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07 Nov 11 - 01:39 PM (#3252200) Subject: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude A hell of a lot of em when your missus doesn't put gas in her car !! |
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07 Nov 11 - 01:44 PM (#3252204) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Never visit an Amish friend with your wife's car ... The end :-) |
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07 Nov 11 - 01:49 PM (#3252207) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude And always bring a cell phone cause ya see Amish ... DON'T HAVE PHONES !! |
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07 Nov 11 - 02:03 PM (#3252221) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude can't stop laughing .. my own fault for not checking :-) |
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07 Nov 11 - 02:10 PM (#3252234) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST Yeah, When going where there is no gas or phone bring your own. |
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07 Nov 11 - 02:21 PM (#3252243) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,999 Dan, remind me to tell you about my Aunt aunt and the canary. |
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07 Nov 11 - 02:31 PM (#3252254) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: gnu 9!!! Spill it! |
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07 Nov 11 - 02:40 PM (#3252268) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk What the heck, Dan...do what Harrison Ford did in "Witness" and just stay with the Amish for a few months. It could be really cool. ;-) I've lived in a place with no phones, and I loved it. Of course, your wiener dogs might feel they'd been abandoned. That has to be taken into account. |
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07 Nov 11 - 02:51 PM (#3252279) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: catspaw49 The only way I would do that Hawk would be if I was 30 years younger and then I would definitely plow the livin' shit out of Kelly McGillis! I don't care if she's gay or not.....I could wreck that........... Spaw |
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07 Nov 11 - 03:30 PM (#3252305) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Heh! I know exactly what you mean, Spaw. She was lovely, wasn't she? |
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07 Nov 11 - 03:44 PM (#3252315) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG Lacking a real question, the mice decide not to go through the whole thing again and settle for the out-of-thin-air suggestion "How many roads must a man walk down?" |
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07 Nov 11 - 04:01 PM (#3252332) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,R. A. Zimmerman Six. |
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07 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM (#3252341) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Zimmerman has it right. A man's gotta walk down five, maybe six roads at the most, and if he ain't got it figgered out by then, he is never gonna get it figgered out. I have known bozos like that. They could walk down 50 friggin' roads and they still don't know what end is up. Dan, what you gotta do is enjoy the moment. I figger that there could be some cosmic reason for you to get marooned amongst the Amish, some reason that will yield great benefit in time, and you should enjoy it to the max. - Chongo |
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07 Nov 11 - 04:26 PM (#3252351) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Paul Burke The answer, my friend, is 42. |
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07 Nov 11 - 04:46 PM (#3252366) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Yeah, and what do you get from tbe number 42, usin' numerology? 4 + 2 = 6 Just like Zimmerman said. Six. - Chongo |
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07 Nov 11 - 04:53 PM (#3252374) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: gnu Almost. It's one... sex. |
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07 Nov 11 - 05:08 PM (#3252385) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Janie Remembering a "blonde" moment from many, many years ago. (way before cell phones.) Headed home after work on the freeway. Pass my omnipotent and very capable Dad pulled over on the berm and wave cheerily as I speed past. Arrive home 10 minutes later and Mom says, "You didn't stop?!!!" Fortunately my younger sister, 5 minutes behind me on her daily commute, had darker hair. I was backing out of the driveway, full of chagrin when she pulled up, Dad in the passenger seat of her little red VW bug. |
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07 Nov 11 - 09:25 PM (#3252520) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Bee-dubya-ell A few months after buying my current van, I ran out of gas. The fuel gauge said "Empty", but the low fuel warning light had yet to come on so I assumed the gauge was a bit off. Turned out the gauge worked fine but the low fuel light was either broken or nonexistent. Since then, I have not allowed the fuel level in that vehicle to get below a quarter tank. |
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07 Nov 11 - 09:34 PM (#3252525) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Rapparee Before she was my wife she bought a '71 Dodge. She ran it for some time and then we headed to Missouri to buy gas (it was cheaper there). The bridge was under repair and we stopped on the Illinois side...and the engine died and couldn't start again for lack of petrol in the tank. There were NO stations closer than the one in Missouri, at the other end of the mile or more long bridge. I started walking....then walking back. Fortunately some nice soul saw me and gave me a ride back to the car. We returned the gas can to the station and filled up. She knew to a drop the mileage.... |
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07 Nov 11 - 10:01 PM (#3252539) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Bobert Hate to admit this but I have never run out of gas... Maybe I have missed something, I donno??? I have broken down, however, on the side of the road... Does that count??? Worst was back in '69 and my band had a gig in DC and we was on our way back to Richmond when the radiator blew in our '49 Ford panel (equipment) truck... Fortunately, the bass player (FuzBat) was right behind us in his Camero so we had transportation but we were stuck on I-95 in Lorton, Va. for two days waiting to get the radiator recored... Fun... B~ |
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08 Nov 11 - 09:34 AM (#3252794) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Becca72 I'm with you, Bobert. I've never run out of gas, either. |
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08 Nov 11 - 11:15 AM (#3252854) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,999 Gnu, My aunt was cleaning the country place, a small two room structure and as always, she defrosted the fridge and freezer, too. She had left the doors of the fridge and freezer open to hasten the defrost time. She also took that opportunity to have the budgie get in some flight time and make it easier to clean Chirpie's cage. The process of cleaning the place usually took the better part of the afternoon. At about three pm I received a frantic phone call from her. It seems that at about 1:00 pm she'd closed both the refrigerator door and the freezer door. When she couldn't find Chirpie anywhere, she checked the fridge and freezer. He was in the freezer, on his back, his legs straight up, frozen solid. She asked me if there was anything she could do. I thought for a few seconds and suggested she turn on the oven and put Chirpie near the stove to thaw. Meanwhile, I told her to go get my uncle's can of lighter fluid. She did. As Chirpie began to warm up, I then said she should give each of his nostrils (nares) a few squirts, which she did. He literally took off, flying all over the kitchen and livingroom/bedroom. Alas, he flew for about 1 1/2 minutes but then fell from the air to the floor and lay still. I felt bad for her because she kinda doted on the budgie. In a soft voice I asked, "Dead?" |
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08 Nov 11 - 11:17 AM (#3252857) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,999 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . She said, "No. Ran out of gas!" |
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08 Nov 11 - 11:23 AM (#3252861) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Jeri You are a bad, bad man! |
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08 Nov 11 - 11:25 AM (#3252864) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Pete Jennings We keep our tortoise, Timmy, in a fridge over the UK winter to make sure he gets a good hibernation. He's in there now, with the temperature showing at 5.2 degrees C (approx 41 degrees F). |
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08 Nov 11 - 11:37 AM (#3252874) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk 999 - Ha! Ha! Ha! |
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08 Nov 11 - 12:07 PM (#3252895) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: SPB-Cooperator If I go home by tube, six by bus - two from thge pub on Fridays - six, but one is pedestrianised. |
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08 Nov 11 - 12:14 PM (#3252901) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: catspaw49 Bruce you are just shameless. Granted the budgie/lighter fluid bit but not only is that joke as old as Methusela but I have told it in cat form about 9 times around here dating back to this one in November of 1999! ********************************************************************** Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts. From: catspaw49 - PM Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:40 PM Ya know, I had a cat with bowel problems and my vet suggested a 1/2 teaspoon of gasoline fer chrissake! I admit that I thought the guy was nuts, but it did work, sorta. It ain't too easy to get a half teaspoon of gasoline down a cat's throat, but when I did, he liked to tore me to shreds getting away. He blasted around the room about 3 or 4 times, ran up the hallway, up the stairs, back down both, and into the den, leaped on the drapes and ran to the end of the curtain rod where he stopped and fell to the floor. I thought I'd killed the poor thing, but it turns out he'd just run out of gas. ********************************************************************** And some of the later versions got up to two paragraphs! Still a damn fine old joke though....and a nice telling on your part! Spaw |
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08 Nov 11 - 12:16 PM (#3252903) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Har! Har! Even better, Spaw. |
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08 Nov 11 - 12:24 PM (#3252909) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude LOL thank you needed the laugh guys |
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08 Nov 11 - 12:33 PM (#3252918) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG very funny |
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08 Nov 11 - 01:57 PM (#3252957) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: gnu Love that joke. |
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08 Nov 11 - 04:30 PM (#3253050) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Gosh I actually made it down and back to the Amish today ... didn't even have to walk cause I used my car LOL ... see every time my missus says, I am taking your car to work today .. that usually means fill mine up :-) |
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08 Nov 11 - 04:49 PM (#3253058) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Have you had a long friendship with the Amish community, Dan? |
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08 Nov 11 - 06:30 PM (#3253138) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge I should think it would depend on the man. After all, some men walk...others drive. Some drive wickely expensive sport cars, and those are the men that primarily interest me. The ones who have to walk can't possibly give a girl enough entertainment to justify the interest, if you ask me! :-) ttfn! Veronica |
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08 Nov 11 - 06:39 PM (#3253144) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: gnu Ronnie...some of them can't drive because their dicks are too big to be able to sit down. Wanna take a walk with me? |
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08 Nov 11 - 07:03 PM (#3253159) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG but you're not being asked Veronica Whoeveryouare |
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08 Nov 11 - 07:35 PM (#3253179) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: katlaughing If he'd ask directions, a heck of a lot less. |
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08 Nov 11 - 07:52 PM (#3253201) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: catspaw49 You have a point there kat! Maybe you recall this story I told about that back a dozen years ago.................... So it's a pleasant summer afternoon and I've had to run out to our freeway station to fix a stranded traveller's car. Before going back to the shop, I'm having a coke and BSing with a couple of our gasjocks out front. Remember those days? Complete underhood check, clean windshield and rear window, and you sat in your car and didn't have to do a thing, all for about 35 cents a gallon! Anyway, a new Buick deuce and a quarter drives in and the guy gets out dressed in expensive sports clothes, the woman waits in the car. He looks distastefully at us and asks, "How much farther is it to St. Louis?" This wasn't really a stupid question, but one we didn't hear often since we were on the far east side of Columbus, Ohio. I'd just been out that way a little before, so I answered, "Oh, I'd say it's about 500 miles or thereabouts." Stanley Snappy looks at me like I'm an idiot and quite nastily says, "That's ridiculous." I'm immediately pissed, but keep it "quiet." Stanley continues, "It can't be that far!" The rest of the conversation was close to this: ME: Well, I dunno', it's something like that. SS: Can't be. Can't be that far. ME: OK, so it's 475. SS: That's ridiculous. ME: Look man, I just drove through St. Louis last month and it's 500 miles from HERE. SS: It can't be. ME: Alright, I give up.....How far should it be? SS: It can't be more than a hundred miles. We left home at 11 this morning. ME: Really? Well, uh......Where's home? SS: Kokomo. ME: As in Indiana? (Gasjocks are cracking up) SS: Of course! ME: Well this would be Columbus as in Ohio......of course. SS: (Just stares---Still doesn't get it, looks at the laughing gasjocks) ME: Well lookit here sport, I'd say you took a wrong turn in Indy. SS: What do you mean? ME: I guess I mean you fucked up. This is OHIO!!! SS: Huh? ME: Jesus Jack, you've been driving the wrong fuckin' way for 3 hours. SS: I have? ME: Hey, no shit! SS: Oh God, now what am I gonna' do? ME: Personally I'd head back WEST on 70, but that'd just be me. SS: Yeah...No, that's not what I meant. I mean what am I going to tell my wife. .......and for the first time, I actually empathized with this idiot. His personality had changed about 180 degrees in 10 seconds and I had a feeling it was going to be a REAL LONG DRIVE to St. Louis. As they drove out, we watched to see if they got on 70 West...they did. One of the gasjocks, Dan, turned to me and said, "He must have borrowed that car." I asked why he thought so. "Anybody that dumb couldn't have a job to pay for it." He was probably right. Spaw |
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08 Nov 11 - 07:58 PM (#3253204) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: katlaughing I don't remember that one, Spaw! LMAO!! |
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08 Nov 11 - 11:59 PM (#3253259) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude lol that is awesome spaw |
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09 Nov 11 - 12:06 AM (#3253260) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude LH yes i have known many in the amish community for a long time. There are quite a few here. They keep to themselves but once you become friends, you are treated like family |
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09 Nov 11 - 12:38 AM (#3253268) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge You should be so lucky, gnu! Only in your dreams, you randy colonial layabout. As for you, BTNG, be advised that a Rutledge girl always speaks her mind whenever she wishes, to whomever she wishes, and certainly without needing to asking your wretched permission first. What cheek! I wager that you have never been to Ascott and wouldn't know the difference between a Bentley and a Rolls if your life depended upon it. Furthermore, your name (BTNG) sounds like a cork flying out of a bottle of cheap wine. ttfn! Veronica |
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09 Nov 11 - 08:42 AM (#3253472) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Veronica Thank you for making me laugh ... that was priceless ... big smile Dan |
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09 Nov 11 - 09:58 AM (#3253525) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: topical tom I dunno. Til you get to the bottom of the mountain? Or mebbe til the next service station? |
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09 Nov 11 - 10:18 AM (#3253543) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG I see oldfart is being impressed by some young tart, thus it ever was, thus it shall ever be |
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09 Nov 11 - 12:24 PM (#3253656) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: frogprince "I see oldfart is being impressed by some young tart, thus it ever was, thus it shall ever be" ...for the crusty and the flakey are rarin' to go.... |
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09 Nov 11 - 12:32 PM (#3253662) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk There is nothing else quite like the power of a young woman in her prime. |
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09 Nov 11 - 12:49 PM (#3253681) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG "People who pose as "upper" should beware of those who actually are" a quote from my son-in-law, who though "upper" is a very decent human being The grocer's daughter from Grantham, Lincolnshire would have done well to have heeded a quote like that. |
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09 Nov 11 - 01:06 PM (#3253695) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Everyone bewares of those who actually are! (Except, perhaps, those who actually are...) I read once that being of royal blood was statistically THE most dangerous occupation a person could have in medieval Europe. Makes you wonder, doesn't it? Veronica Rutledge, however, is not of royal blood. She's merely rich and spoiled. The thing that poses the most danger to her is her own driver's license and her Zebra-striped Porsche (or did that one get wrecked recently?). |
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09 Nov 11 - 01:27 PM (#3253707) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude LOL |
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09 Nov 11 - 01:46 PM (#3253721) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude Us old farts ain't dead yet :-) pick me up please with me gas can in hand ... :-) can't stop laughing |
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09 Nov 11 - 01:55 PM (#3253729) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG I hear she had a chimp in the car with her who may or may not have had a hand in the accident |
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09 Nov 11 - 01:58 PM (#3253732) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Stringsinger How many roads must Bobby walk down? Not even one. He can drive in his limousine. |
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09 Nov 11 - 02:07 PM (#3253738) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude What what you say about Chongo ... our next President cause he got my vote |
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09 Nov 11 - 02:13 PM (#3253743) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude You do realize BTNG I am teasing you :-) |
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09 Nov 11 - 02:23 PM (#3253753) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG chimp or hawk, I can't remember which.... |
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09 Nov 11 - 04:18 PM (#3253836) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press "who may or may not have had a hand in the accident" AND who may have had a hand somewhere else at the time as well! Or IN something else, if you follow my analogy. Yes! The disturbing rumours...did I say "rumours"?...the disturbing reports that have been pouring in from my confidential sources who cannot be named to these embattled offices of the Independent Press in Birmingham make it quite clear that there are unholy alliances being formed even as I speak between the sons and daughters of the British aristocracy and shambling, subhuman, hairy, gibbering, degenerate beasts of the jungle!!!! Could this herald the final collapse of civilization as we know it? And what connection does it have with the blood-drinking lizard-man, Winston Wellington-Jones, who walks among us pretending to be an ordinary English peer, albeit an insufferably arrogant one, and who has married into the ancient Rutledge line with the clear intent of stealing their pure genetic coding and producing a line of reptilian-blooded, shape-shifting, cannibalistic creatures whose final purpose is to enslave all humanity!!!!!!!!!! BUY the next issue of the Independent Press at your local counter and READ the AWFUL TRUTH in all its HORRIFYING ENTIRETY as I rip the mask from the ugly face of HIDDEN POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Hector Ballsworthy |
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09 Nov 11 - 04:22 PM (#3253838) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG now that is a fake, every idiot and their mother knows The Independent Press is in Coventry, same building as the West Midlands branch of the the Barnsley Nutrition Partnership |
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09 Nov 11 - 04:25 PM (#3253839) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge Are you saying, BTNG (Oh my! There goes that cork again!), that your mother knows where the Independent Press is located? ttfn! Veroninca |
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09 Nov 11 - 04:36 PM (#3253843) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge In any case, pay no attention to the lunatic Ballsworthy, screaming out of one side of his mouth and drooling out the other. He has been writing incredible stories about my family and Uncle Winston for years. He is mad, mad as the proverbial hatter. He is an idiot of the first water. He makes swamp mud look sentient in comparison. In the Land of the Mad, he would undoubtedly be crowned as the King. It is my understanding that he runs a separate Independent Press to the one you are alluding to, and that he has moved his offices several times after certain unfortunate incidents occurred, possibly due to his constant harassment of people from a far better lineage than his own... You just can't do that sort of destructive thing to innocent people forever without suffering a certain amount of bad luck in return. It's a karmic certainty. Either that or he did it himself to get the insurance money. One has to wonder, though, where he acquired that amount of explosives. I'm betting that he got them from Muammar Gadhaffi. If so, he will have to find a new supplier now! :-) ttfn! Veronica |
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09 Nov 11 - 04:57 PM (#3253856) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude OK now I am getting PISSED !! I started a thread for a chuckle about running out of gas in an Amish community ... I don't know who or what you folks are talking about nor care as most others here .. take it elsewhere ok ... Kat cancel this Fckin thread |
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09 Nov 11 - 05:01 PM (#3253859) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG me thinks someone protesteth waaaayyyyyy too much..... |
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09 Nov 11 - 05:17 PM (#3253873) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: katlaughing olddude/Dan, they're Penny, I may call you Penny, might I? How about you and the others keep your knickers outta twist, be respectful of Dan, and get back to the original question? I've got a few choice tidbits I can feed the Press if you all aren't careful.*bg* Okay folks, move it along, nothing to see here, keep moving...:-) kat |
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09 Nov 11 - 05:26 PM (#3253877) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,jts I know that the chick an the chimp are certainly in Coventry. Good chance that ballsy is too. |
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09 Nov 11 - 05:42 PM (#3253893) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: BTNG and someone said Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude - PM Date: 09 Nov 11 - 02:13 PM You do realize BTNG I am teasing you :-) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- guess someone was teasing you huh? |
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09 Nov 11 - 06:53 PM (#3253932) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: olddude my apologies for misunderstanding |
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09 Nov 11 - 07:49 PM (#3253975) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: katlaughing No apologies necessary, Dan...you can't help it if the bilge spills over here without explanation sometimes.**BG**(I know Penny et al know I am joking.) luvya'llkat |
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10 Nov 11 - 12:25 PM (#3254357) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Okay, let's get back to the vital question here! How many roads must a man walk down? Or a chimp? As the case may be... |
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11 Nov 11 - 12:29 AM (#3254743) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Don Firth In answer to the initial question: Get a GPS. Don Firth |
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11 Nov 11 - 03:12 AM (#3254785) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: GUEST,Patsy None these days as most men seem to be permanently attached to their cars. |
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11 Nov 11 - 12:32 PM (#3255053) Subject: RE: BS: How many roads must a man walk down From: Little Hawk Ah, yes. Walking is becoming a lost art in North America. Note the popularity of "drive through" banks and fast food outlets. It would be funny, if it weren't so sad. I despise the "drive through" concept, and will always park, get out of my car, and walk into the restaurant, bank or whatever the hell else it is. |