Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!

Subject: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST,Inukshuk
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 03:35 PM

Long ago (in the fifties)I remember the kids doing this recitation. It started with, "Hark, I hear a pistol shot." Then it went through several slight and clever mutations and ended up as, "Oh, shit I'm shot." Can any one help me fill in the gaps?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 10:07 PM

From an Irish web site:

A Kerryman gets a part in a play in which he has one line. When he hears a gunshot, he is to say, "Hark, I hear a pistol shot!"
He practises for weeks, driving everyone mad saying, "Hark, I hear a pistol shot!"
So on opening night, there he is onstage and the gunshot goes off.
"What in the bloody hell was that?!", yells the Kerryman.

From a Russian web site:

A young man with a fine voice is asked to take part in a pageant-play, though he tries to beg off, saying he always gets embarrassed under such circumstances. He is assured it will be very simple, and he will have only one line to say: "I come to snatch a kiss, and dart into the fray. Hark! I hear a pistol shot..." and then stride offstage.
At the performance he comes onstage, very embarrassed already by the tight-fitting colonial knee-breeches he has been made to put on at the last moment, and becomes completely unstrung at the sight of the beautiful heroine lying back on a garden seat awaiting him, in a white gown. He clears his throat and announces:
"I come to kiss your snatch — no! — snatch a kiss, and fart into the dray — I mean, dart into the fray! Hark! — I hear a shistol pot — no! — a shostil pit, a pistil shit. Oh, batshit, ratshit, shit on you all! I never wanted to be in this damned play in the first place!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 11:11 PM

That Irish version is really terribly profound, pointing up as it does the perpetual difference between lessons taken in words, and lessons lived in the world!


A

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: JWB
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 12:48 AM

Inukshuk,

I learned this in high school:

Hark! I hear a shistol pot! A pistol shot! Oh, shit, I'm shot.

Appears to be a devolved version of the Russian actor joke.

Jerry

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 09:43 AM

I remember

Hark! I hear a shistol pot. A postel shit. Oh, f&*k it! A bang...

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST,Podge
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 11:27 PM

Hark I thought I heard shistol pot, a shostal pit, Oh shit I'm shot, Oh f@*k it, I didn't want the part anyway!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: bubblyrat
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 05:23 AM

In the version I know, he says, after the "Snatch a kiss" bit,"And fill your soul with hope !", which naturally becomes " And fill your hole with soap" but the "fart into the dray" is OK ,I guess !

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 04:54 PM

It goes....

Hark, I hear a pistol Shot.
A shistle piss.
A pistol pot.
Oh shit, I'm Shot.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 07:14 PM

Here's the way I heard it, delivered very deadpan, many years ago, when the subject of school plays came up in conversation:

"I was in a play once, but I got all messed up."

(Pause).

"I only had one line, but I messed it all up."

(Pause)

"My line was: 'Hark, fair maiden! I come to snatch a kiss, and fill your soul with hope'—but I messed it all up."

(Pause, while shaking head sadly.)

Then the laughter started. No further words were necessary—a prime example of how some things are best left to the imagination.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST,Jim in Perth West Australia
Date: 13 Sep 10 - 05:23 AM

This is the version I memorised some 40 years ago, but it's still clear, so here it is:

Two boys were approached to act in a school play, but each refused, saying that they were far too nervous to act on stage. The teacher told them they would each have only one line and with a month to practice they should have no trouble at all. So the boys finally agreed and were given their lines.

The first boy's line was "Oh fair maiden, I have come to snatch a kiss and fill you soul with hope"

The second boy was told that when he heard a gun fired, he was to say; "Hark! I hear a pistol shot".

Then every day the nervous boys recited their lines and on the day of the play, the first boy stepped forward on que and said "Oh fair maiden, I have come to kiss your snatch and fill you hole with soap"…On hearing this the already nervous other kid blurted out; "Hark! I hear a shishtol pot, pit shot shit pot, cow shit…Oh bullshit! I didn't want to be in this bloody play in the first place."

Not a bad memory for an old fart of 58 eh?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST,Mongo
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 08:45 PM

I heard it like this....
A young boy was to be in a play, his line was," Hark, I thought I heard a pistol shot, there she sits, a young lass with her soul full of hope, I think I will snatch a kiss and run off into the woods." But on the day of the play, seeing all the peolpe in the audience and getting very nervous he stammers," Hark, I thought I heard a possum fart, there she sits on her ass with her hole full of soap, I think I will kiss her snatch and shoot off into the woods.....

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST,A Passerby
Date: 22 Mar 12 - 05:25 PM

I heard this in 6th. grade in Palestine, Tx in 1963. The version was a "Little Johnny" joke (Little Johnny being a perennial grade school Till Eulenspiegel). To try and get Little Johnny involved in school activities, they appoint him a script coach for the leading man in the school play. The night of the play, the good kid comes down sick right at the epilogue, and Johnny, protesting futilely and scared out of his wits, is put in costume and shoved out on stage to deliver the last lines. The lines are : "Hark I heard a pistol shot! There she lay with hope in her soul. I snatched her up and carried her to my castle in the North Country. This was a play by William Shakespeare. Good night ladies and gentlemen". What came out was: "Hark, I heard a possum fart! There she lay with soap in her hole, I grabbed her by the snatch and carried her off into the boondocks. This was a play by William Snakeshit. Oh shit ladies and gentlemen I never wanted to do this in the first place!!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Oct 16 - 11:48 AM

The version I heard was a cleaner version. Heard in a high school play at Northwest Christian High School in 1957: "Hark, I hear a shishtol pot, I mean a schostil pit. Who shirred that fot? O fout, I'm shirred!
Never forgot it, and can't believe I found it on Google!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST,judy
Date: 01 Jan 17 - 04:58 PM

Hmm. Nowhere do I see the rendition as I always understood it in school:
Hark! I hear a pistol shot.
A shot of piss? Apostles shit?
Oh shit, I'm shot!

Seems to make the most sense.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Mar 17 - 01:58 PM

A young man gets his chance at becoming an actor.

The supposed line: Hark I'm a spy for the maiden queen from down the road a piece. I'll snatch a kiss and be off. Hark a pistol shot.

The stated line: Hark I'm a spy for the queen laying in the road for a piece. I'll kiss her snatch and be off. Hark a pistol shit, a postil shot...oh horse shit I didn't want to be an actor anyway.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Apr 17 - 04:49 PM

hark, I thought I heard a pistol shot, there she lies with hope in her soul, I snatched a kiss and ran off into the woods.
Hark, I thought I heard a possum shit, there she lies with soap in her hole, I kissed her snatch and jacked off into the woods.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Jul 18 - 07:35 PM

My granddad used to say something like this all the time when I was a kid. I finally Googled it now to see if I could find it. Here's what he used to say, "Hark, I hear a shistle pot. I've come to fill your soul with hope". He would change it around as a joke as well, "Hark, I hear a shistle pot, I've come to fill your hole with soap"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jul 19 - 09:29 AM

Hark! I hear a pistol shot!
A shostol pit?
A shistol pot?
Oh shit! I'm shot!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST,Richard Winter, Shawano, WI
Date: 21 Mar 20 - 02:44 PM

As a youth, I came across a version of "Hark, a Pistol Shot, if not the original in the humor section of an early 60's Playboy Magazine issue. It is findable.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: cnd
Date: 21 Mar 20 - 05:40 PM

The versions shared above are nearly exactly like all the ones I've seen, but if anyone wants a more *mhm* "credible" source then you can use this lewd newspaper from the University of Toronto, Toike Oike, Vol. 65 (Jan. 20, 1972), p. 12

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Hark, I hear a pistol shot!
From: GUEST,Ginna
Date: 02 Dec 23 - 01:26 PM

We were quoting these gaffs when I was in high school. I'm now 76.7