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05 Feb 19 - 06:39 AM (#3974924) Subject: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou There's a funny article in my paper this morning listing newspaper headlines unlikely ever to be seen. Here are a few for starters:- Ignorant Person Thinks Twice Before Calling Radio Phone-In Actress Fails To Cry When Accepting Award Trump Has A Quiet Day Child Looks Up From Mobile Phone To Greet Elderly Relative Any more suggestions? |
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05 Feb 19 - 07:46 AM (#3974928) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Steve Shaw You need to subscribe to The Daily Mash. |
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05 Feb 19 - 08:10 AM (#3974931) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Acorn4 My favourite is from the Sun - just after the birth of Prince William:- "Charles Plays with Willie in the Bath". |
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05 Feb 19 - 08:11 AM (#3974932) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Mrrzy Ooh tempting. Probe reveals politician honest and kind. |
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05 Feb 19 - 10:29 AM (#3974947) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Dave Hanson Trump voted in for a second term. Dave H |
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05 Feb 19 - 10:56 AM (#3974955) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Donuel Damn you Dave. Parrish the thought. I know Putin is trying to figure out how he will do it next time. 'Trump Resigns Over Telling the Truth' |
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05 Feb 19 - 11:04 AM (#3974956) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: gillymor Howard Schultz gives away his fortune because no one will call him a "person of means" instead of a billionaire. |
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05 Feb 19 - 11:11 AM (#3974959) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Steve Shaw From today's Mash: Ryanair ‘a totally acceptable casualty of Brexit’ |
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05 Feb 19 - 11:28 AM (#3974960) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Little Hawk Shane McBride Wins Nobel Prize For Literature And Canadian Award For Sobriety! |
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05 Feb 19 - 11:35 AM (#3974961) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou God: I believe in Dawkins |
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05 Feb 19 - 11:53 AM (#3974964) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: gillymor Don Jr. proven to be smarter than a bag of hammers. |
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05 Feb 19 - 12:15 PM (#3974969) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Backwoodsman "God: I believe in Dawkins" ROTFLMAO! 😂😂 |
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05 Feb 19 - 01:30 PM (#3974977) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: sian, west wales Some time in the early/mid 1980s Queen Eliz II was traveling in South America and was served up something not on her approved list. One of the British Tabloids had a front page photo of her wrinkling her nose with a headline, "Queen Eats Rat". sian |
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05 Feb 19 - 02:43 PM (#3974988) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Steve Shaw Guardian: Emergency calls for pets eating cannabis surge 765% over past decade |
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05 Feb 19 - 04:29 PM (#3975003) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Donuel TRUMP CALLS FOR CODE RED No one knows what that means. Jack Nicholson has tweeted the ... Putin DEAD from Novichok |
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06 Feb 19 - 04:24 AM (#3975075) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou Southern Railways Wins Award For Punctuality And Passenger Comfort |
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06 Feb 19 - 08:19 AM (#3975113) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Rusty Dobro Donovan says 'the Beatles would have made it without my help, and I modelled myself on Dylan'. |
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06 Feb 19 - 08:33 AM (#3975116) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Doug Chadwick Brexit settled to everyone's satisfaction. DC |
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06 Feb 19 - 08:40 AM (#3975117) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Doug Chadwick Mudcat users agree to agree. |
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06 Feb 19 - 10:16 AM (#3975134) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou Pensioners To Be Given Free Daily Crumpets |
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07 Feb 19 - 05:05 AM (#3975236) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Dave the Gnome BMW driver uses indicators |
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08 Feb 19 - 05:25 AM (#3975448) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: David C. Carter If I sing in the shower, and nobody hears me,am I just miming? If I sing faster than the speed of sound,can I harmonize with myself? If I walk down the street,but nobody sees me,am I invisible? |
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08 Feb 19 - 08:01 AM (#3975482) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Donuel David when you're Wright you're right. Now for a quick song before a headline like Naked Bezos Pictures appears Wonderful World - with apologies to Sam Cook, James Taylor, Herb Albert and Art Galfunker. Don't know nothin bout History Don' know any biology I've never read a single book Don't know nothin bout how to cook And I care nothin at all bout you But if Fake News would love me true What a wonderful world this would be Don't know nothin bout geography Don't know any trigonometry All I know is about writing a tweet Don't know how to admit defeat But I know one and one is two and if fake News would love me true What a wonderful world this would be Now I don't claim to be an honest man baby And I don't try to be cause honest men are all losers baby And nobody's more special than me Don't know how to be president Don't know what I said or what I meant Don't know nothin bout buildin a wall Don't know nothin bout nothin at all Its only me that I've been thinkin of But if Fake News would give me love What a wonderful world this would be What a wonderful Justice free world this would be What a wonderful Wonderful Wonderful world |
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08 Feb 19 - 08:12 PM (#3975618) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Tattie Bogle Greek immigrant finds seatbelt. |
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08 Feb 19 - 08:34 PM (#3975621) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Rapparee Today's "New York Post" headline: BEZOS EXPOSES PECKER! |
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09 Feb 19 - 05:27 PM (#3975781) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Tattie Bogle Greek immigrant surrenders licence. |
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10 Feb 19 - 03:31 AM (#3975829) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou Hahaha Tattie! About time too! |
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10 Feb 19 - 10:43 AM (#3975903) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Mrrzy Old white Virginian never wore blackface |
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10 Feb 19 - 11:37 AM (#3975914) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou Weather Forecast For UK : Hot and Sunny For The Rest Of The Week |
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10 Feb 19 - 11:41 AM (#3975918) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Jon Freeman Other type headlines. I think I recently read that the police had stated that the theft of several hundred sheep was planned. It's difficult to imagine the logistics involved in shifting that many animals would not have a plan. Also, I think you can still read the sort of guy found with knife in back and police suspecting foul play... |
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10 Feb 19 - 12:13 PM (#3975929) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou Hahaha Jon! True, no-one could say they were passing a field and on a sudden whim decided to open the gate and get their sheepdog to herd them into a passing sheep lorry! |
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10 Feb 19 - 12:25 PM (#3975934) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Mr Red "Thieves steal copper from police" OH wait a bit, it did happen in Stroud............. image |
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10 Feb 19 - 12:34 PM (#3975937) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Jon Freeman Another drift but an odd one we reported to the police was pigs on the road. Not what you'd want to meet on the A140 but there is a certain awkwardness about reporting it. |
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10 Feb 19 - 01:59 PM (#3975961) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Bill D Headlines that never made it: A friend of mine many years ago got a job working for The Wichita Eagle writing headlines. He'd be given raw copy in printed form (before computers) and would type a headline, clip it to the story, and hand it to the editor for approval. The editor would (usually) toss it on a moving belt running into the composing room where it would be set in type. Sometimes the editor would make corrections or give it back to be "tightened up". My friend Tony got a general request to 'make heads more succinct, but clear & to the point'. One day Tony got a brief story about a man who was tried & convicted of "indecent exposure". He pondered... then wrote 2 versions... and handed #1 to the editor, who glanced at it, tossed it on the moving belt.... then made a frantic leap to barely grab it before it disappeared thru the wall. He looked at Tony with mouth open as Tony said.."Oh, here's your real head.." The original said "Dangling dong dooms defendant." |
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11 Feb 19 - 08:48 AM (#3976119) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou Pwaaaaaahaaaahaaagh Bill!!! Dangling dong!!! I must remember that the next time my husband emerges from the shower in the altogether! hee hee! |
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11 Feb 19 - 11:27 AM (#3976146) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Mrrzy Did it have a luminous nose? |
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11 Feb 19 - 11:49 AM (#3976151) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou Hahahaaaaaaagh Mrzzy!!!! He may wander over 'the great Gromboolian Plain' with his Dong, but I can't vouch for its nose being luminous. |
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14 Feb 19 - 08:05 AM (#3976623) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Mo the caller I wonder if the headline "Theft of bathroom fittings. Police have nothing to go on" is apocryphal / accidental / or a jpurnalist with a sense if humour. |
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14 Feb 19 - 09:16 AM (#3976628) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Senoufou Strip Search Finds Crack Between Buttocks. |
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14 Feb 19 - 09:34 AM (#3976631) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Donuel Terrorist Eludes TSA he claimed he had already cavity searched himself |
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14 Feb 19 - 10:55 AM (#3976642) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Dave the Gnome The Greek immigrant one has just dawned on me. I'm a bit slow this week :-) Thanks Tattie :-) |
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14 Feb 19 - 11:25 AM (#3976650) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Donuel KINGDOM COME UNEARTHED now we will now how far it is from here |
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14 Feb 19 - 08:32 PM (#3976766) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Tattie Bogle Greek immigrant not to be prosecuted after lengthy plea bargaining. ITV runs programme on elderly drivers and when to give up. (Geddit, Dave the Gnome?) |
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15 Feb 19 - 07:59 PM (#3976959) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Tattie Bogle Trump finishes wall? |
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15 Feb 19 - 09:09 PM (#3976962) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Donuel Trump declares National Emergency/disaster/attack and goes golfing actually true |
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17 Feb 19 - 04:37 PM (#3977439) Subject: RE: BS: Very Unlikely Headlines From: Tradsinger Police to act on indecent shows. |
