Lyr Req: Sixteen Tons - parodies

Subject: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: NormanD
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 09:12 AM

Does anyone know of - or has got the lyrics for - a parody of "Sixteen Tons", the Merle Travis song? I have heard a Yiddish parody by Mickey Katz, singing of food (predictably). Are there any others?

Thanks

Norman

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Snuffy
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 09:38 AM

Sixteen Stone

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Hollowfox
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 09:54 AM

I remember one from around 1958, when my mother started teaching school called "36 kids", but I can't guarentee that I'll ever be able to track the lyrics down. Here's what I sort of remember as the chorus:

You take 36 kids, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in ddebt.
I'd like to go to Saint Peter's, but I can't stay,
I've got to get back for the PTA.

(PTA is the Parent/Teacher's Association, a group that would meet periodically in the evening and I'd get in trouble when my parents found out what I was really doing (or not) in school.)

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 10:25 AM

Back in 1992, Mt Spurr volcano erupted dumping 6-8 inches of volcanic ash over the city of Anchorage. One of our local radio stations held a contest asking for parody songs about the incident. I submitted this:

Mt Spurr got my car all covered in crud,
My windshield washer just turned it to mud,
Its ruined my paint job and its scratching my glass,
Volcanic eruptions are a pain in the ass.
    I shoveled sixteen tons and what did I get,
    Another foot further but I ain't done yet,
    Got to clean this driveway of its volcanic load,
    And I won't quit shoveling 'til I get to the road.

Mike

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,joseacsilva
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 12:38 PM

Thom Bresh(Travis´son and great musician too) recorded "Sixteen Words" a parody about the presidents and election in USA.Worth listening.
Joe

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,joseacsilva
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 01:12 PM

Norman, go to http://www.woodsongs.com/showlist.asp and check show 333(great shows there, that you can download for free).
cheers
Joe

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Little Robyn
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 01:38 PM

I thought it was '42 kids'.
"Saint Peter don't you call me to that Celestial shore,
I got 42 kids and they're sending me more!"
I was teaching at the time too.
Robyn

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Little Robyn
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 01:51 PM

It's here already
42 kids

Robyn

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 02:16 PM

Of course "Sixteen Stone" wouldn't work in America, where apparently they don't know about them, and have to do all their weights in pounds. (Which I can never really get my head round, since I never learned my fourteen times table.)

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Jacob B
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 03:44 PM

Sixteen Tons of Laundry

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 03:52 PM

I'd just like to point out (because LTS didn't credit the author on the other thread from Snuffy's link) that Sixteen Stone was written by the late Hazel Absalom, of Steel Bunnies and Capriole, who also gave us "Hurrah for toy boys" before her untimely demise in a diving accident 2 years ago.


Kitty

[attribution added to DT]

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: NormanD
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 04:08 PM

Thanks for all the suggestions so far. Keep 'em coming!

Norman

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: SharonA
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 05:34 PM

I have a friend who wrote a parody that starts: "I lost sixteen pounds..."

I'll see if I can get his permission to post his lyrics here.

Sh.

Subject: RE: SEXED-TEEN TONES - Any pair o'deeze?
From: Severn
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 05:45 PM

I never got around to writing the whole parody, but I'd always thought of the multi-lingual actor/folksinger Theodore Bikel in terms of "You Speak Sixteen Tongues". Probably, 16 was only the amount he spoke/sung fluently.

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 05:52 PM

Sixteen Stone actually went over very well at the 2005 Getaway in Maryland but it may have had something to do with the costumes.

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Zany Mouse
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 07:12 PM

The very best version of 16 Stone is sung by our own Jude L - especially after a pint or three!

Rhiannon

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 07:25 PM

Homer and Jethro did a parody of this one.

...St Peter don't you holler for me today,
because I'm a diggin' the other way...

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Joe_F
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 11:15 PM

I remember a fragment from somewhere:

When you see me coming, well, have no fears;
All the muscle I've got is between my ears.

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,andymac
Date: 19 Jan 07 - 09:00 AM

I have a recording of Adam McNaughtan singing a ditty which goes (in good Glaswegian dialect, of course)

Ye dae sixteen sums and whit dae ye get?
Fifteen wrang and six o' the belt;
Hey teacher don't you call me 'cos I can't come...
I'm stuck tae ma seat wi' bubblegum.

There may have been more, but I suspect it was just a fragment from the playground...

Andy

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Jan 07 - 10:04 AM

The original song itself always sounded like a parody. I have one of the old Tennessee Ernie Ford 45s of it. I was tiny when it came out but I used to jump around so much when it played that my parents went out and bought a copy. :)

SRS

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Lanfranc
Date: 19 Jan 07 - 06:58 PM

There was the 1980s computer nerds' version "Sixteen Bits" which lurks somewhere in my collection.

I'll see if I can dig it out.

Alan

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,Billy
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 12:07 AM

Andymac, The rest of Adam MacNaughtan's ditty is:

If ye tak' school dinners, ye better leave them aside
A lotae kids didnae an' a lotae kids died
The spuds wis like iron an' the meat wis like steel
An' if that dinae get ye then the pudding wull!

Ye dae sixteen sums and whit dae ye get?
Fifteen wrang and six o' the belt;
Hey teacher don't you call me 'cos I can't come...
I'm stuck tae ma seat wi' bubblegum.

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Gene
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 03:49 PM

Sixteen Pounds by Patsy Montana [Cowboy's Sweetheart Gal]

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Jeremiah McCaw
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 04:02 PM

Got my own parody:

THE I.B.WHO? BLUES
Jeremiah McCaw (1995)
(to the tune of "16 Tons", with heartfelt apologies to Merle Travis)

The computer revolution has happened to us
So get with technology or get on the bus
Fire up that modem, get yourself on-line
In cyberspace you're gonna do some time

chorus:
You load sixteen meg, and what do you get?
A locked-up computer that cannot be reset
Saint Peter, don't you page me, 'cause I can't post
My CPU's given up the ghost

The Commodore Pet was the first to arrive
Then Timex-Sinclair, Osborne and TI,
Atari, Amiga and Macintosh then
Came the corporate giant they call I.B.M

Two-eighty-six, Three-eighty-six, Four-eighty-six, five
Oops! Pentium, I mean. This computerese jive
Is making me crazy; I cannot relate
Or afford a program that will help me translate

Ms-Dos, Windows Ninety-Five
Software expenses are keeping alive
The wealthiest man that "Fortune" rates
That damn computer geek called Bill Gates

Now I'm fed up to here with all this technical stuff
I've had it! It's over! Enough is enough!
I'm letting that silicon turn into dust
'Cause I just bought a brand-new abacus!

alt chorus begins:
You load sixteen meg, and what have you got?
A locked-up computer who's processor is shot

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Flash Company
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 10:15 AM

Love the Adam McNaughtan take, I remember school dinners like that!
And Jeremiah McCaw, I have associates in IT who I must pass that on to. You will note I say associates, in my circles no-one admits to having friends in IT.

FC

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,Goldcrest 307955
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 11:11 AM

I've got this one:

Sixteen Guns-The Elmer Fudd Song

Some people say cahtoons have way too much bwood;
But this cahtoon's got-a Elmer J. Fudd;
Elmer J. Fudd by Wahneh Bwo's:
A voice that's a-squeak and a stawwing wole--

I woad sixteen guns, what do I get?
A widdow bit baldew and wotsa wegwet!
Waht Disney don't you dwaw me, you'we no Chuck Jones--
I go tip-toe on a wabbit patwooooo..

I was bohn in Bwookwyn on the sout'east side;
My swight speech impediment I weaw it wit' pwide;
I woad my big shotgun wit' eight o' nine swugs,
And I go stwaight foh that wascaw named Bugs!

I woad sixteen guns, what do I get?
A widdow bit baldew and wotsa wegwet!
Waht Disney don't you dwaw me, you'we no Chuck Jones--
I go tip-toe on a wabbit patwooooo..

I went out one mownin', it was dwizzwin' wain;
Wascawwy wabbits make me stwess and stwain;
I suhpwised Misteh Bunny cweepin' out of his hole--
He says-'a What's up, doc? and then away he goes!

I woad sixteen guns, what do I get?
A widdow bit baldew and wotsa wegwet!
Waht Disney don't you dwaw me, you'we no Chuck Jones--
I go tip-toe on a wabbit patwooooo..

If you seen that bunny, tell me pwetty pwease;
I'll bwast at˜im wit' shwapnel! A wabbit Swiss cheese!
One twagic fwick, no more 'What's Opera, Doc?'
Had those cwazy Bugs fanatics in a state of shock!

I woad sixteen guns, what do I get?
A widdow bit baldew and wotsa wegwet!
Waht Disney don't you dwaw me, you'we no Chuck Jones--
I go tip-toe on a wabbit patwooooo..

its supposed to be performed with Elmers speech impedement and i got this off www.amiright.com in the parody bit

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Jeremiah McCaw
Date: 22 Jan 07 - 01:03 AM

By all means, Flash Compnay. Glad you like it.

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 22 Jan 07 - 01:48 PM

Aah wez born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
Aah piced up me shovel and aah waalked te the mine
Aah loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal
And the foreman said
(Spoken) "What' ye doin' here? You're on 2 till 10"

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,Jon Pickow
Date: 22 Jan 07 - 05:03 PM

Oscar Brand wrote one from a teachers point of view. I think it started something like: You teach 16 hours... You could ask him at [e-mail] He likes to hear from people, and answers emails.

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Genie
Date: 22 Jan 07 - 05:43 PM

Well, Goldcrest beat me to the punch with "Sixteen Guns."
That one seemed like an obvious topic/title for a 16 Tons parody.

Here are some others.   (If no one else has 'em or writes 'em, maybe I'll take a stab at 'em later on.)

"Sixteen Sons"   -- For people whose birth control is absent of ineffective.   (I know "36 Sons" was posted earlier, but "16 Sons" seems like a better parody title.)

"Sixteen Puns" -- Some of our resident Mudcatters should be good at this one.

"Sixteen Buns" -- The saga of 8 nudists sunbathing?

"Sixteen Nuns" -- The fantasy life of a monk?

"Sixteen Huns" -- The nightmare of Attila's victim villagers?

"Sixteen Stuns" -- A song about police brutality with tasers?

Oh, well, y'all can finish the alphabet and come up with others. ;-D

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Jan 07 - 11:13 PM

Maybe Oscar should join the Mudcat.

Subject: Lyr Add: 300 TONS (Bob Clayton)
From: Songster Bob
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 12:14 AM

Remeber those ammo dumps we didn't guard in Iraq? The ones with IAEA seals on 'em? I wrote this concerning the incident:

300 Tons

Chorus:

You lose 300 tons, and what do you get?
Another car bombing with every sunset.
The pres says he's not the one we should blame,
But the people won't stand for that little game.


We got a little problem down in Iraq,
Lost a bunch of weapons, and can't get 'em back.
We won all the battles in our oil-grabbing war,
But didn't put guards on the armory door!

Repeat Chorus

We had HMX and RDX, too,
Locked up by the international crew.
We sent in our armies to guard the oil fields,
But left all those explosives for the baddies to steal.

Repeat Chorus


We invaded that country to bring self-rule,
But the way we went about it was run by a fool.
We forgot to guard explosives with our soldiers and guns,
So now we're getting blown up one by one.


Repeat Chorus


Copyright 2004 Bob Clayton

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Fidjit
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 01:55 PM

Wasn't there one about "No Square Edges On This Lady"

Chas

Well got the computer back seems to be working Ok We'll see.

Chas

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 23 Jan 07 - 06:07 PM

Chas, I think that was "no sharp corners" in the words for "16 stone", in the link posted by Snuffy at 09.38 on 18 Jan.

Kitty

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 08:32 AM

Back in 2001 I wrote this piece of toxic waste, in honor of our stewardship of the planet:

SIXTEEN TONGUES

c 2001 Bob Coltman

I was born one morning in an undrained sump,
Luxurious life on the toxic waste dump,
I'm a candidate for the next Noah's Ark,
I'm radioactive and I glow in the dark,

I got sixteen tongues, I ate up your pet,
That's all the explanation you're goin' to get,
They want me for the movies, but I cain't go,
I owe my soul to the nucular snow.

I was born one mornin', Daddy said, what a shame,
Mama, don't bother to give it a name,
Just fling it out back, an' toss it a bone,
If it's any damn good, it can live on its own,

If you see me comin' you're already dead,
If you hear this song it will damage your head,
Saint Peter won't call me, but that's just as well,
Too horrid for heaven, an' too pretty for hell.

Just for completeness I include an alternate second verse I don't usually use:

I was born one mornin' in a solar eclipse,
Three-legged, hunchbacked, my face all lips,
I was raised in the cellar by an old mama mouse,
She taught me to dig, I dug outa the house,

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Fidjit
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 11:47 AM

Yes Kitty I found this

Subject: Lyr Add: SIXTEEN STONE
From: Cats - PM
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 04:11 PM

Brian did phone so here goes....The song was written by the late Hazel Absalom. Sung to the tune of 16 tons, these are the words she gave me but others have changed them a bit - it's the folk process! All she ever asked was that she was credited with the writing and it wasn't sung by someone who was thin!

Sixteen Stone

chorus

She weighs 16 stone and what do you get,
A whole lotta woman and that's a fact,
Take a close look and you'll agree,
There's no sharp corners on a woman like me.


You can't cuddle up to a bag of bones,
If her ribs stick out, leave her well alone
I've a big soft welcome for a man in need
I'm surely built for comfort if not for speed.

If you've seen more meat on a greasy spoon
She won't keep you warm, get rid of her soon,
So come on guys if you're down in the dumps,
Better get your arms around a woman that's plump.

The magazines say be skin and bone
But big girls never have to sleep alone,
We don't disappear when we turn on our side
And there's plenty of suspension for a bumpy ride!

If you see me coming, better step aside,
A lot of men didn't, a lot of men died,
Some give you desire, others a thrill
And if the tall ones don't get you, This short one will!


If you ever had the pleasure of seeing Steel Bunny perform it... you would never have forgotten the occasion!!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: No square edges on this lady
From: Mick Pearce (MCP) - PM
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 04:58 PM

Words have been posted in the forum previously: BS: folk fashion (2nd post by Liz The Squeak in the thread). (There are also 2 Lyr Req threads for the song, though the lyrics are in neither! One of them does have a link to the Folk Fashion thread however).

Mick


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: No square edges on this lady
From: GUEST,fidjit - PM
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 03:09 PM

Gosh my imagination is running riot. The sight of eight of them. Come on girls be kind to me. Treat me gentle. Pleeease!

Chas


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Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,phil
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 01:48 PM

I saw a singer called Sleepy Ed Hicks do a funny one called Sixteen Cups, about drinking too much coffee; I can't remember any more words!
He was a funny guy though, has a 'myspace' I believe,

-Phil

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 09:54 PM

You Load 16 tons.
What do you get?
FILTHY!!!

or: A HERNIA!!


Stephen Lee

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,Arnold
Date: 29 Jan 07 - 06:41 PM

I remember a yiddish-sounding version. I think it included, "you load sixteen tons of bubikachar, shisk kabob and halvah." I would like to know the same thing you do.

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: mousethief
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 01:05 AM

I remember from my Dr Demento days a little ditty sung in an obviously fake Mexican accent about "Sixteen Tacos." About a guy who was in love with a lady wrestler.

Just about all I remember:

She eats sixteen tacos every day
And a dozen enchiladas she puts away

...

Some people say a man is made out of mud
My girl the lady wrestler, she's muscle and blood

...

O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,yogi
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 02:20 AM

I was raised in a den by a grey wolf bitch,
later I moved to a road side ditch,
some people call me an oger,
and others a troll,
'cause I birch my teath with number nine coal.

Subject: RE: SIXTEEN TONS - Any parodies?
From: GUEST,yogi bear
Date: 21 Apr 08 - 02:22 AM

I was raised in a den by a grey wolf bitch,
later I moved to a road side ditch,
some people call me an oger,
and others a troll,
'cause I brush my teath with number nine coal

(typo in previous post)

Subject: RE: Lr Req: Sixteen Tons - parodies
From: oldhippie
Date: 14 Sep 09 - 07:44 AM

Here's a new parody (as recorded by David Ford):

TWO TRILLION TONS
(Jim Gossett & Lars Larson)

Obama got elected, now there is no end
To Democrats who want to tax and spend
Tax and spend us into bankruptcy
With a tax cheat running our treasury

You spend two trillion bucks
What do ya get?
No recovery
But deeper in debt
Saint Peter better call me 'fore its too late
I owe my soul to the welfare state

Obama is a leftist, this he can't deny
Coming from the center was a great big lie
Karl Marx' Manifesto is his playbook
And you and me soon will be on the hook

You're spending two trillion bucks
In unsecured cash
Soon the dollar
Will be pure trash
Our bondholders we had to appease
We owe our soul to the Red Chinese

Obama and his people are making a mess
Bernanke's fired up the printin' press
Printing money that doesn't exist
No wonder America is getting peeved

Two trillion bucks
And they ain't done yet
Obama and Pelosi
Piling up the debt
I work hard for my money this I don't deserve
We owe our soul to the Federal Reserve

Subject: RE: Lr Req: Sixteen Tons - parodies
From: GUEST,bottomshot
Date: 10 Mar 11 - 07:45 PM

I remember the Dr Demento 16 tacos parody as well, can't find much record of it now. From memory i think i recall most of it:


a Ricky Ricardo-ish Cuban beat


Some people say a woman is made out of mud
My girl's a lady wrestler, she's muscle and blood
The way we first met was cute as can be
She was thrown from the ring and landed right on me
Huh!

She eats 16 tacos everyday
and a dozen enchiladas she puts away
but i still love her, i love her today
I kiss her hand cause i can't stand her breath!

She eats 16 tacos and of course
she covers them all in Tabasco "soarce"
but she's the girl that i desire
one kiss, Chihauhau! Put out ze fire!

she eats 16 tacos, but she's no true!
Five dozen tortillas they go down too!

Sometimes I think if I made a proposal,
I'd be getting married
to a garbage disposal

Subject: Lyr Add: SIXTEEN TONS (from Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 12:12 PM

Here's Homer & Jethro's parody, which I was able to hear on Spotify:


SIXTEEN TONS
As sung by Homer & Jethro on "The Very Best Of" (2010)

Some people say a man is made out o' dirt,
Bowlegged britches an' a hump-backed shirt.
Ev'ry man has his woman to make him tick,
But only the miner has his pick.

You load sixteen tons; how do you feel?
Too tired to work, too scared to steal.
Saint Peter, don't you holler for me today,
'Cause I'm a-diggin' the other way.

Uncle John was a miner; he was long an' tall.
Chasin' after women made him end it all.
He could never catch 'em, though he tried,
So old Uncle John laid down and died.

Sixteen tons—
Sixteen tons—
Sixteen tons—

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine.
I remember my mama was gone at the time.
The doctor looked down an' said, "Oh my!
I wonder whether he's gonna walk or fly?"

Sixteen tons—
Sixteen tons—
Sixteen tons—

Well, I've shovelled this coal till my back is bent.
My get up an' go has got up an' went.
My wife ran away with my friend Jim.
I don't miss her, but I do miss him.

You load sixteen tons; what do you get?
Slack in your pants and soaked with sweat.
Tennessee Ernie done made this song,
But the pea-picker sung the words all wrong.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Sixteen Tons - parodies
From: GUEST,Bea Wick
Date: 03 May 21 - 02:59 PM

Can you copyright a parody from the tune of Sixteenth Tons or do you need permission and by who do you get said permission from?