BS: One Word Description

10 Jul 13 - 01:56 AM (#3535747)
Subject: BS: One Word Description
From: Ebbie

Tonight I again found myself using a word to describe a friend. I decided that it must be an important concept in my mind.

What one word would you like people to use when you come to their mind? Further, what one word would you most dislike people to use to describe you?

A quality I very much admire in people is 'generosity'.    Generous in spirit and in action, generous with time and thought. I have a friend whom I would not be married to in a hundred years - he is controlling and authoritarian and thoughtless- but he is generous with anything he has, when people are ill or incapacitated or short of money or depressed he is there. He is a musician who likes above all to see others also make music; he'll be there in a flash with his fiddle should someone call him and suggest an hour or so of play. He is generous.

And therefore I would like people to be able to say that I was generous. At this point, it cannot be said fairly of me but I'm working on it.

The description I would most dislike? Along the same theme, it would probably be 'stingy', with all its connotations.

Any favo(u)rite word in your life?

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10 Jul 13 - 02:35 AM (#3535752)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Joe Offer

"Delightful." Hey, Ebbie, that fits YOU!

-Joe-

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10 Jul 13 - 04:25 AM (#3535770)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Georgiansilver

Neighbourly! I was brought up in a large village in North Devon, where everyone knew everyone. We walked into each others houses without a knock on the door and were welcomed with a drink and a bite to eat. It was a social time. To do such a thing now would be an invasion of privacy so I don't personally do it. I do however encourage people to call on me without necessarily phoning first to see if it is OK. So I would like to be thought of as neighbourly!

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10 Jul 13 - 05:05 AM (#3535780)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Eliza

I'd like to be thought of as 'kind'. And I'd hate ever to be thought of as 'mean'. But just one word is a bit restrictive. My dear old friend Pat, whom I admire very much, has lots of good qualities; she's wise, generous, diligent, gentle, innocent, modest, understanding, polite, popular, sensible... the list goes on. I love 'neighbourly', georgiansilver. Like you I remember when it was the norm. And 'generous' Ebbie is a lovely thing to be.

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10 Jul 13 - 06:04 AM (#3535793)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Grishka

I try to imagine that gentleman: his properties of being controlling and authoritarian and thoughtless seem to contradict good friendship. Could it be that this is how he treats his family and employees etc., whereas he is friendly whenever he has no "authority"? I know many of that sort, and I know many orhwea who complain about their spouses in that way. (Even more youngsters will complain about their parents being authoritarian, not always without reason.)

Whenever such persons want to be my friends, I let them know that I watch their behaviour towards others as well. Neighbourly, yes - perfection is not required, but an effort should be made.

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10 Jul 13 - 06:49 AM (#3535803)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: ranger1

I'm with Eliza, I'd like to be thought of as kind.

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10 Jul 13 - 08:32 AM (#3535822)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Will Fly

A guitarist friend of mine signs his emails:

[name]
Old, Grumpy & Opinionated - but Musical

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10 Jul 13 - 08:46 AM (#3535826)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: MGM·Lion

Seriously, now ~~ I like to think I am a loving man.

~M~

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10 Jul 13 - 09:00 AM (#3535830)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,musket lowering the tone

Endowed.

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10 Jul 13 - 09:37 AM (#3535839)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Dave the Gnome

Good - Gnomish
Bad - Gnomish

One word can mean so many things :-)

DtG

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10 Jul 13 - 10:04 AM (#3535850)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Kit Griffiths

Laconic

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10 Jul 13 - 10:23 AM (#3535855)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Bert

I go along with Eliza and Ranger1 - Kind.

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10 Jul 13 - 10:29 AM (#3535860)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Bill D

Gotta choose just one? *sigh* Can't just recite the Boy Scout oath?

Okay- thoughtful... on the grounds that, if I did it well, I'd exemplify most of the other virtues.

bad word? boring

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10 Jul 13 - 10:40 AM (#3535864)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Bobert

I think "grace" says it all...

B~

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10 Jul 13 - 10:50 AM (#3535868)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Bill D

grace? applied to you?... as Ebbie said?

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10 Jul 13 - 11:30 AM (#3535886)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Ebbie

This is great!

Incidentally, as to my generous friend being controlling, authoritarian, etc, it is a contradiction only in the sense that we humans are full of contradictions, I think.

I once remarked upon his qualities to his wife and she said she thinks he got it from being the oldest child in a Great Depression family and with a father who just kind of gave up during those years. She reiterated, He is a good man.

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10 Jul 13 - 11:42 AM (#3535892)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Little Hawk

I'm not going to pick a word for people to describe me by, but I'll pick one for someone else I'm thinking of right now.

Beautiful

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10 Jul 13 - 12:18 PM (#3535907)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Eliza

I've just asked my husband what is an important characteristic to have, and he said 'trustworthy'. I think he's right, because no matter how nice and amenable a person may be, if you can't altogether trust them due to their lack of integrity, the rest counts as nothing. (Politicians please note.) My husband is, himself, entirely truthful and honest, which is very nice for me!

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10 Jul 13 - 12:33 PM (#3535916)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Amos

There is a glow of grace that comes from those who are truly there in body, mind and spirit. The one word I think might capture it is present. I am sure there are others.

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10 Jul 13 - 03:25 PM (#3535992)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Grishka

Ebbie, how do the properties controlling and authoritarian and thoughtless fit in here? Is his wife not his victim? Who else is? Or is she just tolerant, polite, or afraid of fouling her own nest?

In my opinion, someone controlling and authoritarian cannot possibly be really generous, towards the same person at the same time. I am generally quite allergic against condescending donors, which hopefully does not include your friend.

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10 Jul 13 - 04:33 PM (#3536010)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: MGM·Lion

reliable

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10 Jul 13 - 10:49 PM (#3536117)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Little Hawk

Well said, Amos. "Present" is a good word for such people, and it also means "gift"...which they are. This is what I have noticed about a handful of really powerful and positive spiritual people I've encountered...they are fully present in the moment, giving full attention to the moment and to whomever they are connecting with. They LOVE the moment! (not being lost in past memories and worries or ambitions about hypothetical futures) They don't hold back or absent a large part of themselves, but open their heart and mind fully to the other person in each present moment. They never seem to experience boredom.

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11 Jul 13 - 12:37 AM (#3536142)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: JennieG

Tolerant, hopefully......of other peoples' foibles, and of my own.

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11 Jul 13 - 03:32 AM (#3536168)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: gnomad

How about "decent", which covers a multitude of qualities. I wouldn't mind deserving that one.

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11 Jul 13 - 05:20 AM (#3536185)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: s&r

inspirational

stu

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11 Jul 13 - 09:50 AM (#3536277)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River

It is pretty flippin' hard to find just ONE word that can, like, describe my total awesomeness, eh?

One word is not enuff to do it. Maybe 2 or 3 words...maybe 5 or 6 words....like...

Majorly cool and totally awesome. A sex machine. God's gift to flippin' North Ontario! Like that, eh?

Decent!

- Shane

p.s. I'm outta the can again. Life is good. Downtown now to check out the seen at Tim's.

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11 Jul 13 - 11:01 AM (#3536307)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Ebbie

"controlling and authoritarian and thoughtless" I can see the contradiction between those qualities and that of generosity...

First, I have probably over-stated his bad side(s)

Dichotomies:
1)He drops by, without fail, to take me to music every week, and to every place he thinks I might want to go.
1)If I protest against it, he says "I'll be there in five minutes" and hangs up.

2) He visits any friend in the hospital
2) Even when another friend left word at the front desk of the hospital that he didn't want visitors.

3) Speaking of reliably picking me up, he drives too fast on ice and snow (he's from Colorado)
3) When I cautioned him about it, he said, "If anything happens, I figure I'll take care of it then (But we have fish-tailed or gone into the meridian a couple of times).

4) Has informed me that "from now on, I'm going to music at 8 o'clock instead of 7 o'clock, because people just talk that first half hour anyway."
4) When I reminded him that sometimes it is he that is doing the talking, he grinned and said, "But I don't mind it then."

See? *g*

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11 Jul 13 - 11:36 AM (#3536327)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Elmore

innocuous

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11 Jul 13 - 11:41 AM (#3536333)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Little Hawk

He sounds kind of like Chongo, Ebbie. Lots of drive, good humour, and enthusiasm. Ignores hints and does exactly what he wanted to anyway.

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11 Jul 13 - 11:56 AM (#3536341)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Ebbie

You got it, Little Hawk!

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11 Jul 13 - 04:41 PM (#3536442)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Grishka

So we need a new adjective: chongish. I'm not sure whether I would like to get a lift with Chongo driving. -

"You are doing the talking" - I guess most Mudcatters, certainly including myself, have been told that from time to time. (Someone used the term "output oriented" here the other day.) Unfortunately, not all hints are as clear as the hinter thinks. My advice: make yourself heard, not with a general criticism, but specific and at the exact point of offence: "You have stated your point of view, now let me please explain mine." Or even: "You are smart and quick with your opinion, may I please take a couple of seconds to find words for my objections."

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11 Jul 13 - 05:09 PM (#3536455)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: gnu

gnu... in all it's meanings. Hey... that's why I wrote this song. Apologies to Mark..

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11 Jul 13 - 05:10 PM (#3536456)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: MGM·Lion

"See? *g*"
.,,.

NO.

Tastes differ, to be sure.

I am just glad from Ebbie's description that I am unlikely ever to have to tolerate this wilfully perverse and egocentric and altogether objectionable individual's acquaintance.

~M~

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11 Jul 13 - 05:51 PM (#3536467)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Grishka

MtheGM, it's not only tastes. We all must come to terms with our own weaknesses and that of our neighbours and neighbors. If the latter were flawless, we would be alone with our need for tolerance and forgiving.

But sometimes we must criticise them, firstly to make them realise the offensiveness of their behaviour, secondly to protect ourselves and others against it. Specific criticism is often welcome, whereas general ranting, name-calling, assigning adjectives, or using the words "always", "never", etc. is less helpful.

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11 Jul 13 - 06:26 PM (#3536477)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,mayomick

healthy - miserable

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11 Jul 13 - 07:15 PM (#3536502)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: gnu

Grishka... cool.

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11 Jul 13 - 07:53 PM (#3536517)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Ebbie

Oh dear. Clearly I have not done a good job of describing my friend. As I said, he is a generous man, so what if he is slightly larger than life?

Frankly I would hate to see someone describe me honestly in all my permutations and incarnations.

Next time I will write about a generous woman friend who has very few faults, and see if you like that better.

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12 Jul 13 - 12:21 AM (#3536582)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Little Hawk

He sounded like a pretty nice person to me, Ebbie...just a bit unaware of other people's signals, that's all. I've had friends like that. You just have to make it very clear to them when you don't want to do something they think you'd want to do, and you stick to your guns. Subtlety won't reach them, but direct and honest talk will. If someone drives too recklessly for my taste, I find ways to avoid being their passenger after the first experience. ;-)

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12 Jul 13 - 01:44 AM (#3536597)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Ebbie

That's how I have found it, Little Hawk.

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12 Jul 13 - 01:56 AM (#3536598)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: MGM·Lion

Have carefully reread Ebbie's list of "Dichotomies" above. Can still "see" {with or without *g} nothing to like or admire, or even to make allowance for in respect of other supposed virtues, in this funereal parade of obstinacy, perverseness, wilfulness, and entire unempathetic bloody insensitivity...

But no doubt I shall be told, Oh well, you just have to know the fellah.

As my cousin Louis's erstwhile colleague Mr Goldwyn was famous for enjoining -

Include me out.

~M~

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12 Jul 13 - 02:22 AM (#3536602)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: MGM·Lion

It reminds me of the old bromide, "Oh, he's all right; it's just that he has an unfortunate manner."

People shouldn't have "unfortunate manners", and the rest of us shouldn't be expected to be "understanding" of them.

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12 Jul 13 - 02:24 AM (#3536604)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp

You was already included out, buster. No invitations are forthcomin' to any of my shindigs. That's a promise. You don't like me? Great! Go to the end of the line....and wait. I might get around to settin' you straight and makin' you learn to like me (or not) in a year or two from now...or I might just leave you to stew in yer own juice for a bit longer.

- Chongo

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12 Jul 13 - 03:41 AM (#3536616)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: MGM·Lion

Purely out of interest, just because "I want to know, you know" ~~

Does anybody in the entire universe actually find the tiresome self-indulgent chongo-game the remotest bit amusing?

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12 Jul 13 - 04:00 AM (#3536622)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Ebbie

Mike, I think I'll just lay your opinion to my inadequate explanation.

Incidentally, I don't mind people's eccentricities and, in fact, rather enjoy them as long as they harm no one. And I don't think my friend harms anyone.

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12 Jul 13 - 05:32 AM (#3536631)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Grishka

Ebbie, your choice of friends is entirely your own decision, all the more so since the rest of us live in a safe distance. Thus, this thread is about philosophy of human behaviour, some aspects of a particular person serving as examples.

A lift from someone who insists on controlling the conversation and timetable may or may not be welcome, but should be considered payed for, and thus the driver not entirely generous.

Harmless excentricities can be charming, but what you are describing amounts to breaches of fundamental rules. They can be indulged and tolerated to some extent, but should not pass uncommented, as LH and I wrote above. Many "harmless" excentrics with large egos just do not realise when they cause offence, even if they are otherwise very smart.

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12 Jul 13 - 05:55 AM (#3536635)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: MGM·Lion

But this one, pace Ebbie, clearly intends to cause offence. What else can be the motivation for someone who is asked, eg, not to come round before 8.30, and replies "I'll be there at 7.30" & hangs up, which seems to be this person's MO?

~M~

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12 Jul 13 - 11:11 AM (#3536724)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Ebbie

"What else can be the motivation for someone who is asked, eg, not to come round before 8.30, and replies "I'll be there at 7.30" & hangs up, which seems to be this person's MO? "

No. My friend would not do that- has never come close to doing that.

When I wrote that he'd say, I'll be there in five minutes, and hang up, I was referring to conversations where I would protest that my abode was out of his planned route, and that I would call someone else to see if I could ride with them.

See?

I feel bad about this. My friend in all likelihood will never see this thread- and may not even recognize himself if he did (That's a joke, guys!)- but it feels like I have been gossiping about someone when I meant only to depict a generous friend with flaws. Like all of us. But with the emphasis on his good qualities.

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12 Jul 13 - 12:46 PM (#3536742)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Little Hawk

People who are always looking for something to get upset about (and this place is infested with such people) should spend more time examining themselves for their own minor flaws, rather than looking for another "witch" to burn. They might learn something useful from it, calm down a bit, and enjoy life more.

I have a friend who is very much like your friend, Ebbie, as I mentioned before. He's generous to a fault, very gregarious, very loving, very enthusiastic, full of energy. This can make him a bull in a china shop at times, because he gets carried away with his own enthusiasm. He's essentially a very good person, and most people really like him...I've seldom known a person with more friends.

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12 Jul 13 - 01:58 PM (#3536768)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Grishka

Ebbie, no need to feel bad. We were talking about characteristics of people in general, and how to deal with them. M misquoted you, so he may be thinking of a different kind of person altogether. So did I when I mentioned rapists, of course - my model was the notorious DSK, or rather his image in the media. He (or it, the image) was seriously convinced that every woman wanted sex with him, in connection with a generous gift, so that he forgot the usual precautions.

I am not sure whether there is such a thing as essentially a very good person – some of the most notorious mass-murderers have been so described by their mates and family.

Really good friends will appreciate hints about their flaws before things get serious.

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12 Jul 13 - 02:09 PM (#3536775)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Little Hawk

"I am not sure whether there is such a thing as essentially a very good person"

Oh, there is, allright. I've known many such people. However, there are also some seriously disturbed and truly dangerous people...a few of them...and the effect they have on society is way out of proportion to their small numbers. If you're a cop, you have to deal with those people, which is why it's a tough and hazardous job.

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12 Jul 13 - 02:32 PM (#3536784)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: GUEST,Grishka

LH, Mudcat can boast a former cop who also studied theology and whom I assume to agree with me that there is no clear line between "essentially good" and "seriously disturbed". Actually, the closer you look, the less visible the difference. Criminal law, police, prisons, and psychiatric wards are necessities of human societiy, but we should not believe that they can possibly tell the full truth about human nature. (That would remain true even if we had omniscient and absolutely unbiased judges.)

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12 Jul 13 - 04:49 PM (#3536816)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Little Hawk

Uh-huh. No argument there. I've even known people who were seriously disturbed in some ways, and yet were quite good people. And I've known others who had little or no empathy or goodness to be found in their character...but were basically harmless...just not that nice to be around.

And then there's the charming rogue...a very entertaining type...but you've got to be careful hanging around them! ;-)

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13 Jul 13 - 10:15 AM (#3536987)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: number 6

?

biLL

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13 Jul 13 - 11:05 AM (#3537003)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Little Hawk

Never met a charming rogue, biLL? They're great fun to be around, but you've got to keep a very close eye on your gold doubloons, etc...

;-)

Or was it the other stuff I said that had you puzzled?

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13 Jul 13 - 11:59 AM (#3537023)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Bill D

I knew someone who was 'generous', and used that (whether he realized it or not) to justify other UNpleasant behavior.... almost as if he were 'buying' credit in advance.
It is very, very difficult to deal with such a situation.

----------------------------

As to one word descriptions: Lately, with medical stuff, weather issues, rising costs for my pleasures...etc... I think the quality I might choose, whether I deserve it or not... is "resiliant".

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13 Jul 13 - 06:46 PM (#3537122)
Subject: RE: BS: One Word Description
From: Little Hawk

Yeah, Bill...that type of "generosity" is an unpleasant mindgame, the purpose of which is to control other people. It's not from the heart...it's a calculated move.

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