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02 Apr 09 - 08:40 AM (#2603013) Subject: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Seems only fair that Severn should have a vehicle in which to recouperate. Someone tell Nurse Ratchet that her services are needed. Bedpans in the fridge; dull needles at the ready. |
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02 Apr 09 - 09:47 AM (#2603073) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: MMario Stethescopes are chilling in the cooler as well. |
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02 Apr 09 - 10:01 AM (#2603082) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Good! I am scooping the lime Jell-O out of the Jell-O Pit in the tavern. It's fairly easy to pick out the feathers and scales. Should be fine... |
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03 Apr 09 - 08:59 AM (#2603841) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Roger the Skiffler [NB Prolly should be below the line, podners] 'Catters may wonder why I haven't been at the Tavern recently. Well after the mix-up with the jello deliveries- you may remember I was also emptying bedpans at the NYCFTTS at the time- well, what with the sick leave and the litigation and the restraining order and all, I've had to be an inmate not an intern,here, but it'll be nice to see some new patients now I'm out of quarantine. Apparently they had to burn my washboard because of contamination (so they said). RtS Patient #101 Ex-bedpan disposal operative and jello delivery person. |
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03 Apr 09 - 09:36 AM (#2603868) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL I thought I had put it below the line. The clones probably think some UK pub has re-opened. LOL |
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03 Apr 09 - 02:14 PM (#2604042) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL EEWWWWWW! Bulk Jell-O mixup or those little individual cups too? |
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03 Apr 09 - 02:23 PM (#2604049) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: gnu I don't care for Jello in my cup. |
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03 Apr 09 - 02:55 PM (#2604067) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL How about urine, gnu? It seems we have a choice. |
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03 Apr 09 - 03:16 PM (#2604081) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Okay, deal. Gnu -- urine? If so, ante up. |
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03 Apr 09 - 03:31 PM (#2604088) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: PoppaGator Do you use vodka to prepare the Jell-O? If so, definitely use the little individual paper cups. |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:03 PM (#2604106) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: gnu Urine? Not me. Count me out. |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:12 PM (#2604116) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee At this point I should and could make some awful references to urine and thumbin', but since about 0.00000000000000000000000000001% of the population of the Mudcat (and far lower for the whole world) would understand I shall refrain. Everyone now please join me in the refrain! |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:12 PM (#2604117) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Amos URine or you're out, as the gambler said to the sado-masochist.... A |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:17 PM (#2604122) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: gnu I think I will refrain. |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:27 PM (#2604129) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Have you frained before then? You didn't hurt yourself did you? |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:32 PM (#2604135) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: gnu Just a slight refrain. I walked it off. |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:37 PM (#2604139) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: GUEST,Nurse Ratched It's Ratched, dear, with a "d." Mildred Ratched. Keeper of the Combine. We are looking forward to Mr. Severn's occupancy. |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:43 PM (#2604143) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Stilly River Sage Sounds like a royal "WEe" - for all of that urine, I suppose. |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:50 PM (#2604146) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Urine trouble now! |
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03 Apr 09 - 04:59 PM (#2604151) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Bill D ALL us peons are in trouble! |
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03 Apr 09 - 07:48 PM (#2604228) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Joe Offer Google tells me that NYCFTTS is something really important, but I feel honor bound to move it to the non-music section..... It has something to do with New York City, right? -Joe, terminally screwed now, for sure- |
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03 Apr 09 - 08:34 PM (#2604258) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Honor, sir? You speak of HONOR? Would you be willing to defend that honor with your blade? |
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03 Apr 09 - 08:39 PM (#2604262) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Neil Young Center For The Terminally Screwed. Oh dear. Nurse RatcheD is awaiting Severn's arrival. Maybe, Johns Hopkins is best after all. Silly old cow - I spelt it right in the other thread. |
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03 Apr 09 - 09:37 PM (#2604296) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: catspaw49 As the Chairman of the board and CEO of the NYCFTTS including the James Taylor Catatonic Blandness Rehab Center, I need to report a few problems we've encountered of late. |
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03 Apr 09 - 11:35 PM (#2604337) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee I'm sorry to hear of your problems. Would a few hundred million in stimulus money stimulate you? |
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04 Apr 09 - 01:52 AM (#2604360) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Liz the Squeak Can I have a P please Bob. LTS |
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04 Apr 09 - 09:44 PM (#2604826) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Nose flutes? I thought they were...nevermind. The crazed tiple noseflute band has been replaced by the Childless Ballad Singing Morris Dancers. Their first number will be - of course - Dainty Davey, done to the double timed drilling of a diatonic dildo. And a ONE and a TWO and a... |
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04 Apr 09 - 10:21 PM (#2604828) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Bill D In Dorian mode, I hope.... |
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04 Apr 09 - 10:51 PM (#2604836) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Is that mode Gray? |
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05 Apr 09 - 08:20 AM (#2604986) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee I have forwarded Spaw's bank account information to a nice lady in Nigeria or maybe the Netherlands, one or the other, who is going to transfer sixty million US dollars into it for the NYCFTTS. She only asks that we remember her late father-in-law, who either Minister of Finance or the Head of the National Bank, in some appropriate way and share in the costs of transferring the money to the US. I thought this would be the fastest way for Spaw. No need to thank me. Just doin' my job. |
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05 Apr 09 - 09:23 AM (#2605018) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: catspaw49 Thank you Rap........but as the Center is still awaiting our federal bailout money which is due us as a former CIA asset, I find we are short of capital to advance for this fine offer. However, if you could take it upon yourself to supply the needed transfer funds, the NYCFTTS will give you 40% of the proceeds from not only this fine lady's offer but another 40% of the bailout money as well. When can we expect the transaction to be completed? Spaw |
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05 Apr 09 - 12:30 PM (#2605084) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Hankie waving Morris Dancers leap by... |
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05 Apr 09 - 08:19 PM (#2605324) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee You'll know, Spaw. Believe me, you'll know. |
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06 Apr 09 - 02:59 PM (#2605820) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Morris-waving hankie dancers leap by. |
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06 Apr 09 - 03:08 PM (#2605832) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: MMario Morris hankie-waving dancers trip over bedpans. |
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06 Apr 09 - 03:24 PM (#2605858) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Oh No! watch out for the flying swords and hurling bells and sticks, lots of sticks. Jell-O filled bedpans everywhere. Roger! Roger! Get your butt in here NOW! |
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06 Apr 09 - 07:13 PM (#2606042) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: GUEST,Roger Yeeeeeeeeeees, maahster? |
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07 Apr 09 - 09:06 AM (#2606433) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Roger the Skiffler ...seeing that I seem to have a clone, I'll let him do the work! RtS |
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07 Apr 09 - 09:50 PM (#2607017) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Roger - get the F***in Morris Dancers out of ER. I don't care if their feet are stuck in the bedpans, Then empty the bedpans and sterilize them. I want them so clean that you are ready to lick them!!! Understood??? Severn will be arriving presently. He needs a sanitary environment and REST! No bells. No swords. No sticks. And above all, no Jell-O. Spaw - check into the BS/Wedding thread. If we handle this properly there will be plenty of funds to keep the place running another year and for renovating the padded rooms. BYW, is Neil still locked in one of them? I haven't heard a word out of him since...HMMMM |
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07 Apr 09 - 09:55 PM (#2607020) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee I'm afraid that the Morris dancers may, in their primitive fertility rite, impregnated one or more of the people standing around. I am not one of them; I'm on a pill. |
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08 Apr 09 - 07:34 AM (#2607204) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work Nor me either.... I've been to the vets. You could utilise the Morris dancers in the Occupational Therapy dept, not quite sure what as, but you could utilise them there. LTS |
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08 Apr 09 - 08:38 AM (#2607245) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Oh Roger! You didn't! Not with a Morris Dancer! SIGH On your lunch break stop in OB/GYN and see what needs to be done. If it isn't one thing, it's another. |
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08 Apr 09 - 09:51 AM (#2607296) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Our target shoot team needs moving targets. Are they free for that day? |
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15 Apr 09 - 10:48 PM (#2612156) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Amos Neil himelf promises to show up in his Lincoln Electric Continental. A |
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16 Apr 09 - 08:54 AM (#2612346) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Nice ambulance. Thanks, Neil. Shall we have him share a room with Sev? I am envisioning his crazed expression as Severn provides 35 puns on "guitar". |
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16 Apr 09 - 02:00 PM (#2612564) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Like "Stand back! He need to guitar!" or "Guitar my lawn, ya little punk!"????????? |
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16 Apr 09 - 04:52 PM (#2612671) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Liz the Squeak For gawds sakes, not the ukelelelelees! LTS - who is in dire need of some therapy!!! |
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16 Apr 09 - 06:53 PM (#2612748) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Yup, ukeleles -- that stringed instrument from the UK that the UKers play and others find completely ukeless. |
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16 Apr 09 - 07:40 PM (#2612767) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: gnu Hello. My name is gnu, and I am terminally screwed. It's been less than a day since I was screwed, but, one day at a time, they say. I will try to do better tomorrow. When's the next meeting? |
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16 Apr 09 - 08:20 PM (#2612796) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Amos Drink all you want but remember I have to guitar to the church on time. She's getting married in the moooorning!! A |
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16 Apr 09 - 08:50 PM (#2612814) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Nurse Ratched! Rap and Amos are due for their enemas. Gnu may be in need too. Watch him closely. |
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16 Apr 09 - 09:26 PM (#2612822) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee No, everyone is my friend. I have no enemas. |
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17 Apr 09 - 04:50 PM (#2613388) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Tweed .....sits long hours waiting to be enematized,.. gives up and eats entire jar of herring with good results. Herring Rap??? Anyone??? |
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17 Apr 09 - 05:07 PM (#2613399) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: GUEST,Penelope Rutledge It could be worse, Tweed. In your case...even much worse. Count your blessings. There is, for instance, an institution near Twillingsgate for the incarceration of those who have proven completely unable to function in normal society and who must be kept there for their own protection as well as that of the general public. I am told that the accomodations are...spartan. Imagine, if you will, a scene somewhat akin to Renfield's confinement in Bram Stoker's tale of Dracula. Rather like that. As I say, count your blessings. * PR |
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17 Apr 09 - 05:23 PM (#2613408) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee In what sort of sauce? I don't get sauced on just any old thing, you know. |
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17 Apr 09 - 07:01 PM (#2613476) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: gnu I do not need an innuendo, SINS. |
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17 Apr 09 - 07:24 PM (#2613493) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Amos My, it is nice to see really famus names like Tweed around here. A |
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17 Apr 09 - 09:11 PM (#2613547) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL How about an "out the other endo?" |
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17 Apr 09 - 10:25 PM (#2613580) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Yes, Tweed...a river dividing England from Scotland. Famous indeed for many things. And, of course as a verb, as in "The bear tweed Jack for two hours." |
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17 Apr 09 - 11:38 PM (#2613609) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: catspaw49 EMERGENCY!!!! NOW READ THIS!!! EMERGENCY!!!All of you need to get busy and clear as many beds as possible. We have a serious trauma situation and I think we may have a huge influx soon. There are a surprising number of Terminally Screwed and just completely fucked people over on the "Susan Boyle" thread. They run the gamut from Brits to Americans, Newbies to Moderators. We're probably going to need extra help as these folks are FUBAR and wholly full of shit!The Insanevac chopper has been sent along with others borrowed from some Lifeflight Groups. And somebody get more Nose Flutes and FLeet Enemas!!! GET BUSY GAWDAMMIT!!!!Spaw---Developer and CEO of the NYCFTTS |
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18 Apr 09 - 12:20 AM (#2613619) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Little Hawk Damn straight. I took a deep breath and waded through that very thread earlier this evening, having been alerted to its presence by my pal Chongo. (He has a nose for gratuitous violence and mayhem.) What carnage! What scenes of madness! Your emergency facilities are going to hit the overflow point with the collateral damage from that one, that's for sure. I'm glad I'm in Orillia where it's safe. |
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18 Apr 09 - 02:00 AM (#2613643) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Liz the Squeak I'm keeping out of it... but after the afternoon I've had, I may need a quick therapy session. Homebrewed pina colada (or penis collapsos as the instigator called them) featured heavily, along with a very bemused pair of Dutch tourists. LTS |
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18 Apr 09 - 10:50 AM (#2613802) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Having PTSD (Post Terminally Screwed Dysfunction) it's better if I don't visit that thread. But I have cleared off a considerable section of the bathroom floor. |
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18 Apr 09 - 11:10 AM (#2613814) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee I've also cleaned off those stainless steel tables in the morgue. |
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18 Apr 09 - 01:32 PM (#2613924) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: gnu You morguedge the harm? |
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18 Apr 09 - 03:55 PM (#2614010) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Little Hawk Purchase a drool-o-meter. They are pretty much essential at the NYCFTTS these days. |
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18 Apr 09 - 07:26 PM (#2614117) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Stilly River Sage Liz, do you drink that in a glass or do they hand it to you on a stick? |
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18 Apr 09 - 11:54 PM (#2614212) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: katlaughing I just want a quiet LITTLE room, no television, no screaming CEOs, no scritched up cat litter...just a quiet little room and NO ONE WILL GET HURT!!!! |
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19 Apr 09 - 12:10 PM (#2614416) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL That depends, kat. If you have chosen to let your eyebrows grow in thick and full and have curled your hair into a 50s frump, you have to join the millions in the Susan Boyle wing. Be forewarned - none of these can sing but they are all bellowing show tunes in homage to their new idol. I too want a private room with no cats, not litter box and no pissy bedding - Alice has been at it again. Much as I enjoyed Ms. Boyle's performance I despise show tunes and tweeze my chin as well as my eyerrows. |
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19 Apr 09 - 12:26 PM (#2614438) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Little Hawk I don't care for show tunes either, which interfered a bit with my enjoyment of Susan Boyle's no doubt fine performance. |
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19 Apr 09 - 04:51 PM (#2614603) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Liz the Squeak Argh...!! Ms Boyle has been seen as far away as New Zealand, where she keeps showing up on the news. Nurse, the screens!!!! LTS |
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19 Apr 09 - 10:06 PM (#2614739) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee I went to grade school with John Boyle. Are they related? |
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19 Apr 09 - 10:54 PM (#2614759) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Little Hawk We may all be witnessing the most effectively orchestrated bit of musical promotion in history...whether or not Susan had any such intention in the first place. |
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20 Apr 09 - 01:19 AM (#2614793) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Stilly River Sage Liz, I still want an answer about that "penis collapsos" drink of yours. How is it served? |
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20 Apr 09 - 01:49 PM (#2614969) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Straight up. |
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20 Apr 09 - 05:56 PM (#2615160) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Liz the Squeak No umbrella. LTS |
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21 Apr 09 - 08:10 AM (#2615530) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Speaking of Boyles, Mel Gibson came in this morning with a huge one on his ass. Stress related, I think. Anyone up for a lancing? |
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21 Apr 09 - 08:38 AM (#2615545) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Do you routinely check Mel Gibson's nether regions? Or was he clothed and the thing so big you could see it through his pants? |
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21 Apr 09 - 08:41 AM (#2615550) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL He couldn't sit down so I nailed him to a cross tree by his undies. I'm not going anywhere near his nether regions. |
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21 Apr 09 - 01:07 PM (#2615616) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Little Hawk Mel Gibson has become a parody of himself as far as I'm concerned. I gave up not long after "Braveheart" (which was pretty good). |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:16 PM (#2615697) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Oh sure! Everyone change the subject. Who's going to lance Braveheart's boil? He's in there whining like a baby. |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:42 PM (#2615725) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Edward III. Edward II would have done so also, but in a completely different manner. |
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21 Apr 09 - 03:40 PM (#2615794) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL SIGH Where's Ratched when you need her? |
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12 May 09 - 11:32 AM (#2629955) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Amos is in the Tavern pretending all is well. When reality breaks through his Belize-induced euphoria he's going to need a colonic. get the room ready. |
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12 May 09 - 04:46 PM (#2630235) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Okay. Fire hose -- READY!!! |
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12 May 09 - 07:06 PM (#2630353) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Amos Hey, man, all IS well--we took a vacation for the first time in twelve years and had a great time and got home safe and without being bankrupt. I return to find that a gang of overheated lollapaloozas and broke-dick mammaluccas who have spent their whole last six months believing in snow and other impossible things have gotten together and imagined terrible things being done to my house in revenge for my not believing in snow and other impossible things. I am tanned and fit. I have survived a complete housecleaning and redecoration by a mad-scramble banshee-inspired gang of architecturally demented folksingers. What's not to be well??? A |
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12 May 09 - 08:11 PM (#2630397) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL Now he is pretending to be Spaw. This could be serious. |
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12 May 09 - 09:32 PM (#2630448) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Rapparee Dementia pairacox, delusions of Spaw...tsk, tsk. Next he'll be saying he has a pair of noyas. |
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13 May 09 - 09:39 AM (#2630805) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: Stilly River Sage Just so it isn't a pair a docs. |
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13 May 09 - 11:12 AM (#2630889) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: GUEST,Herr Doktor Heine von und zu Klysterscheiss Ach, mit der dumbkopf Amos ve haf a way to work. Ve vill gif him der hoch koloniks und der platt koloniks. A new mann of him will be made! Ve vill use der strong soap und der heissen vasser und clean der poisons und toxins out mach schnell! |
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13 May 09 - 11:15 AM (#2630891) Subject: RE: NYCFTTS re-opens From: SINSULL der heissen vasser? Do Hessians attend Vassar? I'm confused. |