Song Challenge, Chip and Porn

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE, Chip and Porn
From: Flash Company
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 10:41 AM

Red faces all round at the Royal Bank of Scotland!
They sent out details of a new help line about Chip & Pin technology to thousands of customers. Unfortunately, the 'phone number they quoted was a sex chat line!
They have now apologised to all concerned, but apparently, only two customers rang up to point out the error. Makes you think!

Hello central, gimme long distant phone,
Want to shake my chip while I shout and groan,
Hello central, gimme long distant phone!

FC

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE, Chip and Porn
From: GUEST,GS
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 11:21 AM

I could have gone to Barclays,
I could have gone to LLoyds.
Instead I bought some ointment,
To soothe my Haemmaroids.

So the Royal Bank of Scotland,
Were left with my account.
Even though the balance,
Was a pitiful amount.

They sent me written details,
About my 'chip and pin'
All I had to do was phone,
And give my details in.

The 0904 number,
Was answered in a flash.
A very helpful lady,
Would be dealing with my cash.

She asked me what I wanted,
"I need a pin" said I.
She said "That is a strange request,
Describe it and I'll try".

I said I need a number,
She asked...."A sixty nine"?.
I said if that would do the trick,
That number would be fine.

But then she took me by surprise,
She said "Lay on your back".
I asked her why I should but she said,
You'll soon get the knack.

She gave me some instructions,
I won't tell you my friend.
I haven't got the knack yet,
But I'll get there in the end.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE, Chip and Porn
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 02:24 PM

The Royal Bank of Scotland look after all my cash
They gave me a new debit card, I thought them rather rash.
My bank then sent a letter giving me my PIN
I don't use cash dispensers so I chucked it in the bin

I now read in the papers, that we must use 'Chip & PIN'
No signing for things in the shops, my autograph's a sin.
I phoned the help-line number given by the bank
The only help I got there was to teach me how to ....

This all seemed rather sordid, as you can surely guess
I wrote a nasty letter to the old R.B.o.S.
They said they're really sorry for that mistake they made.
But how's the extra ninety quid on my phone bill to be paid?
(o.k. I could have hung up sooner, but I wanted to be sure I heard the hole message!)


CHEERS
Nigel
(Tune, if you didn't guess, My Old Man's a Dustman)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE, Chip and Porn
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 03:03 PM

Now the only noise I hear is the sound of the wind
As it blows through the town, chip & pin, chip & pin

Kitty

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE, Chip and Porn
From: GUEST,GS
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 05:35 PM

Sorry....the tune for my song was "The Lincolnshire Poacher"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE, Chip and Porn
From: Flash Company
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 05:35 AM

Good start! I think Nigel is maybe slightly ahead at this stage.
Kitty, you gave me an idea...

How many times can a man go astray, when working here at the bank,
How many pin numbers must you send out, for which you will not get a thank,
How many times can you ring the help-line, before you finally go blind,
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind,
The answer is blowing in the wind.

FC

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE, Chip and Porn
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 06:47 AM

For some months the R.B.o.S. is looking for new customers on the mainland, offering low interest rates. They should have advertised also their interesting phone numbers to attract Europeans unionwide!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE, Chip and Porn
From: Flash Company
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 09:48 AM

Just a thought. How far removed was the wrong number from the right one?
If it was a case of 1324 instead of 1234, fine, if it was 1324 instead of 6678, what had the copy-writer been up to in office hours?

FC

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE, Chip and Porn
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 10:15 AM

John Kanaka's payday

I heard, I heard the old man say:
Tomorrow, tomorrow you get no pay.

So stop, you men, oh stop to moan,
You can get a very good loan.

In Scotland is a gorgeous bank,
they give you money and a bloody wank.

They give you money and a sexy phone,
they seem to know to what you're prone.

Its from a bank, so it's no sin,
It's only about her chip and your pin.