Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist

05 Dec 07 - 06:07 PM (#2209459)
Subject: Song challenge: Not-so-dead conoeist
From: oldhippie

Is there a "Ballad of John Darwin" here?

SEATON CAREW, England - Was he a victim of amnesia or a con artist who tried to fake his death to collect life insurance?

Whatever the answer, Britain is captivated by the tale of how John Darwin vanished after paddling into the North Sea in a canoe, was declared dead when its wreckage washed ashore, then turned up five years later at a police station claiming to have lost his memory.

Investigators suspect fraud: They arrested the 57-year-old former prison officer Wednesday on suspicion he faked his death so his wife could cash in on his insurance policy and move to Panama.

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05 Dec 07 - 06:12 PM (#2209463)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead conoeist
From: Richard Bridge

I think we could do something with "Henry the Poacher"

Chorus

"Young men arise
Lest you are drawn into the tide"

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05 Dec 07 - 10:55 PM (#2209604)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Bee-dubya-ell

Some people fake their deaths for financial gain. Many more of us fake our lives for the very same reason.

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06 Dec 07 - 04:41 AM (#2209697)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Dick The Box

It just goes to show that you can't have your kayak and beat it........

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06 Dec 07 - 04:45 AM (#2209701)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: MartinRyan

In most of our songs, of course, the guy's main problem when he comes back from the dead after seven years beating Napoleon, is that nobody recognises him until he produces half a ring, a threepenny bit or whatever. In this case, the guy's main problem was that someone DID recognise him!

Regards

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06 Dec 07 - 03:25 PM (#2209948)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Ian cookieless

Bee-dubya-ell: "Some people fake their deaths for financial gain. Many more of us fake our lives for the very same reason." Wow. That stopped me in my tracks when I read that. There's *got* to be a song in that profundity.

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06 Dec 07 - 03:52 PM (#2209963)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST

How about these opening lines (based on matt hyland)
There was a fraud lived in this town who had a thought to con the tax man..................

continue ad lib

Frank

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06 Dec 07 - 03:53 PM (#2209964)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Frug

Sorry that was me

Frank

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06 Dec 07 - 07:43 PM (#2210129)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: The Fooles Troupe

Up to date:

A phote taken of him with his wife in panama 12 months ago has surfaced - he has been arrested...

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06 Dec 07 - 08:49 PM (#2210168)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble

Most likely the reason this fella surrended to the police was because at this point he was in fear for his life, given that his wife and maybe other family members had shared the insurance money. He might well have been worth much more dead than alive.

I do love the level of discussion here, prior to drafting verses.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

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06 Dec 07 - 10:20 PM (#2210212)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: EBarnacle

If you'd like a novel on a similar theme, read The Partner by Grisham.
D'ya think the one inspired the other

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07 Dec 07 - 02:46 AM (#2210297)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Mikefule

I thought I heard my old man say
John ka-kaya-kayak in the bay
Today today I'm going away
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

I'll paddle out into the bay
John ka-kaya-kayak in the bay
Make the life insurance pay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

I'll meet my wide in far off lands
John ka-kaya-kayak in the bay
Photographed there holding hands
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Said I'd lost my memoreee
John ka-kaya-kayak in the bay
They'll lock me up and hide the key
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John ka-kayak-kayak too ri ay

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07 Dec 07 - 03:13 AM (#2210304)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: theleveller

How about Duelling Banjos from Deliverance?

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07 Dec 07 - 09:47 AM (#2210502)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble

Mikefule-

Very promising ditty! Err, I think you mean "wife" in the next to last verse instead of "wide." She now claims she didn't meet him until a couple of years after he "disappeared." Maybe she had amnesia as well. And the sons are irate at both parents; hope they return all the presents and loans that their parents provided, if any.

Charley Noble

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07 Dec 07 - 08:52 PM (#2211003)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow

Is "undead" the right term in this case?

Since he's already been declared dead, what would be the position of someone who tidied things up by killing him now?

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07 Dec 07 - 10:01 PM (#2211031)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble

McGrath-

Are you suggesting that we send out a Mudcat bag team to neaten things up? We could do that, but wouldn't it be wrong?

Charley Ignoble

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08 Dec 07 - 04:37 AM (#2211135)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Helen

I tried to find a DVD or video to buy of the 1963 movie called The Running Man, directed by Carol Reed, and based on the novel by Shelley Smith. (I've also read other novels by her and they are a very good read.)

The only place I found a copy of the video was a US or Canadian site which only sells to the north American continent. So frustrating!

I saw the movie when I was in high school and I was very taken with it. It is listed as a rotten tomato on many sites but the characters and the plot was intriguing and the main actors were Lee Remick, Alan Bates and Lawrence Harvey so it was well acted.

The plot? It's about an insurance fraud. Harvey's character fakes his death in a plane crash at sea, and then makes his way to Malaga, where he's later joined by his wife Remick. Bates is an insurance investigator who also turns up in Spain, and the guilty couple are left to wonder constantly whether Bates is just on holiday or if he really knows something.

So, substitute a canoe for the plane, and Panama for Malaga, and what have you got? A not-so-dead canoeist.

Helen

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08 Dec 07 - 03:43 PM (#2211467)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Helen

And, they've been reading "The Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis, specifically the book called "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe".

The canoeist's wife "told the Daily Mirror her husband had partly lived with her in the family home, but if visitors called, had to flee through the passage hidden by a wardrobe with a false back to the neighbouring apartment."

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08 Dec 07 - 08:51 PM (#2211656)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Betsy

I, m Impessed by Helen

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08 Dec 07 - 09:13 PM (#2211667)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Betsy

Start Again ,
I'm impressed by Helen & Mikefule - maybe we could start with "Old Folks ,young Folks every one and each - come and see the Kayak that's landed on the beach.............etc"
There is ( apparently ) lots more to come form this story,e.g. did the sons (who vehemently wish to disassociate themselves from their parents) - both recently in the last two weeks , resign their own jobs.

"As we say around here- There's nowt so queer as Folk ".

No doubt they will both make loads of Dollars with Film and Book rights,
so why the fuck are we concerned ? - it just reflects the shitty , perverse society which has evolved .

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08 Dec 07 - 09:58 PM (#2211686)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble

The water is wide and I can't cross o'er,
Neither have I wings to fly,
But give me a canoe, and when I'm through,
I'll have a bundle when I "die."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

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09 Dec 07 - 01:49 AM (#2211763)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Helen

It gets even more twisted, in my opinion.

"Anne Darwin, 55, spoke out in an interview carried in the Daily Mail and Daily Mirror tabloids. Her husband is being held by police on suspicion of fraud.

"The pair had been trying to start afresh in Panama City this year. Mrs Darwin has left Panama in the last few days and the Daily Mail's story was datelined Miami. She too is likely to be arrested if she returns to Britain.

"Recounting the exceptional tale, she said the couple had about 12 houses as rental investments in County Durham, north-east England, and began to run up debts of tens of thousands of pounds."
Wife of 'dead' Briton comes clean

"British media said she sold two properties and left for central America with 450,000 pounds ($1.04 million) shortly before her husband's shock reappearance this month, when he walked into a London police station and said: 'I believe I am a missing person.'"
Police given more time to quiz 'dead' canoeist

So, in 2002 they were running up lots of debt with their 12 properties, so he decided to do the insurance scam, and then this year the wife decides to join him in Panama so she sells two properties and leaves the country with 450,000 pounds.

My question is, if they had 12 properties and couldn't afford the debts why didn't they sell off a couple of properties back in 2002 and put their finances back in the black?

I'm even more interested in the human aspect of this story. The lies, deceptions, the man's loss of contact with his sons, the sons severing ties with the parents because of their sense of betrayal. But, above all else, I'm fascinated with the couple's belief that they could get away with this and live a normal (but rich) life.

Helen

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09 Dec 07 - 04:04 AM (#2211779)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Ian cookieless

I am suddenly reminded of The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin, a British TV sit-com in the 1970s. Any parallels, I wonder?

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09 Dec 07 - 04:35 AM (#2211784)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Mikefule

Edit, I missed the obvious, canoe-kayaker; plus an extra verse:

I thought I heard my old man say
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
Today today I'm going away
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

I'll paddle out into the bay
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
Make the life insurance pay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

I'll meet my wife in far off lands
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
Photographed there holding hands
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Said I'd lost my memoreee
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
They'll lock me up and hide the key
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

I hid behind the wardrobe door
John canoe-kayaker in the bay
And now I'll face the weight of law
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

Too ri ay, Ooooooooooooo, too ri ay
John canoe-kayaker too ri ay

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09 Dec 07 - 05:19 AM (#2211789)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: David C. Carter

Is this man a "Born Again Canoeist?"

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09 Dec 07 - 06:01 AM (#2211799)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Carol

Well he surely did Rise Again

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09 Dec 07 - 06:24 AM (#2211804)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Murray MacLeod

his first words when he walked into the police station were reportedly "that's the last time I'm having dinner with the McCanns."

I'll get my coat ...

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09 Dec 07 - 07:01 AM (#2211811)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Helen

Ian,

You're right! Reggie Perrin! I bought the DVD of the series a year or so ago because I remembered it from 3 decades ago. What a great programme! His wife recognised him when he came back but pretended not to know who he was.

This canoeist watches too much tv, methinks.

Helen

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09 Dec 07 - 07:50 PM (#2212167)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow

I went for a paddle out in the wet
Deep in the water and deep in debt,
And what happened next, well, I quite forget..
Now why must everyone get so upset?

I told me wife that I was dead,
But she didn't believe a word I said,
And she washed me clothes and she kept me fed,
But she said "Best keep your side of the bed".

For five long years I stayed in the house,
I made sure to make no more noise than a mouse,
I talked to nobody else but my spouse
And I talked to myself when she wasn't about.

And everyone thought that I must have been drowned,
So if ever a neighbour should chance to come round,
I'd climb in me cupboard and go to ground,
Oh I made quite sure that I never was found,

Then we flew far away, and we bought us a flat,
Then I posed for a pic in my panama hat,
And it seemed that somebody smelt a rat,
And it all came out - and that was that.

So if anyone else wants to have a try,
You've got to take care when you make to die,
You've got sly and you've got to act shy,
If you don't you might end just the same as I.

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09 Dec 07 - 08:47 PM (#2212186)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Charley Noble

McGrath-

What a fine song for such a sorry story.

I can almost visualize this as a video.

Is there a tune?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

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09 Dec 07 - 09:01 PM (#2212193)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: Betsy

I would have thought - the tune and sentimnent of the Hartlepool Monkey may have played a bigger part of this thread .
Unfortunately I fear that all the shit hasn't hit the fan - Yet !!!!

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10 Dec 07 - 05:22 AM (#2212344)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow

There should be something to be done with the coincidence of him being called Darwin and coming from Hartlepool...

Maybe for a chorus for that song of mine. Perhaps for alternate verses. No firm tune yet, but it's got the makings of one. But anyone is welcome to have a go with it. Words a bit adjusted here :

I went for a paddle out in the wet
Deep in the water and deeper in debt,
And what happened next, well, I quite forget..
Now why must everyone get so upset?
I told me lady wife I was dead,
But she didn't believe a word that I said,
And she washed me clothes and made sure I was fed,
But she said "Best keep your side of the bed"
And I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a fella to do,
Like the Hartlepool monkey I'll be put in a frame,
As the Hartlepool Darwin, I'll be scorned and be shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

For five long years I stayed in the house,
I made sure that I made no more noise than a mouse,
I talked to nobody else but my spouse
And I talked to myself when she wasn't about.
And everyone thought that I must have been drowned,
So if ever a neighbour should chance to come round,
I'd climb in me cupboard so I'd go to ground,
Yes, I made quite sure that I never was found,
And I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a fella to do,
Like the Hartlepool monkey I'll be put in a frame,
As the Hartlepool Darwin, I'll be scorned and be shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Then we flew far away, and we bought us a flat,
Then I posed for a pic in my panama hat,
And it seemed that somebody smelt a rat,
And it all came out - and that was that.
So if anyone else wants to have a try,
You've got to take care when you make to die,
You've got sly and you've got to act shy,
If you don't you might end just the same as I,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a fella to do,
Like the Hartlepool monkey I'll be put in a frame,
As the Hartlepool Darwin, I'll be scorned and be shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

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10 Dec 07 - 06:07 AM (#2212357)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow

Tweaked chorus:

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a Hartlepool fellow to do,
Once the Hartlepool monkey was wrongfully framed,
As the Hartlepool Darwin, I'll be scorned, I'll be shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

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10 Dec 07 - 06:47 AM (#2212372)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: ard mhacha

Very good McGrath, but I cannot help but feel sorry for the lady, she looked completely distressed.
Is it possible that the pair will receive the same lenient treatment that the City slickers received? I am referring to the men on the Guinness Board and the other big business thieves.

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10 Dec 07 - 07:06 AM (#2212382)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: The PA

I'm sure there have been many references to up creeks without paddles etc. But, did anyone notice on the news on Thursday or Friday when he appeared in court, he arrived at court not in the usual security van but in the mobile police CCTV van. And the words on the side of the van - 'CAUGHT ON CAMERA'. A policeman with a sence of humour I think.

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10 Dec 07 - 04:15 PM (#2212657)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow

More lines tweaked to scan better and to come off the tongue more readily (and I quite agree - I hope they go easy on them. It's been a news story to cheer us up, and there aren't too many like that):

I went for a paddle one time in the wet
I was deep in the water and deeper in debt,
And what happened after, well, I quite forget..
But now everyone seems to be getting upset.
I went home to my wife and I told her "I'm dead",
But no, she wouldn't credit a word that I said,
She kept washing me clothes, she made sure I was fed,
But she said "You'd best keep your own side of the bed
And go paddle your own canoe."

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a Hartlepool fellow to do,
Once the Hartlepool monkey was wrongfully framed,
As the Hartlepool Darwin I'm scorned and I'm shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

For five long long years I stayed close in the house,
I made sure that I made no more noise than a mouse,
I talked to the wall and I talked to my spouse
And I talked to myself when she wasn't about.
And everyone thought that I must have been drowned,
So if ever a neighbour should chance to come round,
Well, I had to make sure that I never was found,
So I'd climb in me cupboard and I'd go to ground,
And I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a Hartlepool fellow to do,
Once the Hartlepool monkey was wrongfully framed,
As the Hartlepool Darwin I'm scorned and I'm shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Then we flew far away, and we bought us a flat,
Then I posed for a picture in my panama hat,
And then somebody somewhere somehow smelt a rat,
And it all came on out - very soon that was that.
So if anyone's thinking of having a try,
You've got to take care when you make for to die,
You've got be sly and you've got to act shy,
If you don't you might end just the same way as I,
When I paddled me own canoe.

Yes, I paddled me own canoe,
Oh what was a Hartlepool fellow to do,
Once the Hartlepool monkey was wrongfully framed,
As the Hartlepool Darwin I'm scorned and I'm shamed,
And it all started out as a kind of a game,
When I paddled me own canoe.

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10 Dec 07 - 04:52 PM (#2212682)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: oldhippie

The sixth line in the first verse could be

"My life insurance my wife collected, she said,"

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10 Dec 07 - 07:07 PM (#2212768)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Gweltas1

Loved Mikefule's version based on the John Kanaka shanty and am hoping that he doesnt mind that i have "tweaked" it a wee bit and added a few verses too

I thought I heard my old man say
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
Today's the day I'm going away
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay

I just paddled out into the bay
John kayak-ah-yakka in the bay
For to make the life insurance pay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Went to meet my wife in far off lands
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
Had our photo took there holding hands
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Told the cops I'd lost my memoreee
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
But, they'll lock me up and hide the key
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

My wife told our sons that I was dead
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
Now they'll not forgive us... so they've said
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Behind a wardrobe I spent five years
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
All for naught as its ended in tears
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay



But it's into the future I must look
John kayak-a-yakka in the bay
I'll re-feather our nest .... when I write my book!
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

Too lie ay, Ooooooooooooo, too lie ay
John kayak-a-yakka too lie ay

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10 Dec 07 - 08:04 PM (#2212795)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: McGrath of Harlow

John Darwin used to be a policeman, it appears - some rewriting of The Policeman's Lot or The Bold Gendarmes might be in order. Or, for those who remember Z Cars, Johnny Todd.

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19 Apr 11 - 07:28 PM (#3138526)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,bones

There is a tune out there on the interweb called "The ballad of John Darwin". Go to myspace.com/fileyfolkfestival. You can hear the song there. The words are great - And you can hear the singer introduce the song by saying "There's a ghost of John Darwin" to much laughter and applause. It is really good - CHECK IT OUT.

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19 Apr 11 - 08:10 PM (#3138542)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Bluegrassman

We have a great singer songwriter here in the North East of England, Mr Martin Nesbitt. Martin has written lots of songs, happy, sad and funny ones. Have a look at this song, "Panama to Parmo" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EELwluPE4tk
This song was written about the Canoeman from Seaton Carew and out of interest, a "Parmo" is a Teesside speciality dish that is getting well known around the world, as are Martins songs.

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19 Apr 11 - 08:14 PM (#3138546)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,Bluegrassman

You will have to copy and paste the link to Martins song because I am not up on the blue clicky thing yet.

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19 Apr 11 - 08:58 PM (#3138579)
Subject: RE: Song challenge: Not-so-dead canoeist
From: GUEST,highlandman at home

Wow... this thread was dead almost the same length of time as its subject.
Nothing like the 'Cat!
Cheers
-Glenn

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20 Apr 11 - 01:28 PM (#3139099)
Subject: Even a dead challenge
From: Mysha

Hi,

I work every day - my job it is tough
I'm earning my pay - but it's never enough
When money is tight - I just wander through town
But the telly last night - said you just need to drown

My life I'll insure - to take care of my wife
Then I'll be worth more - presumed dead than alive
Yet to show that I'm gone - now, what can I do?
The news says it's done - with an empty canoe.

But, when I'm in my grave - who will be my host?
Yes, who is so brave - that they'll harbour a ghost?
In the paper I read (and it's easy to learn)
That when I am dead - to my widow I'll turn

Still you can't spend your wealth - keeping close to the ground
So we'll drink to my health - and we'll travel around
Then I'll no longer heed - what the media said
My photo's don't need - to be on Internet!


Bye,
                               Mysha (Peter Hans van den Muijzenberg)

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