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06 Jan 10 - 02:14 PM (#2805085) Subject: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Little Hawk 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 10. Is there another word for synonym? 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 15. Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 23. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra? 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 25. How is it possible to have a civil war? 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it? 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 33. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented? 34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? |
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06 Jan 10 - 02:20 PM (#2805091) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Uncle_DaveO Little Hawk asked: 4.. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES? Okay, since you're descended from your cousin, why is your cousin still around? You might say: "But I'm NOT descended from my cousin!" And I say: "Exactly! The monkeys and apes are our remote cousins." |
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06 Jan 10 - 02:24 PM (#2805094) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Little Hawk They aren't my questions. I'm just passing them on from a friend in Australia. I don't necessarily believe the popular monkey/ape theory anyway. I think it might be partly true, but I'm not sure. We may have been "seeded" here in some very ancient time by interplanetary visitors. Anything's possible. I don't think "we" know as much as we think we know about that. I suspect we know very little about it. |
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06 Jan 10 - 02:30 PM (#2805098) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: pdq IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES? A sage may be needed to figure this out. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED? Perhaps a hermit crab should be used as the example as it can move freely from shell to shell. The turtle is firmly attached to his. That brings up a thought... CAN A GROUP OF HERMIT CRABS REALLY BE HERMITS? |
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06 Jan 10 - 02:39 PM (#2805109) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Mrrzy What do you do if ordered to disobey? |
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06 Jan 10 - 02:48 PM (#2805117) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Little Hawk If ordered to disobey the order? Well, the latest order is the one that must be followed, right? But I know what Chongo would do. He'd punch the one who gave the order. |
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06 Jan 10 - 03:36 PM (#2805153) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: ClaireBear I think my circuits would start smoking, just like in Star Trek (set in an alternate reality where the circuit breaker was never invented). |
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06 Jan 10 - 03:44 PM (#2805160) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: frogprince If you cook a human, how much is dark meat and how much is white meat? |
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06 Jan 10 - 04:56 PM (#2805208) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Leadfingers If a centipede a bucketful , how much would a precipice ? |
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06 Jan 10 - 05:39 PM (#2805236) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Bobert I read all them questions and to the one's that involve a yes or no answer just mark me down for maybes... The multiple choice ones, I'll pick C... BTW, I understand that that Radio Shack you went to work fir has a new manager, LH... Maybe ya' oughtta check it out... B~ |
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06 Jan 10 - 07:27 PM (#2805317) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: beeliner Most of those are pretty old, but you omitted: "Why do women wear evening gowns to night clubs? (Why not night gowns?)" |
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06 Jan 10 - 08:32 PM (#2805367) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Ed T Why do we make misteaks? |
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06 Jan 10 - 10:34 PM (#2805431) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: quokka I always wondered why golfers yell "For!" - is it short for..."For fuck's sake get out of the way, you idiot"? |
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06 Jan 10 - 11:13 PM (#2805445) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Ed T Have you ever told a babbling brook to shut up? |
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06 Jan 10 - 11:19 PM (#2805449) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Ed T If a deaf person reads their own lips in a mirror, would they be talking backwards? |
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06 Jan 10 - 11:20 PM (#2805450) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Ed T OK, so it's hot in hell....but, is it a dry hot? |
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06 Jan 10 - 11:25 PM (#2805453) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Ed T Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY"if he's a monkey? |
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06 Jan 10 - 11:27 PM (#2805454) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Ed T Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? |
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06 Jan 10 - 11:30 PM (#2805456) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Ed T Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is colourless? |
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06 Jan 10 - 11:33 PM (#2805458) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Ed T Can you freeze a fart, and thaw it out for later use? |
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06 Jan 10 - 11:35 PM (#2805459) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Ed T What did cured ham actually have? |
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06 Jan 10 - 11:46 PM (#2805469) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity If all the world is a stage...where does the audience sit??? |
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07 Jan 10 - 12:45 AM (#2805486) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Bee-dubya-ell Wouldn't it make more sense to call a palindrome a word that actually is a palindrome? |
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07 Jan 10 - 02:35 AM (#2805516) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Georgiansilver When the person was inventing the drawing board and got it wrong... what did he/she go back to? Why is there only one 'Monopolies Commission'? What does an occasional table do when it isn't? Why is there only one word for Thesaurus? |
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07 Jan 10 - 07:57 AM (#2805646) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Dave the Gnome If vegetarians only eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat? |
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07 Jan 10 - 08:40 AM (#2805668) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: GUEST,Bob L Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors? Are women who make sandwiches buttresses? And if they make chicken sandwiches are they flying buttresses? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? How come to falsify a document is to doctor it, but to verify it is to vet it? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Why is "bra" singular and "knickers" plural? |
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07 Jan 10 - 09:24 AM (#2805691) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Mo the caller How do you drive when the road sign says "Use both lanes"? |
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08 Jan 10 - 07:20 AM (#2806469) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: kendall "When in Rome do as the Romanians do" (G.W. Bush) I know it's out of context but I'm not finished with that moron yet. |
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08 Jan 10 - 05:40 PM (#2806988) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: quokka These are priceless...I especially like the chicken butt one, Ed T! |
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09 Jan 10 - 04:25 PM (#2807736) Subject: RE: BS: Some questions worth asking... From: Stringsinger If there's a will, there's a way. But if there's a way, is there a will? A=B but B might not = A |