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02 Apr 11 - 04:21 PM (#3127132) Subject: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Little Hawk Dateline: Blind River - Apr 2/11 This news just in, and it's sad. Shane got arrested yesterday for bank robbery. It seems, though, that it was only a botched April Fools joke on his part. He went to the bank in Massey, presented the teller with a note that read "This is a flippin' robbary! Hand over alls the flippin' cash that you got here, eh? Cos I need to buy some 649 lottary tickets and a case of beer, eh?" He then pulled out a pistol and started waving it around and yelling, "Everybody get down and don't flippin' move! This is a holdup, eh?" Much confusion followed, as it turned out that the local candidate for the Christian Heritage Party was lined up at one of the other tills, and he decided to put the Fear of the Lord into Shane. I should digress for a moment and explain that the Christian Heritage Party is one of many tiny and inconsequential political parties in Canada who share the stage with the big 4 main parties, but whose existence has no real effect on the outcome. The Christian Heritage Party gets a lot less than 1 per cent of the vote here, but that doesn't stop them from trying, eh? ;-) They manage to field a candidate in most ridings. Their objective is to return society to the glory days of 1000 B.C. or something like that, but I don't think they will ever succeed in attaining that objective. At any rate, their candidate in the Blind River and Massey area is Joseph Blunder, a retired welder. Joseph is 92 years old, but that doesn't mean he's a weakling. His faith in the Lord has made him strong. Shane has long made fun of Joseph Blunder and the Christian Heritage Party. He refers to Blunder as "Bible Thumper", and he has written crude and obscene jokes about Blunder on the rear walls of local businesses around the area, including a paint-sprayed cartoon showing Blunder having sex with a moose. Blunder knows quite well that Shane has no respect for him, for the Lord or for the Christian Heritage Party, and he resents it. With the light of righteous fury burning madly in his eyes, the incensed novagenarian advanced on Shane, holding forth a cross in his shaking hand and shouting, "Get thee behind me, Imp of Satan!" Shane's jaw dropped and he turned to face Joseph Blunder. "What the flip are you....? Look, man, this part ain't in the flippin' script, okay? And I ain't gettin' behind you neither. I ain't no flippin' priest, okay, and you ain't no alter boy. This is MY flippin' April Fools joke, not yourn. Back OFF!" Blunder would not be persuaded. With a silver cross in one hand and a Bible in the other, he moved closer, declaiming in stentorian tones, "AND THE LORD WILL STRIKE DOWN THE VILE SINNER WITH HIS RIGHTEOUS WRATH! AND THE SINNER WILL HIDE BEHIND THE ROCKS, BUT THE LORD WILL TEAR THE ROCKS ASUNDER! AND THE SINNER WILL HIDE BENEATH THE SILENT WATERS, BUT THE LORD WILL PART THE SILENT WATERS WITH A WAVE OF HIS HAND!" "Flip ME!" exclaimed Shane. "I don't flippin' need this crap today, man. Don't make me shoot!!!" He aimed the pistol vaguely in the general direction of Blunder. A woman screamed. Three cops burst in the door and yelled, "FREEZE!!!! DROP THE WEAPON!" Shane pressed the trigger...quite unintentionally...it was a mere frightened reflex action on his part...Blunder's eyes opened wide in shock....and the gun made a little "Toooot!" sound like one of those party things they blow at New Years, and a little flag came out the end of the barrel with "BANG!" written on it. Shane grinned apologetically, spread his hands deprecatingly, looked around at everyone and said..."April Fools, eh? It's just a joke gun. See? See the 'Bang' flag? See?" And then the three cops landed on him like the Cleveland linebackers. Poor Shane. He meant no harm. But no one thought it was funny. Officer Walsh says he's lucky he didn't get shot. He will go up before the judge on Monday. |
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02 Apr 11 - 04:24 PM (#3127134) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Donuel Oh forgive me;~/ I did not know that Shane was in actual mortal danger. Shall we all paypal his bond? |
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02 Apr 11 - 04:27 PM (#3127138) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Little Hawk That would be a kind gesture. I think it's time for the membership of Mudcat to step up to the plate and show a little humanitarian spirit and help out Shane in his time of need. |
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02 Apr 11 - 04:33 PM (#3127140) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Charley Noble It possible they'll only accept hard cash for bail. Charley Noble |
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02 Apr 11 - 04:34 PM (#3127141) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride They should not of roughed up the little brother like that, eh? He is a harmless flipper and everyone knows that! Plus, he is not that smart, eh? A normle person should, like, at least get his wrist slapped maybe for doin' somethin' like that...but Shane is not normle! He's a flippin' idiot's moron, eh? I know this. I have met dogs that are smarter than Shane. I am bettin' they let him off with just a warning. If they don't, I will be ticked, cos he was gonna help me paint the front porch this week. It was just a fake toy gun, fer Krissake! Hello?????? - Don |
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02 Apr 11 - 04:40 PM (#3127145) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Donuel LH I have mailed you all the coins and cash I won on Ebay that belonged tothe workers at Fukushima. |
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02 Apr 11 - 04:45 PM (#3127147) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride Don't mail it to HIM! Mail it to ME! Send it all to Don McBride at Generel Delibevry at Blind River Post Office in North Flippin' Ontario. I have alreddy got together a little cash and I been sellin' T-shirts here that say FREE SHANE in big red letters. $15 bucks fer each T-shirt. I get 'em done for only $6 bucks by my buddy Jim at the copy shop. The profits will go to raise the money to get Shane outta jail and back on the flippin' street where he belongs. - Don |
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02 Apr 11 - 04:53 PM (#3127151) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,John MacKenzie Dachshund poo! |
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02 Apr 11 - 04:58 PM (#3127152) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride Watch yer dam langwage! - Don |
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02 Apr 11 - 04:59 PM (#3127153) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: catspaw49 Shane eats chimp shit................ Spaw |
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02 Apr 11 - 05:00 PM (#3127155) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: catspaw49 Chongo eats Shane shit............. Spaw |
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02 Apr 11 - 05:01 PM (#3127156) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: catspaw49 Hawk ets both and runs rabbits.................. Spaw |
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02 Apr 11 - 05:32 PM (#3127162) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride Take yer flippin' spam somewheres else, retread. - Don |
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02 Apr 11 - 05:36 PM (#3127164) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,999 I have $.90 to send the FREE SHANE fund. However, it's in empty beer bottles. Will that be oK/Ok/o/ satisfactory? |
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02 Apr 11 - 06:16 PM (#3127183) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride Sounds like a plan to me. Send 'em. - Don |
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02 Apr 11 - 06:41 PM (#3127198) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: JennieG We still have some Ozzie 1c and 2c coins.......the country stopped using them years ago but they might be good for topping up Shane's bail. Where do I send them? And I have to ask: is Officer Jennifer on duty while Shane is in the big house? (or is the small house, in Blind River?) Cheers JennieG |
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02 Apr 11 - 06:51 PM (#3127202) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: gnu More like an (arse) hole in the wall. |
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02 Apr 11 - 07:52 PM (#3127232) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: catspaw49 McBride eats hawk shit............... Spaw |
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02 Apr 11 - 08:19 PM (#3127241) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Bobert Man, what the hell is going on here??? This bank robbery has turned into a shit-eatin' contest... Oh well... I didn't enter... Ya'll knock yerselves out!!! Bon appetite, and all that... (And they say that hillbillies is strange???) Ha... B~ |
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02 Apr 11 - 08:37 PM (#3127248) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: catspaw49 Sorry Bobertz.......I will say nothing about you as I like you and you just got a load of shit as a force feed from Butler................ Spaw |
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02 Apr 11 - 08:53 PM (#3127256) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Bobert Thankx, Spawzer... I'm 100% okay with the loss to Butler... Really!!!... Hey, Final Four??? For VCU this was a dream come true... Maybe get us a couple decent recruits??? Now back to our regularly scheduled shit-eatin' contest... Hmmmmm??? Seems that Don McBride is in the lead... Maybe he'll end up with the "Brown Trophy"... Go, Don, go... B~ |
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02 Apr 11 - 10:05 PM (#3127284) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Amos NO BAIL!! It's time for a little tough love and Shane needs to do some quiet reflection in solitary confinement. A |
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02 Apr 11 - 11:40 PM (#3127313) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Ebbie Question: How could Shane be in mortal danger? |
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02 Apr 11 - 11:49 PM (#3127316) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride It means, like, if he was gonna die, eh? What are you, stoopid or somethin'? - Don |
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03 Apr 11 - 12:34 AM (#3127326) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: EBarnacle Isn't Chongo a licensed attorney in Canada? After all, we know his relationship with bars. |
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03 Apr 11 - 02:50 AM (#3127355) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Ebbie Don, for your information neither you nor your brother are alive. Accept that and go on. |
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03 Apr 11 - 09:41 AM (#3127571) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Feral Cheryl He's loked up with kriminals and bad people! I'm doing my best to raze money to help him raze bail but my back is startin to hurt. So far I'v razed more than two dollars and some kind of mony from some other conutry. Shane! I'm tying to hep you, babe! |
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03 Apr 11 - 09:49 AM (#3127577) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: SINSULL This has to be a Mudcat first. No one has yet to attack the Christians for screwing up Shane's party. WOW. |
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03 Apr 11 - 11:05 AM (#3127626) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Ebbie :) |
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03 Apr 11 - 01:08 PM (#3127715) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Brother Dismas Fiacre I am deeply saddened that this person, who took my birth name without permission, should fall into such troubles. I pray that he will repent and begin a new way of life. It's never too late. |
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03 Apr 11 - 01:32 PM (#3127735) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,John MacKenzie Silly old Fiacre! |
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03 Apr 11 - 01:38 PM (#3127742) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Little Hawk Yes, where ARE all our anti-religious crusaders??? They should be pouncing on this thread in droves to support Shane and help raise funds to spring him out of durance vile. He is just another unfortunate victim of organized religion!!!!! |
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03 Apr 11 - 01:52 PM (#3127749) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: gnu Dale here. The snow finally melted enough fer me ta be able to get the truck outta the barn and get down ta Moncton fer ta get some supplies. I bin partyin since the insurance coin for the accident came in an I was down to about thirty cases eh. I told you he was no good Cheryl. And now he's got everyone dooped inta thinkin he was just pullin a April Fools joke septin the Royal Canadian Mounted. Time ya wised up an found a real man. A man with enough cash ta take care a you and the bun. How is yer tummy mummy? I gotta run, gnu will be home soon. Say hi to him for me. I just don't understand why that city boy never changes the lock on his door. I showed him how. He must lazy. Or dumb or very trusting, which is dumb times two eh. I herd a door slam |
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03 Apr 11 - 07:45 PM (#3127918) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Gurney How many on-line computers do you really have, LH? |
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03 Apr 11 - 09:33 PM (#3127952) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River This is me, eh? One of the guys here...Coop...lended me his laptop. You would be surprised how many of the reglars here at the jail have them things now. You don't really rate no more behind bars unlest you are online, eh? Coop warned me not to get no virusses on this thing by goin' to the wrong sites and downloadin' bad stuff, so I have been stayin' away from doin' that and just lookin' at the usewal pickchures and videos which I figger is safe. It's kinda like usin' one of them condimins, eh? Anyways, what we got here is a flippin' seryouus case of INjustise! It was April first, eh? Everybuddy knows that the usewal stuff don't count fer nothin' on April 1 becoz it is April Fools Day fer flip's sake! NObody robs a bank on April Fools Day coz it would not be right to do that. On other days okay...but NOT on April Fools Day and not on Christmas! All hardened crinimals are agreed that that is just the way it is. Not even flippin' Dillinjer would rob a flippin' bank on Christmas or April Fools Day, know'm sayin'? So how come these fliphead cops would arrest me for playin' a harmless little joke that is in toon with the flippin' season and only to cheer ppeeple up? It is not fair! I am gonna find me a public defender that has some balls and I will sue the flippin' OPP for alls they got and then some! I been falsly arrrested here and I want flippin' justiss! They also flippin' put a hammerlock on me when I wasn't even flippin' fightin' back or nothin' and now my neck hurts, eh? That is police brutality! The worst one is that crazy fliphead pig Officer Walsh who is a total flippin' jerk with a real bad attitude. He thinks he is Clint Flippin' Eastwood, wavin' his gun around and thtretening innoscent peeople. He should be flippin' throwed off the force. I will not flippin' reast untill that bolthead is put behind bars and made to pay for ruinin' my day. - Shane |
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03 Apr 11 - 11:02 PM (#3127975) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Rapparee Yes, being shot can really ruin your day. So can being tea-gassed, pepper-sprayed, concussion-grenaded, or any one of a number of other things. I know, I know, Shame. You were just foolin' around. But I've actually BEEN a cop, once, long ago, and I was even brought up on police brutality charges. Of course, nothing came of them because all we did was get the guy on the ground, handcuff him, put the boots to him a few times, get in a little "stick time", and kick-roll him down some stairs and across the street to the car before we hauled him off to jail. Then he had the audacity to file a brutality complaint! Well, after we visited with him and explained things in a nice way he dropped it, and a good thing for him too. On another topic, do you know how many prisoners commit suicide in their jail cells? |
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04 Apr 11 - 12:05 AM (#3128009) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Officer Jennifer Dana, OPP A shake-down search of the cells found several computers, which are totally forbidden to inmates. One of these was in Mr. McBride's cell; all of them were confiscated. A home-made knife, called a "shank", was also found in Mr. McBride's cell; he denies knowing anything about it. Nevertheless, he has been placed in solitary confinement with an around-the-clock suicide watch in place. He asked that I post this information. |
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04 Apr 11 - 12:08 AM (#3128010) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River People like you are a flippin' diseese, man. That is alls I got to say. I got no reazon to committ suecide becoz my flippin' glory days are, like, still layin' ahead and they are not like far off, eh? You will see ME on yer TV screen one day coz I will be a faymuous rock star frontin' a kickass heavey metal band and gettin' hot chicks and you will still be NUTHIN'! Ha! So there, eh, fliphead! I will be out real soon. You can take that to the bank, dumbass. No bars can hold back Shane McBride for long. My flippin' destiny is wrote large across the canvass of life. - Shane |
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04 Apr 11 - 12:19 AM (#3128013) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride Eether we got a flippin' time warp here or somebody is inpersonatin' my baby brother and tryin' to get him in deep shit. Or somebody is inpersonatin' Offiser Dana. ??? Or Shane's flippin' post went through late fer some reason coz of, like, bad software? ??? Eitehr way it is not good. But there is no way Shane will kill himself. He just ain't smart enough. He would screw it up somehow. Trust me. He tried to, like, kill a wasp one time in the house here, eh? With a baseball bat. He flippin' killed the TV, a couple lamps, part of the walls in the hall, some dishes, 2 windows, and a hot stereo that we was lookin' to pawn. The wasp lived. I got stung. Shane got stung. My girlfriend of the day got stung. The wasp got away. I rest my flippin' case. - Don |
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04 Apr 11 - 12:23 AM (#3128014) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Sandy Mc Lean Shane said: "No bars can hold back Shane McBride for long." The bar at the Lower Deck in Halifax held him back for most of the day until he was forcibly removed at closing time, but that was a few years ago. In any case does not Shane deserve more sympathy than what is being shown here? For shame on Mudcat! |
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04 Apr 11 - 01:25 AM (#3128032) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride It makes ya wonder, don't it, Sandy? Where is the love? I do not believe that Shane made no homemade knife cos he would not do that. He is too lazy and he don't have them kind of manuwal skills, eh? Sure, he would use a home made knife if he found one, maybe to jimmy open a window, eh? But he would never bother to make one. That would be too much like work! The basic thing with the little brother is...if it is much harder than opening a beer bottle or busting a lock or a window, he ain't innerested. If it takes more than 5 minutes, he ain't innerested. I guesstimate that makin' a "shank" would take at least a few hours, eh? NO FLIPPIN' WAY! - Don |
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04 Apr 11 - 02:59 AM (#3128050) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Gurney Don, you reckon sumone is impersonhating Officer Dana? I've heard that illeagle. Funny, impersonhating a police officer is illeagle, but when a police officer impersonhates a teenage girl on the web, that's NOT. No, mate! They get commendaytions! One law for them, another for the rest of us, eh! |
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04 Apr 11 - 10:10 AM (#3128232) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Rapparee Knowing something about how the Internet works (I had to study it because of my job) I think that Shame's Last Message (what a great book title!) was delayed in transit from one node to another. Perhaps the transit layer of the TCP/IP software gagged on it, or perhaps it was simply delayed at a node due to header errors. Hard to tell. But I applaud the OPP for the suicide watch. He's probably laying naked in a jail cell bunk, no sheets or other coverings with which he could harm himself, a stainless steel and lidless toilet in one corner, a 100 watt light bulb burning overhead high up where he can't reach it. I say I applaud this because the boy can cut himself on a soft rubber spoon. That shank may have been left by an earlier prisoner or planted to get Shame in trouble. Does he have any enemies on the "inside"? |
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04 Apr 11 - 10:24 AM (#3128243) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Rapparee Or any enemies on the outside, for that matter. |
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04 Apr 11 - 10:44 AM (#3128257) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Patsy Please someone from the UK tell me that it was an April Fool's joke that all chip shops were going to ban the option of salt at the counter? Have I been had hook line and stinker? |
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04 Apr 11 - 11:18 AM (#3128288) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,leeneia LH, I bet you could slip Shane a banjo through the bars of his cell. Important: turn banjo SIDEWAYS. This would give Shane something healthy to do, and would either drive his custodians nuts so they release him or else entertain them so they treat him better. Anyway you look at it, it's a win-win. |
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04 Apr 11 - 01:04 PM (#3128370) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Little Hawk Great idea, leeneia. I'll make sure Don knows about it. I don't think Don has access to a banjo at the moment, but that doesn't mean he couldn't "find" one... And after it's been found, your plan can be put into action. I feel sure that if Shane learned to play "Achy Breaky Heart" on the banjo and sang it about 50 times in a row, his jailers would be persuaded to negotiate an early release. Rapparee, Shane called you a "dumbass". Whaddya think about that? He also uttered these immortal words: My flippin' destiny is wrote large across the canvass of life. That's a quote that has to rank among the greatest of all time, right up there with quotes from Churchill, Lincoln, Goethe, and William Shatner, don'tcha think? Impressive. I didn't think the boy had that sort of poetic flare. Generations of people will harken back to those deathless words when they think of Shane McBride. |
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04 Apr 11 - 04:55 PM (#3128500) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Gurney I had a poetic flare once. I'd been drinking poteen, and I smoked in those days. |
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04 Apr 11 - 07:47 PM (#3128616) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers A fitting taste of Hell for this sinner! Lying naked in a tiny cell, shivering in anticipation of the torments to come! Soon they will let the demons in to torment him in indescribable ways, violating every bodily opening, ripping his flesh apart, he wishing he would die but being dead he cannot ever stop the torment. REPENT!! There is still time!!! Accept the Lord as your personal saviour!!!! Open your heart and accept your penance on Earth!!!!! |
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05 Apr 11 - 12:21 AM (#3128701) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride You have gotta flippin' come up here and help Joe Blunder campane for the CHP, Jimmy Lee, cos you are just as nuts as he is, eh? It is becoz of crazed flipheads like you that my baby brother is now rottin' in jail. - Don |
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05 Apr 11 - 06:57 AM (#3128847) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: gnu Sounds rottin outta jail too. |
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05 Apr 11 - 10:46 AM (#3129012) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Rapparee He's in jail because your scum-brained brother hasn't done anything as remotely intelligent as wet himself and wonder where the pee came from. But have no fear -- by now the other prisoners will have "broken him in" to prison life. He'll be the same man he was when he went in, only he won't like girls anymore. |
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05 Apr 11 - 01:10 PM (#3129136) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride Look here, bolthole, this is my baby brother you are talkin' about, so watch it! This is McBride blood you are slanderin' here. We don't flippin' take kindly to that, got it? You take it right back to the old country, Ireland, and you will find it the same that us McBrides do not ferget a insult and we will flippin' carry the vendetta as long as their is a single fliphead left standin' on the other side of that line! You just better shut yer damn trap, eh? Don't get me mad! It is true that Shane ain't the briteist bulb in the store, eh? I know that. But there is no call fer talkin' the way you did about him. If you was here I would kick yer ass, buddy. I got no worries about Shane bein' in the can. What the flip, he has been in the can at least 50 times allready, eh? And it don't change him. Shane can flippin' swim in them waters like a fish, man. He knows half the people in there fer flip's sake! I remember the time when we was both in the can and Snake tried ta kill me with one of them home made knvies and Shane went nuts and put a hammerlock on that motherflipper and pounded him down to the floor. It was a brother's love for a brother that done it. I would not call Shane brave under most circlestanses...but when his brother's life was on the line Shane stepped up to the flippin' plate and hit a flippin' home run! Ain't no one gonna ferget that. Snake does not mess with Shane and ain't no one else going to either. If they do, they are dead meat. Trust me on this. Now apololgize! You hearn me. Apologize. I am waitin'. - Don |
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05 Apr 11 - 01:24 PM (#3129150) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Joseph Blunder The entire McBride family are the spawn of Satan! Their very existence is an ominous sign that the End of Days draws near!!! They are the henchmen of the AntiChrist, put upon this Earth by Beelzebub himself to seduce virgins, oppress the innocent, and despoil the land! Only believing on the Lord Jesus can protect us against these hell-spawn! It was my faith in the Lord that gave me the strength to face down that young Satanist in the bank and defy him with all the authority given me by Allmighty God! By a God-given MIRACLE his gun was transformed into a harmless toy even as he pulled the trigger and he was rendered impotent and helpless before the forces of both human and DIVINE law! I watch the Reverend Jimmy Lee Staggers faithfully. He is like unto a lamp shining light upon the heathen in a sea of enveloping darkness that threatens to swallow all life and all hope, but the righteous shall win through in the end when the clouds are parted at the FINAL TRUMP and the Lord makes a new Heaven and a new Earth, and we who have remained faithful will dwell with the Lord forever and ever and the Earth shall be made again into a paradise for the holy and the just. Don't forget to vote! Mark your ballot for Joseph Blunder, Christian Heritage Party, and make Canada God's Dominion, not Satan's!!!!!!!!!! - Joseph Blunder, CHP |
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05 Apr 11 - 05:43 PM (#3129367) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride A vote fer Joseph Blunder and the CHP would be like votin' for a dead dog...only worst! Talk about a flippin' wasted vote!!! Them dipwads will never get eleckted to nothin'. Not even dogcatcher. Blunder don't know nothin' about God becoz when God gave out the brains Joe Blunder was poundin' on his Bible so hard that he flippin' didn't hear the bell, fergot to line up, and he got NONE. He is empty between the ears. Ain't nothin' happenin' inside those walls, eh? We are lookin' at a majerly big VACENCY sign, that is all. It is a wonder the man can even walk and talk. McBrides yewshally vote Liberal cos that's what we always done since my Grandad's time, eh? The Liberals gave him free beer and he voted for them. It is that simple. We don't waste time on the flippin' issues or nothin' like that. All we want is a free beer or two, and the rest is histery. If the flippin' CHP ever got in I bet they would make beer ILLEGAL! They are so FLIPPED!!!!! - Don |
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05 Apr 11 - 10:03 PM (#3129503) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Rapparee Dear Mr. McBride, I believe that my ancestors carried off some McBride women back around 850 A.D. Family tradition says that we had to sell them as bait because they were useless for any other purpose, and then they drove the fish away rather than attract them. Of course, the other loot made up for the loss we took on the wenches, but every commercial enterprise carries certain risks. As for apologizing, I see no reason to apologize for the truth. Shame is a disgrace to disgraces who doesn't have the sense to pound sand down a rathole, more especially since he'd try to do it from the inside. If he ever did beat ups omeone it was probably to take their candy or lunch money, which I understand he still does. I'm certain that he has at least one good point. Fortunately, his hat covers it. Sincerely yours, Rapparee |
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06 Apr 11 - 01:16 PM (#3129939) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Don McBride You are such a flippin' liar, man. ;-D I never seen the like. We give out prizes at the Iron Horse for the man who can tell the biggest and best lies. I think you oughtta come here and see if you can win. It's on Sunday afternoons, eh? Any Sunday. You gotta drink 10 beer, then get up on the stage and tell a whopper. It has gotta sound like it's true, but be a baldfaced lie. I am bettin' you would win bigtime. If you do come here for this, I will bet all my money on you to win and I will split the take with you afterward. No one else will be prepared for this so we will win BIG. Just let me know when you are free, eh? In the meantime the little brother is sufferin' in solidarity confynement. Poor Shane! He don't do well when he has to be alone for a long time with no TV or computer or nothin'. I am afraid he might get real depressed. - Don |
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06 Apr 11 - 05:40 PM (#3130110) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers Thank you and bless you, Mr. Blunder. But forgive that wretch as you have been forgiven. Remember that if he cannot see The Way, The Truth, and The Life it is YOUR mission to show it to him, to preach to him, to do all in YOUR power to show him The Way. If he rejects it, then you can stand before the Judgement Seat and say that you spent you life trying and it will be his own fault for failing to follow the One True Path. And remember, if someone strikes you on your right cheek, offer them your left. It is up to YOU and people like you to advance The Good Work in this sinful world and you have been doing that. Do not be discouraged, but follow in His way. |
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06 Apr 11 - 10:22 PM (#3130226) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: GUEST,Joseph Blunder Jimmy Lee, you have opened my eyes with those heartfelt words! I now know what God wants me to do. He wants me to minister to Shane, and he has mercifully arranged to make that possible by incarcerating Shane for an indefinite period. Starting tomorrow I will go straight to the jail where this unfortunate sinner is being held, thus sacrificing important time I could spend campaigning in Canada's election. I shall devote at least 3 hours each day to preaching the Gospel to Shane McBride until he turns to the Lord and is saved! After all, the salvation of one soul, specially a soul so far from God as this one is, is worth any sacrifice! Thank you for gently showing me the Way! - Joseph Blunder |
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07 Apr 11 - 11:09 AM (#3130543) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Rapparee Well, that should be cruel and unusual punishment.... |
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07 Apr 11 - 02:11 PM (#3130695) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Little Hawk Sounds like "the irresistible force meeting the immovable object" to me. |
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07 Apr 11 - 04:23 PM (#3130802) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Rapparee Who knows? Maybe Shame will be converted. If it works I would also expect giant locusts, the Five Horsemen (War, Famine, Disease, Death, and Irritating Rash), the Sun and Stars not go give light, etc. etc. |
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07 Apr 11 - 05:21 PM (#3130833) Subject: RE: BS: April Fools 'joke' goes badly awry! From: Little Hawk Yes, I'm worried about the same sort of thing. Could it be that the End of Days is just around the corner? |