Song Challenge- Hotel bill by weight

Subject: Song Challenge- Hotel bill by weight
From: Flash Company
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 10:23 AM

Juergen Hockredt, a hotelier in Norden in northern Germany is determined to improve the health of his fellow Germans.
When you book in at his Hotel, you are invited to step onto the scales, and your room charge is calculated at so much per kilo of body weight. He says that he hopes to influence people to change to a healthier diet.
As yet, no indication of what he intends to do if you put on weight whilst staying at his establishment.

You weigh sixteen stone, and what do you get,
A hotel bill that can never be met,
St Peter don't you call me, cos I just can't come,
'T'il I've lost ten pounds off my hips and my bum!

FC

Subject: RE: Song Challenge- Hotel bill by weight
From: Toenails John
Date: 18 Mar 06 - 11:28 AM

In the small german town of Norden
There's a hotel of high renown
rooms of finest quality,
And you pay for it by the pound
If you're a big overweight fat cat
You'll be charged twice as much as the rest
And skinny cunts like me, can stay there for free
As deals go it must be the best

Oh once i visted Norden,
I brought along my dear wife,
35 stone of aggro, thats plauged me most of my life
I had to a penny for baggage,
But when it came to my spouse
The scales imploded, the bill it exploded
And i had to re morgate the house



and there I'll leave that temporary outburst, for fear buisness men and womens lib groups set out to lynch me! hellllppp

Subject: RE: Song Challenge- Hotel bill by weight
From: Flash Company
Date: 19 Mar 06 - 09:50 AM

Nice one John!
Scans a bit like 'Oh my name is Dick Darby, I'm a cobbler', Throw in a few 'Ring-twings' and we're away.
More please, folks!

FC

Subject: RE: Song Challenge- Hotel bill by weight
From: Toenails John
Date: 19 Mar 06 - 10:04 AM

C'mon people get this thing moving! (Are you right there Michael are you right, was running through my head as the air for my ditty incidentally, but then, so were them words which says it all really. When sony music signs me up, i'll record it to Dick Darby's air!!)

Subject: RE: Song Challenge- Hotel bill by weight
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 20 Mar 06 - 07:12 AM

You just leave his 'air alone - he's got little enough of it left!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge- Hotel bill by weight
From: Flash Company
Date: 20 Mar 06 - 09:50 AM

Well since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell,
It's over the border in Norden town,
At Juergen's hotel,
Where I can be, oh so lonesome baby,
Oh so lonesome, 'cos there aint nobody else can afford to stay.

Well the Bell-hop's standing waiting,
With his calculator and his scales,
And when you step on to check your weight,
He says 'We've no rooms for whales',
You're gonna be on your onesome baby, Oh so lonesome baby,
'Cos no-one else can afford to stay!

So if you don' watch your diet,
You don' have to go to hell,
If you're rich as Elvis you can stay at Juergen's hotel,
And you will be, Oh so lonesome baby,
Oh so lonesome, 'cos no-one else can afford to stay!

I've got to stop doing this, it aint healthy!

Flash Company (aka Brian Quinn)
Acknoledgements to you know who!