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24 Feb 11 - 04:10 PM (#3102127) Subject: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Ok, so Monday I gotta get scoped again. Yea Mr. Chrons is acting up so my doc buddie wants to do his FLC scope again. Now just about every time he does this I do something different. One time I covered my arse with blue powered glitter that my cheerleader daughters had. One other time I put a Mr. yuk sticker on me arse ... I gotta come up with something different this time ... Knowing the humor of this sorted group I figured you could help me plan ... :-) Dan |
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24 Feb 11 - 04:17 PM (#3102131) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Bill D Mark everything off with dotted lines, and add labels for cuts of meat. |
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24 Feb 11 - 04:19 PM (#3102132) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Becca72 How about an "Exit Only" sign? |
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24 Feb 11 - 04:24 PM (#3102137) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude I like em ... Bill's idea really appeals to me, I bet I can get a graphic from the web for cow cuts ... LOL ... that is great |
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24 Feb 11 - 04:30 PM (#3102141) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude How about this. I thought of a sailing ship (ya can get those tattoos that wash off in a week) underneath I could write "Steady as she Blows" how about that |
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24 Feb 11 - 04:30 PM (#3102142) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Bill D Although.... the only one you need to label is "rump roast" |
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24 Feb 11 - 04:33 PM (#3102148) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude LOL .. yes you are right ... LOL |
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24 Feb 11 - 04:58 PM (#3102171) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: GUEST,999 When I was getting the annual rubber glove and PSA test, I turned to my doctor when he had the finger almost all the way in and said, `My wife suspects.` He had that finger outta there in a hurry. |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:02 PM (#3102177) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Lizzie Cornish 1 I'd have a tatoo of Marilyn Monroe put there....just for the week, of course, Dan... Good luck! |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:03 PM (#3102178) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus How about a tattoo on your arse that says "I hope its your finger going in there and not your knob, you pervert" Good luck with it Dan |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:08 PM (#3102184) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Art Thieme Put a cork in it. |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:11 PM (#3102188) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Art Thieme A sign reading GET THEE TO AN ARSENAL! (That's where they keep arses.) Art |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:11 PM (#3102190) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Can't stop laughing ... thank you |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:12 PM (#3102192) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus LOL "Put a cork in it. and say "if you think you can cork screw your way into my life, you can F**k o**, you pervert" |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:16 PM (#3102195) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri Draw a target? Can you get a rabbit up there? Probably not... The bunny made me think: Easter's coming up. Maybe you could do something creative with an egg decorating kit and some of that fake grass. (I'd stay away from the chocolate easter eggs, though.) |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:16 PM (#3102196) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: GUEST,999 Written across yer arse in permanent ink: The view looks the same to everyone but the lead dog. |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:17 PM (#3102198) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude LOL I was thinking also "I maybe Catholic but I am no Alter Boy" I am sorry couldn't resist |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:25 PM (#3102203) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus Tattoo on your arse "If your mouth is as big as your knob, you can have me now" LOL Sorry to be crude Dan, but you did ask :-) |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:28 PM (#3102205) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri I'm pretty sure he was looking for humor. |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:29 PM (#3102208) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus I thought that was Humour Jeri :-) |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:32 PM (#3102211) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude OH my gosh ... I am laughing so hard .... Thank you .... I really do hate these things ... I know it has to be done but they really really suck when you have chrons disease ... i get pretty sick afterwords cause I bleed internally so much ... laughing is a great thing I think .. thank you |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:36 PM (#3102213) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude My doc buddie has a great sense of humor. Last time he was roto routing me out and I hear "Oh my God, Oh my God" to which I responded what what what !!! Tell me I can take it!! ... he says there it is a Morgan Silver Dollar .. LOL |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:36 PM (#3102214) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Little Hawk How about, "Don't laugh. My Dachshund has seen worse looking asses than this one." |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:41 PM (#3102218) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri Ask if he has a "Plan B" for getting out. (Chilean miners.) Dan, they suck when you DON'T have Chron's. I can't imagine... |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:50 PM (#3102224) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude I told this story before but I swear it is absolutely true. So after they scope ya, you are full of air cause they pump air into you so they can get a good look. While in recovery you toot like a Blues guy blowing on a cheap harp. So I am laying there, butt naked, tooting like a accordion and this young nurse comes in. She says "hi Dan you don't know me but my husband and I just bought the house next door to your office". At that very moment, you guessed it .. a loud tuba noise was heard throughout the recovery room ... where do you go when you have no place to hide .. LOL |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:56 PM (#3102227) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus You should say that Dan, but I went into hospital recently and the nurse in the the theatre greeted me and she lives in the same road as me. I am stark bollock naked and having a fixed cystocopy and am totally humiliated. I have avoided her since. So embarrasing. So I know where you are coming from. LOL |
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24 Feb 11 - 05:59 PM (#3102230) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Little Hawk That is the question a Dachshunds asks himself when caught dragging the roast chicken across the kitchen floor after having wrestled it off the opened and extended oven roasting pan while you were out of the room for exactly 12 and a half seconds answering the phone or the doorbell.... |
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24 Feb 11 - 06:10 PM (#3102238) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Little Hawk The question being, "Where do you go when you have no place to hide?" |
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24 Feb 11 - 06:14 PM (#3102241) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: gnu NOT in permanent marker... "Be gentle". |
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24 Feb 11 - 06:30 PM (#3102255) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude LOL, how about "In God I trust, everyone else USE GLOVES" |
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24 Feb 11 - 06:36 PM (#3102260) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri I wrote this the night before I went in. I've got an "after" one too. I can't eat until maybe this time tomorrow, or when the drugs mostly wear off and I'm able to chew and swallow competently. For now, "clear" is the only thing on the menu. I can have Jello, but you don't really have to chew Jello much. I have some vodka, which is clear, so I could do Jello shots. Today began with the results of last night's Milk of Magnesia. I probably won't try the Jello shots because I might forget where I left the bathroom. Not good. I have some chicken broth, or I could buy a chicken breast and hammer the daylights out of it until it was clear, but I somehow think that would be cheating. Later on tonight, I'll take some pills and drink a half gallon of some liquid that was discovered in a pond just outside Chernobyl inhabited by long-haired carp. My younger days of $.25 beer nights prepared me for the chugging part of the procedure. After that, I will use enough toilet tissue to paper the inside of the Taj Mahal (not the musician). I now wish I'd contacted a medical supply company for a replacement asshole or two, but it's too late. The "evacuation" part... my younger days didn't include that. Tomorrow morning, I drink the other half gallon. And use more toilet paper. They told me I could have popsicles, but I'm not sure the idea was to EAT them. When things stop flowing, I'll get in my car and drive to the hospital, where they'll do a 20 minute exploratory mission with a pipe snake that contains a flashlight, some nail clippers and a soldering iron. I will not make humiliating jokes poking fun at the doctor who has to do this, because I fear the word "oops" and I remember John Hurt in "Alien". Well, I'll TRY not to make jokes, but I'll be on a lot of drugs, so I think I'll just offer a blanket apology before the procedure begins. |
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24 Feb 11 - 06:44 PM (#3102264) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude That about sums it up Jeri ... for sure .. thank you ... |
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24 Feb 11 - 06:55 PM (#3102266) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Micca Olddude, how about a Magic marker set of Limit marks, one on each buttock and a sign saying " This entrance must NOT be opened beyond the Limiting Marks" |
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24 Feb 11 - 07:01 PM (#3102270) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Wesley S "Do not open until Christmas" "Objects may be larger than they appear" How about a big "W" written on each cheek so that when you bend over it spells "WOW". ? |
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24 Feb 11 - 07:15 PM (#3102275) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri I won't post the "after" because it isn't as funny as I thought it was when I wrote it. The prep was the worst part of the experience, but that first 100% gaseous fart after made me want to shout for sheer joy. HumOr is necessary to keep one from freaking out or sobbing, because it's just not rational to make "things" go so wrong! Too bad you couldn't find one of those little things that play music in greeting cards, and tuck it somewhere. It could play something appropriate. The Doors singing "This is the end, my beautiful friend" or Sinatra "And now, the end is near...", something else? |
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24 Feb 11 - 07:15 PM (#3102276) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: SINSULL "caution: gerbil crossing"? |
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24 Feb 11 - 07:22 PM (#3102280) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude LOL, if I had some way of rigging a harmonica to my backside during the recovery room process, I could come up with some interesting music ... hey Wes, that is a good one ... |
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24 Feb 11 - 07:29 PM (#3102282) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude The docs always want to take a look, when the disease is inactive, then when the disease is active like it is now to see what damage is going on. The active part hurt beyond description as the insides are like hamburg right now ... it really does suck bad .. I hate it ... I will be just fine, but boy I am not looking forward at all. A few time I had to say in the hospital for a few so I would not bleed out ... hopefully this time will be like the others and I just go home wishing I was dead for a bit ... it passes ... sucks though. At least I can come up with some good ones to get my doc buddie |
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24 Feb 11 - 07:40 PM (#3102285) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Bill D My HMO now has a screen so that one can watch the 'procedure' with the technician...live & in color. Amazing.... I'm not sure whether I need to see that again. |
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24 Feb 11 - 07:49 PM (#3102289) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Yea they got a 50 inch screen now at our hospital, I will watch it ... My doc will wack me out a bit but I am always still awake. Russ my doc is one of my best friends. He is one of the best surgeons in the entire state. I am in good hands for sure. How about one of the early flags that say "don't tread on me" right above the butt LOL- |
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24 Feb 11 - 07:57 PM (#3102293) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Bill D Maybe just an eye ...with eyebrow and all, and a label saying "Cyclops" |
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24 Feb 11 - 08:33 PM (#3102304) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp How about some very tiny script that says: "If you can read this, yer too F'n close." - Chongo |
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24 Feb 11 - 09:02 PM (#3102316) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: maeve "The end justifies the means"? Take good care, Dan. Maeve |
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24 Feb 11 - 09:42 PM (#3102334) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude LOL good one Maeve and Chongo |
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24 Feb 11 - 10:55 PM (#3102357) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Ebbie I'm assuming that you have assistance in applying all this stuff?? My suggestion is to put a cork on a cord and tape it to your backside, perhaps with a note that says something like: Please close on exit. Thank you! |
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24 Feb 11 - 11:47 PM (#3102375) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Ebbie LOL ... good one |
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25 Feb 11 - 12:11 AM (#3102383) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: ClaireBear I suggest a series of teensy weensy bumper stickers. Here are some to choose from: "Get thee behind me, Satan" "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here" "Leave only gloveprints, take only memories" "My other ass is a donkey" "Kick me" |
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25 Feb 11 - 12:15 AM (#3102385) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude clairebear broke a gut laughin great!!! |
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25 Feb 11 - 02:41 PM (#3102738) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: gnu "hopefully this time will be like the others and I just go home wishing I was dead for a bit ... it passes ..." And NOOObody picked that up and ran with it? |
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25 Feb 11 - 02:53 PM (#3102745) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: maeve We all agreed to save that one for you, gnu. Run like the wind! |
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25 Feb 11 - 03:33 PM (#3102771) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude I was waiting GNU ... LOL .. I left the door open I did LOL |
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25 Feb 11 - 03:42 PM (#3102778) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: gnu m... "Run like the wind!" Hahahahahaaa. Yer near as good as Dan at the straight lines. Dan... "I left the door open..." Good lord you are good! |
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25 Feb 11 - 07:27 PM (#3102876) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude You are the only one that picked that up GNU LOL |
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25 Feb 11 - 07:50 PM (#3102887) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: gnu I ain't pickin up anything else. SPAW!!!!! |
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25 Feb 11 - 08:08 PM (#3102896) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude LOL gosh I need this laugh .. thanks folks ... priceless |
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01 Mar 11 - 11:29 AM (#3104998) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: maeve Checking in, Dan. |
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01 Mar 11 - 12:09 PM (#3105022) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: catspaw49 Just kinda' waiting here for some news............But while we wait........................This came up awhile back and I got to talking to Dan about it the other night on the phone. Do you ever wonder how someone becomes a proctologist? I mean there you are........young and bright and ready to go through all it takes to be a Doctor. The career path is filled with promise and most envision becoming a brilliant surgeon or a cardiologist or perhaps enter one of the many callings of oncology. With all that medicine offers, who the hell has an epiphany one day and proclaims, "I want to be an asshole doctor!" Spaw |
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01 Mar 11 - 12:14 PM (#3105033) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude LOL, I am fine, I am glad that darn thing is over with. Though I was going to die .. hurt like crazy .. everything looks good. The illness is active but my doc buddie said .. "I saw ya a lot worse bro" so that is a good thing. No cancer, nothing out of the normal for chrons. Just shredded up a bit. Gotta watch what i eat and he upped the meds .. so I am fine .. Thanks so much for your concern my friends I had a note on my butt thanks to Clairbear's suggestion .. "abandon all hope ye who enter here" I thought my doc buddie was going to fall over laughing. ... priceless ... LOL |
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01 Mar 11 - 12:36 PM (#3105047) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: maeve Good news, Dan. Thanks. |
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01 Mar 11 - 01:29 PM (#3105077) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: GUEST,999 Good news, Dan. |
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01 Mar 11 - 01:42 PM (#3105083) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: kendall Last time my Doctor checked my prostate I asked him "Does this mean we are going steady"? Lucky he has a sense of humor...and small fingers. |
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01 Mar 11 - 01:55 PM (#3105092) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: gnu Good news, Dan. Kendall... it ain't the size of the finger.... |
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01 Mar 11 - 02:53 PM (#3105115) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: fat B****rd Glad to hear it, Dan. I wish now I'd picked up on the 'amusing' items all your 'friends' posted !! PS I was gonna do the one about a W on each cheek !! foiled again. Be lucky and atb from Charlie in Scotland. |
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01 Mar 11 - 03:15 PM (#3105124) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Amos For next time, I can make a suggestion about how to arrange that harmonica, Dan'l!! A |
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01 Mar 11 - 03:42 PM (#3105143) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: fat B****rd Heh heh! All the suggestions were tongue in cheek, geddit? Well, I'm tired. |
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01 Mar 11 - 03:53 PM (#3105149) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude LOL, Great one Amos ... thank Charlie ... thanks folks .. you did make me laugh so hard when I needed it .. Hey Spaw I wish I took up that field, then I could do it myself and not have to pay all the docs .. LOL |
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01 Mar 11 - 07:04 PM (#3105278) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri Dan, congratulations to your ass. I'd imagine there would be a lot of worry with Chron's, so it's good to have your mechanic take a look under the hood, so to speak. I thought I'd end up having polyps out the... a lot of polyps. One "insignificant" polyp and nothing else wrong. I didn't even fart much after. I hope things heal well. I'm glad it's all behind you, but I was sure everything would come out right in the end. |
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01 Mar 11 - 07:09 PM (#3105280) Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: catspaw49 I think the mechanic was checking the in the trunk.................. Spaw |
