BS: Light on - no one in

To Thread - Forum Home

The Mudcat Café ^TM
https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=18779
63 messages

BS: Light on - no one in

02 Mar 00 - 10:56 AM (#188121)
Subject: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,Patrish

Today when I tried to start my car(very old 1972, but new to me as of yesterday), instead of using the choke I used the rear fog light. It did not work.
Does anyone one else have no power over the brain cell...........
Patrish

02 Mar 00 - 11:05 AM (#188127)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: MMario

I share a brain cell (singular) with a minimum of 27 relatives scattered through the eastern part of North America. Bandwidth is stictly limited, and there are days when the connection seems to go down completly.

does that answer your question?

02 Mar 00 - 11:12 AM (#188132)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,Patrish

Yes indeedy......... yesterday was one of those days. I was typing a report I had hand written at home and after some time and two pages worth (Ihave to look at the keyboard)it was all in capitals I highlighted it and promptly deleted it. I could have used the undo button, that would have been sensible, but the brain cell ordered otherwise
sad
Patrish

02 Mar 00 - 11:17 AM (#188136)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Skipjack K8

Patrish

It's one of the side effects of British beef.

Delicious!

Skipjack

02 Mar 00 - 11:21 AM (#188138)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,Patrish

Thats strange, I faintly remember someone calling me a mad cow - on several occasions
Patrish

02 Mar 00 - 11:23 AM (#188140)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: kendall

This is nothing new to me. Back in 1965 I was in Halifax, NS. Had a few beers and a local guide showing me around. She also had a few beers. We left some joint, walked down the street, entered another joint (so I thought) bumped into the bouncer, I looked up at him and asked "How many jobs do you have anyway?" Turned out to be the same joint!! That Moosehead brew will raise hell with your compass.

02 Mar 00 - 11:24 AM (#188142)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: MMario

Patrish? did they survive?

02 Mar 00 - 11:26 AM (#188143)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,Patrish

I took it as a compliment and lavished many hugs and kisses on them
Perhaps I am a mad cow......

02 Mar 00 - 11:46 AM (#188156)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,Patrish

I have just gone out to the car and I left the window open at lunchtime. It has been raining. I will have very wet bottom by the time I get home. (sigh)
Patrish signing off - not really looking forward to getting in the car, yuk

02 Mar 00 - 11:50 AM (#188157)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Willie-O

what the hell is a rear fog light? (I can just picture this...car designer goes 'damn, can't see to back up in this fog...') sounds like a luxury item to me even if it is a '72. Or is it a London (?) necessity?

when my attention wanders, my subconscious heads me over to the mudcat cafe...for a lattay.

W-O

02 Mar 00 - 01:26 PM (#188185)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: catspaw49

This makes me think of all those great expressions like "a few bricks shy of a load." Some even musical (and otherwise, of course):

A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
Two tones short of a chord.
A couple of bridge pins missing.

And on and on.....but I don't want to be hoggish here.

Spaw

02 Mar 00 - 01:29 PM (#188187)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: jeffp

I refer to these rare (yeah, right!) moments as "brain farts." My wife still laughs about the time I went out the patio door, shut the screen behind me and, realizing I had forgotten to bring something with me, turned around and walked right into the screen door.

02 Mar 00 - 01:37 PM (#188192)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,Penny S. (somewhere else)

Rear Fog Lamp - brighter than normal rear red light for use in restricted visibility, such as fog (not much in London nowadays) sea mist, low cloud, heavy rain, snow or for indicating to the idiot investigating the contents of the exhaust pipe that he's too close.

Penny

02 Mar 00 - 02:32 PM (#188232)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: paddymac

Brain farts, senior moments, CRS, CRAFT: these are all terms aptly used to describe a complex symptomology generally considered to result from a serious lack of Guiness in the system. One must always replenish those precious bodily fluids.

02 Mar 00 - 02:39 PM (#188236)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: kendall

Must be rough on those folks who were not threaded all the way on to start with.

02 Mar 00 - 05:27 PM (#188352)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: TerriM

Ah, Kendall, we've met then? My senior moments are now becoming days and too many boo-boo's to admit to.... but I will tell about the time I was in a car accident and my car went in for repair for about 8 weeks. When I finally got it back, I couldn't remember how to put it into reverse for 2 days. Caused my colleagues much mirth to watch me hunt for a parking space I could both drive in and out of.Sort of ties in with my favourite expression which is'one wheel in the sand'.

02 Mar 00 - 05:32 PM (#188357)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Amos

I can definitely relate to that...sometimes my whole life seems to be one wheel in the sand, and I wasn't even heading for the beach!

02 Mar 00 - 06:01 PM (#188389)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Mbo

It seems that way for all of us sometimes, Amos. As for going stunod/ lights are on, no one's in/a few coupons short of a toast rack/ check out my last song on the Song Challenge! No. 12. Talkabout Mega-stunod!

--Mbo

02 Mar 00 - 06:52 PM (#188424)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Metchosin

In our household it is referred to as "rode in on the short bus today"...not very PC but I have just finished reading Amos's honesty thread.

In this state, I have bounced my face off pedestrian crossing signal boxes, mistaken road signs, such as "Xing", for foreign languages, lit pencils and have been known to peer into the fridge several times, before recalling that I was actually looking for a pen.

Fortunately, my family has come to accept my occasional bouts of single minded preoccupation and predisposition to serious brain fade.

02 Mar 00 - 06:56 PM (#188427)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Metchosin

oh yeah, and others in the household tend to suffer from "thing blindness", (looking for lost objects that are right in front of you)

02 Mar 00 - 07:25 PM (#188451)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Banjer

Even if I could remember what it was I was going to add to this thread, I don't think I would!

02 Mar 00 - 07:29 PM (#188456)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: kendall

A suggestion for Terri. Why didnt you simply check your owners manual? or ask some man to do it by telling him "It wont go into reverse."

02 Mar 00 - 09:04 PM (#188513)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: sophocleese

Neural Net Failure; the ability to put a book face down on any available horizontal surface and then spend half an hour vaguely wandering around the house looking for the book, "I just had it two minutes ago!"

02 Mar 00 - 09:55 PM (#188537)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: rangeroger

When I worked for San Diego County Probation Dept. we had a supervisor we called "51" to his face. He was quite proud of the title,never knowing it meant one card short of a full deck. rr

02 Mar 00 - 10:11 PM (#188545)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Troll

Oh yes! Our house oft resounds with the plaintive cry of "Has anyone seen my glasses(keys, cap,etc?)" A sure sign that Dad (me) has mislaid something in plain sight AGAIN!

The best one I've heard so far is "a wall short of a room" Kinda says it all.

troll

02 Mar 00 - 10:43 PM (#188555)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Amos

My defense in these things is that in letting go of the vaunted mental efficiency of my younger years, when I never misplaced a paragraph, let alone a book, I have opened my self to broader views of the universe, higher realities, tuned in to other planes...at least I hope that's what it is. I really, really, hope so...what was it ...oh...yeah...dang, where's that keyboard when you need it? Anybody seen my keyboard?

03 Mar 00 - 12:56 PM (#188819)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,Penny S. (elsewhere)

There really is a name for that way your eyes totally miss what you're looking for, but I can't quite recall what it is. It's why looking for something else turns it up, though.

Penny

03 Mar 00 - 01:44 PM (#188840)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: roopoo

Well there's such a thing as "maternal amnesia" to get a lot of us lasses off the hook, but where does that leave everybody else? All us avid TOGS* (listen to Terry Wogan on Radio 2 monday-friday 7.30-9.30 am GMT) will be familiar with the legend on the elusive TOGS sweatshirts: "Do I come here often?" By the way, who else besides me has to put their spectacles on in order to find their spectacles if they're not in the usual place?

mouldy

*Terry's Old Gals/Geezers

03 Mar 00 - 02:19 PM (#188857)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Liz the Squeak

AAAAARRGGGH Another TOG!!! Did you put your sandwiches in the fridge and a packet of ham slices in your bag to take to work today as well?

Or got all the way home only to discover that you've left your child at the childminders.......

Definately two barrels short of a brewery.... or two chunks short of a chocolate bar.... or an asprin short of a medicine chest....

LTS

03 Mar 00 - 02:28 PM (#188866)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Crowhugger

One of my favourites is:

"A bubble off plumb."

03 Mar 00 - 02:28 PM (#188867)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Jon Freeman

I've always been bad and even as a kid have had a habbit of rusihing of to get something only to forget what it was they I wanted.

Workwise, I think by biggest blunder on this sort of thing was setting a profile lathe once. I knew this change over well and all it involved was swap of profiles trouble was one day, I forgot to put the new one in and set the machine running - it made quite a mess of the tooling.

Musically I can start one tune and somehow find my self playing another, start a tune that I don't even know/ haven't learned and can suddenly forget words to songs I know very well..

Jon

03 Mar 00 - 03:43 PM (#188913)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: TerriM

Kendall, just try and guess where I put the manual....I know I couldn't! And I was damned if I was going to ask a man and prove every blonde female stereotype in the book! I'm a huge Terry Wogan fan but found myself blushing to the roots of my hair the day he described a guy who turned up at a factory and forgot who he was supposed to be seeing. He asked the receptionist if he could see an engineer, turned out there were a 150 of them. I'd done pretty much exactly the same thing the day before.Quite frankly, it's a miracle I remember how to get home each day.

03 Mar 00 - 03:51 PM (#188919)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: MMario

I do telephone help support. Every once in a while I will totally blank as to who I am talking to, what district they are in, what the problem is; and 9 out of 10 times, I placed the call!!

03 Mar 00 - 06:06 PM (#188984)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Bert

One time I had an open circuit in an appliance cord, (In England - 240 Volts) so I unplugged it from the APPLIANCE end and took a screwdriver and.....ZAP!!!

I only did it ONCE though, my elbow still tingles just thinking about it.

03 Mar 00 - 06:46 PM (#189016)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Osmium

Old Celtic Proverb on the Subject

Excuse me how very rude
It was not me it was my food
Had it been below my heart
It would have been a bloody great fart.

04 Mar 00 - 02:17 AM (#189204)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Liz the Squeak

OK, done it again, gave the cornflakes to the cat and the child a bowl of Kitty Crunchies - the Cat thought Christmas had come early and Phoebe has always eaten cat biscuits - her teeth are strong and healthy, her nose is moist and her coat glossy. The cat just farts milky milky - if you remember that far back with Punt and Dennis - farts. Nice. The other cat is having another crisis - she forgot where her food bowl was last night and spent a good 2 hours sitting on my head/chest/lap/back and crying for food. Had to take her downstairs and show her. Definately a dog short of Battersea. I have a full 6 pack, just not the plastic thing that holds them together. I am a file short of a program and not the sharpest pin in the box. And I'm a Civil Servant with the IRS - worried?? I would be!!!!

LTS

And TerrM - what colour were those roots you blushed to, because you were a redhead last time we met!

04 Mar 00 - 02:42 AM (#189213)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Ritchie

Some times I use the car to get to work and other times the bus...it's a lovely feeling when sitting on the bus on my way home after a hard days work when 'one' realises that 'one' has travelled to work in the car and it's now parked somewhere..alone. Doh !! I manage to get out of most of my 'foo-pahs' by modelling myself on Colombo.

Mouldy,thanks, I too also as well listen to Wogan and his crew (he's much better on the radio than tv where he was over exposed which seems to be the trend when a 'new star' is discovered)and I have been afraid to ask what a TOG was.

wear the fox hat Ritchie

04 Mar 00 - 02:47 AM (#189216)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Ebbie

You make me feel so much better! One day I found a cereal box in the fridge and no milk. Went looking, found the carton wedged into the freezer shelf- tight fit too. Just where ARE those synapses firing?

04 Mar 00 - 03:55 AM (#189226)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: roopoo

I think a lot of all this forgetfulness has to do with the fact that we're all super-intelligent beings with synapses firing at full throttle, and that our minds are merely on higher things!

My latest whoopsie was about a month ago, when I went to a friend's house for a monthly lunch get together which a few of us have. One of the others turned up as I was happily burying my snout into a glass of cava, and said, 'I've just come from Anne's (childminder) and she has told me to say "meals on wheels" and to enjoy your lunch.'(Anne is also the co-ordinator for Meals on Wheels in our village). I told her don't be daft it's Tuesday and I don't do Tuesdays (it was Thursday) and anyway I'm not on this week.....am I? Oh bugger! I had done a swop on the rota and got muddled. Having done it the week before, I still thought I had a week gap before I did it again. WRONG!!! Luckily, when the kitchen rang to say that nobody had been, she had been able, albeit a bit late, to get another volunteer out. Talk about food turning to ashes. Luckily the old folks took it well. They all know me. The other volunteer was my next door neighbour who wasn't in the least surprised, having lived next to me for 12 years!

mouldy

04 Mar 00 - 07:47 AM (#189248)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Micca

Many of these are what a young friend of ours always referred to as " making a fox pox". My latest is making up Hydrogen peroxide solution, carefully pipetting distilled water into a flask then making it up with distilled water , and wondering why I was getting no oxygen with my catalyst. It took ages to spot the flaw..

06 Mar 00 - 09:04 PM (#190742)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Liz the Squeak

A TOG is The Old Geezer, a TYG is of course, The Young Geezer. A geezer is one who dressed up in strange clothes and went round demanding money with menaces, during the long dark English Winter, the origin of Trick or Treat. They went out in disguise or 'guise'. I have quite often got the bus back from town, only to find that the car is still where I left it, in town.... I've also spent ages trying to persuade a traffic warden that I had bought a ticket, when the offending ticket was in fact firmly in my purse or hand!!!

If we were any more stupid, we'd have to be watered twice a week.....

LTS

06 Mar 00 - 10:46 PM (#190812)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Caitrin

My younger brother takes great joy in relating to all our friends and family the story of the time I search for ten full minutes for my car keys. They were in my hand. I'm not the brightest crayon in the box sometimes, as my mom would say.

06 Mar 00 - 11:09 PM (#190832)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Troll

Not to worry kids. It's gonna get worse! *evil chuckle*

troll

06 Mar 00 - 11:27 PM (#190846)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Mbo

Don't talk to my sisters, or they'll let out the old "Popcorn Cheese" story again. Not one of my brightest moments. Almost comparable to the time I accidentally deleted Windows off the computer...I tell you, the word for it is STUNOD! He he, like Jeff Lynne says "I can tell by the way your drapes are hanging that there ain't nobody in there--nobody's home!"

--Mbo

06 Mar 00 - 11:39 PM (#190863)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Sorcha

I always try to punch "Send" on a cordless (not cell) phone, and I always clutch the automatic transmission, and forget to clutch the stick shift. If I had a brain, I'd be dangerous......maybe I am anyway.

07 Mar 00 - 12:46 AM (#190936)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,The Beanster

I knew I had one roll of toilet paper left but I couldn't find it anywhere and nature was calling. Not in the cabinet, not under the sink--nowhere. I finally took a box of Kleenex in with me...a few hours later, I was making some coffee, looked in the fridge for the milk and there, neatly pushed to the back of the shelf was the toilet paper. Hellooooo?

I was at work one day about 15 years ago, working as a receptionist. Someone called and instead of answering the phone, "Good morning, Aetna Insurance," I had looked at my watch a milisecond before and cheerily said into the receiver, "10:15."

One time, I was putting out a cigarette at work and set my thumbnail ablaze. Nail polish is very flammable, it turns out.

One fry short of a Happy Meal, you might say. LOL

And Mbo, please tell us about the popcorn cheese incident!

07 Mar 00 - 01:16 AM (#190950)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: ddw

I've noticed lately it sometimes takes me three or four lost-and-founds to get through my first cup of coffee in the morning. Maybe I should go back to drinking booze before I go to bed....

david (often playing on a 420 A)

07 Mar 00 - 01:23 AM (#190952)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Quirk Malarkey

personally, i've always liked,"a couple of twinkles short of a full glitter.--doodlezak

07 Mar 00 - 01:46 AM (#190959)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Sabra

Hmm.. I thought a Geezer was jes the bass player for Black Sabbath--the knowledge of which might in itself explain my status as "Ditz-Queen" around my office....

07 Mar 00 - 01:54 AM (#190962)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Sorcha

That does it, I'm going to bed. Hope the Net is not so busy tomorrow......

07 Mar 00 - 03:46 AM (#190997)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Liz the Squeak

We're a bit Kitty Litter here today - tons of the stuff around, but none in the box....

We came up with a box 30 short of a CT200 yesterday, but you have to work for the Inland Revenue for that one to be funny. Ah, the IRS, where even the toilet paper is known by a number...... However, they stopped printing "Government Property" on it.

Loo roll in the fridge eh? That is usually a sign that there was curry or chilli on the menu the previous evening..... I put mine in the bath once, whilst I cleaned the bin it stands on, then promptly turned the bath taps on to rinse out the bin.....

~And what is this about cheesy popcorn?

LTS

07 Mar 00 - 07:40 AM (#191030)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Homeless

Strong - like bear, smart - like tractor.

I've been known to walk out of the house and get in my car. Realizing I've forgotten something go back into the house. Return to the car, then back to the house for something else. My record is six trips to the car before leaving, and I still forgot something. And that was when I was in my early 20s. It's supposed to get worse?

07 Mar 00 - 07:47 AM (#191034)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Troll

Homeless---Whats supposed to get worse?

troll

07 Mar 00 - 08:11 AM (#191038)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Homeless

Uhh... Senior moments? Does that mean that when I'm 60 I'll have to make 18 trips to the car before I can leave?

07 Mar 00 - 08:25 AM (#191044)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Callie

Beanster - you have made me cry I'm laughing so much!! And now I have to run to the loo [insert loo break here]!!

Dumb as a box of hair.

The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.

When I was a schoolgirl I went to buy a 40 cent postage stamp and asked the clerk how much I owed him!!

Two weeks ago I forgot to go to my (only second) singing lesson. I felt bad so didn't ring the teacher. Then I felt worse. Then I couldn't sleep. So I rang her and apologised and rescheduled for this morning. This morning I went off to work and ... forgot my singing lesson. I've rescheduled til TOMORROW morning.

--Callie

07 Mar 00 - 08:40 AM (#191054)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Mbo

I still like mine...I got it from a VEY bizarre but memorable text computer game from England. Much of the sayings from that game have been absorbed into my sister & I's vocubulary--"A few coupons short of a toast rack" now where else but in England would you find something like that? Ohh...running short on time here...popcorn story later tonight...

--Mbo

07 Mar 00 - 09:31 AM (#191090)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Lady McMoo

One puff short of a possum concerto...?

Just a thought.

mcmoo

07 Mar 00 - 08:20 PM (#191496)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,The Beanster

Callie,

I love the wheel is turning but the hamster's dead! lololol

I thought of a few more funny, stupid things but they occurred in a written context...

I used to work at a public relations company and one of the account execs had a new secretary who was very sweet but couldn't type to save her life. There was a letter that was sent to a very prestigious-type of muckety muck whose name was "Mr. Marian." But on the copy of the letter (after it had been sent) we found that, instead of putting "Dear Mr. Marian" at the top, she had put, "Dear Mr. Martian."

Another time, she had typed a letter to the New York Times "Arts & Leisure" section but (my hand to God) in the body of the letter, she said something like, "We are thrilled that you have decided to include (client's name) in your upcoming edition of "Farts & Leisure."

Needless to say, in a manner of speaking, that's all she wrote....fired! But I still chuckle at the memory.

07 Mar 00 - 09:51 PM (#191556)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Metchosin

as thick as two short planks

08 Mar 00 - 04:36 PM (#192032)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,petr

My dad once wrote a letter to some government agency and when the responded they included a copy of the letter which started off with Dead Sir.

One of our customers at a University Dept of Anesthesia sent our statement back with a letter (btw the statement was about an overdue invoice for $620 and had columns Current over 30, over 60 so we highlighted the date the amount and the over 60) The secretary wrote that Dr. So&so of the dept of anesthesia received the statement but had no idea what it was for and if we could send a copy of the invoice. Then she (in a snotty manner) added "by the way, for your information Dr. Soso was born in 1941 so is not over 60. Cheers. PEtr

08 Mar 00 - 04:36 PM (#192033)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: GUEST,petr

My dad once wrote a letter to some government agency and when the responded they included a copy of the letter which started off with Dead Sir.

08 Mar 00 - 05:08 PM (#192047)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: Wesley S

A while back a woman I know was talking about her brother and I asked her "How long have you two been related?"

I managed a few weeks ago to use my wire cutters to clip off the loose end of a brand new string on my mandolin. Trouble is I also managed to clip off the new string as well.

Here in Texas we call that one taco short of a combo platter.

09 Mar 00 - 04:59 PM (#192658)
Subject: RE: BS: Light on - no one in
From: bobby's girl

I think my worst moment was the day I carefully put the washing liquid stuff in the machine, put the fabric softener in the drawer, set the machine going on the correct programme, then turned round and fell over the pile of washing I'd neglected to put in the machine - sigh!