Song Challenge! Part 95

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Áine
Date: 05 May 04 - 07:04 PM

Ninety-five Challenge!s, and I don't remember as good a mysterious topic as this. I'm hoping to see a bunch of imaginative turkeys take wing this time ;-) Just be advised; turkeys can't fly too good, so they have to flap harder! Have fun, my darlin', darlin', Challenge!rs:

How To Drop Fifty Pounds At A Time With Sweet, Sweet, Style -- May 5, 2004, LONDON, England (Reuters) -- A woman with an apparently insatiable sweet tooth stunned staff at a British shop when she bought more than 10,000 chocolate bars and had them loaded into her chauffeur-driven limousine.

The woman asked staff at a north London Woolworths branch for every single Mars bar in stock -- 10,656 of them packed in 220 boxes -- and paid for them in cash with 50 pound notes, a Woolworths spokesman said on Wednesday.

The total bill was 2,131 pounds ($3,828).

'It was very, very strange but nobody thought to ask her why she wanted so many,' the spokesman said.

'It would usually take us a month to shift that number of chocolate bars,' he added. 'Perhaps she has a sweet tooth.'

GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!

All the best, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 07:06 PM

Yeehaww!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 08:42 PM

This one will need some time for reflection!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 10:36 PM

Additional tidbit;

"Daniel Himsworth, spokesman for Woolworths, said: "The manager of the store said she looked Lebanese. She was smartly turned out in traditional black robe and a head- dress.

"She had a chauffeur waiting in a limousine and she had him take the Mars bars, which were in 200 boxes, and put them in the back.

"We have no idea what she wanted that many Mars bars for but it raises all sorts of questions.

"I can certainly say we have never had that many Mars bars bought at the same time in the same store before." "

Man, what economy did she pop up from??

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 04 - 11:35 PM

The Tale of the Lebanese Maiden

Tune: Barb'r'y Ellen

Click to Play

A rich young maid in London town, as proud as any other
Swore up and down not to be wed, and so she told her mother!
"Oh, mother dear, what may I do, to keep myself a virgin?
For I would live a single life in spite of Father's urgin'!"

This mother was a clever girl – she was wiser far than many
From the ancient hills of Ba'la'bakk, near the banks of Na'r Al Lillani
She knew her daughter through and through, knew she was fair strong-headed
And figured out a path to take, to ensure she would be bedded.

"Now your father wants you for to wed, Akbar the rich young jeweler.
But in our land an ancient right will free you of this suitor!
For all his wealth if you claim the right, a challenge you may name him!
And should he fail, by next night fall, then you are free from his claimin'!"

So all you need to do, my dear, to balk yon Akbar's wooin',
Is claim the right to name the task that he will lose, pursuing;
So put your wits to something rich, that will not yield to his powers
Some task that he could never do, in the next twenty-four hours!

The women thus did long confer, to find the perfect puzzle
And sometimes wise the Mother spoke, but often she stayed muzzled;
And by next day the maid did say, For sure, I will constrain him!
Pray tell my Father I invoke the   rites of ancient Canaan!

Her father was a worldly man, and worth his millions many
But still he honored ancient law, from the Hittites of Leblani
So when his daughter claimed her rites, to set a task of trial
He hesitated not a bit, and even raised a smile.

Next morning on the goodwife's door, young Akbar came a-knocking!
Oh Lady, please, I'm on my knees, we must do some honest talkin'
In just a day, without some help, like a new calf to the slaughter
I am bound to lose my struggle plain, and lose your lovely daughter!

How now, what claim has she imposed? What trial has she you tested?
Come gather yourself, and be not faint! You surely won't be bested!
Her task it is to bring her sweets, unholy weight and measure!
And prove it all was bought for cash, it is my damsel's pleasure!

But cash I've not, and sweets I've not, my riches are invested
And as the day is Sunday now, I surely must be bested!
For it would cost two thousand pounds, in cash and with it handy
Still finding some place on Holy Day that would sell me so much candy!!


And then his tears did fall like rain, his heart was plainly breaking
And thus the mother was bestirred, and pity she was taking.
She hastened to her closets rich, and to her strongbox hidden
Where forty years of savings lay, just waiting for her bidding

And she put on her finest silk and called her driver soft-o
And told him he should take her out, to the Woolworth at King's Cross, o!
And there she made her great demand, swearing against the stars-o
That she would have their whole year stock, of candy bars by Mars-o!

Then in the trunk full ten times twenty cases they were loaded
So rich they were with Mars' best, the car almost exploded
Two thousand pounds in ironed notes, to fill his desperate craving
She handed to the Woolworths store, from forty years of saving.

Then she did fly to the suitor's side, and with a threat of violence
She quickly gave him what he sought, and swore his tongue to silence!
And he did pass the daughter's test, and so they told her father
And she gave up, and wept and said, she would do as he would rather.

Three months went by and the daughter came, a-looking for her mother
And said she was well satisfied, and would never seek another.
But still your plan was all awry! at least, that's how I feel, oh!
For thanks to those damned candy bars, I've gained 'most thirty kilos!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Áine
Date: 06 May 04 - 09:43 AM

Bloody Brilliant, oh master of verses!! Now, I double dawg dare ya to sing it, record it, and send it to me ;-) What a story! A whale of a tale! Cudos and congrats, dear Amos. Here's your B.L.O.B., for this fancifuly fattening fit of phraseology:

Then in the trunk full ten times twenty cases they were loaded
So rich they were with Mars' best, the car almost exploded
Two thousand pounds in ironed notes, to fill his desperate craving
She handed to the Woolworths store, from forty years of saving.

Way to go!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 04 - 09:59 AM

I am in grateful receipt, fair Goddess, of your BLOB, which I treasure, as always.

Be advised I have extended an invitiation to the gang hanging out over on the MOAB thread to come enter the lists here. But they is a bunch 'o chicken shit bastids who hain't got the noive!

Well, never mind -- there are plenty of bards and bardesses around these parts to answer the call to glory!! They're just working through this especially daunting challenge. :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 06 May 04 - 10:22 AM

a daunting challenge indeed!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Áine
Date: 06 May 04 - 10:44 AM

Daunting, yes, but very, very, sweet!! ;-)

Come on, Challenge!rs -- you can solve this mystery any ol' way you want to. Let those flags of fancy fly -- just remember to flap, flap, flap!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: MMario
Date: 06 May 04 - 01:05 PM

attempting again to post my reconstructed post lost earlier due to composing directly in the box - and lost g*d knows where a few minutes ago...

Lebanese Chocolate Shopper
(tune:The Streets of Laredo)

Oh, list' to the tale of the Lebanese shopper,
who let her desire for choc'late gain sway
Imagine the calories, weight-gain and bloating
The least of the prices that she had to pay

As she was out shopping one morning in London
A shopping by Woolworths, North London, one day
She spied in the window a bar of rich choc'late
And cried to her driver "Stop NOW, I pray!"

chorus

The limousine slowed and it pulled to the curbside
Out popped our shopper in veil and black robes
Visions of choc-o-late, nougat and toffee
temporarily paralyzing her cognitive lobes

chorus

Most swiftly she strode through the store to the counter
informed the sales clerk of her impulsive yen
And ordered her Mars bars be brought to her quickly
The total was over one thousand times ten!

chorus

Two hundred boxes plus twenty were loaded
in the limo two hundred and twenty did go
She paid for them all with a fistfull of pound notes
For she had in her purse not a single Euro!

chorus

The why's and the wherefore's of her impulse shopping
are clearly a myst'ry to the Woolworth's staff
Tho' gladly they rejoice in profiting greatly
they certainly hope that she will come back!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Áine
Date: 06 May 04 - 01:11 PM

Alright!! Another great one for the Challenge! tomb!! Yeehaw, MMario ;-) Here's your B.L.O.B. for the observant bit o'bull:

Two hundred boxes plus twenty were loaded
in the limo two hundred and twenty did go
She paid for them all with a fistfull of pound notes
For she had in her purse not a single Euro!

Now we're cooking with gas (or should that be 'with chocolate'?)!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 04 - 01:18 PM

Yeah, MM!! And a good question as to what happened to the Euros?? What's all this with sterling then?? Or didn't they finish swapping over?

Oh, Recite the brands slowly
Read ingredients lowly
And offer a smell as they slowly pass by
'Though Cadbury's neater,
The Mars bar is sweeter
I'm a young diabetic, and I know I must die!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Áine
Date: 07 May 04 - 11:10 AM

Come on, Challenge!rs -- it's Friday, and time to let your hair down and get in a smooth mood . . . let's see some of the fantastic creative juices flowing here . . . I know you can do it!! (somehow, that doesn't really sound the way I meant it, hmmmmmm)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: MMario
Date: 07 May 04 - 11:12 AM

Roll,Limousine, Roll
(a candy loading shanty)


Load Up, me boys, Woolworth's been paid,
Roll, limousine, Roll
Load down the car with our chocolate gain
Mars Bars forevermore

I'm a shopping fool out of Lebanon!
Roll, limousine, Roll
I'll only stay 'til the chocolate's gone
Mars Bars forevermore


Sweet tooth has been killing me
Roll, limousine, Roll
Made me go on a shopping spree
Mars Bars forevermore


Traditional robes and a head-veil
Roll, limousine, Roll
Don't get in my way when candy's on sale
Mars Bars forevermore


So heave in the car those boxes all
Roll, limousine, Roll
Never complain the boot's too small
Mars Bars forevermore

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 04 - 11:21 AM

Wow -- the collision of ancient sea-faring songs and childhood candybars! Shazaam!! LOL, MM!


A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Áine
Date: 07 May 04 - 11:30 AM

Shazam, indeed!! Now that's some smooth stuff, MMario ;-) I can feel our Mudcat boat rollin' on the waves of Mars bars now -- and for givin' us all that lovin' feelin', here is your B.L.O.B. for:

Traditional robes and a head-veil
Roll, limousine, Roll
Don't get in my way when candy's on sale
Mars Bars forevermore

Roll on, Challenge!rs, roll on!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Flash Company
Date: 08 May 04 - 07:02 AM

When I read this one in the paper, Marianne Faithfull sprang to mind.
I will therefore, invoke the ghost of Bea Lillie;-

I've just been to a MAR-vell-ous party,
It was really the creme de la creme
The McCartneys, Tom Jones, Elton John and the Stones,
(And you know what they say about them!)
So I bought about Ten Thousand Mars Bars,
And---I lay on them--looking divine,
And from his reaction Mick got some satisfaction,
OH I did have a WON-der-ful time!

FC

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Áine
Date: 08 May 04 - 09:00 AM

Short; but, oh so sweet, Flash Company! Just consider yourself awarded a B.L.O.B. for the whole dang thang ;-0

- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Flash Company
Date: 08 May 04 - 09:23 AM

Keep the challenges coming, I'm enjoying this!

FC

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 04 - 10:06 AM

I like that one, Flash!! I can just hear it being rolled out in a High Society drawl, dahhhling!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Charley Noble
Date: 08 May 04 - 02:31 PM

Mars bars when it could have been TimTams?

Brilliant work, me boys. I offer a cup to you and one to Flash Company as well!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 95
From: Flash Company
Date: 11 May 04 - 11:35 AM

Hi Amos,
High Society drawl is about right, the original was written by Noel Cowerd for one of his shows, and was full of Astors and folk like that. Interestingly, Bea Lillie, who performed it in the show,married Lord Peel (Life copies art!)

I have a recording of the Master himself performing it, it can't get more High Society.

FC