee and alcohol are not good either.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Marion
Date: 18 May 03 - 10:55 PM

The piano in a house I was renting had a couple of keys that stuck down after being played. For a couple of months I pondered whether or not to do anything about it - I'm not very mechanical, so I doubted I could fix it, but I was reluctant to bring in a repairperson since it wasn't my piano and I wasn't playing much. So one day I got brave and opened up the top of the piano... and found a toy truck sitting on top of the hammers.

My Ukranian fiddling friend tells me that when his Ukranian fiddling grandmother played at wedding receptions, the custom was to push coins into the f-holes while she was playing.

Marion

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Malcolm Douglas
Date: 18 May 03 - 11:03 PM

A friend of mine teaches bassoon. One of his students was having trouble getting his instrument to behave. Examination revealed a half-eaten sandwich inside it. A lesson to us all not to play with our food.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Helen
Date: 19 May 03 - 01:53 AM

A blues-loving, bikie, journalist, computer wiz friend of mine was compering a blues concert at our (now defunct) localfolk festival 15 or so years ago. Suddenly he went over to the left side, partly off the stage, and the people sitting on the right side of the auditorium gasped as one voice, and made dreadful noises of disgust. The right hand side of the auditorium were laughing so hard after that that we poor people sitting on the left had no idea what was going on.

I found out later that my classy friend had suddenly decided to regurgitate copious amounts of beer and the only repository he could find was in the top of the upright piano. He just lifted the lid and found instant relief.

While I totally disapprove of damaging or otherwise disrespecting musical instruments, I still recall the comedy factor of the whole scene, especially since half of the audience were totally mystified and the other half were cacking themselves laughing so much that they couldn't speak to demystify us.

Sorry, the tone of this thread has lowered considerably now... and it was on the piano too.

Helen

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 19 May 03 - 04:22 AM

what do you do with malfunctioning musicians??

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Micca
Date: 19 May 03 - 06:49 AM

Sooz, for future reference, Take the Kazoo and attach to laboratory vacuum source, (or Waterpump. In fact, this may be the best)Dip the Business end of the Kazoo in a large beaker of hot water and draw the hot water over the offending FF, it took less than a minute to dissolve it out!!!! and did no damage to the Kazoo. Purely in the interests of Scientific research!!!

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,Sooz (at work)
Date: 19 May 03 - 08:02 AM

Must remember to include vacuum pump when I pack my bag Micca!
Helen, I will have nightmares about that piano, why couldn't your story be cute like Marion's?

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 19 May 03 - 11:59 AM

hope you dont suggest that for the musicians?

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Helen
Date: 20 May 03 - 02:46 AM

Sorry, Sooz, i don't *do* cute! (grin)

Helen

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Micca
Date: 20 May 03 - 04:22 AM

Noddy, it works even better if there is a musician attached when you turn on the vacuum!!

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Trevor
Date: 20 May 03 - 04:47 AM

Not long ago somebody (a 'catter actually) brought a saxophone to one of our local sessions. Another inmate whacked a packet of crisps down the blunt end - it kind of crackled.....

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,Sooz (at work)
Date: 20 May 03 - 07:50 AM

Best thing for it!

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Hamish
Date: 21 May 03 - 07:44 AM

I hate it when somebody shuffles the frets on my guitar...

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 21 May 03 - 11:11 AM

yeah Micca ther are to many suckers out there.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 21 May 03 - 11:12 AM

ooops another spelling mistake.

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 May 03 - 11:32 AM

I got my 'tash caught in the slide of a chromatic gob-iron once. Brought tears to my eyes...

Other not quite malfunctions but things that fit the bill are Frank at our club borrowing Mikes 12 string guitar for a gig only to find when he put it on to play that Mike had failed to mention that he was left handed. Spot the Dog of this very cafe once opened his guitar case at a methodist chusrch hall only to be reminded that he had filled it with cans of Guinness. Just as they spilt all over the stage!

Oh - and I distincly remember a singers malfunction when he sang My father was a fisherman. My mother was a victory V...

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 21 May 03 - 07:21 PM

My improvised shaker, made of cylindrical shortbread tin containing grains of rice: I hit it so hard that the Sellotape gave out, the lid flew off, and rice flew around the bar..... and nobody getting married!

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: Kaleea
Date: 22 May 03 - 03:01 AM

A fisherman's friend in your kazoo? Musta been a durn big kazoo! Didn't the fisherman miss his friend?

Subject: RE: Malfunctioning Musical Instruments
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 22 May 03 - 11:01 AM

He was the one that got away. They are always bigger than you imagine.