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12 Dec 23 - 08:16 PM (#4193462) Subject: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee The door creaks open to his touch. Inside there is the usual pile of bat guano, a very dry Christmas tree, and a lingering smell of barbecued auroch. A tentative tentacle waves. Bats swoop down from the rafters (the source of the guano -- the bats, not the rafters). He ties his horse to the hitching rack and enters. Using his flint and steel he lights a candle. |
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12 Dec 23 - 09:41 PM (#4193465) Subject: RE: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: GUEST,Ghost of Mudcat Taverns Past Light filters through dirty windows, past the bar and the fireplace and the sometimes jello pit, but it doesn't quite touch the nether reaches of the building. The shakes on the back wall shimmer with shadows and a few ghosts of Mudcat Christmases past stir. Amos, Spaw, Mmario, Art Thieme, Katlaughing, Sorcha, Micca, Alice Flynn, and so many others. . . quickening at the prospect of hijinks and good stories. |
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13 Dec 23 - 12:09 AM (#4193467) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Donuel Outside a light snow has coated some of the clean electric snowmobiles and their several miles of extension cords. The garage door still has remnants of the image of Jesus Christ that was miraculously emblazoned into the wood by a lit fart. A distant plaintive whistle of a steam engine echoes through the woods. |
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13 Dec 23 - 01:23 AM (#4193470) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: keberoxu Perhaps a faint rendition of Shane MacGowan's "Fairytale of New York" animates the newly opened tavern. "And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day ..." |
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13 Dec 23 - 02:33 AM (#4193472) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Sandra in Sydney the giant wombat wanders in ... |
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13 Dec 23 - 11:46 AM (#4193503) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee With a groan and the ear splitting squeal of unoiled and out of tune metal parts, the roof opens and overhead a sleigh pulled by eight huge reindeer circles overhead. A claw drops and fastens on the old, dry tree and hauls it up and away. The debris left behind is gathered by squid tentacles and the giant wombat and neatl stacked by the fireplace. In its place he puts a tub containing something far more pathetic than anything Charlie Brown ever considered for Christmas. Quietly he pours a glass of water and a glass of pure akavit in the tub in which it is planted. |
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13 Dec 23 - 08:19 PM (#4193518) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Donuel Oh Tannenbaum oh Tannenbaum... |
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14 Dec 23 - 04:17 AM (#4193528) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The tree stir and starts to expand. As the young teenager said to the actress "You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing's going to grow". Robin |
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14 Dec 23 - 07:32 AM (#4193534) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Sandra in Sydney happy squidmas |
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14 Dec 23 - 12:08 PM (#4193553) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy More guano! |
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14 Dec 23 - 12:38 PM (#4193556) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Dave the Gnome The Gnome walks up to the bar, orders a double whisky and knocks it back in one. Followed by a double rum, a double gin, a double brandy and a double vodka. The barman asks what he wants next "I shouldn't really drink with what I've got" he replies The worried barman what he has got "About 14p..." |
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14 Dec 23 - 08:23 PM (#4193586) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee “That’s okay,” says the barman, “all the drinks refill by means of a transdimensional transporter. Call it and if it exists you’ll have it. Amos set it up before he left.” |
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15 Dec 23 - 03:23 AM (#4193594) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Dave the Gnome In that case, make it a pan-galactic gargle blaster. |
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15 Dec 23 - 05:16 PM (#4193631) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Tranya! croaks the bat, hoarsely. The long-faced bartender with the NextGen comm badge complies. |
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16 Dec 23 - 10:35 AM (#4193673) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee Oh dear, he thinks. It appears that some of the squidlets have gotten into the jello pit and have started a jello-flinging fight. |
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16 Dec 23 - 10:48 AM (#4193678) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Donuel The gnome pours the remainder of his gargle blaster into the pit and an amazing and refreshing transmogrification begins |
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17 Dec 23 - 08:44 PM (#4193790) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee Parental squids (anyone who wishes to do so can check who's the mommy and who's the daddy) stop the jello fight and what passes for peace again reigns. He goes to the bar and orders a simple Hákarl Cocktail. |
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18 Dec 23 - 01:43 AM (#4193798) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Severn Severn waves hello to Les, the Lawn Moor, who not acts as caretaker and to DemiModo up in the bell tower. He checks his mailbox and finds a Christmas postcard from Defrosty The Retired Snowman who has happily settled down ino Antarctica with his Rose of Snowman's Land. He sits down at the bar, orders a Zevia Ginger Ale from the alligator and asks if Mmario'stock of meat has been exhausted. Finding out that it hasn't, He orders an Auroch-On-Roll.... |
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18 Dec 23 - 06:11 AM (#4193817) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Donuel Severn, please post the frequency of the radio station you DJ'd at. When its sliced thin enough Auroch is as good as Pisstrami. |
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18 Dec 23 - 07:59 PM (#4193860) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy The bat hangs from the corner of the bar, upside down, clutching a lovely Irish coffee (rightside up), and placing the bendy straw carefully into a new whipped cream spot for each sip. Having trouble which of Niven's bartenders waxed rhapsodic about drinking while *hot,* it nonetheless appreciates the advice, and the drink. Spaw's ghost, on the nearest barstool, farts, and everyone in earshot turns and looks at the bat, who didn't hear the bass tones anyway, and doesn't notice. It keeps working on its Irish coffee, until (w)assailed by the non-auditory aspects of the atmosphere, whereupon it tosses off the last of its coffee, puts the glass on the nearest barstool, and flutters, rather half-hazardly, to the other end of the bar. Dig them rechargeable glasses! Well, that barstool *looked* empty... but therein may lie the other half of the hazard...? |
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19 Dec 23 - 08:55 PM (#4193907) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee Over in the corner in the circle the ghost of Amos puts on his Tilley hat and picks up his guitar. |
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20 Dec 23 - 10:59 AM (#4193942) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Senoufou An old lady arrives, dragging a heavy sack. She asks, "Does anybody want all these crumpets? I don't eat them any more!" An African man waves to the Bat, and takes off his sandals. "Want a bit of a warm-up mate?" |
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20 Dec 23 - 03:13 PM (#4193960) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Whee! swoops the bat, down upon the proffered toes. One wingtip flicks a heavily-buttered crumpet within reach, as the glass that had been placed upon empty-seeming barstool, now refilled, recharged, and restrawed, appears to waft itself doen to floor level. This calls for a different approach! All that whipped cream gets slurped up so the crumpet can be dipped in the coffee... pretty rainbows of butter creep across the surface. It takes three and a half crumpets to get to the bottom of the whiskey. Yo, barkeep! What preserves have we? Damson plum, sour cherry? |
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20 Dec 23 - 03:27 PM (#4193964) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee Over in the corner of the Song Circle, Amos has finished tuning and breaks into a plaintiff Christmas Ballad. At least, it might be Amos singing or he might just be lipsynching this. |
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21 Dec 23 - 05:06 AM (#4193989) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Sandra in Sydney sandra had been wondering when the crumpets would arrive & shared some with the wombat, tho the wombat, being a Giant Wombat, had a larger share. Both thanked the kind old lady & the African man. |
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21 Dec 23 - 07:05 AM (#4193995) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Donuel The whiskey balls are gone and the apple bread is going fast but the fruitcake is untouched. |
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21 Dec 23 - 10:53 AM (#4194000) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Touch me! Thinks the bat, in the belfry... |
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22 Dec 23 - 04:55 PM (#4194082) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee And the condor in the rafters is getting hyperactive. |
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22 Dec 23 - 06:14 PM (#4194086) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: JennieG The giant wombat starts as an eldritch shriek emanates from outside the half-open window. It gets more and more unbearable, the pain, oh the pain..... .....then the door opens once more, and a bagpiper strolls into the tavern. "G'day, mate!" he says. "I'm Bruce, Sheila is coming too." |
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23 Dec 23 - 04:08 AM (#4194113) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Senoufou The African Man has brought a pot of his dangerously fiery curry sauce, and he's put it on the table as a 'dip' with some crackers. The old lady watches as people try it then choke, cough and shriek! Buttered crumpets are offered, to dull the pain. |
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23 Dec 23 - 07:46 AM (#4194138) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Sandra in Sydney sandra did not try it as she can't stand firey stuff, but would still like a buttered crumpet please & thankyou |
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23 Dec 23 - 08:06 AM (#4194142) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Donuel Even a butthard crumpet gets harder with age but these just melt in your mouth. |
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23 Dec 23 - 09:44 AM (#4194154) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Curry? CURRY? C'est pas l'Afrique, ça. Néanmoins, condor, bat, and various small dragons are now flying around breathing fire... Lighting the 9 candles stuck in some poor individual's Labia Menorah! |
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23 Dec 23 - 10:49 PM (#4194188) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Severn To Donuel and others who have asked. The radio shows that I do are on WOWD FM 94.3 community radio within 7 miles or so of Takoma Park Maryland or streamable worldwide at takomaradio.org My two hour monthly shift on 'Ballads In The Morning" was on Friday Dec. 22nd from 8-10am an featured half music of Christmas and half of Winter in general and.d will be archived to the public for two weeks after it was originally broadcast by going to the above site. You have a few days left before Christmas itself to time in and enjoy. |
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23 Dec 23 - 11:20 PM (#4194190) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Severn Batavia, one of bats from the tavern belfryt Tells our Australian visitor that there's yet another womb bat in the building, as she is pregnant. Glasses are raised all around in a congratulatory toast! After the ghost of Amos finishes his song, Severn offers to start up one. When someone asks if he will be lip synching, Severn replies that he'd much rather cause jaws to drop than to cause lips to synch and launches into a traditional Floridian Christmas carol called "O, Tanning Balm" singing something about lovely limbs, before he is rudely interrupted by a loud crashing noise........ |
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24 Dec 23 - 12:20 PM (#4194216) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Synching lips loose ships, don't they? That crash musta been some ship coming loose, somewhere. Salesmanship? Authorship? Worship? Yeah, the wor ship just busted out into some solstice song or other, but that wouldn't have caused the crash. Maybe it was the rhinoceri... The dragons are going back for more riz sauce piment, as their fires were getting dim, as were the wits of the various folkies whose bats are in that belfry. *The* bat has taken its head out of the sour cream it had dunked into to avoid erupting in actual flames, and is also going back for more. It looks like it has a white Santa beard, but it doesn't know it yet. |
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24 Dec 23 - 08:14 PM (#4194237) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee Up on the roof there is the stomping of reindeer hooves, the sound a sleigh brake breaking, and a not-so-jolly voice using definitely unChristmas-like language. |
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24 Dec 23 - 09:25 PM (#4194240) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Let the raucous sleighbells jingle Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle Driving his reindeer across the sky Don't stand underneath when they fly by! Is the flue open? Is the chimney swept? Is the fire out? I wanna size 40 stocking! rumbles the ghost of Lee Hayes. |
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25 Dec 23 - 03:20 AM (#4194255) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Roger the Skiffler Hello? Are you open Xmas Day? I've got a tanker full of cranberry flavoured jello here for the tub and a trailer full of mistletoe. RtS |
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25 Dec 23 - 08:06 AM (#4194274) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Donuel Cranberry is just a tasty natural preservative but Mistletoe berries have opioid qualities. |
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25 Dec 23 - 08:35 AM (#4194277) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy The bat is flittering around, clutching some mistletoe, hovering suggestively over varous folks... |
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25 Dec 23 - 11:57 AM (#4194289) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: GUEST, Ghost of Mudcat Taverns Past Shadows at the back of the room shift but the source of light is indistinct. A faint strumming is heard and as it reaches the squids and bats and wombat they each settle into a quiet pose. People in the room notice the shift in energy and detect the guitar strings. Amos starts to sing. The room is silent, except for a few sniffles. He sings another. Rapaire (old spelling) burps then blows his nose. |
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27 Dec 23 - 09:03 AM (#4194312) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy The bat was singing harmony, but in ultrasonics... |
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27 Dec 23 - 03:49 PM (#4194347) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee In that order, for he is very aware that doing both together causes your head to implode. |
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28 Dec 23 - 12:37 PM (#4194394) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Oh, and don't even try to hiccup and sneeze. |
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28 Dec 23 - 04:13 PM (#4194412) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: GUEST, Ghost of Mudcat Taverns Past A quiet moment after the last song fades allows a faint hum and whirr to heard in the large tavern space, possibly drifting through an air vent up near the ceiling. The wombat nudges open a side door on that side of the tavern to reveal a coat closet full of overcoats and boots but with a door visible in the back wall. Mudcat Recovery Ward is printed on an index card and held in place on the door with yellowed tape. The sound is louder now, yet still muffled. A strangely conformed bird dog appears from nowhere (it snuck in behind Rapparee and has listened quietly all month). The dog snuffles and scratches at the Recovery Ward door until the latch releases. Now the tavern customers can hear the clear sonorous tones of Art Thieme holding court. The captive audience members in the Ward groan in their beds, and it isn't certain if they are in pain or reacting to the puns. |
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29 Dec 23 - 01:56 AM (#4194423) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Sandra in Sydney Today's wombats don't nudge, they IGNORE anything in the way to where they are going - they just go through whatever it is. My friend had to give up his plan for a lovely picket fence. Manners were always better in the past ... everything was always better in the past says sandra as she reaches for another hot buttered crumpet while listening to the music of The Good Old Days. |
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29 Dec 23 - 11:55 AM (#4194446) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Honey badger don't give a dam, either. Beware their offspringing honey wombadgers! |
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29 Dec 23 - 09:07 PM (#4194464) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee From the kitchen comes a hearty voice. |
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29 Dec 23 - 11:24 PM (#4194465) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Stilly River Sage and the smell of grilled auroch drifts in from the yard beyond the kitchen door. Mmario's spirit is strong in the pantry as well (and seen off to the side of the room is a basket with a heap of a wool shawl, a ball of yarn and a crochet hook glinting in the light.) |
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30 Dec 23 - 07:58 PM (#4194509) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Severn Those left in The Tavern burst out in song commemorating Severn's 75th birthday. Some of those remember when he was young and in the way.... Some of the doctors and nurses from the hospital have even drifted in to sing... |
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30 Dec 23 - 09:56 PM (#4194511) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Stilly River Sage And many happy returns! A squid starts a windup to throw some birthday cake in Severn's general direction. Duck! |
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31 Dec 23 - 02:13 AM (#4194515) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Sandra in Sydney Happy Birthday (thud) |
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31 Dec 23 - 08:03 AM (#4194525) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Donuel A new Christmas tune 'Extremes on Earth and Advil to men' is heard coming from Siri. |
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31 Dec 23 - 10:47 AM (#4194541) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy It's 2024! If you're anywhere from Kiribati to, almost, Shanghai... So far... |
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31 Dec 23 - 08:39 PM (#4194575) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee He has been walking around the Tavern, clutching a flagon of something alcoholic while trying to get a certain duckdog to stop humping his leg. “How interesting,” he thinks, “that I have ambled through 2023 and 2024 and now I’m back in 2023. DAMN IT STOP THAT! My leg is not for your gratification! Go do Squiddy — there are more legs there!” |
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31 Dec 23 - 09:25 PM (#4194578) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Ooh, is the tiger duck here too? The one from Panama, where everything smells like bananas? |
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01 Jan 24 - 08:55 PM (#4194667) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee The valve oil for his trumpet smelled like banana oil. The reason for this is unknown, at least to the trumpeter. |
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02 Jan 24 - 03:06 PM (#4194725) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Maybe it's the Unseen University's librarian. Crivens! Ook! |
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03 Jan 24 - 10:18 AM (#4194799) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee Excuse me? Librarians do NOT smell like bananas. Some smell Ike musty old leather-bound books and in the past some smelled like nickel cigars, cheap pipe tobacco, inexpensive perfumes, and even of less-than-the-best beverages, but improved wages helped correct that. But bananas? Fie upon the thought! |
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03 Jan 24 - 10:47 AM (#4194804) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Severn Many people wished me many happy returns, but this year, fittingly enough, everything was the right size and color and/or was quite satisfactory. |
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03 Jan 24 - 03:23 PM (#4194825) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Tee hee! This parTICular librarian likes bananas, but does not smell like them, not being in Panama. |
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04 Jan 24 - 03:10 PM (#4194866) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: keberoxu Aha, from Mrrzy I catch the reference to Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld fiction. Their librarian is an orangutan if memory serves. Of course Rapparee would never smell of bananas. |
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05 Jan 24 - 06:52 AM (#4194911) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Donuel With only a day to go for the 12 days of Christmas an ASPCA raid on the tavern claiming cruelty to Aurochs, Wombats and Bats has cleared the wildlife from the pub. I'm puzzled that there was no mention of squid. |
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05 Jan 24 - 07:11 PM (#4194962) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: keberoxu The Epiphany Tavern 2024?? |
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05 Jan 24 - 10:17 PM (#4194976) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Mrrzy Indeed! The twelfth knight was joust here... |
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06 Jan 24 - 03:58 PM (#4195048) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: keberoxu But what of the Three Kings? |
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08 Jan 24 - 08:02 PM (#4195151) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee The three Kings -- Martin Luther, BB, and Elvis -- got into a Ferrari and drove off after living gifts of banjoes, bagpipes, and bodhrans. He talked them out of also leaving oboes, hautboys, and cowbells. Quietly he starts preparing the Tavern for the next event by covering the furniture, shutting down the taps, being sure the fire is out in the stoves, and petting Squiddy. |
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08 Jan 24 - 08:22 PM (#4195154) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Sandra in Sydney has the Wombat left? |
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09 Jan 24 - 08:18 PM (#4195218) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Rapparee Hibernating behind the bar with some bear that wandered in. |
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09 Jan 24 - 09:06 PM (#4195222) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Sandra in Sydney sleep well in your Dreamtime, Wombat |
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15 Jan 24 - 11:56 PM (#4195521) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Severn Severn, having begged a ride back to Rockville MD in able to resume his duties as The Librarian Incongruous Of The Library Of Digress in order to get out the best from the archive his listeners. He is wishing there was someway that he could broadcast the tavern or even the recovery ward live....... For The Mudcat Epiphany Tavern, are the participants restricted to playing only Epiphone musical instruments? By the same token, when the C. F. Martin, Luthier King holiday finally rolls around, will there be similar restrictions on instrumentation?...... Let nothing you dismay! |
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17 Jan 24 - 09:40 PM (#4195664) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: Severn R.I.P. Gnu. This place will never b be there same without you. |
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17 Jan 24 - 11:36 PM (#4195678) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: harpgirl harpy still alive but just barely |
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19 Jan 24 - 02:47 PM (#4195808) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2023 From: keberoxu Well, the Tavern this year opened with the passing of Shane MacGowan, and now it closes with the death of gnu. So gnu has joined the ranks of Mudcat Taverns Past. |
