BS: Latest Bush joke

Subject: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 11:14 AM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

---

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes
by                                                                  
saying:  "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident'
                                                                     
"OH NO!" the President exclaims.  "That's terrible!"               
                                                                     
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as
the                                                                  
president sits, head in hands Finally, the President looks up and   
asks..........                                                      
                                                                     
''How many is a Brazillion ??!'

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 11:51 AM

3rd joke thread had it first!

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 04:47 PM

Still funny

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 06:18 PM

Mr. President, what's your opinion on Roe versus Wade?

I don't care how those people get out of New Orleans.

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 06:50 PM

Beaten by the 3rd Joke Thread again!

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Peace
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 06:53 PM

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may ! not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.


From a joke site.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Barry Finn
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 11:54 PM

Received from a friend


A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.

Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know, we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.


Our OIL is located in.


Alaska

California

Coastal Florida

Coastal Louisiana

Kansas

Oklahoma

Pennsylvania &

Texas


All our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC


Barry

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 05 - 11:56 PM

Har! Har! Har!

I bet God finds a whole lot of that stuff in the Old Testament totally insane and laughable. I know I do. And so would anyone else who was half-reasonable...

People have always interpreted holy books (and not JUST the Bible) in a manner that supported their existing views and prejudices...simply by only taking note of the specific parts they agree with, frequently out of context, and ignoring or misconstruing the rest. They have also proven highly resistant to metaphor and parable, and insisted on taking literally what was meant symbolically. Such is the habit of a lazy mind.

When it comes to the Old Testament, however, it's so extraordinarily backward, vicious, primitive, and out-of-date that one has to practice selective insanity to take it seriously as the up-to-date and relevant Word of God.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: dianavan
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 12:26 AM

Thanks, Peace, you made my day!

You're absolutely right, Barry, Bush is a dipstick!

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: LadyJean
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 12:30 AM

I refer you to my thread, Watch What You Say in Texas, for my favorite Bush Joke, though, "If you can read this, you're probably not the president." Is a close second.
Did you read that the National Enquirer says he's hitting the bottle again. Considering the source, I don't know if it's true. But it's interesting.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 05:46 AM

I think he'd hit anything that couldn't hit back, preferably doing so from 80,000 feet.

Although whether he actually could hit it is another debate.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Alice
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 09:40 AM

Barry, you left out the oil in Cheney's state, Wyoming. Most of our petroleum that we use in Montana comes from Alberta and Wyoming, which is why our governor is protesting the sudden price hike.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Peace
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 02:32 PM

When ya convert money and liters to US gallons, we are paying more than Americans for gasoline. Just the way it is.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 03:31 PM

And when you convert truth into U.S. extremism, North Americans pay through the nose.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: frogprince
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 03:42 PM

Adult warning...
not really the latest bush joke..,

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: GUEST,rarelamb
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 03:45 PM

Pretty sad when a joke threads turns into a bash Bush thread. Why so much H8ing?

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Pseudolus
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 03:51 PM

Who's hating, I'm too busy laughing!

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Bainbo
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 05:08 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Bainbo
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 05:10 PM

Here's one (no need for an adult warning - it's just a picture of the Commander in Chief)

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 05:44 PM

Pretty good, Bainbo!

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: michaelr
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 07:53 PM

rarelamb -- because the smirking bastard is such an unmitigated disaster for this country and the world that the only way for any rational person not to cry, scream or go completely insane

is to LAUGH AT THE FUCKING IDIOT!


Hope that explains it.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 08:19 PM

That's his tactic - if you keep laughing at him, he will not end up like JFK...

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 08:35 PM

I can't see quite how that would work, foolestroupe.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: John O'L
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 09:54 PM

Rarelamb -
The thread is called "Latest Bush Joke". What were you expecting, his wit & wisdom?

Foolstroupe -
Remember Idi Amin? I'm sure you remember Joh Bjelke-Peterson. We all laughed while they perpetrated atrocities unimpeded. Laughter can be a double edged sword.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Peace
Date: 23 Sep 05 - 10:53 PM

"The president said much of the aid is going towards job training. And when they heard that, the people of New Orleans rose as one and said, 'Can we start with you?'" --Bill Maher

"Finally today convoys of troops and aid started to arrive along the Gulf Coast. Five days after the hurricane hit. Kind of makes you miss the innocent days when Bush only sat on his ass for seven minutes. It only took him four days to make a plan, but finally today he said he had a plan. Unfortunately it's a faith-based plan that involves getting two of every animal onto a big boat." -- Bill Maher

"The White House has changed their slogan from the war on terror to the global struggle against violent extremism. Well that just rolls off the tongue. Is that a good idea, giving President Bush more syllables to pronounce?" --Jay Leno

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 Sep 05 - 03:32 AM

Peace, I like that middle one.

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Ron Davies
Date: 24 Sep 05 - 10:40 AM

Rare Lamb--

As you should know, there are all sorts of humor. I seem to recall that Clinton had more than one joke at his expense. If you're so fragile that you can't stand jokes about your boy, you'd better start hitting the aspirin bottle hard. (Or was that another of your fellow Bushite giant intellects?)

Subject: RE: BS: Latest Bush joke
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 Sep 05 - 10:43 AM

Wasn't it Blair who had a dicky ticker whereas Clinton's complaint was similar but different?