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05 Feb 08 - 12:21 PM (#2254144) Subject: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Charley Noble This press advisory may have graced these pages a few years ago but it's been released and updated again: Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A. A Message from John Cleese To the citizens of the United States of America: In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. 1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). 3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen." > 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. 11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. 12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. 13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us. 14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries. 15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. 16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). 17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season. God save the Queen. Only He can. John Cleese |
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05 Feb 08 - 12:24 PM (#2254150) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Peace That is hilarious. |
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05 Feb 08 - 12:29 PM (#2254156) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: John MacKenzie But do we want it? |
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05 Feb 08 - 12:37 PM (#2254163) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Wesley S I suggest we start with throwing all of the Monty Python DVD's into Boston harbor so they can see how we feel about this. We can call it the Boston DVD Party. |
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05 Feb 08 - 12:44 PM (#2254170) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: katlaughing As long as it's not all of your BVDs! |
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05 Feb 08 - 12:44 PM (#2254171) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Bill D The only sane part of that is about 'getting rid of the guns'...and you expect us to do that BEFORE you try to implement the rest of those ideas? *grin* |
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05 Feb 08 - 12:47 PM (#2254174) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: John MacKenzie Would the whole of the US then be called New England? |
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05 Feb 08 - 01:01 PM (#2254193) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Bee-dubya-ell Sorry, but if anyone's going to repossess the US, it will be the Chinese. They hold the lien. |
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05 Feb 08 - 01:16 PM (#2254211) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: GUEST,leeneia It's hard to take the country with Prince Charles seriously. |
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05 Feb 08 - 01:27 PM (#2254219) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: John MacKenzie Listen Leenia, he's the most sensible of the lot of them. G |
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05 Feb 08 - 01:44 PM (#2254237) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: David C. Carter How dare ye insult our National Treasure! Just because he wears big ears,wears a skirt sometimes,talks to his plants a lot and happens to be shacked up with something that looks like she could win the Kentucky Derby....without a horse.....I mean,steady on! Why do you think I left the country in the first place! Although I must add that I er........agree with you. David Exiled in the wastes of Paris. |
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05 Feb 08 - 02:17 PM (#2254271) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: RangerSteve We eliminated all the needless letters in donut, and the Brits have a problem with this. Yet they can't pronounce "Worcester" without leaving off a good part of it. |
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05 Feb 08 - 04:37 PM (#2254387) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Charley Noble Paying all those back taxes really scares me. I could adapt to the weird spelling, which side of the road to drive on, and all the new holidays. Charley Noble |
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06 Feb 08 - 01:25 AM (#2254791) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: JennieG Charley - with your name (Noble) you would be a shoe-in to join the British aristocracy. Cheers JennieG - I'm sure I'm related to royalty many generations ago, like about 378 |
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06 Feb 08 - 04:28 AM (#2254848) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: TheSnail And learn to spell ARSE properly. |
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06 Feb 08 - 08:31 AM (#2254877) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: GUEST,clockwatcher And write the dates the right way round. |
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06 Feb 08 - 08:51 AM (#2254897) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Midchuck I believe violent crime, including gun crimes, in Britain has overtaken and passed the US level. We need to send the British a shipment of "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns" bumper stickers. But they'll probably miss the point. Peter |
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06 Feb 08 - 08:52 AM (#2254898) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Charley Noble I suppose we'd also have to adapt to Greenwich Mean Time as well. I'm rather fond of our less "mean" Eastern Standard Time. I like to see the sun in the morning. Would this mean we'd have to eat (and learn to love) marmite and other such disgusting foods? I would much prefer our own varmint recipes, including those for road-kill. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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06 Feb 08 - 09:01 AM (#2254906) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: John MacKenzie Lunch Charlie G |
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06 Feb 08 - 09:49 AM (#2254942) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Grab Mr Cleese is making a fundamental mistake here - he's assuming we *want* them back. And that we could handle them if we did. Jeez, we've only just got our own radical Christian fuckwits to stop full-scale warfare, and there's only a few tens of thousand of them. How on earth would we cope with a few tens of million Bible-bashing inbreds? The mind boggles. Mind you, we could always declare open season on them and send the fox-hunting yahoo-henrys over. Like a scorpion fighting a snake, it'd be a bonus for us whoever came out on top. Graham. (Removes tongue from cheek... ;-) |
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06 Feb 08 - 10:09 AM (#2254956) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: McGrath of Harlow I believe violent crime, including gun crimes, in Britain has overtaken and passed the US level. Nowhere near it, I'm afraid. Guns were involved in 566 serious or fatal injuries in the UK in 2006/7, down on 645 the previous year. Scale that up to the US poulation figure and that'd be around 3,400. I haven't got the figures for 2006/7 in the USA, but in 1999 there were 28,874 gun related fatalities, and in 2000 there were 75,685 non-fatal gunshot injuries. |
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06 Feb 08 - 10:18 AM (#2254963) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: George Papavgeris Learning to use knife AND fork concurrently should become mandatory (that means you gotta do it. You gotta.) False enthusiasm and bonhommie (along the lines of "missing you already") is only a mutation, so it should be banned and replaced by the UK original ("we must get together some time"). "Yo" is not a word. If it were, it would describe something that goes down and doesn't come up again. And a "hoe" is a gardening tool and totally inappropriate in describing any human. |
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06 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM (#2254964) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Dave Hanson A country who elected Dubya Bush AKA Alfred E Newman as its president fer fucks sake, can't take the piss out of Prince [ wingnut ] Charles. eric |
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06 Feb 08 - 11:35 AM (#2255029) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Richard Bridge Quid me anxius sum? |
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06 Feb 08 - 12:22 PM (#2255064) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Trevor Thomas Gun crime, over a year, yes it's between 5 and 6 hundred in a country of over 60 million. It's still six hundred too many, but then some people will insist on having guns. I'm no statistician, but I think there is a correlation between having a gun and shooting someone with it, and not having a gun and not shooting someone. If guns are outlawed, only outlaws have guns - er yes, that is the whole point, I think. That's why so few people get shot in the UK. |
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06 Feb 08 - 12:38 PM (#2255072) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: McGrath of Harlow Did me sums wrong - scaled up to the USA population that 566 serious or fatal injuries involving guns would be equivalent to about 2,800. |
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06 Feb 08 - 01:21 PM (#2255105) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: M.Ted It has been my observation that some in the UK avoid dealing with their crime problems by pointing to ours in the US--this recent BBC Article on Guns shows that you do have a serious and growing problem with gun crimes. It also shows that the murder rate in England and Wales, though signficantly less than in the US, is actually about the highest in Europe (save the former Soviet states, who kill each other at 7-10 times the rate that we do). Wake up and smell the coffee. |
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06 Feb 08 - 01:23 PM (#2255109) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: The Walrus Trevor Thomas, "...If guns are outlawed, only outlaws have guns - er yes, that is the whole point, I think. That's why so few people get shot in the UK..." In which case, why has gun crime in the UK gone up since the handgun ban of 1997? The solution should be come down hard on gun using criminals and their suppliers, not legal gun owners/shooters. Walrus |
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06 Feb 08 - 02:18 PM (#2255172) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Backwoodsman "In which case, why has gun crime in the UK gone up since the handgun ban of 1997?" Switch brain on Walrus - it's nothing to do with the 'handgun ban', that's a much-over-used red herring. It has much more to do with the way our borders were opened to Eastern Europeans. That's where many of the illegal weapons are coming from, now it's so easy to get in. That and the growth of the use of guns by drug-gangs etc. But McGrath's right - you're still far, far less likely to be shot, or even see a gun, in the UK than in the USA. |
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06 Feb 08 - 02:46 PM (#2255196) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: McGrath of Harlow The point of the statistics wasn't to say the there's anything to be proud of in having 466 shootings or so a year in the UK, but to correct Midchuck's misapprehension: "I believe violent crime, including gun crimes, in Britain has overtaken and passed the US level." |
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06 Feb 08 - 02:51 PM (#2255206) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: M.Ted You're actually more likely to be the victim of a crime at home in the UK than if you come here, and that includes gun-related crimes. |
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06 Feb 08 - 02:59 PM (#2255218) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: McGrath of Harlow And the moon is made of green cheese. |
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06 Feb 08 - 04:23 PM (#2255303) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: MarkS Forget about guns for the moment. Does this mean we will need to learn about Morris Dancing? Might trigger a brand new revolution. |
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06 Feb 08 - 04:27 PM (#2255307) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: John MacKenzie No Black Face Molly Dancing mate. G. |
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06 Feb 08 - 05:19 PM (#2255339) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Rowan Charley's been conned! It couldn't have been written by John Cleese; all the internal evidence suggests it was a put up job by a South African expat in London. Cheers, Rowan |
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06 Feb 08 - 05:19 PM (#2255340) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: M.Ted Your illustrious countrymen are rarely murdered here in the US, Kevin--even your Morris dancers are fairly safe. Most are killed right there in your own country, and often by either a friend or relative. You do have the highest murder rate in Western Europe, after all. Coffee time. |
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06 Feb 08 - 05:37 PM (#2255355) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: McGrath of Harlow Still somewhat cheesy, I'm afraid: Murder rate (per 100,000 people) United States 8.40 Canada 5.45 Denmark 5.17 France 4.60 Portugal 4.50 Australia 4.48 Germany 4.20 Belgium 2.80 Spain 2.28 Switzerland 2.25 Italy 2.18 Norway 1.99 United Kingdom 1.97 Austria 1.80 Greece 1.76 Sweden 1.73 Japan 1.20 Ireland 0.96 Finland 0.70 |
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06 Feb 08 - 06:03 PM (#2255385) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Mrrzy This really is hilarious. And it's gotten so serious about guns! Why isn't anybody defending therapy (*BG*)?!? |
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06 Feb 08 - 06:06 PM (#2255391) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Richard Bridge We can't afford it! |
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06 Feb 08 - 06:11 PM (#2255396) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: TheSnail MarkS Does this mean we will need to learn about Morris Dancing? It's already there - http://www.ucolick.org/~sla/morris/ba.html |
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06 Feb 08 - 06:27 PM (#2255420) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: M.Ted Your own beloved BBC, in the link above, says you nay, Kevin. It claims the UK has 2.48 per 100k, Denmark at .098, the US slightly less than 6--you've quoted me numbers that are attributed to no particular source, and have been posted by someone only identified as "Paul" to a discussion forum--Funny, I seem to remember that you recently said that the BBC was a good source for information, or at least a better one than some guy named Paul. A little tip for all of you: wear a long, dark, loose fitting coat when ever you go out. Shooters won't be able to target your heart. As to the head, well, folk musicians are a hard-headed lot, so no worries;-) |
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06 Feb 08 - 06:33 PM (#2255427) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Richard Bridge One of the best morris sides I ever saw dance was a soi-disant street-dyke morris side from San Francisco. Some of the dancers left the dance area by cartwheels, and their underwear was, well, a bit like a scotsman's. |
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06 Feb 08 - 08:49 PM (#2255532) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Bob Pacquin You can hobble together a passable defense for guns, and even Morris dancing, but therapy is pretty much indefensible;-> |
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06 Feb 08 - 09:37 PM (#2255562) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: MarkS Snail - say it ain't so. At least many of the websites are down. Just have to take up Change Ringing I guess. Anybody for a stirring round of Kent Trebel Bob? (Just gotta stop reading Dorothy Sayers mysteries!) Of course if you really want to introduce competitive sport, there is always lawn mower racing. Been described as the definitive British sport - a totally pointless activity usually taking place in the worst possible weather. |
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07 Feb 08 - 03:33 PM (#2256198) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: alanabit No - that's cricket! |
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07 Feb 08 - 05:50 PM (#2256350) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: RangerSteve My local grocery store has a British section. Everytime I go down that aisle, I stop to look at the food and wonder what it is. I might as well ask here. What is treacle, and what do you do with it? How about sponge pudding. And is the Heinz brand sponge pudding any good? And who was it that thought that pink bubble gum was a suitable flavor for soda pop? |
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07 Feb 08 - 06:14 PM (#2256374) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Donuel It is for our own good. We indeed are now used to be treated like children, justWe have been treating everyone else like children. |
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07 Feb 08 - 06:22 PM (#2256377) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Peace Treacle is corn syrup if I recall correctly. |
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07 Feb 08 - 06:26 PM (#2256380) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: TRUBRIT Treacle is light corn syrup - not dark like molasses. Tinned pudding is no good in any country.......but I defy you to do better than a good old fashioned (made from SCRATCH) treacle pudding or treacle tart served with thick double cream.....yum.. |
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07 Feb 08 - 08:53 PM (#2256466) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Donuel Opps... We are indeed treated like children already...just look at our TV programing. The earlier post was interrupted by a fire alarm. |
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08 Feb 08 - 03:30 AM (#2256584) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Richard Bridge Oh no, Trubrit - with Birds' custard! |
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08 Feb 08 - 04:13 AM (#2256599) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: gnomad To most Brits Treacle is a sugar syrup, rather than corn. I have a feeling it is not widely available in the States, I think you generally use corn syrup as Trubrit says I haven't tasted a Heinz sponge pud for more years than I care to count, but they were OK in the sixties, no substitute for homemade of course, still close enough to please ravenous kids. |
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08 Feb 08 - 07:53 AM (#2256691) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Bob Pacquin Treacle is sold in the United States as "Unsulphured Molasses"-- |
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08 Feb 08 - 11:01 AM (#2256817) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: GUEST,Bert Steen's molasses used to be a good sustitute for black treacle but they wimped it down a while ago. Brer Rabbit unsulphured molasses is about all I can find here in Colorado. But of course treacle pudding is misnamed because it is made with golden syrup. Yes, you can use corn syrup instead. Try adding just a teaspoon of molasses to it to give it some flavor. You will pay a high price for Bird's custard in the States, if you can find it. It can be home made though. it is just a cornstarch sauce. Milk, cornstarch, sugar, yellow food coloring and vanilla. |
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08 Feb 08 - 10:15 PM (#2257406) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: TRUBRIT I agree on Birds custard being wonderful but I always make / made mine with cream off the top of the bottle or a dollop of regular cream.... |
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09 Feb 08 - 02:14 AM (#2257488) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Janie It's late. I read the thread title as "Brain Possessing States." And still the posts seemed right on topic. |
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09 Feb 08 - 02:57 AM (#2257495) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Jon Bartlett The figure for 2006 for homicide in Canada is 1.85/100,000, not 5.45 as reported by McGrath of Harlow. It's possible that McGrath's stat is of violent crime, not homicide. The 1.85 figure puts us just below UK at 1.97 and above Austria at 1.8. I believe that 2007 is a tad lower but I don't have the numbers. Jon Bartlett |
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09 Feb 08 - 06:04 AM (#2257531) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: TheSnail TRUBRIT cream off the top of the bottle You can't get it any more. These days, all milk is homogenised, standardised, pasteurised, bowdlerised.... Another tradition gone. |
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09 Feb 08 - 06:07 AM (#2257533) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Richard Bridge "cornstarch"? Is that what we call "cornflour" in the UK? |
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09 Feb 08 - 06:25 AM (#2257538) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: freda underhill An indigenous Australian, Burnum Burnum planted the Aboriginal flag on the white cliffs of Dover on 26th January, 1988 (the 200 yr anniversary of the british colonisation of Australia). carrying a spear and wearing a kangaroo skin cape, he claimed England as the territory of as Indigenous Australians. Unfortunately, Burnum Burnum died in 97. he was a friend of my family and read stories to my children. freda |
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09 Feb 08 - 07:48 AM (#2257563) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: BretonCap We have been sending various agents to attempt to reclaim the former colonies, (Leadfingers,Giok,Micca) in their undercover roles at Stateside Catter events, for some years. The John Cleese article is merely the next stage in our campaign. Dave |
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09 Feb 08 - 08:37 AM (#2257586) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: maeve TheSnail- We still can get bottled milk with cream on the the top here in Maine. |
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09 Feb 08 - 08:53 AM (#2257598) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Folkiedave I believe violent crime, including gun crimes, in Britain has overtaken and passed the US level. You believe wrongly. |
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09 Feb 08 - 10:17 AM (#2257644) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Mr Red Oh dear RangerSteve Treacle is Black, Golden Syrup is - er - um - golden. Look at the tin. Because English morphs over the years (yes even in the UK) and local variations apply: treacle is now a generic name for Invert Sugar Syrup - refined or no. and black Treacle is - er black - invert sugar syrup unrefined so contains less sugar and more burnt sugar (AKA molasses) but is sweeter and runnier than molasses. FWIW Black Treacle can explode - indeed I have attempted to wash out a treacle tin with hot water, with the lid held on, and it ends-up spraying from the pressure built-up inside. I have Treacle (Oh OK Black Treacle) on my porridge (=porrige in Scotland) every morning, and do read the tin. Once we have tamed the Celtic fringes' (some of them numpties) torturous use of ENGLISH - well watch-out the colonies. Now- Canadians - how do you pronounce Stouffeville (Ont) and Yanks (our version of what constitutes a Yank) how do you pronounce Arkansas and for that matter why does it not follow the Kansas City syntax? over the years the name Werster has morphed too. The suffixes 'cester, 'caister, 'xeter and places like Caerleon denote Roman garrisons usually. But we Anglo-Saxons wupped 'em. |
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09 Feb 08 - 02:29 PM (#2257856) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: fumblefingers Will the Crown be taking back the colonies the same way it lost them? |
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10 Feb 08 - 01:38 AM (#2258235) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Neil D Mr. Cleese, We have considered your generous offer to take your prodigal colonies back into the British fold, but after talking it over with the Irish we have decided that you should just piss off. |
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10 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM (#2258417) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Charley Noble Will there be an Atlantic Chunnel/BIG DIG? I'm sure we've got the engineering firms just raring to have a crack at it. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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10 Feb 08 - 12:39 PM (#2258525) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: TheSnail TheSnail- We still can get bottled milk with cream on the the top here in Maine. I'll apply for my visa straight away. While I'm there, I can find out what happened to all those Morris teams. I suspect the House Committee on Un-American Activities. "Are you now or have you ever been a member of a Cotswold Morris Side?" |
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10 Feb 08 - 01:23 PM (#2258573) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Richard Bridge That's OK, Snail, just tell them you're a rapper. |
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10 Feb 08 - 01:33 PM (#2258581) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Bert Yes cornstarch is called cornflour in the UK. In the US they have several different kinds of corn flour which wouldn't work for making "custard". |
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10 Feb 08 - 02:23 PM (#2258625) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: John Hardly I wish I were a Brit I'd never again say "shit" It sounds so erudite when made to rhyme with "white" And "fecking", so I've heard, Is another British word just oozing savoir-faire To the backward Yankee ear. Only the uncultured masses Refer to "tits" and "asses" The Queen sits on 'er "oss" so that's the proper way to go. oo-oo-oo I wanna be like You-oo-oo I wanna walk like you, talk like you |
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10 Feb 08 - 05:16 PM (#2258856) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: GUEST,JTT Sorry, John Hardly, but shite and fecking are Irish, not British. Though the Queen of England may sit on her oss for all I know. In fact, I've heard that she's a noted osswoman with a fine seat. |
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10 Feb 08 - 06:31 PM (#2258912) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: TRUBRIT Maeve -- WHERE do you buy milk in bottles with cream on top here in Miane???? Snail -- you really can't get milk like that at home anymore -- we last lived there in 95 and I am pretty sure we were getting milk delivered to the house with cream on top and my kids were squabbling over it, just as my sister and I had done!!! |
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11 Feb 08 - 07:52 AM (#2259304) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: TheSnail I've heard that she's a noted osswoman with a fine seat. Yes, but if she was riding a donkey, she'd have her arse on her ass. we last lived there in 95 and I am pretty sure we were getting milk delivered to the house with cream on top 13 years is a longtime in the dairy business. Now you get your synthesized, cauterised, bastardised milk in plastic containers from the supermarket. Did anyone mention that, since you lumbered us with turkeys, you're going to have to eat them with Brussels Sprouts from now on? |
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11 Feb 08 - 11:59 AM (#2259505) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Backwoodsman Mmmmmmm, Turkey AND Brussels Sprouts! Yum yum, throw in the parsnips pigs-in-blankets and BRING IT ON! |
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11 Feb 08 - 12:00 PM (#2259506) Subject: RE: BS: Britain Repossessing States From: Backwoodsman parsnips AND pigs-in-blankets. Ooops, sorry! |