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07 Apr 97 - 02:24 PM (#3964) Subject: five constipated men From: c.boisvert@open.ac.uk (the other 5 are in the database) and the sixth (sixth) constipated man was Titus, his name speaks for itself. ============== I heard up to 8 verses to this, but I could never remember them (English isn't my native language). Anyone knows them by any chance? Charles Click for lyrics in the Digital Tradition |
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07 Apr 97 - 09:10 PM (#3986) Subject: RE: five constipated men From: Dulcmrdav@aol The first constapated man was Baleb, he couldnt move his ass. The second Cain, he wasnt "Able". The third was Moses, He took the tablets. The fourth was Soloman, he sat for forty years. The fifth was Sampson, he brought the house down. I heard another verse with Noah, he sat for 40 days and all he passed was water. Hope this helps. Dave |
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30 Jun 97 - 06:37 AM (#7729) Subject: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: jester@buncombe.main.nc.us Time to get weird! I can barely remember a few snippits of this song from childhood. One verse went " the 5th constipated man was Moses...he took two tablets". I also remenber that Noah had a "boat full". If you remenber the rest, please let me know!!! ThaNKS! JESTER! |
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30 Jun 97 - 09:05 AM (#7734) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Bill D never doubt the Digitrad Database...of course we have that!! go to the upper right corner of your screen & search for 'constipated' (BTW -it's only 5 constipated men....there were 7 or more old ladies locked in the lavatory!) |
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30 Jun 97 - 02:59 PM (#7770) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Bob Clayton Interesting -- the original poster, Jester, mentioned Noah, who's NOT among the five that Bill D mentioned. Those five are: Cain (he wasn't Abel) Moses (he took the tablets) Baalam (he couldn't move hi ass) Sampson (he brought the house down) and Solomon (he sat for forty years) With the addition of Noah, we have six. Any contributions? Perhaps we can actually get all ten that Jester specified. |
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18 Jul 97 - 12:16 AM (#8945) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Bill Habel King David---- Sat on the throne for forty years! Barruch------- His ass was tied to a tree ! Then there was one -------Paul's friend Titus! the rest plus these three are what I learned recently Bill |
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27 Aug 01 - 07:50 AM (#536004) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST we sang it at a NFTY event this past week... there was Noah "He had an ark full" and Moses "He took two tablets" and Pharaoh "He wouldn't let it go" and David "He fought a Giant" or somethign liek that... I can't remember the rest. |
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27 Aug 01 - 08:30 AM (#536018) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: MMario Joshua - blew the walls down |
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27 Aug 01 - 08:48 AM (#536024) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: MMario And of course, the one constipated woman in the bible - Eve - she passed the apple. |
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27 Aug 01 - 09:07 AM (#536030) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: wysiwyg LOL! Can't we do something with poor Job's ash pile? ~S~ |
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27 Aug 01 - 03:17 PM (#536229) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA The only joke along this line that I remember is about the shortest man in the Bible: Bildad the Shuhite (shoe height). |
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28 Aug 01 - 03:24 AM (#536595) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Banjer It must have been Barruch then who proved that human skin is the most elastic thing in the world. It has been said that he tied his ass to a tree and walked another forty miles! |
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28 Aug 01 - 09:42 AM (#536696) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA Talk about your stretch marks! |
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28 Aug 01 - 10:37 AM (#536735) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Liz the Squeak Adam lay y bounden..... 4000 winters thought he not too long.... Ooooooh LTS |
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28 Aug 01 - 10:48 PM (#537179) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Matthew B. Here are the ones I like to use (we like making up new ones) Adam - he soiled the garden Cain - he wasn't Able David - he threw a stone Balaam - he couldn't move his ass Noah - he filled the ark (and passed water for 40 days) Moses - he took the tablets Samson - he blew the house down Solomon - he sat for forty years
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29 Aug 01 - 08:46 AM (#537379) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: The Walrus at work OFF TOPIC Sharon A, To match your "Shortest man in the Bible", the Bible's forst motorcyclist was King David - The sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land. Best Wishes Walrus |
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29 Aug 01 - 11:55 AM (#537512) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Liz the Squeak I thought it was Moses' Truimph..... The oldest Icecream firm? Walls of Jericho! LTS |
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29 Aug 01 - 09:18 PM (#537837) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Matthew B. oops, forgot - Joshua; he blew the walls down |
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29 Aug 01 - 11:41 PM (#537913) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: alison 1st baseball game in the bible? Gen 1:1 In the "big inning".... couldn't resist slainte alison |
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30 Aug 01 - 04:56 AM (#537994) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Dunc This is a new one on me - but it involves toilet humour so it gets my vote. What tune does this great song get sung to? |
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30 Aug 01 - 09:05 AM (#538046) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Snuffy Tune is Quartermasters Store Wassail! V |
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30 Aug 01 - 07:25 PM (#538525) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Matthew B. The tune I use is not like any other I know. Helpful, huh? |
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30 Aug 01 - 08:23 PM (#538565) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Joe Offer I think Snuffy's right in saying the tune is the "Quartermaster's Store." We have it in the Digital Tradition as Quartermaster Corps (click), with tune. -Joe Offer- |
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21 Sep 02 - 09:14 PM (#788785) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,bdogmv99 There were ten, ten constipated men in the bible. 1st was cain, he wasn't abel, Solomon sat for 40 years. Then came Adam,he soiled the garden. Next was David, he threw a stone, Balaam couldn't move his ass. And Noah he filled the ark. Soon was Moses, he took the tablets, Samson he knocked the house down. Joshua, he blew the wall down. Next was King David, his sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land. Those are the ten, ten constipated men in the bible. |
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21 Sep 02 - 09:29 PM (#788797) Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Leadfingers The clean version of the ladies has them 'Nattering Happily',rather than locked in the lavatory. |
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22 Sep 02 - 03:20 AM (#788887) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Liz the Squeak The version of ladies in the lavatory I knew (and consequently forgot a long time ago) had 7, and had the splendid verse:
The first two were off to have tea with the vicar LTS |
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22 Sep 02 - 03:34 AM (#788892) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Mr Red now which biblical (non-constipated) character said "It's dire here"? Was it Jonah? - I think his bowel movements would have been decidedly loose when he "made his him in that fishes abdomen" - cue for a song? I seem to remember Lott's wife was considered loose....... |
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22 Sep 02 - 09:38 AM (#788980) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Snuffy Cosher Bailey's brother Dyer Tried to join the chapel choir But the minister said "No fear, We don't want no Dyer 'ere."
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22 Sep 02 - 11:39 AM (#789020) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Nigel Parsons I thought the line for David was "David dropped a big one"! Nigel |
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22 Sep 02 - 09:26 PM (#789269) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Nerd But if David "dropped a big one" and Noah "filled the ark" then they wouldn't be constipated, right? I heard it with 5 men: Cain, Moses, Balaam, Samson, Solomon. These are still the ones that make the most sense...the others seem to be crapping their hearts out by filling arks and soiling gardens and the like!
I also heard the Noah verse, but it was an obvious add-on, because to make it fit the tune you had to change the pattern of repetition. Where an ordinary verse went: BTW: what about casting your bread upon the waters? Is that not the same as pitching a loaf?
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22 Dec 05 - 04:18 PM (#1633225) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,James Cain, he was not Abel, Samson, he brought the house down, Solomon, he sat for forty years, Moses, he took the tablets, Titus, his name speaks for itself, Balaam, he couldnt shift his ass, Peter, he was like a rock, Jesus, he cleared the temple. Had another two, but cant remember what they were. |
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23 Dec 05 - 10:07 AM (#1633784) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Juan P-B The first mention of computers is in the Bible Adam gave Eve an Apple so she played with his Wang Season's Greetings my fellow 'catters Juan P-B |
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30 Jul 06 - 05:15 PM (#1797173) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,hi ý wonderfull DAVÝD COSHER |
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30 Jul 06 - 09:00 PM (#1797312) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Joe_F The other shortest men in the Bible were Ne-Hi-Miah and he who had not, and even that which he had was taken away. --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: A little of what you fancy does you good. :|| |
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07 Aug 06 - 03:49 PM (#1803729) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The 10 Constipated Men in the Bible From: GUEST,Kaellie Adam, he soiled the garden Cain, he was unAbel, Samson, he brought the house down, Balaam, he couldnt shift his ass, Pharaoh he wouldn't let it go Moses, he took two tablets, Solomon, he sat for forty years, Noah, he filled the ark Titus, his name speaks for itself, Jesus, he cleared the temple. |
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08 Aug 06 - 06:27 AM (#1804231) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The 10 Constipated Men in the Bible From: Valmai Goodyear No doubt everyone knows that religious movements are produced by mixing holy water and prune juice. By the way, Moses must have worn a wig, because sometimes he was seen with Aaron and sometimes without. Valmai (Lewes) |
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08 Aug 06 - 12:23 PM (#1804484) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The 10 Constipated Men in the Bible From: GUEST,Dr Price In the 1970s, I stayed with Royston Wood in Leiston, Suffolk. Holly Tannen, the Californian dulcimer player, was a resident. The Young Tradition had just broken up, and Royston told me he had this great song from America called The Five Constipated Men. He said no-one had heard of it, and I listened while he sang it: "There were five, five constipated men In the Bible, In the Bible There were five, five constipated men In the five good books of Moses." The first, first constipated man He was Cain, he was not Abel The first, first constipated man He was Cain, he was not Abel." Moses - he took the tablets Balaam - he couldn't move his ass Solomon - he sat for forty years Samson - he brought the house down I started singing it in the folk clubs, and Owen Jones from Monmouth (now of Birmingham) picked it up. It spread like wildfire. Then Pat joined me and we started playing as Calennig - and Five Constipated Men got dropped. We'd had enough of it by then. Eventually Royston went to live in White Plains, New York, where he was tragically killed by a car. I visited him in White Plains, and I thanked him for letting me sing his song. Thanks, Mudcatters, for jogging my memory! |
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12 Mar 07 - 04:42 PM (#1994682) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Siviyo Misogynists! You're forgetting: There was Esther- she sat in the women's house. I also remember Jonah- he had a whale of a time I remember Rabbi Steve singing this one at NFTY events. |
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13 Mar 07 - 12:47 PM (#1995535) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,BB I just saw Joe Hickerson at a house concert on Sunday, and he sang this song, which I had first heard him sing in 1974. At the house concert, he named his source - from the early 1970s - as Margie Steiner (or is it "Margi?", or "Stiner?") and said that she was a blind woman. He was so happy to have finally learned a song from a blind woman! Or... was he just pulling our legs??? Anyway, he still uses just the Five men, but said others have come up with more constipated men since he first heard the song. |
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13 Mar 07 - 01:45 PM (#1995583) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Songster Bob [To match your "Shortest man in the Bible", the Bible's first motorcyclist was King David - "The sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land."] Ah, but what was the first automobile mentioned in the Bible? ... a Plymouth, for we read, in Genesis, "And God, in his Fury, drove them from the garden." My wife's cousin has a wonderful (and huge) folk-art painting of this passage from the good book. Bob Clayton |
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20 Mar 07 - 11:04 AM (#2002099) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Mira Nassif And the ... His name was Noah, he filled the arch |
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17 Jul 07 - 06:02 PM (#2105395) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST So, the general list seems to be . . . Adam soiled the garden (does this count as constipated?) Cain wasn't Abel Noah for 40 days passed only water Balaam couldn't move his ass (sounds more like he's stuck than constipated) Moses ran all the way up the hill and had to take two tablets (this was the version the camp kids did) Solomon sat on the throne for 40 years Sampson brought the house down (again, constipated?) Barruch's ass was tied to a tree (does that make one constipated or just have to hold it?) Pharoah wouldn't let them go (wouldn't or couldn't?) Joshua blew the walls down (isn't this the end of the constipation?) David threw a stone (ouch.) Peter was like a rock Titus' name speaks for itself Jesus cleared the temple (is this constipation or excessive gas?) Did I miss any? |
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17 Jul 07 - 06:17 PM (#2105410) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Georgiansilver So have you all managed to 'get it all out' now then? Is everyone 'clear'. Was it all just a 'flash in the pan' or have you gone 'round the bend. Did anyone have a constipated brain (ie mental block)? |
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17 Jul 07 - 06:32 PM (#2105421) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA Then there was Judas, who held what was put therein. |
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17 Jul 07 - 07:12 PM (#2105444) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA And then there was.... dare I say it?.... there was Thomas, who had to put his finger in the hole.... *blushing, ducking and running for cover* |
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17 Jul 07 - 07:36 PM (#2105467) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA "Adam soiled the garden (does this count as constipated?)" No, I don't think so, but he did need the help of a snake before he could evacuate... |
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17 Jul 07 - 07:51 PM (#2105481) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA Listen to the song -- number 14 on this CD Gee, you'd think it would be number 2, wouldn't you? |
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28 Jul 07 - 01:58 PM (#2113451) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST there was jeremiah who broke the chamber pot |
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29 Jul 07 - 08:51 PM (#2114344) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Bob C Twinz Advance warning: admittedly not for the devout ...... Those easily offended are genially encouraged to pass on to the next message. (If we can't have a little fun with our sacred cows, they will soon cease to moo for us.) While there are one or two New Testament personages in the versions above, the later crowd was badly under-represented. Herewith a work in progress (note variant lines). Feel free to improve it on your own: TEN CONSTIPATED BEINGS, Or, Five Constipated Men, Two Constipated Women, One Constipated Fallen Angel, One Constipated Savior, and One Constipated God in the New Testament There were ten, ten constipated beings In the gospels, in the gospels, There were ten, ten constipated beings In the holy testament [or: In the four synoptic gospels) Now, the first ... was John the Baptist, he had to go before ... And the 2nd ... Apostle Paul, they lowered him through the hole ... The 3rd ... Apostle Peter, denied it three times ... And the 4th ... Pontius Pilate, he had to wash his hands ... Now, the 5th ... Judas Iscariot, he burst asunder ... Now the 1st, 1st constipated woman ... Mother Mary, she used the manger ... And the 2nd ... Sister Martha, she rose up hastily ... And the one, one constipated fallen angel was Satan, he voided man's good works ... Now the one, one constipated Savior, was Jesus, he rose in three days OR: he rode in on his ass, OR: he blew the stone away, Now, the One, One constipated God, his name was GOD, he sits till Judgment Day ... |
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30 Jul 07 - 08:20 AM (#2114628) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,The black belt caterpillar wrestler There's a reference somewhere to sports cars. "He tore up the desert in his triumph". |
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30 Jul 07 - 12:11 PM (#2114819) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Nigel Parsons With the requirement now for Guests to post with a name, it's interesting to watch. The profanities of 8:51 provided by Bob C Twinz would never have issued from the books penned under the pseudonym of Laura Lee Hope CHEERS Nigel |
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11 Apr 08 - 05:24 PM (#2313283) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,re: Margie Steiner We learned it from Margie too....actually....Doctor Marge..... She had several more verses, but we only used 5. Cindy Funk |
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16 Oct 08 - 04:02 PM (#2467612) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Talps First mention of tennis in the Bible: When Joseph served in Pharoah's courts. First motorcycle in the Bible: When David's Triumph roared through the valleys. Tallest man in the Bible: Isaiah (groan) (Eyes-higher) Shortest person in the Bible: Is NOT Nehemiah! Is NOT EVEN Bildad the Shuhite. It IS IN FACT Peter, who slept on his watch. |
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16 Oct 08 - 04:09 PM (#2467620) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Talps On the subject of Noah, not many people know that after the flood, God went to Noah and said, "Noah, I need you to build me a second ark!" "A second ark?" Exclaimed Noah, "But you said you wouldn't flood the world again!" "Oh no," Said God, "It's nothing like that. I need you to build this ark, and it must be seven storeys tall." "Seven storeys tall??" "Seven storeys tall!" "But why?" Asks Noah. "Well," Replies God, "Then you must make it totally waterproof." "Totally waterproof??" "Totally waterproof!" "But Why??" "Well," Said God, "Then you have to fill it was carp." "FILL IT WITH CARP?" "Fill it with Carp!" "BUT WHY???" "Well," said God, "Because then you'll have a multi-storey carp-ark!" |
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16 Oct 08 - 08:28 PM (#2467853) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Leadfingers black belt caterpillar wrestler - Thats The FIRST Motorcyclist ! The roar of Moses Triumph was heard through all of Israel ! |
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30 Apr 09 - 03:04 AM (#2621705) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Delilah Peter said that "heaven and earth couldn't move him." Satan "was bound for a thousand years." |
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30 Apr 09 - 04:20 AM (#2621734) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Jack Blandiver What about the nameless person in The Song of Solomon 5:4 whose bowels were moved by their lover's dexterous manipulations? A standard technique in cases of constipation I believe, herein delightfully eroticised by way of Old Testament Scatalogy... |
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30 Apr 09 - 04:37 AM (#2621744) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: KEVINOAF there is somewhere in the book of judges a tale about a king of Canaan being assassinated in the privy, I believe he was a very obese monarch The stomach closed over the wound and the crap rolled out of him! if this guy wasn't constipated well I don't know who was. regarding the erroneous ark accounts on this thread;- Noah in fact shoveled the animal crap over the side in one hit. It lay undiscovered for many millennia until Captain Cook rediscovered it |
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30 Apr 09 - 05:46 AM (#2621769) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Sooz I heard it was Columbus discovered it! |
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26 May 09 - 04:27 AM (#2641009) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: KEVINOAF it was Cook, Australia still abounds in it |
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09 Mar 10 - 07:35 PM (#2860602) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Two Segals I'm sure there were many versions of the list of constipated men, but I remember the opening words of verse Joel 4:20 included in the collection. In Hebrew it is "V'Yehuda l'olam teshev", which literally means "Judah will sit forever". |
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30 Aug 10 - 07:55 PM (#2976336) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST 1. There was Cain He wasn't Able 2. There was Moses He took two tablets 3. There was Noah He had an arc full 4. There was Isaac He was all bound up 5. There was Solomon He sat for forty years 6. There was Sampson He brought the house down 7. There was Baalam He couldn't move his ass 8. There was Pharaoh He wouldn't let go 9. There was David He fought a giant 10. There was Nachshon He had it up to here (gesture with your hand that the "water" level of the red sea was up to his lips before it split) And for your added pleasure, 11. There was Joshua He blew the walls down 12. There was Barruch He tied his ass to a tree 13. There was Adam He soiled the Garden |
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26 Sep 10 - 04:45 PM (#2994115) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Stephen Thomas, but he doubted. And in the Qur'an (The Holy Qur'an), Muhammad, but he moved a mountain. |
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15 Oct 10 - 07:31 PM (#3008108) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Lillian sorry about last i can only remember 3 there was cain, he wasnt able there was solomon, he sat for 40 years there was moses, he took two tablets plus, my dad sais that most of the ones on this page arn't realy constopated, they did it. i tried to make him see that they were before that, but he didn't listed |
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10 Apr 11 - 11:47 AM (#3132452) Subject: 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,christie ¢¾ 1. cain; he wasn't able 2. moses; he took the tablets (laxatives???) 3. samson; he brought the house down 4. solomon; he sat for 40 years 5. ballam; he couldn't move his ass (arse) 6. noah; he filled an ark up 7. titus; it should explain itself (tight arse) 8. jesus; he cleared the temple (bad gas???) 9. joshua; blew the walls down 10. adam; he soiled the garden hope this helps :) |
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12 Jun 11 - 09:32 AM (#3169294) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,mjcohen How about two more, Paul and Silas, they were bound in jail |
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07 Mar 12 - 12:56 PM (#3318754) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST We sing this at our Passover seder and try to write a new verse every year. stretching it a lot was: Elazar the bad accountant, he couldn't budget. A good one was God, he moves in mysterious ways |
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07 Jun 19 - 04:19 PM (#3995564) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: voyager I heard this tune from a Orrin Star Tribute Site and literally fell off my donkey....laughing my arse off. voyager |
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20 Jun 19 - 12:34 PM (#3997138) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Mr boo I like the toilet gag and Solomon sat with his genie for 40 years and turned it in to a twat |